Today was a really special Sunday. SJ was water baptized.

I was crying before we even made it to the platform. My family was there to watch and support her. One of her best friends was there to give her a hug immediately after she came down from the stage. I got so many encouraging text messages from friends and loved ones speaking words of truth over SJ. I am so proud of her and thankful for what God has done in her life.

At our church they do baptisms as part of the worship service. SJ was the first one to get into the tank this morning and the song the worship team was playing was “Who You Say I am” by Hillsong Worship.

We haven’t sang that song in a really long time so I know it was the Lord that orchestrated the whole thing. I wrote a blog post back in 2018 called “The Healing I Never Saw coming“. In it I shared how I was asked to do sign language during worship on this one particular Sunday because we had some deaf individuals in the congregation. I don’t want to shine a spotlight on me at all, but I can’t help but share how good God is so here is an excerpt from that blog post from October 5th, 2018-

That Sunday I stepped up to the x on the stage and as the band began to play I took that music that I heard and I formed it into a visual with my hands. It was incredible. The beauty behind American Sign Language is amazing to me.

I was completely overcome with emotions as I felt the Lord healing me in areas that I didn’t even know it was needed. He did though. This was a full circle moment that I would have never envisioned in a million years. I let my hands sing as I signed the words

“I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who you say I am. You are for me, not against me. I am who you say I am.

Who the son sets free is free indeed. I am a child of God, yes I am. In my father’s house, there’s a place for me. I am a child of God yes I am”

When we were in a dark place after leaving our home in Texas we felt lost and confused about who we were.

When we had to choose how to help our daughter by either fully emerging in the signing community or having the cochlear implant surgery we felt lost and confused about who we were.

When I was asked to sign in worship but felt completely unqualified those same emotions were back, but as I motioned my hand back and forth to form the words “I AM WHO YOU SAY I AM” I knew it to be true.

No matter what obstacles or lies we are up against we can stand firm on the truth about what His word says about who we are and who He has called us to be.

I am chosen!

There is a place for me!

I am a child of God!

Who knew how this story would play out, the daughter of a worship leader profoundly deaf did not receive the supernatural healing prayed for.

It sounds bleak, but instead, God took us on a faith journey like no other. A journey that at times seemed so dark I felt like I had accidentally stumble into a pit. I had no idea where we were headed.

That Sunday as I stood next to my husband while he played the guitar and led the congregation I interpreted the words into sign language and it was like I had an aerial view of the journey and I saw how God’s hand was at work all along.

Here we are almost four years later and you can imagine how blessed I was to hear that song as J baptized SJ in the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I know that at 12 years old God is already using SJ and I can’t wait to see what all He has in store.

It’s been several weeks since I’ve posted and I hate that because this blog is such an incredible outlet for me and I usually get to write weekly. I have a really good excuse, or two, or TEN. Life has been very busy. 

I love the quote about how
“Adulthood is saying “But after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.” That’s a joke obviously, but I relate so much to that statement. J and I were exhausted after spending two weeks in Texas for the holidays and on the way home we talked about the next few months and how we wouldn’t have that much going on. Insert major eye roll here because Z’s robotics competitions started in January so almost every weekend was booked.

Add to that we decided to start a kitchen remodel. For context here is a picture of our kitchen at the beginning of the year.

What was originally going to be a new sink, countertops and a quick and cheap flooring cover-up turned into astronomically more. I’ll get into the details of  that another time, but trust me it was and IS a complete overhaul.

It’s still under construction, but phase one is complete and the kitchen is functional. J and his brother have been working around the clock for weeks, but it was time for a break. So for now I have  a new ceiling, new LED lights, new butcher block counter tops, new garbage disposal and farm house sink, and new flooring. What you can’t see is the updated electrical wiring and subflooring. We weren’t planning on getting in that deep at the time, but it was desperately needed and I’m glad it’s done now.

So that’s the biggest thing, but we also had a birthday in the house recently (SJ is TWELVE. What!?).

