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When Kailei met Brad

I’m Kailei.
He’s Brad.
And we are two best friends in love.
We might as well start from the very
beginning…
and then we will fast forward to the here and
now.
Brad and I met in Preschool.
Really.
We were instantly best friends… mainly
because I insisted on such!
One day, I noticed that Brad was playing with
another little girl.
I wasn’t okay with that.
So I walked up to him and said “Brad, I
need to talk to you!!”
He obediently followed me away from
Allie.
“You can’t play with other girls
anymore.”
Again, Brad agreed.
Some may say that this is where my bossy
nature began. I choose to call it life planning.
And our life-long friendship began.
 We moved on to Kindergarten and were blessed to be in the same class. 
I’m on the left. Brad’s on the right.
Apparently, I let Brad have more friends once
we reached Kindergarten.
Throughout elementary school, we remained
great friends.
Brad is Swedish, and each year he chose a
friend to play St Lucia as he told about the history. I got to do it in 3rd grade.
 We both ran for Student Body Historian
in 6th Grade.
And Brad beat me.
I’m not still bitter or anything
And then Junior High came. You know that
awkward age where you’re trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in?
When you want to make sure that you get to sit at the “cool kid’s
table” during lunch? When you want people to start noticing who you
are?
We sort of grew apart.
Then one day, we realized that we really
missed each other.
That it was silly to not be friends.
And then it was just like old times
again.
In 9th grade, we ran for Student
Council.
This time, I made sure that we ran for different offices.
And we both won.
We thought we were pretty cool.
Once we started in to high school, I think
that everyone knew that we really liked each other. A lot.
But neither of us would admit such things. We
were best friends. That was all.
The day I turned 16 was the day of the big homecoming
game.
I was so happy that I would be old enough to
go.
I really hoped that Brad would ask me.
And he did!! We were each other’s first date.
Maybe it sounds weird; maybe a 16 year old
doesn’t know such things,
but something about that date just felt right.
It just felt good.
It wasn’t awkward or weird at all.
It was perfect.
But then things got weird.
We started going on dates more and more often
and we were together all of the time.
It was fun, but we were getting worried. We
didn’t want a steady boyfriend/girlfriend.
We were discouraged from having steady
boyfriends/girlfriends and didn’t want
 to go
against what we felt was right.
Could two people who really liked each other
just be best friends?
So instead of rationally talking it out and
making sure that we were just friends, I cut things off completely. I still
remember the night that I explained all of that to Brad
and basically told him that I couldn’t see him
as much.
 He cried.
I felt like scum.
For about a year, we didn’t really see much of
each other.
I hated it.
And then, just like in Jr. High, we realized
that we really missed each other,
and became best friends again.
But it was different this time. More
cautious.
We had many common interests…
though Brad now claims that lots of them were
my interests that he jumped on board with.
We really liked American Idol, and even went
to an Idols Live concert.


We are both very musical and did Choir and
Orchestra.
We were able to go on a trip to Washington
D.C. with our music groups and it was a blast!
And we graduated from High School!!
Before we graduated, Brad already had a call
to serve an LDS church mission in Nicaragua.
He was off to South America, and I was off to
college.
Brad and I wrote every now and again, but
nothing serious.
I knew that he was loving his mission and
serving the Lord with all of his heart.
I knew that he was a great missionary.
Meanwhile, I was loving university life. I
loved going to institute and learning more about the gospel. I loved meeting
new friends and I really loved the education that I was receiving.
 I dated a lot while Brad was gone.
I dated good guys. But something was always
holding me back.
I wanted to serve a mission, but when I prayed
about it, it didn’t feel right.
I was sad, but listened.
Brad got home and we started dating
exclusively a few months after he returned.
Something didn’t feel right.
I was devastated. I had always thought that it
would work out once we were older.
The day before I broke up with Brad, I felt
that it was time.
I could now serve a mission.
We broke up.
Brad asked if it was forever.
I said yes.
I received my mission call to Argentina and I
could not have been happier!
My mission was definitely the most amazing
experience I had had up to that point.
It was wonderful to be able to serve the Lord
100% of the time
and not worry about anything else.
Again, Brad wrote every now and again, but not
often. He went to school.
He dated a lot. But he didn’t get
married.
Coming home, I was nervous to see him. I
didn’t know what would happen, if anything.
After all, I had told him I wasn’t interested
in dating again.
Only problem was, I was interested.
But would he be?
The first time I saw him again, I got that
tingly feeling. Something felt good. Right.
And I knew then that I would marry him.
Luckily, he was feeling something too.
We began dating very soon thereafter.
 Our first date after the mission was a
“thrifty ball.”


