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Freedom From Parenting Guilt
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Freedom From Parenting Guilt

Family, Motherhood, Parenting Tips

Freedom From Parenting Guilt

Like most parents I fear that I fall short with my children. I worry that I don’t have what it takes as a mom and that I could possibly ruin my one shot at this child rearing thing. It’s not a constant thought, but it’s this lingering insecurity. I used to love to listen to a pastor named Miles Welch, who had a podcast for college students. I was way too married and grown up for the topics be applicable to me, but I tuned in anyway and I am glad I did. One day I was sweeping the kitchen while casually listening to the Q&A session on the podcast* when there was a question from a young man asking how he could forgive his dad who was responsible for breaking up the family with a divorce. What Miles had to say in response pretty much jumped out of iTunes and punched me in the gut (in a good way).

He said

“You know, that is a hard question. At some point I was really disgruntled by my parents. I had to learn to accept them for who they were – limited and faulted. You can’t put too much
hope in humanity, we are flawed, fallen people. Now there’s hope in Christ, but we shouldn’t have an idealistic view of humanity. We place too much hope in what a person can be. I used to be really angry that my parents left a mark on my soul. Now that I am a parent I know that every parent leaves a mark on a soul. I am going to for my daughter and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel like I can protect my child from Hollywood. I can protect my child from crazy teachers, and soccer coaches. I can protect my child from anybody but me, because I will leave a mark, and I am a broken person, and as hard as I try I will fail her and she will have to learn to forgive me. She was wired to have a perfect father, and she has me instead.”

I almost dropped my broom in the kitchen when I heard that and it’s stuck with me for all these years. My children are wired for a perfect father and I can’t meet that need and I am not supposed to be expected to. It was in that moment that the weight of the world fell off of my shoulders and Christ set me free from that guilt and insecurity. I was
wanting to be God to my children. Now don’t get me wrong I want to show Christ to them every moment that I breathe 24/7, but the fact of the matter is I mess up time and time again. The further along I go on this parenting journey I can see how it is actually helpful for my kids to see my weakness, to see me grappling with reality. That way some day they can see that even though I often struggled as a mother and wife, God’s grace was/is sufficient for me. Maybe they will learn that God is who they need to ultimately fulfill them not a parent, friend, or spouse. I pray that it teaches them about forgiveness and that they will truly embrace the grace of God that is there for them as well.

This is post was originally published October 6th, 2014 as part of a 31 Day Series.

The quote was taken from * Miles Welch, 12 Stone podcast- Marriage and Divorce episode #76 June 28, 2011

By Natalie|2015-09-14T13:38:06+00:00September 14, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Parenting Tips|12 Comments

Books and Toys for 8 Year Old Boys

As you may have noticed I have been in birthday mode and that is what sparked the idea for a list of gift ideas, but even if there are no children’s birthdays coming up for you in the next few months Christmas is right around the corner (only 104 days to go).

Keep in mind that although these are things my 8 year old boy loves, the age and gender is definitely not limited to that. I hope that these gift ideas are an inspiration for shopping for kids in general!

Snap Circuit Kit

This kit is AWESOME. Z got his for Christmas a couple years ago. Children can build real electronic gadgets by following the instructions and snapping the pieces into place. You can make a fan that flies up into the air, an alarm, a voice recorder and dozens of other fun games and electronic projects. There are several different kits varying in skill level and price range. This is the one that Z has. He still needs an adult’s help when he plays with it, but it has been a wonderful activity for him and his dad to bond over.

Razor scooter

Z got his Razor last year for his 7th birthday. Since then we have searched Craig’s list, yard sales, and thrift stores to get one for each family member (except Ezie, he has a three wheeled scooter because he is still too little). The recommended age is 5 and up. The handle height adjusts and the scooter can fold up and fit in a small places. You can easily throw them in a car trunk or closet. Anyway the Razor is a lot of fun. Even J and I enjoy riding them and we’re in our 30’s!