I know it’s crazy. I thought I just announced her birth here on Messy Mom. Also, she is getting baptized this weekend. YAY! And Z’s robotics team is going to the state championship… also this weekend (thankfully not at the same time). As you can see, we’ve been spinning some plates. It’s all good things though, thankfully.

Hopefully I will get to start blogging more after this week when things slow down a bit (wink wink).

I recently watched a movie on YouTube called Childhood 2.0.

A lot of the information shared was a reminder, but some of it was new and eye opening to me. ALL of it was very important. I have been recommending this free resource left and right since I saw it. Honestly, I feel like every parent needs to watch this!

I know it looks like it’s a fear mongering documentary, but it’s really about awareness and how to be on guard. I can’t shield my kids from everything, but I can be proactive about some of the imminent dangers that they face as kids and teens that I never did. Also, some of it helped me to see where I am struggling myself with addiction and insecurities that are social media based.

The video is an hour and a half long and I know how hard it is to carve out time for something like this, but to me it’s worth it. So much so that I watched it again and took notes. Side note, there are some “icky” images that they put in there to show how bad things are. Some of them are blurred, some aren’t. I could do without seeing that stuff personally, but it’s no different than what you would find on billboards or magazine covers.

My biggest takeaway is that most parents of teens grew up in the 70s or 80s (like myself) and it was a different era. We lived in a world where we spent most of our childhood playing outside. We learned about stranger danger and physical threats. Many parents are now using devices to keep our kids safe from those physical threats by location tracking or having 24/7 connection to them, but statistically speaking our world is much safer outside than it ever has been. Those physical dangers in most neighborhoods are much less likely to happen than the dangers that are happening online. As is stated in the film “We have traded a false sense of safety and security for actually putting our kids in riskier situations”.  

The movie talks about cyber bullying, suicide, pornography, depression, anxiety, addiction and more. One eye opening analogy that was shared was about pornography online. 27% of all video content on the unfiltered internet is pornographic. Imagine a coffee table that had four magazines on it and one of them was pornographic and three of them weren’t. Now imagine a parent had this in their home and just hoped that the kids didn’t look at the wrong one. That is what the unfiltered internet is today, only it’s in their pockets and it’s far worse than anything the former generations were ever exposed to.  

Again, this isn’t about fear or helplessness and I am not anti-technology or screens. My husband is a computer programmer who works on apps for a living. I am a blogger/influencer and it’s been my passion and side hustle for 14 years. My oldest son is a programmer in VEX robotics and competes in Esports which are video games!

We are the quintessential tech family, but I’m in the trenches trying to send out a signal flair to other families and younger generations. The hazards of kids and the internet are real but there is hope! There were several different experts that shared in this documentary. One of them was Patti Agatston, PhD, LPC who said “The best [content] filter that your child will develop  is in between their ears. So having an adult that they can go to that they trust is critical.”

Also Detective Richard Wistocki who works specifically with cyber crimes said,

“There is no bigger God’s gift than a mother’s intuition. When a mom knows something, feels something- there’s something wrong with their kids. God has given this gift to moms to protect their children.” 

I smiled at the end of the movie when it was noted that we have so many more resources than we did even five years ago! Many of the logos that popped up where resources I am very familiar with and can personally vouch for.

Protect Young Eyes

Bark

Fight the New Drug

Common Sense Media

Wait Until 8th

Also, the childhood2movie.com has a great community and discussion guide. Another one not mentioned but I get their newsletter and have one their books is Defend Young Minds.

I’ll end with a quote that is alarming but hopefully a wake up call. It comes from Joel Stoddard, MD MAS Pediatric Mental Health expert, he says

“Right now we’re effectively living in an experiment. How is this going to affect us? We’ll find out with the current generation.” 

My word for 2022 is Gratitude.