I taught Brad how to make Argentine Empanadas.
Basically, we just had a lot of fun. There
were moments where I had little “freak outs.”
I had only been home a few weeks when we
started dating exclusively.
That didn’t seem normal.
We were already talking about marriage.
That was fast!
I knew that it was right, but I just couldn’t
move forward.
Then, I went on a trip with my family.
And I missed Brad terribly.
I knew I couldn’t be without him.
So we got engaged.
And 5 months to the day of me returning home
from Argentina,
we were sealed for all eternity.
Thanks to Darby Elizabeth
Photography for the amazing
pictures!!
We don’t remember life without each other
and now we won’t ever have to.
We now live in Utah where Brad is attending
law school.
We have been married for a year and a half and
are expecting our first baby!
This year and a half has been a blast and we
are loving every moment we have together.
We aren’t perfect,

 

but we are perfect for each other.

Kailei and Brad have a blog where they write about the things they do to increase their love for each other every and they  hope to help readers feel inspired to do the same. From date nights to dinner, love notes to faith you can find it all at www.twobestfriendsinlove.blogspot.com
You can also follow them on Bloglovin, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram

For more love stories be sure to follow the How We Met series all week here at MessyMom.com .
By |2017-01-04T12:21:29+00:00February 10, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|11 Comments
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When Karin Met Cameron

For 28 years I always heard common clichés like, “You’ll find the one when you least expect it” or “Don’t go looking for love, let it come to you.” When I began graduate school, meeting a man, dating, and marriage where not what I was expecting nor what I was searching for. The dread of working full time while putting myself through school, writing papers, and late night studying consumed me as I attended my first class of grad school, Lifespan Development which now seems ironic. In the same class was Cameron, one of all four guys in that class… and one of only a hand full of men in the program for that matter. We were both beginning our graduate school journey towards becoming professional counselors. He sat a row ahead of me, constantly glancing at the clock anxiously waiting for the class to end.

Change began to happen one night during a group presentation. The activity was to list your negotiables, the values and beliefs there were flexible in a potential relationship, and non-negotiables, the values and beliefs that needed to be exactly matching for the relationship to be viable. We then compared it to the list of the man assigned to the group of 4 or 5 women. Out of five women in my group, my list came out more compatible for a relationship with Cameron than the all others in the group with only 1 category not matching out of 5 negotiable and 5 non-negotiable items. The leader of the exercise joked if there were going to be any love matches from this, but I didn’t think much of the match at that time and wrote it off as an interesting little activity. Later in the semester, Cameron flagged me down in the parking lot near our class one night to introduce himself and talk about our mutual interest in traveling to Peru as I had posted on Facebook about going someday. We made small talk from then on, but lost touch over the Christmas break.

A semester later, we ran into each other on campus. We enjoyed catching up, talking about the new classes we were enrolled in that semester, various theories of counseling, and discussing Viktor Frankle’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” which Cameron had loaned me earlier. Through our conversations, Cameron learned that at the time I was living in a notorious part of town (considered by some) and he expressed interest in coming to visit and checking it out for himself. One weekend in February he came over …and continued to come over every weekend after that (and I mean EVERY weekend)! We enjoyed doing things together like going to a roller derby, shopping in the farmers market, going for hikes and walks, and watching our favorite TV shows (Firefly is the bomb!).

Throughout that spring and summer, Cameron made an effort to come visit every Saturday and even came from his home 47 minutes from mine on Sundays to go to a small church I attended and worked at with the youth group. During that time we did a lot of talking about our background and faith. Cameron often mentions that during this time of our relationship, I really ran him through the ringer of questions and discussions concerning our personal relationship with Christ, general beliefs, and values. Honestly, I would agree with his account of being a 21st century Spanish Inquisition, but I had waited 28 years and had been on several dates with a wide array of men that after getting to know them I knew were not a good match for me. At first glimpse he didn’t fit the mold of what a “Christian man” looks like from my dreams and expectations … he sure didn’t speak “Christian-ese” or fit the image of the Boaz I was going to marry one day.

We had many discussions about this idea of the “Christian man” and how that can look many different ways. I was battling those ideas that I had in my head and what I was experiencing as a true connection. I even went as far as showing up at his door step fully prepared to end the relationship despite my feelings that this was a genuine, great thing. Ultimately, Cameron proved his heart for the Lord and for me through action and deed.

