Messymom – Page 41 – Making the Best of What Looks Like a Mess

Elle at 2 Months Old

I don’t have a lot to report. It’s been a long emotional 4 weeks since learning of Elle’s hearing loss. I feel like I have come full circle emotionally and I’m back to being okay. I might go through another wave of adjustment when I learn more at the end of the month (after her ENT and audiology appointments). For now though, I am doing well.

Elle is great.

She did have a little ear infection and had to go on antibiotics, which stinks. I have never had a baby that young on any kind of medication at all. When I was giving her the amoxicillin one day the kids asked why she needs medicine. I told them it was because she had an ear infection and Z said “WHAT!? She’s deaf?” I said “No.” and before I could even get another word out they started running off to the next thing. I was prepared to explain more and tell him that she is not deaf, but she is hard of hearing and what that could potentially mean and how none of it actually has anything to do with having an ear infection. I figure we’ll let them know at the end of the month when we get these critical appointments out of the way.

As far as the other developmental milestones Elle is really chill.

She is awake more often these days, but still sleeps a lot. She is starting to coo just a teeny tiny little bit and she’ll smile for us every once in a while.

We had a meeting with the early intervention specialists and they decided to add an occupational therapist along with the speech therapist. I am not thrilled about this. She is developing fine, but they said she is borderline delayed with the way her hands stay balled in a fist and she could use a little more neck control. They aren’t concerned, but they feel like it would give her a little boost. For now I agreed to the therapy (mostly because I am a big wuss). We’ll see how it goes. My goal is to interfere as little as possible and just let her be a baby.

That’s really all the updates. I should have more info in a couple weeks.

By Natalie|2016-01-14T11:33:59+00:00January 14, 2016|Uncategorized|3 Comments

Messy Mom 2015 Book Reviews

Last year I did multiple posts reviewing and rating the books that I read in 2014. The next year I had the best of intentions to take notes as I read. I wanted to be prepared to deliver excerpts and thoughts from each book.

Did I do that? No. So each review will be short and sweet. The “Messy Mom Rating” is just a heads up about what kind of content is included because I like to know these things when I read a book. It’s easy to do when you are going to watch a movie, but books don’t include that kind of information. Anyway, feel free to skim through and be inspired. Also, please let me know what you have been reading. I am always looking for recommendations.

American Sniper by Chris Kyle

This book is such an unusual pick for me, but I have connections with the Kyle family. I have never met Christ Kyle, but we went to the same High School so I really enjoyed reading about his background. American Sniper definitely gives a close up look at war. I learned so many new things as I read and it challenged me to really assess my feelings about killing, guns, military etc. The book has a ton more details than the movie, but I thought the movie was good too and did an excellent job keeping the story accurate.

Messy Mom Rating: R This book is full of profanity and violence.

2. The Woman Who Can’t Forget by Jill Price

This book is about a woman with an exceptional memory. She remembers everything she experienced in life since she was a toddler. You could give her any date and she could tell you exactly what happened int he news and everything. She is plagued by memories as they just pop up in hear mind constantly. The average person has about 3 to 5 involentary memories a day, but it is about 10 times that for this woman.

For her not only is she forced to remember, but she sees it all vividly and her whole body responds with the exact same emotions. So even though she is an adult now and she is not longer devastated that she missed her field trip at school she would emotionally experience everything that felt when it happened at 8 years old! She said it’s exhausting and I can only imagine that it would be. That part of the story is kind of depressing, but it is one of the most fascinating memoirs I have ever read. I highly recommend this book if the brain and psychology intrigue you.

Messy Mom Rating: PG

3. Foxcatcher by Mark Schultz

Foxcatcher is a true story about two professional wrestlers that were brothers and how they were connected to John DuPont (one of the wealthiest men in America). Dupont was pretty much insane and he ends up being a murderer. Some parts of this book were boring other parts were riveting. There is a lot of wrestling in it. I enjoy learning about a variety of topics and olympic wrestling is definitely out of the box for me. The book was decent, but it is pretty creepy.

Messy Mom Rating: I really don’t remember what kind of content was in the book, but the movie is rated R so that’s probably what I would rate the book.

4. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

The Girl on the Train is a murder mystery. I like how the plot twists and turns. The main character in the book is an alcoholic and I felt like the author did a really great job expressing what that would be like to struggle with that kind of addiction. Even though it’s sad I had a lot of appreciation for that aspect of the book. It’s like I have a better understanding of what some people are going through that deal with that.

Messy Mom Rating: R because this book had some sexual content and language. It may not be “rated R” but I can’t remember so I’ll just play it safe and give that warning.

