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Anger Vs Empathy

For those that were raised under a stern voice and an iron fist
it might seem like those methods are the only reasonable way to bring instruction to those we
love. It’s for their own good right? I understand that so much of this, what I
will call good-old-fashioned parenting style was done out of love. Some may even boast that it was successful, although I might suggest that the success derived from parents
that where involved and caring and not in the methods themselves.
The problem that arises with using the drill sergeant
method with children is that from everything I’ve read this is not an effective
tool to use for learning. I think we’ve all heard of the fight or flight reaction. Well, when I was studying natural childbirth I learned that in nature if an animal
feels threatened labor will stop.

I’ll try not to be too descriptive here, but the
body will literally clamp up and shut down birth efforts in order for the animal to be
able to find a safer location. The same can be true for women in an
uncomfortable birth environment. I know most of you are really not interested in
a natural child birth pep talk, but let’s apply this to discipline.

When we discipline in anger it short circuits the learning potential
because the “fight or flight” response kicks in automatically when we feel
threatened. The child’s brain is going to secrete adrenaline which
will cause them to tighten up physically and mentally. You aren’t going to get
through to that child because their body is prepared for action. Think of your
child getting a shot. You tell them to relax and that it’s for their own good,
but they still tighten up naturally because there is fear there. This
tightening is from a part of the brain that is used for survival, it is not the
same part of the brain that is used for learning.
I actually love to learn about science and how
our bodies were designed, so when I first read about this (and then had it confirmed through various sources) it just made sense to me. That is why
using
empathy before delivering consequences isn’t an excuse to baby our children, it’s opening up their mind to learning!
I’m going to camp here for a minute because it’s such a HUGE part of Teachable Parenting and I want to share three individual ideas on the
topic from each of the three books this series is based on.
First, I love what Love and Logic says about how all of this can
impact the internal voice in your child’s head. 

“Kids who are given
empathy quickly develop a healthy voice inside of their heads. Instead of
blaming or shifting responsibility, this voice asks, “how is my next decision
going to affect my life? Which choice is going to be the wisest?” When our
children face  consequences, our spoonful of empathy is what makes the
medicine of learning go down.” 


Imagine if we could break the cycle of the self-deprecating/abusive inner dialogue that we use when we beat ourselves up for shortcomings! Wow. That’s freeing. 

Okay, second is how this
fits in line with the ultimate inner voice; the word of God and the Holy Spirit.
This next paragraph is from Loving Our Kids On Purpose
“Sadness and
empathy are what the Holy Spirit shows us when we fail. He doesn’t punish us. He comforts us. He shows us that He is sad for us, and invites us to come, of our
own free will, to benefit from His great wisdom and power for fixing problems.
(See, for example, John 14:26; John 16:13; Galations 4:6). His response to our
failure actually helps us to trust Him more. And when we respond to our
children like He responds to us, they trust us more because they learn that they
can fail in front of us.

Remember, in the New Covenant God did not send the punisher to come alongside us. He sent the HELPER, the COMFORTER, and that is of course the Holy Spirit.

Lastly, here is
some practical advice on the topic from Wild Things

“Model
self-control and self-regulation in your words and actions when you are
frustrated or angry as a parent. An emotionally charged adult only provides
more fuel to the already emotionally charged child.”


Now last night, when my kids were running around as they were brushing their teeth, they were getting toothpaste everywhere and spilling water and I was screaming this is supposed to be our WIND DOWN time. I wasn’t exactly ready to respond out of love. I have to work on that, but then there are times you can’t start with empathy, like when your child hits their sibling or darts into the street. In all of this I don’t want people to look at these tools with an extremist mentality. The first step though is just to recognize that this Teachable Parenting is an option and our children can learn obedience without using threats and manipulation. For some people this is a huge step. The bottom line, perfect love casts out fear. 



This is day 9 of a 31 day series. For the rest of Teachable Parenting click HERE.

