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When Richard Met Nancy

I first met Nancy in high school. I was in my senior year and near graduation. My kid brother had a crush on her. I encouraged him to ask her out. He was very shy and introverted however, so to encourage him I said, “Well if you won’t ask her out, I will!” He never did.
One day when I was leaving school, there she was, sitting on the grass, struggling to draw a sketch of my car for art class. It was an International Harvester “Scout” in what today might be called an SUV.
I stopped and chatted a bit, but I didn’t want to drive off with her subject matter, so I offered to help her with it. My family was comprised of artists, and drawing and painting were my strongest skills throughout school. I basically drew it for her. Our art teacher was wise enough to recognize that it wasn’t her work.
 This isn’t THE drawing, but this is what it looked like. I did this one on the computer.
After finishing the drawing I offered to give Her a ride home. She lived 15 miles away and required driving through a different state to get to her home. She didn’t want to impose, but I insisted “Not a problem, it is right on my way.” It was really 30 miles out of my way.
Soon after that was “Senior Skip Day” which was an annual event where classes were winding down and seniors were wanting to sow their wild oats. All my friends were trying to line up dates for the event.
Nancy was a junior, but I wanted to ask her out so I did and she accepted. By this time I was already falling for her and when she accepted my request, it was our first date, which sealed the deal for me; (1) because she was one of the most beautiful girls in our high school, and (2) she accepted.
Not unlike my kid brother, I was introverted and had a bad track record of being afraid of asking a girl out, but when I did being turned down. So I wasn’t going to let this one go if I could help it.
At the time I had my pilots license and was able to take Nancy for flights over the Vermont Mountains. We did everything together. It wasn’t long before we knew that we were in love. I always joke that she was my first and last date, which is the truth.
That is not to say our life has all been a romantic fairytale. Initially we had no moral restraint. We knew we wanted to get married, but I was heading off to college  and Nancy still had to finish high school. It wasn’t long and we got news that we were with child. I was wrestling with many sin issues in my life. I had no faith except for “dabbling” in Christian Science. Things finally reached a crescendo where I knew I had to change something, but had no idea how. I walked off the campus I was attending in central Vermont state and into the wilderness until I reached a clearing in the woods. I fell to my knees and prayed at a large boulder. I didn’t even know for sure if there was a God, but I didn’t know what else to do. God heard my prayer and I accepted His son Jesus Christ right there in the woods and THE greatest love came into my life.
Nancy and I both made that dreaded phone call to let our parents know the news. We had a shotgun wedding in the Catholic Church on New Year’s Eve. 30 years later on our anniversary we renewed our vows in our church with all our children present. Our pastor and spiritual father lead us in our vows.

Now we have been married 38 years. We have four children and six grandchildren to date.

Our favorite thing to do together is just spend time with our family. Our second favorite thing to do is travel. Nancy works for Delta and now that we are empty nesters we’ve been able to travel all over the country and even overseas. I joke that when we were dating I flew her around.

This is me with the plane I trained on.

 

38 years later she’s the one that’s flying me places (thanks to her employee benefits we both fly for free).
Nancy at the French Alps in 2014

                                                                      

  God has truly blessed us.
We are more in love today than ever.

This guest post was written by Richard Weaver and is a part of the series How We Met. You can find the rest of the series HERE on Messy Mom.com

By |2017-01-04T12:28:14+00:00February 13, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|13 Comments
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When Jennifer Met Scott


My husband and I met when I was just 16; we married 6 months later.I had been raised in a Christian home, but spent my early teen years running with a wild crowd. I ended up dropping out of school and then taking the California High School
Proficiency Exam. In the fall, at the age of 16, I enrolled in Jr. College.As Christmas of that year approached, I had grown weary of the weekly rounds of
nightclubs and the seedy life my friends and I were living. I can remember one night
being woken by my friend. I had been sleeping on the couch of her new boyfriend’s
apartment after a late night at a club, and an ex-girlfriend had come into the apartment
to threaten her. Terrified, we ran out the door and drove away. This was one of several
incidents which made the party life look less and less appealing.

In the early spring, after a few quiet months of going to school and work, my manager at
the clothing store where I had a part-time job finally convinced me to go on a blind date
with her boyfriend’s best friend. I had hesitated to become social with my co-workers
because I was uninterested in a boyfriend after my few years of craziness. There was
also one other small problem. I had lied about my age to get the job. This made an
honest social life seem a bit out of reach.

After several months of her telling me what a perfect couple we would make, she finally
convinced me to go on a date with their friend, and I am forever thankful that she did.