I felt the Lord dropped it in my heart when I was feeling extra grumpy. It was a dreary day at the end of December and I was thinking about how I had such high hopes for redemption in 2021. What I was specifically hoping for was that the pandemic would be over. I thought for sure with the vaccine being out and so many people having natural immunity we would see most of the news, rage, and restrictions subside, but not much changed. I even went to my first Covid related funeral. So it’s been pretty gloomy year. In that moment of despair I also felt like I was personally failing in all kinds of ways. So I started in on the whole “woe is me” bit that I rehearse in times of weakness. I was ready to just cross off the past year and consider it a dud. Then I felt a little spark of gratitude in my spirit and the Holy Spirit give me a nudge to make a list reflecting on what was good about 2021. So I pulled out my phone and began to type out some of the good things that I accomplished in 2021. Here is what I came up with

1. I finally got my hemoglobin on track after years of being anemic. This was huge!
2. I successfully concluded a year of homeschooling and my kids are doing great (I was so worried that I was failing them).
3. I finished the first draft of my memoir. This was also a major breakthrough for me!!!
4. I launched a successful life group that is still growing strong and building lasting, edifying friendships.
5. I got to see Guy Raz at a leadership conference which was kind of bucket list dream of mine. 
6. I threw four super special birthday parties (to make up for a year of no big parties). 
7. I upgraded my camera and photo editing software. It was expensive but I’m grateful for a side hustle that can cover those costs and capture beautiful memories for my clients.

Those are just some of what I feel like I accomplished. There are so many other major breakthroughs and joyous times that happened last year. Even though the enemy tried to back me into a corner with feelings of fear and inadequacy I can see for myself that 2021 was in fact a healthy, productive, and blessed year!

I love the song “Gratitude” by Brandon Lake. According to Spotify it was one of the songs I listened to the most in 2021. I really wanted to learn the sign language to the song and usually what I do for worshiping in ASL is google a video of someone that has already interpreted it. Only, in this case there weren’t any videos! That’s when it occurred to me that maybe I should be the one to fill that void. So I interpreted it over Christmas break and even got some help from a  dear friend of mine who is deaf and ASL is her first language. SJ and I have both been practicing and hopefully next week we’ll be ready to record a video and post it.

After all this focus on gratitude I got a belated Christmas present from a friend in the mail and I got choked up when I opened it.

It was a candle with the word gratitude on it. She had no idea that was my word for this year. The candle smells amazing by the way. It’s from a place called Thistle Farms which helps women survivors of trafficking, prostitution, and addiction. Definitely go support that ministry! It’s amazing. But sorry, as of now (01/20/22) the gratitude candle is sold out!

So there is one more 2021 recap while we are still in January. I know I already shared my goals, but I wanted to share my word. Gratitude. It’s significantly shaping my outlook for this year.

I love New Years Goals you guys. Nothing like vision casting on a blank canvas! Last year I had four main S.M.A.R.T. goals–

I wanted to have the kids in age appropriate grades by the 21/22 school year. I am so happy to report that they are all doing fantastic in school. Some subjects are harder than others and obviously they all have strengths and weaknesses, but they are working hard, having fun, and getting all the help they need. Parent teacher conferences were so reassuring. I can put a big check mark next to that 2021 goal.

Another goal from last year was to continue our health journey. I had very specific things I wanted to achieve and let’s just say we did not limit our treats in 2021. I did exercise though, so that was a serious achievement since I have never consistently worked out. Ring Fit Adventure on the Nintendo Switch was what got me on track in terms of fitness and I wrote about that already.

I also went to the doctor for a physical for the first time in years. That ended up leading me down a path that eventually resolved my ongoing issues with anemia. That is a long story and I will blog about it eventually, I promise.

I also wanted to read 21 books which I exceeded and wrote about them in the blog post “21 Books in 2021” .

Lastly my goal was to cut back on phone time and I failed miserably at that one. There is a feature on the iPhone that can set limits on certain apps and phone usage but it doesn’t work on my phone! That’s no excuse though. This goal is going to roll over into 2022. I can do it!