By |2015-05-18T05:05:04+00:00October 9, 2014|Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|1 Comment
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Allow Them To Feel

You may notice I talk a lot about allowing things to happen because
that would be the opposite of controlling. Yesterday was about allowing our children to make mistakes. Today’s focus is allowing our children to feel.  The controlling parent route is rigid and external. It’s using your dominance as the parent
to eliminate mistakes, eliminate screaming, crying, pouting etc. None of this is allowed.
The thing about Teachable Parenting is that having children who know how to shut up and butt out is not the ultimate goal. Our kids are real people, with real emotions, fears, and heartache. We have to teach and model for them a variety of real life feelings and how to handle them. 
We are so distracted in this day and age that we as adults
want to numb our feelings and cover them up with television, computers, eating,
drinking, or whatever the drug of choice is. We do the same with our children at
times. We pacify them with phones and iPads or threaten them with
punishment depending on if their cries are an
inconvenience. Or sometimes it just plain makes us uncomfortable. We don’t want
our children to feel bad so we inadvertently teach them not to feel. Don’t get
me wrong , I bribe my children. I give into to their whaling more often
than I should, and sometimes the relentless screaming is flat out
inappropriate. So I don’t want to take this to an extreme, because there is a
time and a place to vent.  I still feel like the topic of expressing emotions is  worth consideration and evaluation.
In the book Wild Things it says: 

“Boys need help in discriminating among their feelings. We can help by
teaching them to develop a rich emotional vocabulary. Beginning when he is very
young – but you can do this at any age – help your boy connect words to his
feelings.”

“Boys who have a large vocabulary of “feeling words” are
better at expressing their emotions using language rather than behavioral
outbursts. As caregivers we need engaging ways to teach boys a vocabulary for
emotions and to help them identify feelings within themselves and on the faces
of others. We have to teach them empathy.”
Girls in general tend to connect with their feelings more easily than boys and are able to identify instead of suppress emotions. However, these tips are a great practice for either gender and can apply to both! For example let’s say the child is having a melt down over a lost helium balloon. Instead of saying 
Oh really? Your upset now? What do you expect sweetie? Your balloon flew away
because you took it off your wrist! That’s what you get. I tried to tell you!
No more balloon. We are done.
Or taking it the other direction
 “SHHHHH! It’s okay. It’s
okay. You can have another balloon. No big deal. Settle down.”
You can say 
“Oh man, does that make you sad? Your tears make
me think you are so sad. Why do you think that happened? ”

Your child maybe too young or too old for this scenario. And
for the record, full disclosure here, you will most likely see me exhibiting
example A or B on a hot day at the carnival when a balloon goes flying off into
space. I am trying though! We know Jesus had feelings that were expressed in
the Bible and those feelings which we also have were created by God. The Bible
even tells us to be angry and sin not. So today’s assignment is to try and
allow some of those feelings to be expressed both for our children and for
ourselves.


This is Day 8 of a 31 day series. To view the rest of Teachable Parenting click HERE.

By |2015-05-18T05:05:18+00:00October 8, 2014|Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|5 Comments
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About My Parenting Journey

I figured since we will be doing this thing for 31 days, and you all will be reading my voice the whole time, I would share a little of background info.  I’ve got all the fun and casual details on my Meet the Messy Mom link, but I would still like to give everyone a little peak at my mom credentials. 
My three kiddos are all lovely and talented of course, but in very different ways.

My oldest son fits the stereotype of a little guy with glasses. He enjoys reading, writing, geography,
and math (where did he come from!?)

 I also have
a daughter who is deaf. She goes to school for the deaf and works very hard,
but she has a long way to go before she is caught up even among her peers with
hearing loss. At four and a half years old she is just learning to talk. It’s
all for good reason obviously, this isn’t about comparison and it is not a
shameful thing whatsoever. I just want to be transparent with you so that you
know that when I talk about Teachable Parenting I have an invested interest in special needs from one end of the
spectrum to the other.

Last but not least, I have a two year old boy who keeps my heart rate pumping and did I
mention he is two, and he is a boy? Yeah, I don’t think I need to elaborate too much on the parenting challenges I face there. 

Even with the differences they all have one thing in common. They are strong
willed.

I am not dissatisfied with
the personality of my children, in fact I wasn’t the one to even label them
strong willed in the beginning, but that’s what I’ve been told that they are at some point or
another. I usually hear it around toddlerhood

 He’s strong willed isn’t he? 
Second runner up to You sure do have your
hands full. 
Followed by Such a busy
little guy.
Or the sympathetic Is it nap time? 

I don’t want to sound bitter. I have said, and stand by my
statements, that parenthood is the best thing that has ever happened to me or my
marriage. It’s been the most amazing 7 years of my life so far.