On our first date, my co-worker, her boyfriend and my date picked me up from my
home… in a pick up truck. With no back seat. So, my very first date with my husband, I
had to awkwardly sit on his lap in the cab of a tiny Toyota truck.

Our dates got better, and within three months of meeting, he proposed. My mom went
with us to the courthouse to give her permission for us to marry, and then we had a
lovely church wedding. Three years later we had our first child.

We will celebrate 25 years of marriage in September. We have had a lifetime of love, a
lot of kids, and loads of opportunities to forgive and to grow.

Although we didn’t start our married life as committed Christians, God was gracious to us and won our hearts. We have seen Him continue to pour out mercy and grace on us and our children throughout
our life together, and the latest gift has been the marriage ministry, Love After Marriage.
We went to a week long seminar and learned tools for reconciliation and communication
that have been instrumental in healing hurts and bringing new closeness and love into
our decades long marriage.

Marriage is a gift, and I am so thankful that God brought my husband and I together. He
is a God who gives good gifts.

 

Jennifer is a homeschool mom to seven children, and is married to her best friend Scott. They live on a small farm in Northern California and travel regularly to Mexico for outreach.
Her writing has been featured in magazines such as Above Rubies, Wild and Free, Home Educating Family, and Home School Enrichment and she is the author of the book, Bountiful Homeschooling on a Budget. She blogs at http://homeschoolingforthewholefamily.com or you can follow her on Instagram, @jennpepito. She is passionate about encouraging women as they love the husband and children God has blessed them with.
Thank you for joining us for this Valentine’s series of How We Met. Come back tomorrow for the final story of when Richard met Nancy! 
By |2017-01-04T12:29:09+00:00February 12, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|6 Comments
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When Andrea Met Mike

It was the summer of 1992. Hot Texas days and equally humid evenings. My high school BFF and I were constantly in search of ways to entertain ourselves while she was home from college and before beginning my 4th semester at a local college, we did what most 19/20 year olds did during that era…..go work out at the local fitness center! Yep, our free time pretty much consisted of step aerobics classes followed by a stop at the local frozen yogurt shop. Saturdays were laying out in her back yard followed by a trip to the mall and movies. There were many fun memories that summer as I had gained a lot of independence and was just living “girls just want to have fun” mantra if you can imagine.Looking back, I was in a bit of a rebellion period. I seemed to attract some not-so-great guys and went through a series of pointless relationships. But, much to my surprise, I caught the eye of a certain guy at the gym who was equally shy as he was inconspicuous.Part of our workout routine was making post aerobics laps around the upper track, and each time we passed “the guys weight section” I passed by my future husband (unbeknownst to me). One day another guy made it clear to me that his “friend over there” (yep, quiet one in the corner of the room) was wanting to meet me. I politely said, “who?” We joke about it know, but I honestly never noticed him. His well-meaning friend actually threatened Mike telling him that if he wasn’t going to introduce himself to me that he would just take care of it! Even then, it still took him a couple more weeks to finally approach me, but the rest is what you know as “history”.From our first date he captured my heart. He had such an easy way about him and these ocean-blue eyes that cannot be missed!

I loved that he was so real and uncontrived. Nothing seemed to be about impressing me, but just about getting to know me and making me laugh (which, he STILL cracks
me up). We began a casual relationship, then he went back to A&M the next month and so began our 3.5 year long distance relationship. As time progressed, I knew he was the one for me. He wasn’t as sure, as he was encouraged to “play the field” by well-meaning people.
We ended up getting serious but I always had an unsettled feeling. In the midst of my “rebellion” I was also dating this young, kind, caring man who also wasn’t as serious about Jesus as I wanted to be. I don’t recommend it, however, God who is so rich in mercy, did a miracle. Without going into all the details, we spent 6 months completely broken up. I spent that time getting my heart right again with God while he was going through some hard stuff too with his family. What I found out 5 months into this was that Mike’s sweet Mom was battling cancer again and was very ill and in the hospital. It was during this time that God began to do a separate work in Mike’s heart as he was being drawn to His Father’s heart through it all. We ended up reconciling and were engaged on Valentine’s day that year and married 3 months later. God is so GOOD!
 