 

His relentless pursuit of my heart while daily seeking the heart of God was very evident. When I was in the throes of a dark, depressed, and stressful time, Cameron lovingly supported and comforted me. When I drove over a curb, popped all four tires, bent three rims, and ran over a baby tree late one night, Cameron took off work and came over first thing the following morning to serve me by assisting with the repairs. His thoughts are towards me and shows love in my love languages…quality time and physical touch (Although he argues that my love languages are all five!). His heart is filled with compassion for his friends, family, and the clients that he works with, and as we have discovered he is my “like opposite”. His strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa.

We’re only a year and a half into our marriage but Cameron has embraced his role as husband, protector, provider, and leader of our family (just the two of us and our little fur baby, Seren). We are working hard to honor God with our resources, choices, actions, forming healthy family habits, and planning for the future. However, it isn’t as story book as it may read. There are disagreements and hardships. I have said it is like running the 3 legged race of your life, for life! In the words of Cameron though, the sweet is never as sweet without the bitter…I’m sure he took that from a movie, he always quotes something. I know this though…this man was well worth the wait, not only as my first kiss, but also as the man I would marry and do life with, together

 

This guest post was written by Karin Schober and is a part of the series How We Met. Join us for more romantic stories all week long on Messy Mom.com
By |2017-01-05T21:41:27+00:00February 9, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|9 Comments
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How We Met- A Series of Love Stories

This is the biggest bloggity announcement I have made in a long time! After 7 years and over 1,400 posts I have never once had a guest blogger. All of that is about to change starting this week as we begin the series “How We Met”.
work21-872x1024

Each day this week a different couple will be contributing their own love story, and I hand picked my favorites. So you are not going to want to miss it!

The whole idea began with the time I wrote the post Where Did You Meet Your Spouse.

I thought it would be fun to take a poll about where my friends met their spouses, and to put a spin on it what would it be like if they got married at that same location. The online conversation really took off and I got over 100 responses.

Here is the question:

If you got married in the exact place that you first met your spouse where would that be? 

And here are some of the answers:

On a football field sideline
A bar 
At the mall on Black Friday
Sand volleyball courts
U-Scan at Kroger

That’s just a handful, but there were plenty of people from my poll that had met at college, someone’s house (through friends), or at church. It’s not so much about where you met your spouse it’s how you met your spouse that tells the story.

That is where “How We Met” comes in. Here’s a sneak peak at the couples that will be writing on Messy Mom this week. I’ll share WHERE they met, but you’ll have to come back for the rest of the series to find out HOW.
 karin
Met in a Grad School classroom
       picture-17
Met at  preschool
Met at the gym

Met in his pick up truck in her driveway

164808_494379364699_1620903_n
Met in a parking lot
I cannot wait to hear from all these amazing couples and read each of their unique love stories.
Tomorrow kicks off my first guest post.
 Happy Valentine’s week everybody! 
By |2017-01-04T12:15:00+00:00February 8, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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15 Years Ago I Wasn’t Quite In Love

This is a really exciting year for me you guys. I am a bit of a romantic, and while most of our anniversaries are low key, the 5th and the 10th were unforgettable. Seriously. My wedding day, 5 year, and 10 year anniversary rank super high on the best days of my life list. This year will mark our 15th anniversary and so you are going to hear me talking about about this milestone A LOT. Even our Christmas card will be paying homage to our 15 year mark.

Before I get too excited about all that lovey dovey stuff, let’s time travel to see what our relationship was like at this time 15 years ago.

This photo is from ’98. J is being silly with the heart sunglasses and I am sporting my American Eagle overalls because it was the 90’s. 

I am in High School. J is in college.

Here is an excerpt from my diary from February 8, 2000. I did leave out names, but other than that it is exactly as I wrote it 15 years ago!

On Friday “J” and “Friend” were as clingy as ever. Everything is cleared up between me and them, but I have to admit I still get very annoyed by them. My mom doesn’t understand why I am bitter, but she doesn’t see the same side of J as I do, but don’t get me wrong I love the guy to death and I would do anything for him.

Here is my translation now that I am a grown woman looking back at my hormonal 17 year old angst. 

Jeremy is  friends with another girl. They flirt and I am extremely jealous. I would never admit that. Not to Jeremy, or my mom, and certainly not to myself. I have feelings for this guy that I claim are  platonic, but the truth is I don’t know how to process all these emotions, so apparently I am “bitter”. 