Encyclopedia Brown

Z just happened to find one of these books at a thrift store recently and since then I have been telling everyone about them. I was late to the party on this successful series (the first book was published in 1963 and the last one was 2012). The books are so cool because each chapter is a mystery that Encyclopedia Brown solves, but they don’t tell you what the conclusion is! You have to see if you can figure it out for yourself and then you can look up the answers in the back. The stories are tons of fun and anything that encourages boys to read I am all for! It would be a great read for families to do together for ages 8 and up.

The Day the Crayons Quit

This one is really intended for children under 8, but similar to many other children’s books it can be appreciated at any age. All three of my kids were laughing out loud and loving this story from beginning to end. They request it almost every night. Not to brag, but I am known to do a variety of dramatic voices when I read out loud and this book presents many “colorful” characters to really get crazy with. I will admit though, one of the reasons my kids love the book is because the crayons are so sassy, so you might want to review the story ahead of time to make sure you feel it’s appropriate for your situation.

Legos

I don’t think I need to go into a detail about why legos are so great. Most boys at this age love legos and Z is one of them. That’s that.

Nerf Gun

Just like with Legos the Nerf brand is a childhood classic. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but Nerf is another one of those toys that J and I seem to enjoy as much as the kids and we may or may not have had Nerf wars with each other. Check out this post about how to do your own target dart game.

Science Kit

My 8 year old boy loves video games and screen time of all kind. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that to a degree, but I try to encourage other forms of play and more intellectually stimulating activities. He loves doing hands on science experiments and for his birthday this year he got his second science kit. Both of them have been a HUGE hit.

The World According to Humphrey Hamster

This is a book that his class started reading this year. It’s actually a series and Z has fallen in love with it. It’s written from the view point of the classroom hamster. Again, anything that gets boys reading I am going to shout from the roof tops so that’s why I am sharing this book. It might be a little advanced for an 8 year old, but that’s probably a good starting point, especially to read aloud to them.

All of the items on the list have been owned and tested by my child/children and approved by me! Not to mention I compared them with other lists online and it only confirmed that these are very popular interests so it’s not just my wacky family that likes this stuff (which could totally happen). I did link to Amazon for more info and I am an Amazon affiliate, but these products should not be difficult to find at any local toy/book store.

By Natalie|2015-09-11T11:16:49+00:00September 11, 2015|Parenting Tips, Schooling|2 Comments

A Homemade Birthday

We just wrapped up Z’s 8th birthday party and I want to talk a little about my battle to be balanced when it comes to my party planning obsession.

For some of you the thought of having to tone down party plans sounds ridiculous. It would be like me wanting to ensure I don’t make an idol out of my exercise routine. I don’t have an exercise routine. In other words it is NOT an issue.

However, I know some of you party mamas are out there.

People think we’re crazy or that we are spending too much time on Pinterest, but there are tons of people that had creative party juices brewing and served up long before Pinterest ever existed. The internet just gives everything more of a platform.

Either way, with bigger and more elaborate birthday trends on the rise here are seven ways I keep myself in check when it comes to my children’s birthday parties.

1. I Don’t Have Do a Theme Party Every Year

Green Eggs and Ham Party

Last year SJ had a theme party, but my sons didn’t.
The year before that she didn’t, but they did.
The year before that she did, but Z didn’t and Ezie wasn’t born yet…

So I try to keep it at every other year. That doesn’t mean we don’t have a little cake, or hit Chuck E. Cheese on the off years. They are definitely celebrated, but because I know I like to go all in with the DIY birthday parties I try to spread them out a bit to avoid turning into a party momzilla.

2. It’s Our Thing

One Happy Camper Party

I touched on this before when I wrote “A Tale of Two Parties“. A lot of people think that cutesy “pinteresty” birthday parties are just adding more fuel to the fire of an already entitled generation.

I can see the danger there for parents that feel like they have to keep up with the Jone’s or satisfy their child’s every whim, but in that case there is a much deeper issue at hand than birthday details. That’s not what birthday parties are about for me. No parent can or should do it all, but if parties are your thing then ignore the haters and party on.

3. I use what I have and borrow as much as I can

Tea Party

I am all about shopping clearance, thrift stores, and online specials. Even then party supplies can add up. So one thing I try to do is ask for help. Instead of renting a place I have the party at a friend’s house. Before I go buy more decorations I ask around to people I know already used toulling at their baby shower, or someone I know had a green table cloth, or princess costumes. You get the idea.

