Natalie, Author at Messymom

About Natalie

I am a Jesus Lover, a wife, and a mother. And I'm making the best of what looks like a mess!

New Years Resolutaaaaah

I love New Year’s Resolutions. I absolutely love planning and goals. I am such a nerd in that way and I’ve never denied it. Last year all of my 2015 goals went out the window when I became pregnant.

Mary Carver wrote something on Incourage recently that really hit home with me. She said

“Yeah, it’s true. I totally get a crush on New Year’s resolutions, the bad boy of all goal-setting strategies, the one I swear off every year because he’ll just end up hurting me. That one. Yes. I fall for his charm (and the possibilities! the potential!) every time.”

That’s me. In fact I have so many possible goals they even have subcategories. I could make a list of lists for 2016. But I won’t, because I know this year is going to be about the essentials.

So besides the obvious like God and family there are two things that I want to focus on this year and that is

Myself
My friends

As far as what this looks like I would like to have 10 tangible memorable documented things this year that I do to invest in myself and 10 special outings with friends. If there is more than that great, but it’s easier said than done. Trust me. Every year I resolve to do one date a month with my husband. I say this every. single. year. and it’s never happened. Yet here we are married 15 years and going strong so I guess I can’t worry about it too much. Anyway, all that to say I think 10 is realistic.

We are facing a lot of unknowns in 2016 given the recent diagnosis of our baby girl. I always say Being a mom is a full time job, being a mom with a special needs child is another full time job on top of that. It takes up a lot of time, energy, and resources. I know that if I am going to take care of four kids and juggle all the upcoming appointments I am going to have to take care of myself. I also know that I can’t do it alone and lately God has been revealing to me several times a day that I am not alone. Not only because He is with me, but because He has blessed me with so many friends that care about me.

So of course I have goals and lists that are rattling around in my head. I hope this is a productive year for us on multiple levels, but I am not going to write all of these things down like I normally would at the beginning of the year.

Even though this year is starting out differently than I had imagined we are in a good place. That was my word for 2015 “Good”. My word for 2016 is “Next” and not to be cheesy, but I will share about that next time.

Happy New Year Everybody!

By Natalie|2016-01-02T01:24:30+00:00January 2, 2016|Uncategorized|4 Comments

This Time is Different

I sat in the exam room with a tightness in my throat. I had felt fine, but as the reality of it all sank in the emotions rose up. I began to cry hot tears. I felt the need to apologize because I don’t like making other people feel uncomfortable. The audiologist responded in a firm voice ” Do not apologize.” She told me that I was completely entilted to respond any way I wanted and that just because I have been there before that does not make it any easier.

This was what happened a week and a half ago at Elle’s ABR hearing screening. As you can imagine this means that the results were not good. I thought Elle could hear, and I was right. She can hear. She responds to many different sounds, but she still has hearing loss and it’s in both ears. I wasn’t going to talk about it until I knew more, but I am ready to talk about it now. Especially since I just got off the phone with the early intervention specialists who are ready to come over and set up her first IFSP. SJ has an IEP which is an Individualized Education Program because she is in school. Before that you have an Individual Family Service Plan which is when case worker helps you come up with appropriate strategies or goals for your preschool age child with special needs.

So just like that Elle has Special Needs. She is 6 weeks old and already considered delayed because she can’t hear well. I am being blunt, but don’t worry. I am not concerned for her. I think labels are silly. I remember when I was being interviewed for a research study and I was asked how I felt about my daughter’s “exceptionality” and I said “Excuse me? Her what?”. “Exceptionality” she repeated. That’s what they are calling it now. I laughed at such a desperate attempt to not offend. I am comfortable with hearing loss, deafness, disability, exceptionality whatever you want to call it. It does however mean our calendar, our budget, and even major life decisions like where to live will look different over the next few years because of this.