Here is another one from just a couple weeks later. February 15, 2000

“Yesterday was absolutely horrible. I had no valentine and was exhausted from working ALL WEEKEND. I got home from school and I just went in my room and cried. Then my mom came in and told me I had a visitor. It was “cute boy”. So I tried to pull myself together and went out there, and we talked for a long time. You know what? I know I’ve been acting weird and emotional. I’ve just felt different lately. So I am going to leave out all of the details of my lame teenage life for just a moment. I may get to talking about it all sooner or later, but for now I am just going to write.
Jeremy is sick tonight. He just has the flu, but I feel bad for him. I know I have said a lot of mean things about him, but he is the greatest guy I have ever known (or at least one of). I love him very much in a way that I cannot explain. It’s not romantic love, or brotherly love, or even friendly love, I don’t know what it is, but I care about him a lot and it kills me to see him sick.”

Translation: 

I am so mad because I have no Valentine and I had to work. What could be worse?! Oh the agony!!! Then this cute boy shows up at my doorstep. He really likes me. He said and did all the right things, including giving me sweet little gifts that were inside jokes between the two of us, but I am not mentioning any of that because I have other things on my mind. 
Out of NOWHERE I have decided I am going to stop talking about boys and teenage stuff and start to dissect some of the emotions I am feeling for J who is a long time close friend of mine. At this point I am not ready to admit that I am head over heals in love with him, but I am suddenly falling hard and fast. For now, suffice it to say that I care about him and I want to take care of him. Whatever that means. 

Even though it’s embarrassing to share the unfiltered thoughts of my teenage diary, I can barely read that February 15th journal entry without tearing up now. Because in hindsight it’s like I can see the exact moment that I fell in love. Even if I claimed it wasn’t romantic.

It’s crazy to think of how quickly things changed. 15 years ago we were very close, but not quite in love. If someone had told me at the time that we would be married by the end of the year I would have thought they were insane. I would have bet money that I would become a famous actress by the end of the year before I would have believed any kind of marriage nonsense, but I am glad that I was wrong because I’d rather be married to J than be in Hollywood. Yes we were married young and there are definitely obstacles that come along with that, but that’s for another post. I’ll leave you with my favorite line from “The Fault In Our Stars” and I think it applies to our love story quite nicely. 

And 15 years later I am more in love than I have ever been. 

By |2015-05-18T04:21:00+00:00February 4, 2015|Marriage, My Life, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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How To Never Offend Anyone

I feel like I have seen it all when it comes to online links
touting things you should never say.
What not to say to a mother of twins
What not to say to a single mom
What not to say to a parent that has adopted
What not to say to a person with an eating disorder
What not to say to a person with an unusual birthmark
The last one I made up, but the rest are real, and I could go on
and on.  The more of these taboo comments that I came across, the more
I became fearful of hurting someone’s feelings. I recently saw one that
should have been right up my alley titled 10 Things You
Should Not Say to Moms With Multiple Children. 
The picture that goes along with the post is a mom with three
children and a grocery cart. Hey, that’s me! I go to the grocery store with
three children far too often. I like to joke that I am in my 30’s, but I can
still turn heads. The punch line is that I turn a lot of heads with the way my
kids behave when we are out in public. I have had at least 100 strangers tell
me that I have my hands full. It’s true though. My hands are usually literally
carrying things and figuratively juggling things.
“You have your hands full” is just one of the things
the article considered “tactless commentary from intrusive
strangers”. Another statement you are not supposed to say to me or
other moms is “lots of helpers” along with “Enjoy these
days. They grow up so Fast.” And last on the list is “the silent stare”.
If you read the article it explains why you should not say/do these things, and
I get where the idea comes from because I know it feels redundant when you
are on the receiving end. I have even vented about the cliché
statements before. 
So I came up with this idea. Instead of having all of these
“things you should never say” lists to sift through online. I have decided to
just sum it all up into one nice little politically correct paragraph.

 If you find yourself in an environment that is also
occupied by a mother with children, or a person with a disability, or
someone who has experienced tragedy, or is breathing, then you shouldn’t say
anything, unless it is from an approved list of one liners preferably
customized by each individual that would be receiving the
comment. And be especially careful of how you look at said individual.
Don’t look for too long to imply staring, or too short to suggest that you
don’t enjoy seeing them. In fact I would avoid looking at them at all. Then
again that could be the same as ignoring them, which could be considered
offensive too. Instead you might want to try not being around people.
Ever. 