4. I LOVE Crafts

One big tradition I have is homemade pinatas. This is something I remember doing as a child (although it was just a round balloon back then) and I enjoyed it. I also love making crafts like these goody bags that I did for the Super Hero Party and I did something similar for the One Happy Camper party.

Super Hero Party

I have to start planning quite a bit in advance, but as long as I’ve carved out enough time then these things are fun for me. They are not this taxing demanding projects that leave me cursing in the early morning hours. IF you don’t enjoy it then DON’T do it, but if you do then I say go for it. It’s really that simple.

5. I Keep the guest lists SMALL

Donut Party

I know this one isn’t easy for everybody, because some of you have a hundred relatives and you might end up estranged from the family if you don’t invite every single one and I know that it’s difficult with children that are school age and you have classroom protocol. Sometimes you have to do either one or the other though. If the guest list is small the cost per head can be higher while still keeping the over all cost down.

6. I Communicate With My Family

Cupcake Party

I love throwing parties, but it’s not all about me. I have to be communicating with my husband to make sure what I’m doing isn’t too much for our family and our schedule. I also have to communicate with the birthday boy/girl. My children have let me pick out all of their themes up to this point, but if they start having more of an opinion that’s totally fine!

7. I TRY not to be a perfectionist (I try)

Veggie Tales Party

Things don’t always never go as planned. Read this previous post about “when your pinterest idea flies out the window ” and you’ll see what I mean. Remember it’s just a party, and what really matters is the guest of honor whom you are celebrating.

Those are the seven ways I try not to go too overboard on birthday plans. Are you a big party planner, or does the idea of it make you dread birthday months? Feel free to share your own sanity saving party tips.

By Natalie|2022-03-16T14:45:45+00:00September 10, 2015|Creativity, Parties|1 Comment

Broken Jewelry Decor

I’m all about birthdays this week. Remember the tea party from last March?

I do and I will never forget it and how special it was!

One of the things I shared when I blogged about the decor was this simple wooden letter S. It was a nice little addition to the party theme, but unlike the piñata and the desserts that I talked about yesterday this is a piece of art that we get to keep!

I have a cute story about this S that has traveled to a new place in our home. SJ got her own room yesterday. We were waiting to find out the gender of the baby to decide how to split the rooms up in the new house. Then when we learned we are having a girl we still had a bunch of boxes in the room to unpack. Finally we got the room straightened out when my in laws came to visit this past weekend. That was the motivation we needed to set up a bed in there. After they left yesterday SJ moved in. We still haven’t really moved any of her stuff, but she wasted no time getting her toys, a photo of herself, and this letter S.

She is so proud of the new room. I would share pics, but I don’t have any since at this point it is really not much to look at. The thing that cracked me up was the moment she got home from school and started setting up camp in her new room I overheard her yell “Ezie get out my room!!!” It was the first thing she said, almost immediately after she claimed that territory. Ahhh, siblings.

She slept through the night in there all by herself which is saying a lot because she is 5 1/2 and she has never been in a room by herself. Her and her brother have shared since day one.

Anyway, I bring all this up because that lovely letter S that she cherishes so much was a super easy DIY project and you can make one too! All you need is a wooden letter, some old jewelry, hot glue, and some fabric. The whole tutorial is over at Little Dove Creations today! Stop by Little Dove Creations to see all the details.

By Natalie|2015-09-09T23:45:32+00:00September 9, 2015|Crafts, Parties|1 Comment

A Homemade Birthday

I wasn’t going to do anything major this year for Z’s birthday because of the baby on the way and all that. So I kept his party pretty low key… kind of. I mean, I didn’t have a theme so that should be proof that I did use some restraint! I did however get a bit crafty with certain aspects of the party and I think it went really well. Z was so happy and his reaction to all of the surprises that I made for him was totally worth the effort!

He said his favorite part was the piñata.

This is the third Piñata I have made for his birthday and it was pretty simple because it was just a box made to look like a Minecraft Creeper. Everything in Minecraft is made up of pixels so cutting tissue paper out in squares may have been tedious, but the design was very basic.