5-7. The Kiss, Black, and Red by Ted Dekker

I have written some of my thoughts already about Ted Dekker. I think he’s a great author. The Kiss is a thriller and I enjoyed it. Black and Red are the first two in a series of Fantasy novels. I don’t really get into stuff like that, but my husband has thoroughly enjoyed the books. He has read several others and he usually into novels at all so that is saying a lot.

Messy Mom Rating: G he’s a christian author and the books I have read of his all have a positive message

8. American Wife by Taya Kyle

I have a ton of respect for Taya Kyle (The American Sniper’s wife) and all that she has been through. I didn’t love this book, but it wasn’t bad. It’s pretty much the Chris Kyle story from her perspective. There was some really touching and interesting parts, but I didn’t find myself that interested in the book. Maybe it was just bad timing, but that’s my honest opinion.

Messy Mom Rating: PG

9. The Vow by Kim and Krickett Carpenter

I LOVED this book!!! It’s about a newlywed couple in a tragic car accident and the wife looses all of her memory of her husband. They have a really cute story of how they met. The book is a tear jerker but such a beautiful testimony of how they fall in love a second time. I watched the movie and it was NOTHING like the book. I recommend the book, but not the movie. That’s just me personally.

Messy Mom Rating: G It’s a christian couple and they give glory to God through the whole book.

10. Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos

I loved this book too. The author is the same woman who wrote and starred in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. If you are interested in adoption or even if you just want a candid look at what it is like for women who struggle with infertility then I recommend this book. It’s not that I loved every bit of it, but it was really good.

Messy Mom Rating: PG It’s clean, but it’s not a faith based book if that makes sense.

By Natalie|2016-01-12T12:49:28+00:00January 12, 2016|My Life, Uncategorized|1 Comment

Top 10 Ways You Know You Are Obsessed With the Docuseries “Making a Murderer”

I hardly ever watch any TV and maybe that’s because when I do get into a show I really get into it.

So maybe you have heard of the new series on Netflix called “Making a Murderer”. It’s kind of like a glorified 48 hours Investigates. I heard that if you liked the first season of the Serial podcast you will like this, and so I started it and finished all 10 episodes over the past 4 days. I don’t even know how to get the show out of my head now. I’m sure with all the surrounding hype I can’t be the only one dealing with this.

Here is my list of Top Ten Signs You Are Obsessed With “Making a Murderer”

10. You talk to people like a lawyer asking yes and no questions.

Is it true that on January 3rd you sent me a text message stating that we needed to hang out soon?

That’s all. No further questions.

9. You have bizarre dreams like that Brendan Dassey lost weight and Steven Avery married the old lady in the prison.

8. Despite hearing it 200 times you still aren’t sure you know how to pronounce or spell Manitowoc.

7. Your husband falls asleep during your rant about the case.

6. You start using a Wisconsin accent. Come on yous know you do! Yeah?

5. You want to kick off your shoes and have a chat on the couch with Dean Strang.

4. You accidentally call it Natflix instead of Netflix (this only applies if your name is Natalie. You can insert your own name).

3. Eventually you know exactly how far to fast forward to get through the ridiculously boring instrumental intro.

2. You are a part of the growing number of armchair detectives.

and the number 1 way you can tell you are obsessed with “Making a Murder”….

You blog about the top ten ways you know you are obsessed with Making a Murder.

By Natalie|2016-01-08T13:11:14+00:00January 8, 2016|My Life, Uncategorized|4 Comments

I wasn’t going to do a word for the year this year, but then God just sort of dropped this in my lap and was like Yes you are.

The first way the word “Next” came to me was because I was wondering what this next chapter of our story would be. We have overcome many of the major life hurdles that we have encountered over the past 4 years. We found a house to rent. We had our 4th and final child. My husband completed school and got a job that is an actual career. I feel like we are entering a new season of life and are ready for the NEXT chapter.

Then the word came to me again in something that my Children’s pastor (from way back when) wrote in a comment that she left when I shared my birth story. She said how proud she was of my “determination to just do the next right thing”.

Just do the next right thing.

I had never heard of this quote before, but I have been mentally chewing on it ever since. It fits the scenario of my birth story so well because I had to focus on each thing, step by step. The baby was going to come so I acted on it. After that her head was out and I knew I needed to do one more push and get her body out. After that I knew I needed to wrap her up. After that put her on my chest. After that call the hospital and so on.

There was no planning it out. I was just doing the next right thing. It’s all I could do.

Since then baby Elle has been diagnosed with hearing loss and there is so much that we don’t know. Will she loose all her hearing? Will she have hearing aids? Will she need therapy? For how long? I can’t see the whole picture at all. No one can. It drives me crazy. What I can do is rely on God and just do the next right thing. So there is that word again. NEXT.