I’m being sarcastic of course. Hopefully you can see where I am
going with this. I understand why lists like this are such a hit. Some of them
truly do raise awareness about certain misconceptions. However, more often than
not we just want people to know what to say to us because we are insecure,
tired, hurt, or fill in the blank. I even considered doing my own list of
“What to say when you see a child with a disability” because my
daughter is deaf and has cochlear implants. It’s kind of hard to miss and I can
tell that some people feel awkward around us at times. The problem with my list
is that I would encourage people to talk with me openly about their thoughts
and curiosities. I love answering questions and educating people
on what the cochlear implant is all about! However, I have lots of friends
who are parents of deaf children and some of them do not like talking about it.
Or sometimes it depends on the day! So there is no list of do’s and don’ts
because there aren’t just “Parents of Deaf Children”-period.
It’s more complex than that.
Similarly there aren’t just pregnant ladies, or women
who have had c-sections, or biracial couples, or introverts,
or working moms. There are just people! Individual people. 
Sure we all belong to certain groups and stereotypes, but that
does not define us. We are way too complicated to be narrowed down to a list of
appropriate conversations. We are all people that will offend other people and
will be offended by other people. On the bright side we are also diverse people that get to learn from one another. We get to share space and have community together. We engage. We form opinions. We form relationships and even friendships!  

I hate the thought that people would stop interacting out of fear of offending. Sure, there are going to be some jerks out there that say ignorant things, but isn’t there a Taylor Swift song about that? Shake it off, right? Because at one point or another, you will be offended. It’s happened to me. There are also comments that I just could have done without. For example when I was pregnant with a girl after I already had a boy I would have thought the whole world joined together to celebrate the fact that this meant I was done having children. Which, obviously didn’t stop me. Still, at the end of the day, I would rather be annoyed on occasion than disconnected for life. 

By |2015-05-18T04:21:22+00:00February 2, 2015|Motherhood, Special Needs, Uncategorized|14 Comments
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Pinewood Derby

The Pinewood Derby race is one of the biggest events of the year for Cub Scouts and this was Z’s first year to participate. With help form an adult, the scouts are expected to build their own car out of wood. Sure you start with a kit, but it’s more than just something you would find at Ikea with minimal assembly required. They actually have to carve, drill, nail, and paint the thing. 

I was so happy to see these two working as a team. J and Z have a wonderful relationship, but I know J hates how much he has to be away since being in school full time.

The pack has a tune up meeting the week of the race to weigh in and make sure your car meets all the specific qualifications. 
They expect a lot out of these little Tiger Cubs. It’s not just about assembling a car to roll down a track. They are expected to craft it in a way that will improve the performance level. So they are not only learning basic carpentry, but they are also implementing lots of scientific components like momentum and aerodynamics. You would be surprised at how much goes into these races, unless you have been a part of Pinewood Derby. In which case, none of this surprises you at all. 
The track is on a slope like this. 
They line up 6 cars at a time and all of the names of those on deck show up on a big screen. 
That’s Z’s batman car in the middle. At the end of the track is a timer that shows the speed and rank of each car. They race multiple times and at the end they average all the times to find the winner.

I was worried about Z not ranking very high. They put so much effort into all of it and I knew he would be disappointed if he lost, but I just wanted him to learn good sportsmanship. We would always pray about the upcoming derby day and I would try to really emphasize “Help Z to do his best” “Let your will be done on the race track” “We commit to having a good attitude and to be a light no matter what happens with Z’s derby car”. You might laugh at such a silly prayer, unless you have been a part of a Pinewood Derby. In which case, again, none of this surprises you. 
In the end Z actually got third place, so he did get a trophy and he was super proud. This isn’t one of those everyone gets a trophy deals. Plenty of 6-10 year old boys were in tears over defeat that day. I am sure I will be wiping those tears away for another competition. We’ve been there before, but this time he beamed. 
His grandpa and dad were by his side for whole thing and I am sure this is a moment he is going to remember for a long, long time. 

Z has never participated in any sports or competitive activities yet, so I am really glad he got to have this opportunity. This quote taken directly from pinewoodderby.org really sums it all up. “At the heart of this event’s success is the process itself- bonds are strengthened as the Cub Scout partners with a  parent or adult mentor to design, carve, paint, weigh, refine, and race the car.”

Win our loose, this was priceless bonding time for a dad and his first born son. It doesn’t get much better than that.

By |2015-05-18T04:22:27+00:00January 23, 2015|My Life, Schooling, Uncategorized|8 Comments
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Through Mother’s Eyes

This week I have been talking about books. As I already mentioned I recently read Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan and Surprised By Motherhood by Lisa Jo Baker . The authors themselves and the main premise of each book is very different. However, they both take a deep and personal look at their mothers in hindsight after becoming a mother themselves. It is amazing what truths are unveiled to them that were there all along, but it’s different when you look back. It’s different when you are a mom.