Everyone got a turn to whack and smack the creeper with a plastic bat.

Even after all the candy flew out they continued to play with it and the boys got to be boys as they tore the Minecraft enemy to bits. They made it look so fun I thought I might need to take up piñata fighting as a hobby.

The funny thing is all of my “art work” for the party are things that are meant to be devoured or destroyed, but I don’t mind. I prefer to get a picture before hand, but I am totally cool with how temporary it all is. The memories are what last.

Z also had a big cake with Mario popping out of the top.

I cheated with this cake because I bought the chocolate fudge cake pre made from Kroger and then just made a confetti bunt cake and stacked it on top. I covered the whole thing with store bought chocolate frosting and stuck Mario in the middle of the bundt cake. It was far from pretty or perfect, but Z loved it. The kids ate the bundt cake in a matter of minutes and our family has been snacking on the leftover fudge cake which everyone agrees is capital D-licious. I definitely considered this cake a success!

Lastly, Z really loves fruit pizza and we have had some fun creations in the past, so I knew I wanted celebrate this occasion by making one of his favorite characters out of fruit.

Emmet from the Lego movie was a natural choice. Z loves Legos and it’s kind of like the Minecraft character because when you are working with things made from cubes (or Lego bricks in this case) the shapes are way easier to replicate than with something found in nature. The fruit pizza was not only super fun to make and to surprise Z with, but it really is so yummy! Seriously, everyone always goes on and on about how amazing these simple sugar cookie fruit creations taste. I have the recipe here.

So that was pretty much the party other than lots of food and 14 children ages 1-8 running around slipping and sliding for two hours. It was a perfectly chaotic, wild, and messy time. I love having some family traditions like these. Casual, frugal, homemade fun. Next up Ezie’s birthday!

By Natalie|2015-09-08T22:06:07+00:00September 8, 2015|Crafts, Creativity, Parties, Projects, Uncategorized|2 Comments

My #1 Son

There really isn’t anything significant about turning 8 and yet somehow Z is changing so much all of the sudden! It really snuck up on me, but I first noticed it when I did my run down of asking each of the kids to go potty before we let the house and Z requested that I NOT use the word potty with him. He says it’s embarrassing. Since then I have caught myself several times, but I am working on it.

We were at Ikea recently. J and I have always waited with great anticipation for each one of our children to be tall enough to get into small land. This last time as Z stood in front of the height marker I noticed that he is closer to being TOO TALL to get in than he is to being to small. When did that happen?

This photo is from last year when he turned 7.

Similarly, I asked him to pull up a stool to help with dishes the other night and he informed me he didn’t need a stool. I honestly did not believe him. I figured he’d be reaching on his tippy toes, but nope. He can stand at the sink and wash dishes perfectly fine without a stool.

There are tons of little things like this. For example I am glad Carter’s offers size eight now but this is a recent extension of their children’s selection. There are lots of stores that lump the size 8 in with the preteen clothes. So even shopping has made me realize what a big boy he is.

He’s still a young though and he is not afraid to hold hands, which melts my heart. Holding my child’s hand has got to be one of my favorite parts of being a mom. Physical touch isn’t my love language so I am a little surprised at how much warmth and connection I feel with this small gesture. Even just walking across the parking lot (when they aren’t trying to pry away and dart off) holding hands is the best feeling in the world. At the end of the last school year we were walking on the sidewalk holding hands and I asked him if he would still hold my hand in 2nd grade and he said “Yes. I will hold your hand in all the grades”. I know that’s not true, that would be weird. It was still sweet to hear along with seeing drawings like this

or school papers like this

or a Lite-Brite with these words.

Or notes in my pocket like this

He was the one that started me on this motherhood assignment. I call him my #1 son. He knows what I mean by that. It doesn’t mean he is above all the rest, but he was the first. I know he often feels slighted due to his siblings getting more attention at times and I remind him of the special place he has in my heart as my #1 son. I feel exceedingly blessed to have this precious boy in my life.
Happy 8th birthday Z.