Lastly, I feel like the Lord has also prompted me to get help from those NEXT to me. When SJ was diagnosed we had just moved. All of my friends were far away in another state and it was tough. Here we are nearly four years later and I still have friends far away, but I have so many friends that are close by too. All of these women have been texting me, praying for me, and encouraging me. I need that more than anything! I need those neighbors, partners, allies to come along side me and walk NEXT to me as I go through this uncharted territory.

The next season of life. The next right thing. The people next to me.

NEXT.

I can’t wait to see what happensas I continue to unwrap the word and all that it holds for 2016.

By Natalie|2016-01-04T00:16:05+00:00January 4, 2016|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

New Years Resolutaaaaah

I love New Year’s Resolutions. I absolutely love planning and goals. I am such a nerd in that way and I’ve never denied it. Last year all of my 2015 goals went out the window when I became pregnant.

Mary Carver wrote something on Incourage recently that really hit home with me. She said

“Yeah, it’s true. I totally get a crush on New Year’s resolutions, the bad boy of all goal-setting strategies, the one I swear off every year because he’ll just end up hurting me. That one. Yes. I fall for his charm (and the possibilities! the potential!) every time.”

That’s me. In fact I have so many possible goals they even have subcategories. I could make a list of lists for 2016. But I won’t, because I know this year is going to be about the essentials.

So besides the obvious like God and family there are two things that I want to focus on this year and that is

Myself
My friends

As far as what this looks like I would like to have 10 tangible memorable documented things this year that I do to invest in myself and 10 special outings with friends. If there is more than that great, but it’s easier said than done. Trust me. Every year I resolve to do one date a month with my husband. I say this every. single. year. and it’s never happened. Yet here we are married 15 years and going strong so I guess I can’t worry about it too much. Anyway, all that to say I think 10 is realistic.

We are facing a lot of unknowns in 2016 given the recent diagnosis of our baby girl. I always say Being a mom is a full time job, being a mom with a special needs child is another full time job on top of that. It takes up a lot of time, energy, and resources. I know that if I am going to take care of four kids and juggle all the upcoming appointments I am going to have to take care of myself. I also know that I can’t do it alone and lately God has been revealing to me several times a day that I am not alone. Not only because He is with me, but because He has blessed me with so many friends that care about me.

So of course I have goals and lists that are rattling around in my head. I hope this is a productive year for us on multiple levels, but I am not going to write all of these things down like I normally would at the beginning of the year.

Even though this year is starting out differently than I had imagined we are in a good place. That was my word for 2015 “Good”. My word for 2016 is “Next” and not to be cheesy, but I will share about that next time.

Happy New Year Everybody!

By Natalie|2016-01-02T01:24:30+00:00January 2, 2016|Uncategorized|4 Comments

This Time is Different

I sat in the exam room with a tightness in my throat. I had felt fine, but as the reality of it all sank in the emotions rose up. I began to cry hot tears. I felt the need to apologize because I don’t like making other people feel uncomfortable. The audiologist responded in a firm voice ” Do not apologize.” She told me that I was completely entilted to respond any way I wanted and that just because I have been there before that does not make it any easier.

This was what happened a week and a half ago at Elle’s ABR hearing screening. As you can imagine this means that the results were not good. I thought Elle could hear, and I was right. She can hear. She responds to many different sounds, but she still has hearing loss and it’s in both ears. I wasn’t going to talk about it until I knew more, but I am ready to talk about it now. Especially since I just got off the phone with the early intervention specialists who are ready to come over and set up her first IFSP. SJ has an IEP which is an Individualized Education Program because she is in school. Before that you have an Individual Family Service Plan which is when case worker helps you come up with appropriate strategies or goals for your preschool age child with special needs.

So just like that Elle has Special Needs. She is 6 weeks old and already considered delayed because she can’t hear well. I am being blunt, but don’t worry. I am not concerned for her. I think labels are silly. I remember when I was being interviewed for a research study and I was asked how I felt about my daughter’s “exceptionality” and I said “Excuse me? Her what?”. “Exceptionality” she repeated. That’s what they are calling it now. I laughed at such a desperate attempt to not offend. I am comfortable with hearing loss, deafness, disability, exceptionality whatever you want to call it. It does however mean our calendar, our budget, and even major life decisions like where to live will look different over the next few years because of this.