Sadly, the week of our wedding, we learned that his mom’s cancer had spread to her brain. She was scheduled to have surgery to have it removed 2 days after our wedding! Selfless as she was, she insisted she would be in an induced coma anyway (her thought was, I will be asleep and not know if you are here) for 4 days so by all means, “Go on your honeymoon!” Which we did, and honestly, it was the rest and joy we needed to begin our new adventure. We came back ready to fight along with her as a team.
Rich in mercy, God supplied all we needed and grew Mike to become an amazing leader in our marriage during the issues with his Mom’s health. We ended up moving in with his parents during his mother’s last months of life. I recall waking up one night and seeing Mike in the wee hours of the morning , leaning over his mother’s hospital bed in the dimly lit dining room, reading Scriptures to her.
He spoke a beautiful eulogy at her memorial service. That young college kid, whom I met working out at the gym, was transformed into something so beautiful I wept in gratitude at the work I witnessed the Lord doing in his heart.
Since then we have experienced so much joy and adventure in our marriage. We’ve also endured   more heartache with losing my mom and our little boy, Marshall in the following 10 years…. Even then, God has blessed us with 6 sons who are so full of life and teach us so much more than we could have imagined!
I am blessed beyond measure. Through it all, I have seen how God works in our hearts when we are simply seeking His purpose in our lives, open to the blessings He wants to give, and just loving Him and each other.
 
Mike and I have been married now for almost 18 years (been sweethearts for almost 23!) and fall in love more and more each day. It really
does get sweeter.

This guest post was written by Andrea Studt, devoted wife, mother, and homeschool teacher. Join us for more romantic stories all week long during our How We Met series on Messy Mom.com 

By |2017-01-05T21:45:51+00:00February 11, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|9 Comments
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When Kailei met Brad

I’m Kailei.
He’s Brad.
And we are two best friends in love.
We might as well start from the very
beginning…
and then we will fast forward to the here and
now.
Brad and I met in Preschool.
Really.
We were instantly best friends… mainly
because I insisted on such!
One day, I noticed that Brad was playing with
another little girl.
I wasn’t okay with that.
So I walked up to him and said “Brad, I
need to talk to you!!”
He obediently followed me away from
Allie.
“You can’t play with other girls
anymore.”
Again, Brad agreed.
Some may say that this is where my bossy
nature began. I choose to call it life planning.
And our life-long friendship began.
 We moved on to Kindergarten and were blessed to be in the same class. 
I’m on the left. Brad’s on the right.
Apparently, I let Brad have more friends once
we reached Kindergarten.
Throughout elementary school, we remained
great friends.
Brad is Swedish, and each year he chose a
friend to play St Lucia as he told about the history. I got to do it in 3rd grade.
 We both ran for Student Body Historian
in 6th Grade.
And Brad beat me.
I’m not still bitter or anything
And then Junior High came. You know that
awkward age where you’re trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in?
When you want to make sure that you get to sit at the “cool kid’s
table” during lunch? When you want people to start noticing who you
are?
We sort of grew apart.
Then one day, we realized that we really
missed each other.
That it was silly to not be friends.
And then it was just like old times
again.
In 9th grade, we ran for Student
Council.
This time, I made sure that we ran for different offices.
And we both won.
We thought we were pretty cool.
Once we started in to high school, I think
that everyone knew that we really liked each other. A lot.
But neither of us would admit such things. We
were best friends. That was all.
The day I turned 16 was the day of the big homecoming
game.
I was so happy that I would be old enough to
go.
I really hoped that Brad would ask me.
And he did!! We were each other’s first date.
Maybe it sounds weird; maybe a 16 year old
doesn’t know such things,
but something about that date just felt right.
It just felt good.
It wasn’t awkward or weird at all.
It was perfect.
But then things got weird.
We started going on dates more and more often
and we were together all of the time.
It was fun, but we were getting worried. We
didn’t want a steady boyfriend/girlfriend.
We were discouraged from having steady
boyfriends/girlfriends and didn’t want
 to go
against what we felt was right.
Could two people who really liked each other
just be best friends?
So instead of rationally talking it out and
making sure that we were just friends, I cut things off completely. I still
remember the night that I explained all of that to Brad
and basically told him that I couldn’t see him
as much.
 He cried.
I felt like scum.
For about a year, we didn’t really see much of
each other.
I hated it.
And then, just like in Jr. High, we realized
that we really missed each other,
and became best friends again.
But it was different this time. More
cautious.
We had many common interests…
though Brad now claims that lots of them were
my interests that he jumped on board with.
We really liked American Idol, and even went
to an Idols Live concert.