Let’s pause for a moment on
that number. SEVEN years. You could look at it like I have been training and
studying childrearing daily 24/7 which would mean I should have at the very
least a Master’s Degree right? Then the fact that I have 3 of children that
just makes me even more qualified to be on top of this mom thing. I mean, when
I went in for my prenatal appointments with my last child the Doctor was like
this is your third healthy pregnancy? I nodded yes and he said well then let me
step out of the way, you should probably be telling me how it’s done! You would
be surprised how many people got wide eyed at the announcement of my third like
I had reached a whole new peak of the mountain that only few travelers dare to
venture toward. Seriously.
Now on the other hand three
is not that many children. I have LESS children than most of my friends or my
mom or mother in law. And seven years is not really that long. In mom years I
am 7 years old. Forget the Master’s Degree I am in the first grade of
motherhood. First grade! I have just begun!
In other words I want my
reader’s to know that as I share all the wisdom of these books for this series
it is not to imply that I have achieved this high status as a caregiver and now
I am ready to show everyone how it’s done. I am just your average mom dragging
my daughter out of the play land against her will or realizing my son slept in
his clothes and wore them to school the second day in a row. That last one
happened one time, the other thing happens all the time. Anyway, my hope in
this 31 days endeavor is that maybe we could learn together, laugh together,
and have grace for other moms and ourselves.

 If your new to Messy Mom please introduce yourself. I’d love
to know where you are from, how many children you have and what ages they are, along with their social security numbers and genealogical history. Totally
kidding about that last part, but serious about making this an interactive
community. I can’t wait to dive into the next 26 days with you!
By |2015-05-18T05:06:21+00:00October 5, 2014|Lifestyle, Motherhood, My Life, Uncategorized|5 Comments
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31 Days of Teachable Parenting

 

Day 1: Introduction (scroll down to read)
Day 14: CHOICES
 Day 28: Power of Words
Day 31: Be There
Welcome to 31 Days of Teachable
Parenting.
The purpose of this series is
to share with others, and review for myself, what I am LEARNING about letting go
of the controlling mother role and embracing a new mindset as a parent. I put
LEARNING in all caps because I am no expert, but I will be quoting some. The
three books that I will be highlighting throughout the next 30 days are:
Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Charles Fay Ph.D
Loving our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk
and Wild Things by Stephen James and David S. Thomas
These 3 parenting
books have absolutely revolutionized the way I interact with my children. Over
the next 30 days I plan to take this opportunity to share my thoughts and notes
with you, as well as my husband who hasn’t had a chance to read all the way through
the books. I hope you’ll join along and by all means leave a comment and let
me know that you’ve stopped by. I will definitely come and say hello on your
blog if you have one.
Tomorrow I will
have my index page and outline all mapped out so that you can see exactly what
is in store for the messymom.com this month. I will also answer any questions
to the best of my ability. As hard as it may be, I look forward to stretching myself in the areas of patience and grace over the next 30 days. It’s sure to be a rewarding season.
By |2015-10-02T11:00:50+00:00October 2, 2014|Parenting Tips|3 Comments
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Taking Pictures Alone VS. Taking Pictures With Children

Getting a great photo of a your children is a feat in and of itself. Getting a photo with your children takes olympic level skills! I just finished having family photos done with me, my husband, and our three children. As a photographer that has been in this situation behind the lens countless times you would think I would have it all together, but it’s different when it’s your own family.

I remember the days when I would take selfies for my myspace (yeah, it was a long time ago). Or my husband would snap a photo of me in the park out on a date. 

Here was the scene-

I think this light and this background right here would be good for a photo. I think I’ll stand here and hold this pose. Am I smiling too big or not big enough? Do you think this is my good side? Okay, eyebrows slightly raised, tummy sucked in, shoulders back, body tilted ever so slightly.

Then I look at the photo and see that my hair was sticking up in one place, or my shirt wasn’t laying flat. Oh MY! Taking a good photo is hard work. Let’s reshoot that again and again until I love the way I look.

Now let’s look at yesterday’s scene.

I think this light and this background is perfect, let’s pray that our children will miraculously stand here and look in the same direction for 10 seconds so that we can take a photo.