In Baker’s memoir, Surprised By Motherhood, she looses her mother when she is 18 years old.  Nearly two decades later she is looking at her young daughter and she begins to see herself through her late mother’s eyes. So much healing takes place in that moment. It really is a moving story that I highly recommend. That particular part of the story truly resonated with me. Because in that moment she feels like she has a glimpse of what her mom felt. It is then that she knows that she was loved and she knows that she was known. She couldn’t have experienced it in a way that was so intricate or detailed until she applied it to the relationship she has with her own daughter.

I didn’t loose my mother, but I did loose a brother. Zeb was diagnosed when he was 3 years old. He had Leukemia. He died when he was about to turn 7 and I was 9. We were very close. I grieved the loss of my little brother, the baby of our family, my best friend. I had closure though. I knew he was in Heaven, and the way that I missed him evolved over time.

Then I became a mother. Sigh. Motherhood changes everything doesn’t it? And much in the way of these two authors who saw their mothers in a different light after having kids, I did as well. I understood now the price that she paid, willingly and lovingly, to raise her four children. I also felt like I had a new understanding, although I could never know completely, about what she went through with my little brother Zeb. I hesitate to say that it opens up a wound, but the good news is that God is gracious and merciful and that His presence is a balm for these feelings. He can soothe even the deepest abrasions.

You see, I lost a brother and that was tough. I cherish the memories I have of him. However, I pray that I will never know what it is like to loose a son. As a young girl I had NO idea what my parents went through. Looking back at it with my new perspective as a mom I have to grieve all over again. Every once in a while I will hear stories about that time in our life. I treasure these stories. It’s a part of my life and I want to know everything there is to know about my brother Zeb. I take it all in. Even the hard stuff. It might be stories about his treatment, the chemo, and bone marrow transplant. Or pictures of how young my mother was when she had to endure all this at the age I am now. Or just the look in her eyes when she talks about it. The wholeness and peace that comes from above, along with the empty space that never goes away. And you never want it to.

It’s been 23 years and she does cry every once in a while. Now that I am a mom I totally get that. I am sure she’s crying right now reading this (I am too). It’s weird the way life imprints dates, ages, places on your heart so that you can’t go pass them without tripping a wire. I am sure all of us have those times that serve as a memorial. For me, I think of my mom when my children (especially my oldest son) turn 3 and then 7. Z is seven now actually, and there was one night in particular, after putting him to bed and watching him drift to sleep, I just had to weep over the thought of what that would be like to lose him. I certainly don’t want all this to come across as an obsessive state of hopelessness and depression. It’s quite the contrary. On the occasion that these memories do arise I am reminded of the Savior’s sacrifice. I am reminded of the promise and the hope that we have through Christ. It’s also like rereading the living testament that my parents walk out daily as they prove the redeeming and powerful love of God in the midst of the storms. Lastly, I am honoring a precious little boy’s legacy.

As I read Lisa Jo Baker’s words and saw the healing that was evident through the pain. I also saw that at work in my own life and I am sure it can be true for you as well. We all experience different forms of loss and grief, and the way we grieve is as diverse as each one of us.

To bring this back to becoming a mom and seeing our moms in a new light I would like to share this little quote from Glitter and Glue,

“And it occurs to me that maybe the reason my mother was so exhausted all the time wasn’t because she was doing so much but because she was feeling so much.”


I don’t like to describe myself as exhausted, but if it looks like I am I can attest that this would be why. As these authors have described being a mother means feeling deeply. It’s braving the unknown only to feel your way through it. It’s not always easy, but of course it’s worth it.  

By |2015-05-18T04:22:53+00:00January 17, 2015|Motherhood, My Life, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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1,2,3,4 I Declare a Nerf War

Baby it’s cold outside. I don’t know about where you live, but it’s 12 degrees out right now in the Cincinnati area and that’s warm compared to what it’s been. Twice this week my children have had  school delays because of ice and dangerously cold temps. So we haven’t had too much outdoor activity lately. However, all three kids got nerf guns for Christmas and J had the brilliant idea to facilitate a nerf gun challenge in our little apartment on Wednesday night. 
Here he is explaining the rules and the point system to the family. 

Z and J are notorious for sticking out their tongues when they concentrate.

SJ had the chance to do archery once and she loved it as well as the nerf gun. She is quite the marksman or markswoman? 

Ezie did okay with assistance for the first game, but by the second round he was disqualified. 

That’s right SJ, you may want to take cover, mama’s got a loaded nerf gun. 