We are both very musical and did Choir and
Orchestra.
We were able to go on a trip to Washington
D.C. with our music groups and it was a blast!
And we graduated from High School!!
Before we graduated, Brad already had a call
to serve an LDS church mission in Nicaragua.
He was off to South America, and I was off to
college.
Brad and I wrote every now and again, but
nothing serious.
I knew that he was loving his mission and
serving the Lord with all of his heart.
I knew that he was a great missionary.
Meanwhile, I was loving university life. I
loved going to institute and learning more about the gospel. I loved meeting
new friends and I really loved the education that I was receiving.
 I dated a lot while Brad was gone.
I dated good guys. But something was always
holding me back.
I wanted to serve a mission, but when I prayed
about it, it didn’t feel right.
I was sad, but listened.
Brad got home and we started dating
exclusively a few months after he returned.
Something didn’t feel right.
I was devastated. I had always thought that it
would work out once we were older.
The day before I broke up with Brad, I felt
that it was time.
I could now serve a mission.
We broke up.
Brad asked if it was forever.
I said yes.
I received my mission call to Argentina and I
could not have been happier!
My mission was definitely the most amazing
experience I had had up to that point.
It was wonderful to be able to serve the Lord
100% of the time
and not worry about anything else.
Again, Brad wrote every now and again, but not
often. He went to school.
He dated a lot. But he didn’t get
married.
Coming home, I was nervous to see him. I
didn’t know what would happen, if anything.
After all, I had told him I wasn’t interested
in dating again.
Only problem was, I was interested.
But would he be?
The first time I saw him again, I got that
tingly feeling. Something felt good. Right.
And I knew then that I would marry him.
Luckily, he was feeling something too.
We began dating very soon thereafter.
 Our first date after the mission was a
“thrifty ball.”


I taught Brad how to make Argentine Empanadas.
Basically, we just had a lot of fun. There
were moments where I had little “freak outs.”
I had only been home a few weeks when we
started dating exclusively.
That didn’t seem normal.
We were already talking about marriage.
That was fast!
I knew that it was right, but I just couldn’t
move forward.
Then, I went on a trip with my family.
And I missed Brad terribly.
I knew I couldn’t be without him.
So we got engaged.
And 5 months to the day of me returning home
from Argentina,
we were sealed for all eternity.
Thanks to Darby Elizabeth
Photography for the amazing
pictures!!
We don’t remember life without each other
and now we won’t ever have to.
We now live in Utah where Brad is attending
law school.
We have been married for a year and a half and
are expecting our first baby!
This year and a half has been a blast and we
are loving every moment we have together.
We aren’t perfect,

 

but we are perfect for each other.

Kailei and Brad have a blog where they write about the things they do to increase their love for each other every and they  hope to help readers feel inspired to do the same. From date nights to dinner, love notes to faith you can find it all at www.twobestfriendsinlove.blogspot.com
You can also follow them on Bloglovin, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram

For more love stories be sure to follow the How We Met series all week here at MessyMom.com .
By |2017-01-04T12:21:29+00:00February 10, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|11 Comments
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When Karin Met Cameron

For 28 years I always heard common clichés like, “You’ll find the one when you least expect it” or “Don’t go looking for love, let it come to you.” When I began graduate school, meeting a man, dating, and marriage where not what I was expecting nor what I was searching for. The dread of working full time while putting myself through school, writing papers, and late night studying consumed me as I attended my first class of grad school, Lifespan Development which now seems ironic. In the same class was Cameron, one of all four guys in that class… and one of only a hand full of men in the program for that matter. We were both beginning our graduate school journey towards becoming professional counselors. He sat a row ahead of me, constantly glancing at the clock anxiously waiting for the class to end.

Change began to happen one night during a group presentation. The activity was to list your negotiables, the values and beliefs there were flexible in a potential relationship, and non-negotiables, the values and beliefs that needed to be exactly matching for the relationship to be viable. We then compared it to the list of the man assigned to the group of 4 or 5 women. Out of five women in my group, my list came out more compatible for a relationship with Cameron than the all others in the group with only 1 category not matching out of 5 negotiable and 5 non-negotiable items. The leader of the exercise joked if there were going to be any love matches from this, but I didn’t think much of the match at that time and wrote it off as an interesting little activity. Later in the semester, Cameron flagged me down in the parking lot near our class one night to introduce himself and talk about our mutual interest in traveling to Peru as I had posted on Facebook about going someday. We made small talk from then on, but lost touch over the Christmas break.

A semester later, we ran into each other on campus. We enjoyed catching up, talking about the new classes we were enrolled in that semester, various theories of counseling, and discussing Viktor Frankle’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” which Cameron had loaned me earlier. Through our conversations, Cameron learned that at the time I was living in a notorious part of town (considered by some) and he expressed interest in coming to visit and checking it out for himself. One weekend in February he came over …and continued to come over every weekend after that (and I mean EVERY weekend)! We enjoyed doing things together like going to a roller derby, shopping in the farmers market, going for hikes and walks, and watching our favorite TV shows (Firefly is the bomb!).