By Natalie|2015-09-04T00:02:00+00:00September 4, 2015|Motherhood, My Life|5 Comments

Thoughts From My 7 Year Old

Tomorrow Z turns 8. This will be the last time I do a post about the funny things he said through the year. He’s getting so mature I don’t want to embarrass him when he is in 3rd grade and says things that I think are cute. It’s still fun to look back though. If you haven’t seen my previous posts about the funny things Z says they are a must read.

Four Year Old Funnies

Laugh Out Loud Conversations with Z

and

That’s What Z Said

First off how precious is this “Valentime’s Day Cards, Box of Love”?

I love the way children have such a unique way of looking at things. When my computer went black Z panicked and I told him not to worry and explained that it just went into sleep mode. Then the screen saver slideshow popped up which was pictures of polar bears, hummingbirds, and pretty nature scenes and Z said “so is then is that what the computer is dreaming?” Such a cute way to think of it.

I think we’ve all asked this question, but one night while laying in bed Z asked why does most of the stuff in America say Made in China?

If you know anything about Minecraft you will know why this was such a thoughtful card to make for your best bud’s birthday.

Z created a very sincere colorful heart felt card for when his grandpa was having surgery with the words “I hope you live” written on the front. I was careful with my response, but I made him redo it.

I asked Z a bunch of questions that I saw online and one was “What was your mom like as a child?” His answer was “I have no idea. I wasn’t around in 1966”. For the record I was born in ’82!

Z posted these signs on his door one day it says “Welcome to fun land. You can do whatever you want. Knock if you hear playing please!” I don’t know about the do whatever you want, but at least he said please.

Another creative project from the little dude was when he made “snail shells” out of reusable bags for himself and his siblings.

I know there were a ton of other moments I could have photographed or written down, but sometimes you just take life’s moment in the moment and enjoy it as it passes. I have been pretty emotional about this milestone for Z (probably pregnancy hormones). But I’ll save all the mushy stuff for tomorrow. I still have one more day with my seven year old.

By Natalie|2015-09-03T14:17:01+00:00September 3, 2015|Family, My Life, Uncategorized|2 Comments

Goodbye 2nd Trimester

I was explaining to the kids that I was in the last trimester or the final third of my pregnancy. I said “It’s like if you were running 3 laps, we already ran two of them! Only one lap out of three left to go!” Z responded in a total serious tone, not being sarcastic at all “Yeah, but it’s more like we walked.”

Okay, fine. So maybe I didn’t sprint through the first two trimesters, but I really can’t complain about this pregnancy so far. I’ve had some rough moments, but I am grateful about how uneventful it’s been for the most part.

Looking back at the past three months there have been some really great memories.

Of course we found out that we are having a GIRL!

The gender reveal painting was so special and memorable, I can’t thank my brother enough for making this video possible! I will cherish it forever!

We also did our annual dress like a cow tradition for Chick-fil-A cow appreciation day. This was my second year to be a pregnant cow. The last time was with Ezie 3 years ago. I was just one month further along then.

I know I am such a nerd, but one of the first things I got excited about after finding out we were having a girl was knowing next year she would get to wear SJ’s little Baby Gap cow overall dress for cow appreciation day.

Our little trip to Michigan was also a very memorable part of the pregnancy

and lastly, this past weekend we did the Color Dash Bubble Bash 5K and had the best time.

We did run part of the race, but I’ll admit I am not in running shape! That might be what Z was referring to when he said we walked 2 laps. I am still proud of myself for staying active all summer even if I’m not a runner.

The funny thing was when we got home I realized my belly (and ONLY my belly) had been stained blue! Of course it washed off, but it definitely caught me off guard because that did not happen last year.

As far as all the little prego details, my glucose tests came back with good results, other than the anemia. My SPD actually hasn’t been bad at all, so thank the Lord for that. I am starting to feel the acid reflux increase. Last night I went ahead and took one of J’s antacids for the first time because it felt so yucky and the chewable definitely helped. I crave ice the most, but anything crunchy hits the spot- baby carrots, rice krispie treats, ice cream cones, cashews. These are not things I normally eat!