Okay, guys we are going to stand right here. No? Okay, let’s stand over here where baby Ezie is. No wait! Baby Ezie come back. Do you want to go on daddy’s shoulders? But you love daddy’s shoulders. Fine, let’s all sit. On the count of three say “Chuck E. Cheeeese”  Keep your shirt down sweetie. HEY! Do not pull your sister’s pony tail! Seriously, every one look at the camera. NO, don’t point at it, just look. And smile. Not like that, that looks like the Joker. Come on!  Alright, where is your sister? I think we lost her. Oh, there she is running toward that poison ivy.  Stop! Stop now! Hold onto my hand. Is this everyone? How about standing by this tree stump here. Hello? Is there anyone in this family that knows what a tree stump is? Stop pushing. If you don’t cut it out right now you might not see Mine Craft ever again! No. Don’t cry. We want happy photos. Fine, who wants candy? How much candy is this going to take? Ewww, gross. What is that smell? I think someone stepped in dog poo. Let’s check your shoes everyone. Bingo. Alright, try and wipe it off in the leaves over there. Goodness gracious! Moving on…

Not once did I ever think about my shoulders or my hair. There is no checking the preview to see how I look. No “place all your weight on your back foot” rule. Nope. If we have a photo of the 5 of us together where no one is crying or injuring someone then it’s a keeper. You don’t even have to have your eyes open. I went from having a 20 point checklist for how I looked in a photograph to just one qualification. Do I look sane? Even that is debatable. 

 

For the record out of probably 200 tries we were able to get one decent photo. 
It was sent out with our Christmas cards and after all that effort I can assure I will have it hanging on our wall. So if my family can do it, there is hope for everyone. Just say Chuck E. Cheese!!!

By |2015-05-18T05:06:37+00:00September 24, 2014|Motherhood, Uncategorized|4 Comments
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The Beginning of the School Year Mom’s Wardrobe

It’s a new school year with a  clean slate and that inspires me*. No more roll out of bed, put shoes on and show up at the school in a wrinkled frump of whatever I wore to bed or picked up out of the laundry basket. I am turning a new leaf. It’s hard to say how long it will last, but I am going on a full two weeks *gasp* of having clothes picked out ahead of time. I am actually getting myself ready in the morning. 

Last week after lining up some of my favorite combinations I noticed a trend. 
Stripes. 

Along with trying to dress decent on a daily basis I tried to get photographic evidence. It wasn’t all that easy, but I wrangled up a few pics for ya, and I am going to use all of my God given restraint to forgo dozens of disclaimers about the way I look or the way the photos looks, because ain’t nobody got time for that. 

Now then, lets see some stripes!
This first outfit is a favorite go-to of mine. 
It’s casual, comfy, and summery. 
Shirt: JC Penny Clearance.
I wasn’t even looking for clothes, but it was such a rock bottom price it grabbed me and forced me to buy it.
Shorts: Old Navy (although I bough them at a thrift store). 
They are called the perfect 5 inch short and they really are the perfect fit for me. 
Shoes: Gap (a gift from a friend who bought them used). 
These are my favorite summer sandals.
So just how practical is this outfit for a stay at home mother of 3? 
I give it 4 out of 5 stars. Even though it’s great for so many family activities, the white shorts make it less than perfect for all the messy hands I deal with. Still, not bad. 
This next outfit I wore to the parent info night at Z’s school last week. 
Shirt: Forever 21.
I bought it used of course, do I have to mention this every time? I think I should so that I can show people the variety available second hand!
Jeans: American Eagle (thrifted)
Shoes: Gap clearance center 
And just because it’s so cute, here is a shot of SJ trying to wear my shoes. 
Why the low score you ask? Well, the outfit is fine, but this score has to do with how well it fits the busy mom lifestyle. It looses points for the low rise jeans because it’s no bueno if you can’t get each of your kiddo’s shoes back on without exposing your crack to all of chic-fil-a. Even if that was still the style, I wouldn’t be interested. It’s both outdated and just uncomfortable so those jeans are probably seeing their last days. Also, the shoes will not be worn in a situation where I know I need to chase toddlers. They are extremely difficult to run in. I am cool with high heels, but the flatness of the wedge just adds another level of awkward when I walk. I still like the way they look though. #wedgesnotwedgies
Lastly, I have another combo that has gotten a lot of wear this summer. The first of the two pics was a hair selfie, but you see the shirt pattern.
shirt: Old Navy clearance
Shorts: Aeropostale (thrifted)
Shoes: (same as above) Although, normally I would wear Sperry’s with this, but it was a hot Saturday and loafers can be stuffy. 
This outfit gets 4 stars because I wear it so often (shoot, I’m wearing it now). It’s comfortable, breathable fabric, modest, and both items stretch so it’s good for postpartum and all kinds of other body issues moms have to deal with. The reason I didn’t give a whopping 5 is because it’s pretty boring. These clothes are going to have to work hard to earn a 5. This is serious stuff. 
In conclusion, I have spent a lot more time considering what I am going to wear and sometimes even taking pictures of it. I am not going to lie, it was fun. I feel womanly. Will I keep it up? It’s hard to say, but for now that’s my 
“What I Wore Wednesday”
with The Pleated Poppy


Also, linking with Pampers and Pearls.