Throughout that spring and summer, Cameron made an effort to come visit every Saturday and even came from his home 47 minutes from mine on Sundays to go to a small church I attended and worked at with the youth group. During that time we did a lot of talking about our background and faith. Cameron often mentions that during this time of our relationship, I really ran him through the ringer of questions and discussions concerning our personal relationship with Christ, general beliefs, and values. Honestly, I would agree with his account of being a 21st century Spanish Inquisition, but I had waited 28 years and had been on several dates with a wide array of men that after getting to know them I knew were not a good match for me. At first glimpse he didn’t fit the mold of what a “Christian man” looks like from my dreams and expectations … he sure didn’t speak “Christian-ese” or fit the image of the Boaz I was going to marry one day.

We had many discussions about this idea of the “Christian man” and how that can look many different ways. I was battling those ideas that I had in my head and what I was experiencing as a true connection. I even went as far as showing up at his door step fully prepared to end the relationship despite my feelings that this was a genuine, great thing. Ultimately, Cameron proved his heart for the Lord and for me through action and deed.

 

His relentless pursuit of my heart while daily seeking the heart of God was very evident. When I was in the throes of a dark, depressed, and stressful time, Cameron lovingly supported and comforted me. When I drove over a curb, popped all four tires, bent three rims, and ran over a baby tree late one night, Cameron took off work and came over first thing the following morning to serve me by assisting with the repairs. His thoughts are towards me and shows love in my love languages…quality time and physical touch (Although he argues that my love languages are all five!). His heart is filled with compassion for his friends, family, and the clients that he works with, and as we have discovered he is my “like opposite”. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.

We’re only a year and a half into our marriage but Cameron has embraced his role as husband, protector, provider, and leader of our family (just the two of us and our little fur baby, Seren). We are working hard to honor God with our resources, choices, actions, forming healthy family habits, and planning for the future. However, it isn’t as story book as it may read. There are disagreements and hardships. I have said it is like running the 3 legged race of your life, for life! In the words of Cameron though, the sweet is never as sweet without the bitter…I’m sure he took that from a movie, he always quotes something. I know this though…this man was well worth the wait, not only as my first kiss, but also as the man I would marry and do life with, together

 

This guest post was written by Karin Schober and is a part of the series How We Met. Join us for more romantic stories all week long on Messy Mom.com
By |2017-01-05T21:41:27+00:00February 9, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|9 Comments
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How We Met- A Series of Love Stories

This is the biggest bloggity announcement I have made in a long time! After 7 years and over 1,400 posts I have never once had a guest blogger. All of that is about to change starting this week as we begin the series “How We Met”.
work21-872x1024

Each day this week a different couple will be contributing their own love story, and I hand picked my favorites. So you are not going to want to miss it!

The whole idea began with the time I wrote the post Where Did You Meet Your Spouse.

I thought it would be fun to take a poll about where my friends met their spouses, and to put a spin on it what would it be like if they got married at that same location. The online conversation really took off and I got over 100 responses.

Here is the question:

If you got married in the exact place that you first met your spouse where would that be? 

And here are some of the answers:

On a football field sideline
A bar 
At the mall on Black Friday
Sand volleyball courts
U-Scan at Kroger

That’s just a handful, but there were plenty of people from my poll that had met at college, someone’s house (through friends), or at church. It’s not so much about where you met your spouse it’s how you met your spouse that tells the story.

That is where “How We Met” comes in. Here’s a sneak peak at the couples that will be writing on Messy Mom this week. I’ll share WHERE they met, but you’ll have to come back for the rest of the series to find out HOW.
 karin
Met in a Grad School classroom
       picture-17
Met at  preschool
Met at the gym

Met in his pick up truck in her driveway

164808_494379364699_1620903_n
Met in a parking lot
I cannot wait to hear from all these amazing couples and read each of their unique love stories.
Tomorrow kicks off my first guest post.
 Happy Valentine’s week everybody! 
By |2017-01-04T12:15:00+00:00February 8, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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15 Years Ago I Wasn’t Quite In Love

This is a really exciting year for me you guys. I am a bit of a romantic, and while most of our anniversaries are low key, the 5th and the 10th were unforgettable. Seriously. My wedding day, 5 year, and 10 year anniversary rank super high on the best days of my life list. This year will mark our 15th anniversary and so you are going to hear me talking about about this milestone A LOT. Even our Christmas card will be paying homage to our 15 year mark.

Before I get too excited about all that lovey dovey stuff, let’s time travel to see what our relationship was like at this time 15 years ago.

This photo is from ’98. J is being silly with the heart sunglasses and I am sporting my American Eagle overalls because it was the 90’s. 