Hearing that my daughter has hearing loss is so different this time. I continue to process a myriad of emotions. On the one hand Elle’s hearing loss is mild. It’s complicated and I won’t go into all the details, but that’s good news. SJ’s hearing loss was profound. At least by the time we found out it was. When Elle had her appointment J explained that we speculate SJ had previously had more hearing, but then lost it over time. He asked if that could happen with Elle. The audiologist said it certainly could. That’s a hard fact to swallow. I don’t know if I should assume the worst and hope for the best? I have a lot of questions for her ENT.

On that note, the fact that we already have an ENT, an audiologist, a school, and a support group in place is awesome! With SJ I was given a stack of books for parents of deaf children and I felt completely overwhelmed. This time is different. I have a newborn instead of a toddler. I live in Ohio rather than Kentucky. I will be dealing with hearing aids rather than cochlear implants (at least for now). I feel fairly equipped, but also uncertain.

I have so many questions and other concerns, but I will have to wait another month to even talk to certain specialists. The day of Elle’s hearing test was the first day of Christmas break for the kids and we went right into all of the Holiday gatherings. First was celebration with my family followed by a week of festivities with my in laws. That was actually good timing though because I had no obligations and have been pretty much distracted by Christmasy things. However now we prepare for evaluations, testing, hearing aids, and therapies. It’s really happening. I am doing okay, but I am also a bit of a basket case from time to time. Elle on the other hand is doing great. She is such a precious treasure and we all adore her.

I know many of my family and friends are going to be finding out about this for the first time. I didn’t know the best way to deliver this announcement. It’s not dreadful news like a terminal illness or something, but it’s not like announcing a pregnancy either.

I hope you’ll bear with me as I navigate this new journey because it might look similar, but this time is different.

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:26:11+00:00December 28, 2015|Babies, Hearing Loss, My Life, Our Hearing Loss Journey|22 Comments

Christmas Card/Birth Announcement

It’s been a while since I checked in. We’ve had a lot going on. I am sure everyone has, with the holidays and Star Wars and all (the Star Wars thing was a joke, but all of my friends are obsessed so I thought I’d throw it in there).

Every year we do a special Christmas card and I had a grand plan for this year, but since having baby Elle I have not had a chance to pull it together, even with the best of intentions. I finally threw in the towel and decided I would excute this year’s idea another year.

Instead I chose a festive birth announcement which includes the family Christmas photo.

So that’s our card this year. It will be late because I haven’t sent them yet, but they’ll make it before New Year’s so I consider that to be the “Holiday season”

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your weekend is truly wonderful!

By Natalie|2015-12-24T10:01:03+00:00December 24, 2015|Uncategorized|3 Comments

Awaiting the ABR… Again

Elle is now 5 weeks old. She had her one month check up this week and is now 10 pounds 22 inches. The Doctor has been extremely impressed by her growth. Here is a side by side from her first check up and her last which were taken exactly 4 weeks apart. Elle looks completely different.

She is really filling out. No more newborn diapers or clothes for her. She has outgrown them!

There aren’t a lot of updates. She smiles now, but it’s not often.

She still sleeps about 18 hours a day.

I did a little impromptu photo shoot of her on her 1 month birthday.

I love that she was born close to the holidays. I think about how our birth story was so unconventional and I wonder how Mary must have felt and what her birth story would be like (of course we know the story, but not from the perspective of Mary).

We have an important appointment coming up and I would love it if you would be in prayer for us during this time. I previously mentioned that Elle failed the newborn hearing screening. The first time they came in with the equipment to test her the tech lady had a unique personality and was rowdy. I think she was trying to be nice. For most people this is just a routine test. No reason to get too serious, but all kinds of faculty were coming in and out and joking around and making a racket so Elle woke up and was fussy for the second half of the test (the left side). So she failed on the left, but the boisterous tech assured us it was because she woke up and that’s all it was.

The next day a younger new tech came in while it was still dark and quiet in our hospital room. I asked if she could shut the door and maybe hang a do not disturb note or something. She looked at my like I was crazy, but at least it was a much more subdued and calmer atmosphere. She even let me nurse Elle during the test. Again Elle passed on the right, but she couldn’t even get a reading on the left. It was like it wasn’t hooked up right so the tech tried to adjust it. She never was able to figure out what was wrong so she said that she failed and she would refer us to an audiologist. I was hormonal, and tired, and obviously stressed so I sternly proclaimed “We have an audiologist. This is a big concern for us and I’d like to know what is going on” Then J and I asked more questions about the test. None of which she could answer. She looked really intimidated. She had never even heard of Connexin 26 which is the genetic hearing loss that we have in our family. It is the NUMBER ONE CAUSE of sensorineural deafness so you would think someone that tests for hearing loss would have some familiarity with it. I then asked to speak with a supervisor and did, but she mostly just had some paperwork for me.