Hearing that my daughter has hearing loss is so different this time. I continue to process a myriad of emotions. On the one hand Elle’s hearing loss is mild. It’s complicated and I won’t go into all the details, but that’s good news. SJ’s hearing loss was profound. At least by the time we found out it was. When Elle had her appointment J explained that we speculate SJ had previously had more hearing, but then lost it over time. He asked if that could happen with Elle. The audiologist said it certainly could. That’s a hard fact to swallow. I don’t know if I should assume the worst and hope for the best? I have a lot of questions for her ENT.

On that note, the fact that we already have an ENT, an audiologist, a school, and a support group in place is awesome! With SJ I was given a stack of books for parents of deaf children and I felt completely overwhelmed. This time is different. I have a newborn instead of a toddler. I live in Ohio rather than Kentucky. I will be dealing with hearing aids rather than cochlear implants (at least for now). I feel fairly equipped, but also uncertain.

I have so many questions and other concerns, but I will have to wait another month to even talk to certain specialists. The day of Elle’s hearing test was the first day of Christmas break for the kids and we went right into all of the Holiday gatherings. First was celebration with my family followed by a week of festivities with my in laws. That was actually good timing though because I had no obligations and have been pretty much distracted by Christmasy things. However now we prepare for evaluations, testing, hearing aids, and therapies. It’s really happening. I am doing okay, but I am also a bit of a basket case from time to time. Elle on the other hand is doing great. She is such a precious treasure and we all adore her.

I know many of my family and friends are going to be finding out about this for the first time. I didn’t know the best way to deliver this announcement. It’s not dreadful news like a terminal illness or something, but it’s not like announcing a pregnancy either.

I hope you’ll bear with me as I navigate this new journey because it might look similar, but this time is different.

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:26:11+00:00December 28, 2015|Babies, Hearing Loss, My Life, Our Hearing Loss Journey|22 Comments

Christmas Card/Birth Announcement

It’s been a while since I checked in. We’ve had a lot going on. I am sure everyone has, with the holidays and Star Wars and all (the Star Wars thing was a joke, but all of my friends are obsessed so I thought I’d throw it in there).

Every year we do a special Christmas card and I had a grand plan for this year, but since having baby Elle I have not had a chance to pull it together, even with the best of intentions. I finally threw in the towel and decided I would excute this year’s idea another year.

Instead I chose a festive birth announcement which includes the family Christmas photo.

So that’s our card this year. It will be late because I haven’t sent them yet, but they’ll make it before New Year’s so I consider that to be the “Holiday season”

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope your weekend is truly wonderful!

By Natalie|2015-12-24T10:01:03+00:00December 24, 2015|Uncategorized|3 Comments

Awaiting the ABR… Again

Elle is now 5 weeks old. She had her one month check up this week and is now 10 pounds 22 inches. The Doctor has been extremely impressed by her growth. Here is a side by side from her first check up and her last which were taken exactly 4 weeks apart. Elle looks completely different.

She is really filling out. No more newborn diapers or clothes for her. She has outgrown them!

There aren’t a lot of updates. She smiles now, but it’s not often.

She still sleeps about 18 hours a day.

I did a little impromptu photo shoot of her on her 1 month birthday.

I love that she was born close to the holidays. I think about how our birth story was so unconventional and I wonder how Mary must have felt and what her birth story would be like (of course we know the story, but not from the perspective of Mary).

We have an important appointment coming up and I would love it if you would be in prayer for us during this time. I previously mentioned that Elle failed the newborn hearing screening. The first time they came in with the equipment to test her the tech lady had a unique personality and was rowdy. I think she was trying to be nice. For most people this is just a routine test. No reason to get too serious, but all kinds of faculty were coming in and out and joking around and making a racket so Elle woke up and was fussy for the second half of the test (the left side). So she failed on the left, but the boisterous tech assured us it was because she woke up and that’s all it was.