I am in High School. J is in college.

Here is an excerpt from my diary from February 8, 2000. I did leave out names, but other than that it is exactly as I wrote it 15 years ago!

On Friday “J” and “Friend” were as clingy as ever. Everything is cleared up between me and them, but I have to admit I still get very annoyed by them. My mom doesn’t understand why I am bitter, but she doesn’t see the same side of J as I do, but don’t get me wrong I love the guy to death and I would do anything for him.

Here is my translation now that I am a grown woman looking back at my hormonal 17 year old angst. 

Jeremy is  friends with another girl. They flirt and I am extremely jealous. I would never admit that. Not to Jeremy, or my mom, and certainly not to myself. I have feelings for this guy that I claim are  platonic, but the truth is I don’t know how to process all these emotions, so apparently I am “bitter”. 

Here is another one from just a couple weeks later. February 15, 2000

“Yesterday was absolutely horrible. I had no valentine and was exhausted from working ALL WEEKEND. I got home from school and I just went in my room and cried. Then my mom came in and told me I had a visitor. It was “cute boy”. So I tried to pull myself together and went out there, and we talked for a long time. You know what? I know I’ve been acting weird and emotional. I’ve just felt different lately. So I am going to leave out all of the details of my lame teenage life for just a moment. I may get to talking about it all sooner or later, but for now I am just going to write.
Jeremy is sick tonight. He just has the flu, but I feel bad for him. I know I have said a lot of mean things about him, but he is the greatest guy I have ever known (or at least one of). I love him very much in a way that I cannot explain. It’s not romantic love, or brotherly love, or even friendly love, I don’t know what it is, but I care about him a lot and it kills me to see him sick.”

Translation: 

I am so mad because I have no Valentine and I had to work. What could be worse?! Oh the agony!!! Then this cute boy shows up at my doorstep. He really likes me. He said and did all the right things, including giving me sweet little gifts that were inside jokes between the two of us, but I am not mentioning any of that because I have other things on my mind. 
Out of NOWHERE I have decided I am going to stop talking about boys and teenage stuff and start to dissect some of the emotions I am feeling for J who is a long time close friend of mine. At this point I am not ready to admit that I am head over heals in love with him, but I am suddenly falling hard and fast. For now, suffice it to say that I care about him and I want to take care of him. Whatever that means. 

Even though it’s embarrassing to share the unfiltered thoughts of my teenage diary, I can barely read that February 15th journal entry without tearing up now. Because in hindsight it’s like I can see the exact moment that I fell in love. Even if I claimed it wasn’t romantic.

It’s crazy to think of how quickly things changed. 15 years ago we were very close, but not quite in love. If someone had told me at the time that we would be married by the end of the year I would have thought they were insane. I would have bet money that I would become a famous actress by the end of the year before I would have believed any kind of marriage nonsense, but I am glad that I was wrong because I’d rather be married to J than be in Hollywood. Yes we were married young and there are definitely obstacles that come along with that, but that’s for another post. I’ll leave you with my favorite line from “The Fault In Our Stars” and I think it applies to our love story quite nicely. 

And 15 years later I am more in love than I have ever been. 

By |2015-05-18T04:21:00+00:00February 4, 2015|Marriage, My Life, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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How To Never Offend Anyone

I feel like I have seen it all when it comes to online links
touting things you should never say.
What not to say to a mother of twins
What not to say to a single mom
What not to say to a parent that has adopted
What not to say to a person with an eating disorder
What not to say to a person with an unusual birthmark
The last one I made up, but the rest are real, and I could go on
and on.  The more of these taboo comments that I came across, the more
I became fearful of hurting someone’s feelings. I recently saw one that
should have been right up my alley titled 10 Things You
Should Not Say to Moms With Multiple Children. 
The picture that goes along with the post is a mom with three
children and a grocery cart. Hey, that’s me! I go to the grocery store with
three children far too often. I like to joke that I am in my 30’s, but I can
still turn heads. The punch line is that I turn a lot of heads with the way my
kids behave when we are out in public. I have had at least 100 strangers tell
me that I have my hands full. It’s true though. My hands are usually literally
carrying things and figuratively juggling things.
“You have your hands full” is just one of the things
the article considered “tactless commentary from intrusive
strangers”. Another statement you are not supposed to say to me or
other moms is “lots of helpers” along with “Enjoy these
days. They grow up so Fast.” And last on the list is “the silent stare”.
If you read the article it explains why you should not say/do these things, and
I get where the idea comes from because I know it feels redundant when you
are on the receiving end. I have even vented about the cliché
statements before. 
So I came up with this idea. Instead of having all of these
“things you should never say” lists to sift through online. I have decided to
just sum it all up into one nice little politically correct paragraph.