Lastly, there is this photo. Out of dozens of shots, the bullseye was hit only one time and one time only. Who could the skillful participant be that victoriously earned the number one spot that evening? 
ME!? That’s right, I pretty much got lucky. That’s really the only explanation, but I did win, at least the first game. Thank you. Yes, thank you. I appreciate all the congratulatory remarks. 
Now then, if this looks like your idea of family entertainment then here are a few details of what worked for us.
In the past we bought really cheap guns from big lots. They worked fine, but they are not as powerful nor do they hold up as well. 
This time we used Nerf Fire Blasters along with the Nerf N Strike suction cup dart refill pack. They hit so hard that we had to back up to the furthest corner of our apartment to make it work. That means you will need to allow for 20 feet of distance in the area you want to play. If your suction darts don’t stick at first keep trying and give them a chance to break in. Ours worked better the second time we played.
The target was drawn on a window with liquid chalk erasable marker. 
The points system was 
1 point if your gun hits the window at all
  5 points if it sticks. 
The big points come in if you actually get it within the target. 

Everyone got 5 darts per turn and then we played for 5 rounds each. 25 chances total, and the person withe most points at the end wins.

Judging from our experience I would recommend the game for ages 5 and up.

So that was our little nerf tournament and we really did have the best time. I know they are all anxious to play again.

How are you holding up this winter? Anyone have cabin fever yet? 

By |2015-05-18T04:23:23+00:00January 9, 2015|Creativity, Family, Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|7 Comments
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Where Did You Meet Your Spouse?

Today is my anniversary (by the time I finally publish this it will be “yesterday was my anniversary”). I thought it would be fun to take a poll about where my friends met their spouses, and to put a spin on it what would it be like if they got married at that same location? *The online conversation really took off and I got nearly 100 responses between Instagram, a blogger forum, and Facebook.

The thing is, now I want to hear a hundred more details because I have always said I am a sucker for love stories. I actually have a few that I am going to tuck away for a Where Did You Meet Your Spouse? Part II blog post because they are just too good not to elaborate on. Trust me!

Here is the question:

If you got married in the exact place that you first met your spouse where would that be?

And here are some of the answers:


On a football field sideline


A bar (she was the bartender by the way) 


At the mall on Black Friday


Sand volleyball courts


A Fish Camp


U-Scan at Kroger


The Bus Station Downtown


9th Grade English Class


J Crew


“In the cafeteria of my university in Thailand. My husband (from Oregon) was part of Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ)’s summer project group.” 

That’s just a handful, but there were plenty of people from my poll that had met at college, someone’s house (through friends), or at church. It’s not so much about WHERE you met your spouse it’s HOW you met your spouse that tells the story. For example I noticed a lot of people put the airport. Now before all you single ladies get gussied up and head to terminal E I should explain that a lot of this is because of online dating. More people are falling in love across the county and not even meeting in person until they travel to do so. I also noticed a lot of people had really interesting answers like the food court at the mall, but it wasn’t due to a pick up line by a stranger, it was a chance meeting through mutual friends. This got me thinking.

What is the most common way married couples find one another?

After doing a little research, it looks like my personal poll mirrored the population pretty well. Some reports that I read were conflicting, but it is pretty certain that work/school is number one, with connecting online shortly behind it. Can you believe that 1/4 of couples initially meet on the web these days! All of the studies I read also show meeting through mutual friends being up there as one of the highest ranking ways to find “the one”. Friends introducing friends is one form of match making that has stayed constant through the years, unlike many trends that have fluctuated with cultural changes.

For example in what we’ll call “the old days” more people were set up through their family members. These days families usually have little to no involvement. In the old days people married younger (and were possibly more commitment minded, but that’s just my speculation) so high school or even elementary school were not uncommon places to meet your future mate. In the old days no one met at work, because women didn’t work, but that all changed as more women went into the workforce. Your job increasingly became one of the number one ways to meet your husband or wife up until the 90’s when it started to decline for the first time and meeting on the web began to surface. Online dating now trumps work place relationships by far. Makes sense to me. I am sure it’s less awkward for everyone if you can avoid having to work with exes.

One of the most interesting findings I came across was from Time.com in an article by Laura Blue called “How Couples Meet” it ends with a  statement that caught me off guard coming from a secular magazine, it said:

“But does it really matter how couples meet? Yes and no, the survey suggests. The happiest couples, it seems, are those who met through church. These partners report the highest overall relationship satisfaction.” 