Pampers & Pearls
*If you have read Jen Hatmaker’s essays about the beginning of the school year mom vs the end of the school year mom then you  pretty much know what kind of mom I am.
By |2015-05-18T05:07:07+00:00September 3, 2014|Motherhood, Uncategorized|5 Comments
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Thank You Teachers

I have now met all of the new teachers including a full blown information night tonight at Z’s school. I really do think this is going to be another great year for them. I loved their teacher’s from last year and I will never forget all that they did for my kiddos. I have wanted to share the love and show the two thank you cards that we made at the end of last year, but I never got around to it. I know this is the worst time to spark ideas for end of the year thank you cards since school has just begun, but I figure it’s better late than never. Here goes…


For SJ I used her recent portrait from her 4 year session and customized a Thank You message to be printed out on a 4×6. I found an endless amount of chalkboard fonts online and for the chalkboard background I went with the one from this link. I picked up some clear party favor bags from Target and filled the bag with dove chocolates.

I was so happy with how they all turned out. By all, I mean several. Z had one teacher to say thank you to. SJ has an entourage of therapists, teachers, and other team members that we want to show our gratitude to.

 When I went into SJ’s school this year I saw that the secretary had her thank you card displayed on her desk and it made me smile. 

For Z we took a different approach. I made a little book out of all the decades that he dressed up as throughout the year. I can now see that I blogged about 50’s day, 70’s, and 80’s day, but I don’t think I ever did a post about when he dressed like he was 100 years old!? What a shame. Here are some photos of that.

I can’t believe I never posted these! Anyway, back to the thank you card. This was the cover which was a phrase that was significant to the whole class.

On the inside there were a couple group photos from the Christmas party and field trip and it said 

Mrs. Baker was my Kindergarten teacher.

Then a couple photos of Z dressed in 1950’s attire (for the 50th day of school) and it said “thanks to her I had many HAPPY DAYS”. Then along with the 1970’s photos it said “she made school GROOVY”

Turn the page to the 1980’s and you’ll see that she was also “TOTALLY AWESOME”, and lastly for the 100th day when he dressed like he was 100 years old it said “Now I feel wise beyond my years”. 
I know it’s not the most polished booklet. It was just a simple little token which cost next to nothing, but I was extremely flattered by his teacher’s response. She said it was the best thank you card she had ever received and had planned to laminate it. I’m so glad that she liked it because she really is an amazing teacher. 
In fact I would like to say thank you to all the teachers that might be reading this. I have had lots of friends who taught over the years and I had some pretty great teachers growing up, but I never understood just how invaluable teachers are until my children started school. From that point on I became eternally grateful for all that you do for our children and for our future! What a calling. Whether you just started, or are about to, best wishes this year. 
I am going to try and do some link ups more often so today I am partying with
  The Party Bunch 
and 
In The Studio

By |2015-05-18T05:07:14+00:00August 29, 2014|Schooling, Uncategorized|3 Comments
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SJ’s 2nd Year of Preschool

I can’t believe this will be SJ’s last year of preschool. I never  necessarily even planned for my children to even go to preschool, but as you know SJ case is a little different. The idea that a year from now she will be starting kindergarten really shocks me! I suppose I am getting ahead of myself. One year at a time. I am so very anxious (in a good way) to see what this year will hold for her.

You may have noticed I have a page on my blog now that is dedicated strictly to SJ’s story and her current progress. I don’t have any recent updates because I feel like we have been at a stand still over the summer. I always keep a log of new words and phrases that I notice SJ saying and the last time I did an entry was the end of June. Maybe some of it’s because I have been too busy to notice, or maybe it’s because she was on vacation and out of school so she is just plateauing. Or perhaps this would be a slower time anyway. These burst of vocabulary breakthroughs do tend to happen in waves. I’ll be glad to have her back in school full time though, and not because I want to be away from her because I don’t. 