The next day a younger new tech came in while it was still dark and quiet in our hospital room. I asked if she could shut the door and maybe hang a do not disturb note or something. She looked at my like I was crazy, but at least it was a much more subdued and calmer atmosphere. She even let me nurse Elle during the test. Again Elle passed on the right, but she couldn’t even get a reading on the left. It was like it wasn’t hooked up right so the tech tried to adjust it. She never was able to figure out what was wrong so she said that she failed and she would refer us to an audiologist. I was hormonal, and tired, and obviously stressed so I sternly proclaimed “We have an audiologist. This is a big concern for us and I’d like to know what is going on” Then J and I asked more questions about the test. None of which she could answer. She looked really intimidated. She had never even heard of Connexin 26 which is the genetic hearing loss that we have in our family. It is the NUMBER ONE CAUSE of sensorineural deafness so you would think someone that tests for hearing loss would have some familiarity with it. I then asked to speak with a supervisor and did, but she mostly just had some paperwork for me.

I immediately called SJ’s school and talked to our audiologist. She made me feel much better about the whole thing and gave me advice on how to proceed.

I know a lot about hearing loss and I think Elle can hear. I feel very confident in that. I guess you could say we know she can because the test confirmed it on the right side. With Connexin 26 it is highly unlikely that it would be unilateral (only on one side) so chances are she is fine.

However, this whole thing brings up a lot of tender memories for me. We have to go through all the same testing that we did with SJ and we have to keep her asleep for 90 minutes which should be easy considering what I said about her sleep, but it’s still completely unpredictable and out of our control so that stresses me out.

I cried when I called and scheduled the appointment. I have openly expressed to people how I know that she is fine and it’s just a machine error which happens all the time. And hearing children do fail this test A LOT.

However, lately there have been other thoughts popping into my head that make me wonder why it was the left ear BOTH times. Maybe just a coincidence? I mean if something is going to go wrong with the test you have a 50/50 chance that it will be on the left side. Still part of me wonders if she has another problem on that side that doesn’t even have to do with Connexin 26. Or what if her hearing gets progressively worse, which can happen. What if she is one of those rare cases?

Luckily, most of these frantic thoughts didn’t really come into my mind until this week so at least I haven’t spent the past 4 weeks panicking.

Please pray that we get some answers with this test. I do have a peace about it, and all in all I think everything is going to be okay, but I hate the idea that if she doesn’t sleep we have to drag this out for another month or so. That would be terrible. I just want this to be over with.

The reason I titled this “Awaiting the ABR… Again” is because I wrote another post about 3 1/2 years ago when I was waiting for this same test for SJ. You can read “Awaiting the ABR” to find out what the test is and what the waiting period was like for me in that time when I didn’t know for sure whether or not SJ was deaf. It feels like a world away.

Thanks for all the prayers and support. Of course I will keep you posted.

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:29:15+00:00December 16, 2015|Babies, Hearing Loss, My Life, Our Hearing Loss Journey, Pregnancy & Birth|4 Comments

Our Christmas Tree

It took a lot of effort, but we finally managed to get our house decorated for Christmas. And by “a lot of effort” I don’t just mean pulling out the lights and ornaments and getting on the ladder to deck the halls. This Christmas decor has been years in the making.

The last time we put up our Christmas decorations was in 2010. It’s not that we didn’t feel like being festive and it’s not like the kids were deprived of Holiday cheer, but as most of you know we have been in a long season of transition. In 2011 we sold our house the week of Christmas so we certainly didn’t decorate that year. The next year we lived with my parents and the following two years we lived in the apartment. So the last time we got out our own Christmas decorations, which we cherish, was 5 years ago.
Now that we have a house that we are renting we could put up our old plastic tree. We got to get out my penguin collection too and explain to the kids why we like penguins (which is because penguins have one mate and they are all about family). When J proposed he asked me to be his penguin.

We even have light up penguins that go in the yard.

There are some that are still in storage, and one of them has a broken beak. Still, we managed to have a sweet little display in our front yard and we clap every time we turn down our street at night and see it lit up.

I love Christmas time and the lights are one of my favorite parts. I know there is debate about the where our traditions come from and what the meaning is behind the Christmas tree. We are always observing the birth of Christ and thanking God for sending his son and giving us the ultimate gift of salvation.We are forever grateful for the Lord’s provision for us year after year. Putting up this little tree this year is like a symbol of hope and restoration in our living room. It reminds us of how far we’ve come and how Christ has been the light on what seemed like a dark path.