That’s good news for me since I did meet my husband at church. It happened when I was a young teenager whose family had to relocate thanks to my dad’s job. I was new at this church and it just so happened that J had taken a part time position as the new worship leader at the same church. As a young college student J was much older than me. So it wasn’t like we instantly fell for each other at, but the first time I saw him he was at the alter leading the congregation in songs to the Lord. After church my family invited him to have lunch with us.


This was about 16 years ago when we were “just friends” Note the overalls when they were trendy the first time!

We became good friends and did eventually fall in love of course. A couple years later we were married at that same church.


Here is a photoshopped version of a really scratched up scanned photo from our wedding day.

It wasn’t the most glamorous location. Seriously, it was an old metal building on the side of the highway under a giant billboard for Schlitterbahn water park. I never realized it until today, but our ceremony 14 years ago was almost a symbolic reenactment of the first day I ever laid eyes on him. Me at the back of the church walking down the aisle seeing him up at the alter. It was special.

One of the things I have really enjoyed about reading everyone’s answers  to that question I posted online today is that you could just tell by the way people responded that everyone was reliving that life changing moment. Sometimes it’s nice to reminisce, and today I have enjoyed doing it with all of you. So, thank you to everyone who helped me out with this little whim of a project. Or for my married friends that didn’t have a chance to answer feel free to share your story in the comments. I’d love to hear it. You know how I feel about love stories!

By |2017-01-04T12:25:58+00:00November 5, 2014|Marriage, Uncategorized|15 Comments
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Be There

I don’t know about you but I’ve had a lot of teachable moments in the past 31 days and I’m sure my children can say the same. In a lot of ways I feel like I’ve failed miserably practicing what I preach this month. I don’t know if that’s because I’ve been focusing on it so much that I’ve made myself over think it, or maybe I’m just noticing it more because I’ve been writing about it. One thing is for sure though the enemy loves to tear us down and make us feel like we’re not good enough. I’ve had several people from friends, to my own husband and my mother tell me (in reference to this series) how they feel like they are not parenting the right way or that they didn’t do things the right way when they had a chance. 

That is not the result I was going for when I set out to write about Teachable Parenting. And this is what I would like to say to everyone that is reading this: 

Stop beating yourself up. I am talking to you. You, wiping your child’s nose. You doing the dishes. You getting disapproval from others because you let your child sleep with you, and you getting disapproval from your child because you won’t let them sleep with you. You who are late to get your child to soccer, and you who feels bad that you can’t afford soccer. To the bottle feeders, and the breast feeders, the loud mom, the mean mom, the Pinterest mom, and the laid back mom. 

You are enough. 

Please be encouraged. You are doing an amazing job. Your sacrifice is meaningful. You are capable and equipped. You are chosen. You are qualified. You can do this. 

To sum it all up I’d like to leave you with some advice from a young man who spent most of his life in prison. I met Brandon Young this past Sunday when a ministry group called Hope Royale came my church. The men were different ages and had different backgrounds, but their commonality was that they had all spent a good deal of time in jail and now have come to a place of restoration with powerful testimonies to share about their journeys. At the end of the service a panel was opened up for question-and-answer time. We were all encouraged to ask them anything we wanted. It could be about drugs, alcohol, jail, suicide attempts, anything. I hesitated because this was a big group and we had to speak into the microphone, but then I thought why not, this is a great opportunity for me. So I stood up and I briefly mentioned the project I’m working on about parenting and my question was “What advice would you have for parents? What one thing would you say to help them steer their children away from such hardships? Brandon looked me in the eye and he just simply said, 


Be There.

As he paused my eyes began to well up with tears with the gravity and complexity of the statement. He expounded just a little bit by saying “My parents weren’t perfect, but they weren’t even there. Just be there for your kids.” I thought it was interesting this 24 year old young man would say he didn’t need perfect parents. He just needed parents that were there for him. 

I’d like to repeat what I said that the father shared with his daughter at her 16th  birthday which is that no matter where she finds herself he will be there for her. Just like Christ promises us, just like the prodigal son. Hopefully our children don’t have to go through all these dark struggles that we so strongly want to keep them away from, and there are things we can do to help them for sure. Of course  listening is important, chores are important, our words are important, our actions are important, but after 31 days and tons of tips telling you what I’ve learned about Teachable Parenting I’d like to leave you with one simple piece of advice from my new friend Brandon. 

Just be there for your kids.

 Be There.

This is the end of a 31 day series. For the rest of Teachable parenting click HERE.
By |2015-05-18T04:42:43+00:00October 31, 2014|Motherhood, Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|8 Comments
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