I immediately called SJ’s school and talked to our audiologist. She made me feel much better about the whole thing and gave me advice on how to proceed.

I know a lot about hearing loss and I think Elle can hear. I feel very confident in that. I guess you could say we know she can because the test confirmed it on the right side. With Connexin 26 it is highly unlikely that it would be unilateral (only on one side) so chances are she is fine.

However, this whole thing brings up a lot of tender memories for me. We have to go through all the same testing that we did with SJ and we have to keep her asleep for 90 minutes which should be easy considering what I said about her sleep, but it’s still completely unpredictable and out of our control so that stresses me out.

I cried when I called and scheduled the appointment. I have openly expressed to people how I know that she is fine and it’s just a machine error which happens all the time. And hearing children do fail this test A LOT.

However, lately there have been other thoughts popping into my head that make me wonder why it was the left ear BOTH times. Maybe just a coincidence? I mean if something is going to go wrong with the test you have a 50/50 chance that it will be on the left side. Still part of me wonders if she has another problem on that side that doesn’t even have to do with Connexin 26. Or what if her hearing gets progressively worse, which can happen. What if she is one of those rare cases?

Luckily, most of these frantic thoughts didn’t really come into my mind until this week so at least I haven’t spent the past 4 weeks panicking.

Please pray that we get some answers with this test. I do have a peace about it, and all in all I think everything is going to be okay, but I hate the idea that if she doesn’t sleep we have to drag this out for another month or so. That would be terrible. I just want this to be over with.

The reason I titled this “Awaiting the ABR… Again” is because I wrote another post about 3 1/2 years ago when I was waiting for this same test for SJ. You can read “Awaiting the ABR” to find out what the test is and what the waiting period was like for me in that time when I didn’t know for sure whether or not SJ was deaf. It feels like a world away.

Thanks for all the prayers and support. Of course I will keep you posted.

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:29:15+00:00December 16, 2015|Babies, Hearing Loss, My Life, Our Hearing Loss Journey, Pregnancy & Birth|4 Comments

Our Christmas Tree

It took a lot of effort, but we finally managed to get our house decorated for Christmas. And by “a lot of effort” I don’t just mean pulling out the lights and ornaments and getting on the ladder to deck the halls. This Christmas decor has been years in the making.

The last time we put up our Christmas decorations was in 2010. It’s not that we didn’t feel like being festive and it’s not like the kids were deprived of Holiday cheer, but as most of you know we have been in a long season of transition. In 2011 we sold our house the week of Christmas so we certainly didn’t decorate that year. The next year we lived with my parents and the following two years we lived in the apartment. So the last time we got out our own Christmas decorations, which we cherish, was 5 years ago.
Now that we have a house that we are renting we could put up our old plastic tree. We got to get out my penguin collection too and explain to the kids why we like penguins (which is because penguins have one mate and they are all about family). When J proposed he asked me to be his penguin.

We even have light up penguins that go in the yard.

There are some that are still in storage, and one of them has a broken beak. Still, we managed to have a sweet little display in our front yard and we clap every time we turn down our street at night and see it lit up.

I love Christmas time and the lights are one of my favorite parts. I know there is debate about the where our traditions come from and what the meaning is behind the Christmas tree. We are always observing the birth of Christ and thanking God for sending his son and giving us the ultimate gift of salvation.We are forever grateful for the Lord’s provision for us year after year. Putting up this little tree this year is like a symbol of hope and restoration in our living room. It reminds us of how far we’ve come and how Christ has been the light on what seemed like a dark path.

What a joy it is to celebrate this season together!

By Natalie|2015-12-14T13:03:53+00:00December 14, 2015|Uncategorized|3 Comments

The Haircuts

I wanted to do a full blown photoshoot of SJ and I with our new haircuts, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon. It gets dark so early and we’re all busy with the Holidays and what not. Anyway, enough yackin’. How about I just show what photos I do have?

I know this is a “fancy” look, but it’s probably one of the best ones I have that shows the previous length.

And here is SJ’s before. If she tilted her head back her hair would touch her butt. It was long (except for the part she cut herself which, is almost grown out. Ugh.).

And here is my after photo.

and here are a couple of SJ after.

We went to separate places, but on the same day. It was a special mommy daughter event and she really loved every bit of it.

I’m not sure if we will maintain the new looks or just do what we usually do, which is let it grow and grow. For now it’s it definitely makes getting ready in the mornings much easier.

So those are our haircuts. I’m sure I’ll have some better photos when we’re dressed up for Christmas. When I do get more photos I will make sure I don’t keep them to myself.

By Natalie|2015-12-10T14:44:43+00:00December 10, 2015|My Life|4 Comments

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