Everyone wants to know about the baby name and I am going to be a meanie and make you all wait. This is by far the longest we have ever gone without knowing the baby’s name. We are on the brink of finalizing it! In fact we talked about it yesterday, but I was on my way out the door and I said “Well, I am definitely not ready to make it official right now when I’m in a hurry, but that sounds good”. At this point I think we will wait until the birth, but maybe not.

As you can see by the pictures we are all in love with her already and even though I am not ready for her to be here I am awaiting the day with great anticipation.

We get to tour the birth center and have an orientation in two weeks! It’s all starting to get real and I couldn’t be happier!

By Natalie|2015-09-02T11:54:01+00:00September 2, 2015|Pregnancy & Birth|6 Comments

Keep Your Kids Inside When Mowing the Lawn

Yesterday I mentioned Jude in my post about having a special needs child.

While Jude has always been special, adorable, and loads of fun he wasn’t born with any disabilities or particular medical issues. However, just over a year ago he lost part of his legs due to a tragic lawn mower accident. I will never forget the day I got the message from my friend Jen last summer. J and I have been friends with this couple for almost 10 years now. Jen even contributed to the Messy Mom blog during my Lots of Hope in a Little Home series by allowing us to peak into her house and catch a glimpse of some of the brilliant strategies she uses to homeschool in a small space.

This was one of the photos posted on my blog. That’s Jude on the far left. Now they have FIVE kids.

As I said yesterday, there are so many ways that I can relate to their story. I learned that SJ was deaf just after I had discovered that I was pregnant. When her surgery was scheduled I wasn’t sure if I was going to go into labor! Luckily, Ezie came early. Weeks later SJ got her first cochlear implant. The hospital gave us a little wagon for Ezie to sleep in so that he could stay with us in the hospital room after her surgery.

When Jude had to have his surgery very soon after the incident Jen was VERY pregnant. She even had to switch the hospital that she had originally planned to give birth at so that she could be at the same hospital as Jude. Their story really is a miraculous one. I won’t go into details because she has graciously agreed to do a guest post sometime which would be awesome! This whole family just radiates the love of Christ and their story has impacted so many already!

In fact they traveled across the country not that long ago to be a part of a campaign called Limbs Matter which raises awareness about lawn mower safety.

First of all, the local news station did a really great story last year with a follow up this year and I definitely encourage you to watch the clip.

Also, here is a video from the public service announcement they were a part of. It explains what Limbs Matter is all about.

The message is clear and simple “Keep your kids inside when mowing the lawn”. These kinds of irreversible incidents happen on a DAILY basis. I love Greg’s (Jude’s dad) message that he shared along with this video on Facebook

“Here it is.. Please share this friends! Had you asked me the day before our accident if I would ever back up over one of my children with the mower I might’ve chuckled at you and said, “Of course not I’m safe!” Well here we are with a double amputee. It can and does happen. I’m not a fear monger but I do hope to get the stats of these accidents going in the opposite direction.”

By the way Greg is the one with glasses at the end and you can probably recognize Jude from the shoes.

Greg is totally right. They are not fear driven people. They are also really responsible and cautious. Knowing this family on a close personal level I can say that it could happen to anyone. Accidents can and will happen, but as these families have conveyed if they help one child or one family not to go through this then it’s totally worth it. So spread the word about Limbs Matter. Share the videos and go like their Facebook page.

I am so proud of Greg, Jen, Jude and their whole beautiful family. Jude is such a fighter. He really does NOT quit and he is so strong and active. I can’t wait to see what he accomplishes next!

By Natalie|2015-09-01T14:28:18+00:00September 1, 2015|Parenting Tips, Special Needs|2 Comments

Living in Holland (Thoughts From a Special Needs Mom)

If you have a child diagnosed with some form of special needs then you have probably come across the “Welcome To Holland” essay by Emily Perl Kingsley. Basically it compares the shock of finding out your child has a disability to the feelings you would have if you planned a trip to Italy, but landed in Holland. The idea behind the whole analogy is that Holland isn’t BAD it’s just different and may take time to readjust your original plans and learn your way around.

The comparison applies to my situation well. I thought I was raising a perfectly “normal” (for lack of a better word) child the first two years of her life before I learned that SJ was deaf. I was speaking Italian, bought all the guide books for Italy, and really believed I was in Italy until that point which I consider my crash landing in Holland.