 If you find yourself in an environment that is also
occupied by a mother with children, or a person with a disability, or
someone who has experienced tragedy, or is breathing, then you shouldn’t say
anything, unless it is from an approved list of one liners preferably
customized by each individual that would be receiving the
comment. And be especially careful of how you look at said individual.
Don’t look for too long to imply staring, or too short to suggest that you
don’t enjoy seeing them. In fact I would avoid looking at them at all. Then
again that could be the same as ignoring them, which could be considered
offensive too. Instead you might want to try not being around people.
Ever. 

I’m being sarcastic of course. Hopefully you can see where I am
going with this. I understand why lists like this are such a hit. Some of them
truly do raise awareness about certain misconceptions. However, more often than
not we just want people to know what to say to us because we are insecure,
tired, hurt, or fill in the blank. I even considered doing my own list of
“What to say when you see a child with a disability” because my
daughter is deaf and has cochlear implants. It’s kind of hard to miss and I can
tell that some people feel awkward around us at times. The problem with my list
is that I would encourage people to talk with me openly about their thoughts
and curiosities. I love answering questions and educating people
on what the cochlear implant is all about! However, I have lots of friends
who are parents of deaf children and some of them do not like talking about it.
Or sometimes it depends on the day! So there is no list of do’s and don’ts
because there aren’t just “Parents of Deaf Children”-period.
It’s more complex than that.
Similarly there aren’t just pregnant ladies, or women
who have had c-sections, or biracial couples, or introverts,
or working moms. There are just people! Individual people. 
Sure we all belong to certain groups and stereotypes, but that
does not define us. We are way too complicated to be narrowed down to a list of
appropriate conversations. We are all people that will offend other people and
will be offended by other people. On the bright side we are also diverse people that get to learn from one another. We get to share space and have community together. We engage. We form opinions. We form relationships and even friendships!  

I hate the thought that people would stop interacting out of fear of offending. Sure, there are going to be some jerks out there that say ignorant things, but isn’t there a Taylor Swift song about that? Shake it off, right? Because at one point or another, you will be offended. It’s happened to me. There are also comments that I just could have done without. For example when I was pregnant with a girl after I already had a boy I would have thought the whole world joined together to celebrate the fact that this meant I was done having children. Which, obviously didn’t stop me. Still, at the end of the day, I would rather be annoyed on occasion than disconnected for life. 

By |2015-05-18T04:21:22+00:00February 2, 2015|Motherhood, Special Needs, Uncategorized|14 Comments
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Pinewood Derby

The Pinewood Derby race is one of the biggest events of the year for Cub Scouts and this was Z’s first year to participate. With help form an adult, the scouts are expected to build their own car out of wood. Sure you start with a kit, but it’s more than just something you would find at Ikea with minimal assembly required. They actually have to carve, drill, nail, and paint the thing. 

I was so happy to see these two working as a team. J and Z have a wonderful relationship, but I know J hates how much he has to be away since being in school full time.

The pack has a tune up meeting the week of the race to weigh in and make sure your car meets all the specific qualifications. 
They expect a lot out of these little Tiger Cubs. It’s not just about assembling a car to roll down a track. They are expected to craft it in a way that will improve the performance level. So they are not only learning basic carpentry, but they are also implementing lots of scientific components like momentum and aerodynamics. You would be surprised at how much goes into these races, unless you have been a part of Pinewood Derby. In which case, none of this surprises you at all. 
The track is on a slope like this. 
They line up 6 cars at a time and all of the names of those on deck show up on a big screen. 
That’s Z’s batman car in the middle. At the end of the track is a timer that shows the speed and rank of each car. They race multiple times and at the end they average all the times to find the winner.

I was worried about Z not ranking very high. They put so much effort into all of it and I knew he would be disappointed if he lost, but I just wanted him to learn good sportsmanship. We would always pray about the upcoming derby day and I would try to really emphasize “Help Z to do his best” “Let your will be done on the race track” “We commit to having a good attitude and to be a light no matter what happens with Z’s derby car”. You might laugh at such a silly prayer, unless you have been a part of a Pinewood Derby. In which case, again, none of this surprises you. 
In the end Z actually got third place, so he did get a trophy and he was super proud. This isn’t one of those everyone gets a trophy deals. Plenty of 6-10 year old boys were in tears over defeat that day. I am sure I will be wiping those tears away for another competition. We’ve been there before, but this time he beamed. 
His grandpa and dad were by his side for whole thing and I am sure this is a moment he is going to remember for a long, long time. 