It’s just that I can tell a difference in her progress when 
they are purposefully working towards speech compared to the incidental learning that usually happens at home.




She has two new teachers this year. One is for academics the other is speech. I hate change and having school age children has forced me to adapt to new people on a regular basis. Bleh! However, I LOVED her therapist in Louisville, I loved her teacher in the toddler program, and her therapist last year, and I am sure these two lovely ladies that she is currently paired with will be just as nice of a fit. I already have a good feeling about it since SJ received a card addressed to her personally with a hand written note inside. It told SJ to her to let her mom and dad know that she will be in the classroom on a certain day and time and to come by to say hi. In other words, meet the teacher.

Last year’s teacher and this summers therapists. She will forever have a special place in our hearts!

I do have one little prayer request which isn’t really hearing or CI related, but it kind of is. SJ has always had huge tonsils. She snores like a 50 year old man and she has since she was a one year old. Seriously. However, we have had many experienced Doctors and Pediatricians take note of this fact without showing any concern. My mom brings it up a couple times a year because she just wants to make sure SJ is safe and her airway passages are clear. Then SJ’s team of therapists brought it up at our end of their meeting and told me to talk to her ENT about it at our next appointment so last week when I saw her Otolaryngologist I did just that.

He said that her tonsils are a 3+, and that is on a scale that ranges up to 4. So they are in fact big, but without frequent strep throat or sleep apnea (neither of which she deals with) there is no reason to remove them. In fact there is some kind of a cautery tool that they would normally use for surgery that cannot be used on SJ because of her implants. An alternative procedure would affect the coronary bleeding which is an added risk to consider when weighing how valuable this surgery would be to her. Once again it doesn’t mean that they are ruling it out and don’t want to do the surgery, but he is going to reevaluate in a year and see if she has grown into them at all. He said sometimes these things correct themselves with time. I don’t know why there always has to be another hand, but on the other hand he said there are advantages to doing the surgery while the child is still young. It’s easier on them, so we don’t want to put it off if it is inevitable.

Sheesh. Don’t quote me on all the details of that because I wrote down what the Doctor said, but I don’t have the paper in front of me. I just remember him saying to not worry about her for now because there is space in her mouth, so she is fine. It would be my heart’s desire that she would not have to go through another surgery if we can avoid it. I pray that this situation will be cleared up without any medical intervention. In the grand scheme of things it is not an earth shattering concern and I do believe God’s hand has her covered head to toe.

So that’s what is happening with the girlie. She has had a wonderful summer.

 I am sure she is going to be bummed to realize it’s over, but happy to be reunited with her friends. One week to go!

By |2015-05-18T05:08:53+00:00August 12, 2014|Hearing Loss, My Life, Special Needs, Uncategorized|1 Comment
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Breastfeeding in a dress

Breast is best, but can it work in a dress? See what I did there? First of all, about the breast is best, it’s a slogan I’m quoting and it’s scientifically proven, at least for now. Some people can’t breast feed their baby. Some people don’t want to. I don’t care how you feed your baby. This particular post is about breastfeeding, but please don’t be offended if you’re path looks different than mine! I have been the first to admit that the thing I would miss the most if I couldn’t breast feed would be the freebies. Not the nutrition, not the bonding, but the flat out frugality of it. The second favorite is getting to eat all of those bonus calories! How noble of me. I am such a sacrificial lactavist.

I have breastfed for 4 and 1/2 years between my three children over the course of 7 years. I started out like most new moms, kind of awkward and self conscious, but now I am comfortable enough to breastfeed on an airplane with the toddlers head resting on the arm of the male college student sitting next to me. I prefer not to be in that position again, I am just saying I don’t give a rat’s patootie anymore.

I used to think there was no way of breast feeding in a dress because you would have to pull the whole garment up so I would choose my outfits accordingly.

Since then I have learned that I could gear my shopping toward dresses that I could nurse my baby in simply by pulling the neck line down. Whether sporting buttons, a crisscross wrap style, or even strapless most styles these days are very accommodating.

Here are just some of the dresses that I have to choose from.

 

 

 

This is an instagram I posted of the dresses I packed for my trip to New York and I have easily nursed in all three outfits.

Here is one that I cannot wear while breastfeeding! It’s super form fitting and really high up in the front.