I have known about SJ’s hearing loss for 3 years now. The 2 1/2 year mark was a significant threshold for me because at that point I knew that my daughter was deaf longer than I knew her as (I thought) a hearing child.

It really does get easier. I have an appreciation for Holland. I’ve met lots of new friends here and learned so much. I’ve got the Holland guide books and maps now. I might as well have a tshirt and bumper sticker declaring my loyalty to Holland! There are moments though. There are moments you remember this wasn’t your original destination. I am being candid because I know I am not the only special needs mom going through this.

For example I have never babied or coddled SJ for her disability. She can truly accomplish anything she wants to do. She has been learning to swim this summer and let me tell you she is a champ. She fearlessly tackles this mission with great passion and fervency. She does so without the use of her cochlear implants so she is completely without hearing the whole time. I try to sit by the pool for a little break and she will tug on me and sign “Practice! Practice! Mom, practice.” I see her going after it with all she’s got and when she comes up for air with the splashes of water blurring her vision I scream “Good job. Take a breath. KICK! KICK! KICK! You’ve got this!” but I know she can’t hear me. She can’t even read my lips or see me with the conditions that we are working with in that moment and I have felt helpless. Similarly, when my three kids are going to sleep (they share a room for now) I lie there in the dark with them for a while and Ezie says he wants to pray. After he finishes he wants his sister to take a turn. I tell him SJ can’t hear us right now because she doesn’t have her implants. If it were light it would be different because she reads lips so well, and with her implants she is just communicating non stop, but the next night we went through the same thing and Ezie said SJ needed to get her implants. He’s two and just starting to verbalize more himself, so it’s kind of heart breaking to hear him process all of it for the first time. Add to some of these emotions that SJ is starting kindergarten and she can’t go to the same school or have the same opportunities as her brother and it’s just another layer of Oh yeah, I was supposed to be in Italy.

I know I shouldn’t feel guilty sharing some of these stories, but I do because we are so blessed and I love SJ exactly as she is. We are to the point now that if I try to think of what life would be like if she weren’t deaf I absolutely can’t wrap my brain around it because it’s a part of who she is. It’s like trying to picture what she would be like if she had been a boy. That’s just not who she is and I don’t want to change a thing.

As far as the little bumps in the road, we can purchase special gear that she can wear in the water to swim with her cochlear implants on. We can make sure everyone takes a turn praying in bed before SJ takes her implants off. She goes to a phenomenal school, and will have tons of wonderful experiences this year in Kindergarten. These are really minor things, but as in the Holland analogy it’s different and it takes some getting used to.

I have a friend whose son just crossed the one year mark of being a double amputee and that family has the most incredible testimony.

I have loved cheering them along as I have watched all that their little man has achieved and I can’t wait to see what comes next. They have a caring bridge site where they post updates about Jude’s progress. Reading some of their experience has been like reliving my own. Even though SJ has artificial hearing and Jude has artificial legs there are just TONS of similarities.

I don’t know it all (that’s for sure) but since I feel like I am a couple years ahead on this journey I shared with my friend what I have come to realize after being thrown into the world of special needs parenting. I wanted to encourage her that just because it’s been a year doesn’t mean that you should be completely adjusted and move on. It’s been 3 years since SJ’s diagnosis and we are still in the transition stage. I look at the timeline like this Old normal, shock, transition (or adjustment, or adaptation), and then new normal.

We spent just over two years living in the old normal, there was probably a year of living in shock and just doing my best to stay afloat. The last two years have been transition and we’ll be here for a while. I feel pretty darn close to “New Normal” but we still have such a long way to go. I feel like for us that will be when she goes to main stream schooling. I’m sure it looks different for everyone and more experienced moms could give a lot more insight into all this and the multifaceted layers. I am just learning, but this is my message for those in similar situations. Don’t feel like you have to rush into coping or adjusting. It’s going to be uncomfortable at times for some more than others, and somedays you are in Holland with a map from Italy. That’s okay, you will get there. I will get there. Our precious babies will get there and boy will we have stories of all the adventures we’ve had!