Z has never participated in any sports or competitive activities yet, so I am really glad he got to have this opportunity. This quote taken directly from pinewoodderby.org really sums it all up. “At the heart of this event’s success is the process itself- bonds are strengthened as the Cub Scout partners with a  parent or adult mentor to design, carve, paint, weigh, refine, and race the car.”

Win our loose, this was priceless bonding time for a dad and his first born son. It doesn’t get much better than that.

By |2015-05-18T04:22:27+00:00January 23, 2015|My Life, Schooling, Uncategorized|8 Comments
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Through Mother’s Eyes

This week I have been talking about books. As I already mentioned I recently read Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan and Surprised By Motherhood by Lisa Jo Baker . The authors themselves and the main premise of each book is very different. However, they both take a deep and personal look at their mothers in hindsight after becoming a mother themselves. It is amazing what truths are unveiled to them that were there all along, but it’s different when you look back. It’s different when you are a mom.

In Baker’s memoir, Surprised By Motherhood, she looses her mother when she is 18 years old.  Nearly two decades later she is looking at her young daughter and she begins to see herself through her late mother’s eyes. So much healing takes place in that moment. It really is a moving story that I highly recommend. That particular part of the story truly resonated with me. Because in that moment she feels like she has a glimpse of what her mom felt. It is then that she knows that she was loved and she knows that she was known. She couldn’t have experienced it in a way that was so intricate or detailed until she applied it to the relationship she has with her own daughter.

I didn’t loose my mother, but I did loose a brother. Zeb was diagnosed when he was 3 years old. He had Leukemia. He died when he was about to turn 7 and I was 9. We were very close. I grieved the loss of my little brother, the baby of our family, my best friend. I had closure though. I knew he was in Heaven, and the way that I missed him evolved over time.

Then I became a mother. Sigh. Motherhood changes everything doesn’t it? And much in the way of these two authors who saw their mothers in a different light after having kids, I did as well. I understood now the price that she paid, willingly and lovingly, to raise her four children. I also felt like I had a new understanding, although I could never know completely, about what she went through with my little brother Zeb. I hesitate to say that it opens up a wound, but the good news is that God is gracious and merciful and that His presence is a balm for these feelings. He can soothe even the deepest abrasions.

You see, I lost a brother and that was tough. I cherish the memories I have of him. However, I pray that I will never know what it is like to loose a son. As a young girl I had NO idea what my parents went through. Looking back at it with my new perspective as a mom I have to grieve all over again. Every once in a while I will hear stories about that time in our life. I treasure these stories. It’s a part of my life and I want to know everything there is to know about my brother Zeb. I take it all in. Even the hard stuff. It might be stories about his treatment, the chemo, and bone marrow transplant. Or pictures of how young my mother was when she had to endure all this at the age I am now. Or just the look in her eyes when she talks about it. The wholeness and peace that comes from above, along with the empty space that never goes away. And you never want it to.

It’s been 23 years and she does cry every once in a while. Now that I am a mom I totally get that. I am sure she’s crying right now reading this (I am too). It’s weird the way life imprints dates, ages, places on your heart so that you can’t go pass them without tripping a wire. I am sure all of us have those times that serve as a memorial. For me, I think of my mom when my children (especially my oldest son) turn 3 and then 7. Z is seven now actually, and there was one night in particular, after putting him to bed and watching him drift to sleep, I just had to weep over the thought of what that would be like to lose him. I certainly don’t want all this to come across as an obsessive state of hopelessness and depression. It’s quite the contrary. On the occasion that these memories do arise I am reminded of the Savior’s sacrifice. I am reminded of the promise and the hope that we have through Christ. It’s also like rereading the living testament that my parents walk out daily as they prove the redeeming and powerful love of God in the midst of the storms. Lastly, I am honoring a precious little boy’s legacy.

As I read Lisa Jo Baker’s words and saw the healing that was evident through the pain. I also saw that at work in my own life and I am sure it can be true for you as well. We all experience different forms of loss and grief, and the way we grieve is as diverse as each one of us.

To bring this back to becoming a mom and seeing our moms in a new light I would like to share this little quote from Glitter and Glue,

“And it occurs to me that maybe the reason my mother was so exhausted all the time wasn’t because she was doing so much but because she was feeling so much.”


I don’t like to describe myself as exhausted, but if it looks like I am I can attest that this would be why. As these authors have described being a mother means feeling deeply. It’s braving the unknown only to feel your way through it. It’s not always easy, but of course it’s worth it.  

By |2015-05-18T04:22:53+00:00January 17, 2015|Motherhood, My Life, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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