What a joy it is to celebrate this season together!

By Natalie|2015-12-14T13:03:53+00:00December 14, 2015|Uncategorized|3 Comments

The Haircuts

I wanted to do a full blown photoshoot of SJ and I with our new haircuts, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon. It gets dark so early and we’re all busy with the Holidays and what not. Anyway, enough yackin’. How about I just show what photos I do have?

I know this is a “fancy” look, but it’s probably one of the best ones I have that shows the previous length.

And here is SJ’s before. If she tilted her head back her hair would touch her butt. It was long (except for the part she cut herself which, is almost grown out. Ugh.).

And here is my after photo.

and here are a couple of SJ after.

We went to separate places, but on the same day. It was a special mommy daughter event and she really loved every bit of it.

I’m not sure if we will maintain the new looks or just do what we usually do, which is let it grow and grow. For now it’s it definitely makes getting ready in the mornings much easier.

So those are our haircuts. I’m sure I’ll have some better photos when we’re dressed up for Christmas. When I do get more photos I will make sure I don’t keep them to myself.

By Natalie|2015-12-10T14:44:43+00:00December 10, 2015|My Life|4 Comments

The Smallest Person. The Most Laundry.

In the past three weeks my mom, my husband, and I have all collaboratively worked toward keeping the piles of dirty laundry from taking over house. It’s like some kind of horror movie. I could just picture the clothes eventually coming to life and forming a mutiny. Instead of The Walking Dead it’s The Walking Threads.

I am grateful for the help I have had with these excess loads of laundry, but since when did washing clothes become such a massive effort? It feels like it is endless! All because of a sweet little baby? How could one tiny new family member triple our laundry?

Her socks could fit on my thumbs. An entire new born baby outfit is smaller than one of my three year old’s pant legs. It’s not like she is a fashionista. She’s three weeks old! WHERE IS ALL THIS LAUNDRY COMING FROM?

When I really stop and think about it, it does make sense though.

Sure she’s cute and small, but don’t let that fool you. She’s a mess.

Every time I change her diaper she pees. I try to be really fast and wipe her while the dirty diaper is underneath and then get a clean one on her bottom immediately, but somehow in that brief moment with no diaper she always pees and it’s often accompanied by poop. I have learned to put a changing pad under her, but then that means her outfit and the changing pad are now soiled and need to go into the hamper.

For her first Doctor’s appointment she peed on their exam table and then I picked her up so that they could change the paper out and she pooped ALL OVER ME. She wasn’t even 8 pounds at the time so it’s pretty amazing that she could even hold that much bright mustardy yellow poo and yet there it was, all over my shirt.

Ohhh and the spit up! Projectile spit up. Spit up everywhere.

Maybe you are familiar with the Moby Wrap? It’s cool. My sister in law is letting me borrow hers. How it works is that you wrap yourself and the baby with 5 yards of fabric. Then you get enough spit up or a blow out diaper on that thing and that’s a half a load of laundry right there.

Plus all the burp cloths, sheets and blankets that get pee, poop, or spit up on them.

I can’t really blame her for my leaky breasts, but I kind of can, so I will. I usually wear pajamas several times before washing them because I generally don’t have a reason to. Well, that used to be the case. Now I am lucky if I don’t have to change shirts in the middle of the night. YIKES!

Blankets + sheets + wraps + shirts + pants + changing pads + baby = a BUNCH of laundry.

It’s all good though. Before you know it I’ll be hauling her prom dress off to the dry cleaner. I look forward to those days too, but for now I’m cherishing all the burp cloths…

and teeny tiny jeggings.

By Natalie|2015-12-07T17:28:49+00:00December 7, 2015|Babies, Laughter|3 Comments

Dramatic Haircuts on the Way

Everyone has different priorities and it just so happens that in this family we don’t place a lot of value in haircuts. Some of you are probably thinking and it shows. I have a lot of respect for my friends who are stylist and someday when I have more money I’ll take care of my hair, but for now I’m just kind of meh about it. It’s dead to me (because hair is pretty much dead).