Although, one time I witnessed a mom wear a shift dress like this for her babies dedication and then when it was time to nurse she went to the cry room and had someone help her unzip the top of her dress  so that she could feed the newborn. That’s quite a bit of effort, but I guess it shows that it can be done if you are really set on a particular outfit.

The point is, if you are breastfeeding, don’t be afraid to branch out. I recommend layering with nursing tanks and nursing bras. Those are my go to for wearing under everything. It just makes life simpler during this season. My advice to new moms that are just starting out, wear what you feel comfortable in and when in doubt practice at home first to see if you can nurse your baby with ease in a certain ensemble. I promise you I have done this on many occasions before I have determined what to wear. You are better off giving it a go in private before you are at a restaurant and realize the material isn’t as stretchy as you thought all the while trying to console the hungry screaming baby in your arms.

By the way, it is World Breastfeeding Week (or at least it was) so to all the women out there that are feeling exhausted, embarrassed, or the many that are just in love with the whole experience I hope you are encouraged that you are doing a great job. Hooray for the normal, beautiful, natural thing that it is!

By |2015-05-18T05:17:50+00:00August 10, 2014|Babies & Toddlers, Motherhood, Natural Living, Uncategorized|4 Comments
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More Than Words Can Say

*This was originally written over a year ago. Sometimes I just need to write even if I keep it to myself, but today, on the 2nd anniversary of her diagnosis, I am ready to share.*

In the world of hearing loss I feel like the label “Late Identified” is a big red stamp across my daughter’s forehead. These days most deaf children are diagnosed through a brief newborn hearing screening before they even leave the hospital. Since SJ wasn’t born at the hospital we never had any testing done until she was over two years old. 

SJ at two years old, a month after she was diagnosed.

SJ’s birth was perfect. It was hands down one of the most amazing, beautiful, and spiritual moments of my life, but if I could change the past then I would have had a screening test done after the home birth.


The first seconds of SJ’s life!

 As with any treatment plan, like with cancer or autism, the earlier you can diagnose and intervene, the better. There are so many benefits to getting started at a young age when it comes to language, and we lost two years of valuable time. However, having those years of not knowing did have some benefits. 

When I blogged for the first time about SJ’s hearing, Amanda (from Oh Amanda) left me a link to a woman she called her hero. That woman was Rachel Coleman of Signing Time. I read her story, got several of her videos, and she soon became my hero as well. Her daughter Leah was also late identified because the hospital had taken a break from newborn screenings for a brief time before they became mandatory and that was when Leah was born. Here is what Rachel said about her daughter being late identified.

 “Was it meant to be? I don’t know. I wonder how over-protective and lame I would have been if they had handed me my newborn baby and said, by the way she’s profoundly deaf. Looking back I can see the blessing it was that we got to know Leah for her first year with the complete expectation that she could do anything, she was limitless. When we did hear her diagnosis “severe to profound hearing impairment” when she was 14 months old, we mourned. We cried. We felt silly. We couldn’t believe it. We thought there was a mistake. We hoped it would go away. We felt all of that and more at once! Finally we looked at Leah and she was still her happy beautiful self. And we recognized that for Leah nothing had changed. Nothing was wrong.”

Boy do I relate to that! When we first came to SJ’s school, one of the advisers had commended me on how well I’ve done at communicating with SJ despite her hearing loss. She told me that many parents have a hard time just talking with their deaf children and unknowingly tend to turn their conversation toward someone that is listening to them. I’d like to take credit for being so loving, but I didn’t know she was deaf.

 Another therapist was astounded by SJ’s cognitive abilities and said she had never worked with a deaf child potty trained at such a young age. I’d like to take credit for that too, but once again I didn’t realize I was potty training a deaf child (and besides that she initiated it). For over two years I treated her like any other baby/toddler. We didn’t fret. We weren’t trying to protect her. We weren’t taking action. We just loved her as she was, and in the mean time she loved us back and proved to be a very capable, thriving, joyous little lady. 

I know now more than ever how vital communication and language is. However, in those years we “lost” by not starting therapy or using hearing devices we also gained a lot and I learned a valuable lesson. She understood me. She may not have understood my words, but our love transcended all of that. Our hearts spoke to one another. I have always told my kids that I love them more than words can say and for SJ I’ve lived that truth. 

By |2015-05-18T05:19:43+00:00May 5, 2014|Hearing Loss, Motherhood, My Life, Special Needs, Uncategorized|10 Comments
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