So the guys in the family get haircuts at home. Evie recently had a big change actually.

It was even longer than it was in this picture. It was really shaggy and in his face. I wanted to get it done before baby Elle came, but we all know she came before I was ready. So J cut it.

and here he is with his big brother do.

I’ve wanted to get SJ’s hair cut for a long time, and at one point she agreed. Except come to find out she wanted her hair cut to be “long and yellow”. In other words she wanted Rapunzel’s hair.

When I explained that hair cut means her hair would get shorter she protested. She was not interested UNTIL… I said I was going to get my haircut short. Now she’s on board. I always chop my locks after having a baby because I shed SOOOOO much. There are long hairs tangled up in the baby’s hands, in the shower, in the dryer (all wadded and knotted up) hair all over the back of my jacket, hair in my food.

HAIR. HAIR. HAIR everywhere. I can’t stand it.

So If I am going to loose that much hair I would rather it be a little shorter. My plan is to go from this

to this

SJ’s cut will be about the same. I tried to get her involved in picking what she wanted, but even though she understands about the length it seems she still thinks she gets to choose the color which is odd because I don’t color my hair. So as we are looking through potential hairstyles she says very matter of factly with a serious face that she wants this one.

I say That one? as I point to the colorful pixie cut on the screen and she looks at it and nods yes. I asked her if it was because of the color and she said yes. She was not laughing she just wants My Little Pony hair and it’s not that strange to her.

I made two separate appointments for Tuesday so it’s official. The hair is going to go. I will be sure to post the after pictures next week. I don’t plan for either of us to get rainbow colors, but we’ll see.

By Natalie|2015-12-04T17:30:20+00:00December 4, 2015|Frugal Living|4 Comments

Her First 3 Weeks (with photos)

I recently shared how difficult the first three weeks postpartum have been for me, but the good news is Elle would never know it. Her life has been comfy and sheltered.

I feel like being born two weeks early really did make a difference for her. My sister in law said she has friends who had preemies and noticed that on their original 40 week due date it was like they suddenly had an alert fully developed baby. Elle wasn’t a born premature (she was 8 pounds!) but she did practically sleep through her first two weeks of life and I wonder if that’s why.

I know my mom was slightly concerned, but the Doctors said as long as she’s eating, pooping, and gaining weight then she’s good. She definitely was doing all of those things so I’ll take it as a blessing that she was so easy going.

Sure enough on her due date she started acting like she was “out of the womb”

From then on she was so much more alert. Her eyes were really wide open and she would express herself a little more. She had several “firsts” at two weeks.

She went to church for the first time.

She visited SJ’s school. On a side note, I could be a millionaire and it wouldn’t matter. There is nothing in the world that I could buy or do for SJ that would amount to the kind happiness that she gets from her little sister and the joy of having a baby to help take care of.

She and all of her classmates have been anticipating the arrival of baby Elle for a LONG time and I told her she would be able to have her visit her school before Thanksgiving break, but then I got sick. I was so worried about canceling the plans I made with the teacher and with SJ because I knew it would devastate her.

So I took a Motrin and rode over to the school, but my mom was the one that actually went in and introduced the baby (I wasn’t contagious or anything, but I was just feeling too fatigued and achey thanks to my bladder infection). I was sad that I missed it, but I got to see pictures and it sounds like the introduction went really well.

The other two week milestone was that Elle had her first bath. She liked the water, but she didn’t like being cold afterwards!

She also had her first Thanksgiving, although that was pretty uneventful since she didn’t eat anything and slept the whole time.

She is three weeks old now. I don’t have the latest photos uploaded yet. She is getting control of that neck though and trying to lift her head up. She seems to like to sit upright more (with support of course) rather than being completely in the cradle position.

I have been blessed that all 4 of my children breastfed really easily. Elle has had no problems latching on and she loves to eat.

The biggest obstacle we’ve faced with her so far is thrush, but my friend gave me some Colloidal Silver and I just put a drop on my finger and rubbed it around in her mouth once a day and it cleared right up. Her diaper rash is gone too, but it was really inflamed so we used nystatin cream for that.

I’ll admit I am hormonal and emotional these days. It’s been bitter sweet to watch how quickly they change from being a tiny precious infant. I used to not care for the newborn stage so much. I wanted to skip to the part where they were walking and interacting. Now I LOVE this stage of innocence and simplicity. I absolutely adore it.

And her dad and siblings are just obsessed as I am.

Next up, baby’s first Christmas!

By Natalie|2015-12-03T11:40:50+00:00December 3, 2015|Babies|5 Comments

My Rollercoaster Recovery

As one of my friends said, in response to me rambling about all the drama that has unfolded since Elle was born, it has been The Perfect Storm.

I hate to sound whiny, but I do want to document all that has happened over the past 3 weeks. I want the good stuff to be what I focus on, but there is also struggle and challenges. So in order to be authentic I really want to be open about all of it. So here is the most condense version I could come up with for some of the rougher parts of my postpartum recovery.

The days following the delivery my red blood cell count, which was already really low, continued to drop and my blood pressure started to get lower as well. Eventually they ordered two units of blood to be put in me because my hemoglobin was at a 6 (when 12-14 is normal). Although it’s not what I wanted, it was all fine. I am currently at a 10.7. So that’s good news.

The next thing was that Elle failed her newborn hearing screening two days in a row. Everyone, including the professionals feel like it was a testing error. She passed on the right side and the type of hearing loss that we have is bilateral and there are many other reasons we feel like she has normal hearing. That’s not to say that it wasn’t upsetting or that we don’t take the test seriously. We will be doing a more thorough test in about 3 weeks. More on that later.

The day we were released from the hospital our land lord decided that would be the perfect time to have siding put on our rental home. We got the text message as we were being discharged. The entire time I have been home trying to rest with my newborn the outside of our home has been a construction zone. Imagine what it would sound like if a band of vikings were trying to break into your house. That’s what it’s like.

The next day was a Saturday and we were surprised to find a bunch of police cars right outside our window that morning. J went to see what was going on and we found out that our new college age neighbor had died in the night. His land lord came over a few minutes later and said not to let the kids out because the young man had died from a drug overdose.

A few days later my husband’s uncle passed away. It came as a shock to all of us. He had a really bad stroke and although we can’t make it to the funeral which is far from our home, J’s parents will be there and therefore they have had to postpone their visit. Although I am sad that they can’t come I am more sad that my father in law lost his only brother.

The first week at home was mostly spent in bed resting and I felt like my condition had improved a lot. Unfortunately it then took a sudden turn for the worse. After two weeks I felt like my blood loss increased and I had some minor abdominal pain and cramping. So I called my Doctor, but the only appointment time they had available was impossible for me to get to. I wasn’t too worried about any of this because my symptoms pretty weren’t terrible, but then I got a fever and chills and we decided it was safest to go to the Emergency Room.

That was a long night with lots of tests. They ended up sending me home at 2:00 am without any answers. I cried because I knew something was wrong, but they were telling me everything was normal.

A couple of days later (last Wednesday) I got in to to see my OB and was diagnosed with a bladder/kidney infection. I am now on amoxicillin and feeling so much better.

Then last Thursday I was able to make it to the family Thanksgiving and it was a wonderful day.

At that time I had only been on the meds for less than a day though so I wasn’t quite ready for an extended (no school) weekend with the kids by myself so my parents took all three of the older ones with them so that I could rest up.

Everything was going great until I got a call that SJ had thrown up. Then the next morning I learned that Ezie had too. My parents had to go back to work this week after taking so much time off to help so we picked up the kids. We are praying protection for myself and little Elle. It seems to be a mild stomach bug that has already passed. I still kept SJ home today just to be on the safe side.

That’s about it. I left a lot out, but I guess the point is these first 3 weeks postpartum have been rough. I am still optimistic that things are going to take a turn for the best and we can start thinking about Christmas! That will be nice.

By Natalie|2015-11-30T11:05:45+00:00November 30, 2015|Uncategorized|14 Comments

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