As far as this year’s goals, I really want to focus on my writing. My book is my biggest goal. I know I have talked about it plenty! I’ve poured my heart into this memoir for years and writing a book is a lifelong dream of mine, so this is big. I wrote the whole first draft in 2021 and I was pumped, but I did hit a little bump in the road back in October and haven’t really gotten my momentum back since. I don’t want to loose steam though. My goal was to have to it done before my birthday (in June) and I am still aiming for that. So that is why publish book is NUMBER ONE priority for me in 2022. I also hope to have a website reboot for Messy Mom which is a big undertaking and to have new headshots. Don’t even get me started on how awful I have been about keeping up with that stuff.

I guess in short I would say my goals are

1. Less phone time (see last years post for more details on what that looks like)
2. Finish my book
3. Build a new website

There are a lot of other things I want to work on and accomplish, but those are three I want to highlight. To be honest, I am nervous about 2022, not because I’ll be “over the hill” but I am not looking forward to year three of COVID-19 (insert anger emoji here). I know the past two years have taken a toll on all of us! I’m choosing to stand on the truth and 2 Timothy 1:7 where it says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” I looked into this verse which was written in a letter from Paul to Timothy when their lives were in imminent danger. I think the pandemic is stressful, but I can’t imagine how they must have felt as christians in a time where they were persecuted for their faith and methods of persecution were gorey and gruesome! It puts the verse in perspective.

Yesterday at dinner I had to announce to the kids that masks were mandatory again. I read them the email with the subject line *URGENT*. They all groaned and we had some discussions and we have continued to pray. Last year I thought for sure things would level off and that we would no longer be in panic mode. So far that doesn’t appear to be the case for 2022. I’m going off an a  tangent, here but even with all of that there is still so much to look forward to and be thankful for. Bring it on 2022. I am ready.

One thing after another! Poor little SJ has been falling apart over the past two weeks! We went to Texas for Christmas break and she got poison ivy as always. She tried to be cautious but sometimes it feels like she could be a mile away from poison ivy and still get it. So her face was an itchy swollen mess. Oh well, I thought. She knows the drill and she’ll be all healed up in about 7 days.

Shortly after the run-in with a rash one of her cochlear implant processors stopped working. No big deal, I thought. We’ve had these issues before and they usually send a replacement part overnight. I called customer service and apparently this time the solid orange light on the malfunctioning device indicated that it was an unknown error. I was told it had to be sent in to be diagnosed and they will give a refurbished replacement. They just needed insurance approval. No problem, I thought and proceeded accordingly. Then I got an email saying that our request was denied because SJ has to reestablish care with her ENT in order for him to sign off on it. So I made the appointment, but it’s not until the end of January. At this point I had to take a deep breath. It’s okay, I told myself. She can still hear with her right ear. Everything is going to be fine. Hopefully. 

Then a few days before we were going to head back home SJ threw up. I figured she just had an upset stomach because she seemed fine otherwise. Then she threw up again, and again, and again. I lost count of how many times I rubbed her back as she retched every last bit of stomach bile into the toilet. Thankfully it was only one day. A curious thing about it all was that when she vomited her poison ivy resurfaced. It was all healed up the night before. Here is a photo of her.
But this was what it looked like after she puked. It didn’t itch, but every scratch mark was clearly visible again. She had petechia around her eyes (broken capillary blood vessels from all the pressure going to her face from puking) and at one point the poison ivy rash turned purple and was all raised. I still don’t know what in the world happened there. If you have any theories I’m open to hearing them! You can’t google this level of weirdness.

We finally made the trek back home and SJ was excited to be reunited with her chickens. She loves the hens.

Some might call it an obsession. They are her favorite thing to think about, play with, and talk about. Chickens are happiness in SJ’s world.

Yesterday was the last day of Christmas break and SJ was in the back yard with the chickens when Mary Cauna pecked her right in the eye! This was a total fluke. She wasn’t holding her or anything. We’ve never had any issues like this, but anyway her beak punctured her eyelid and broke through to her actual eye ball. SJ started screaming and covering her face. It was really intense. When she calmed down enough for us to examine it J saw that it wasn’t looking good. There was no blood, but he could see that there was  a piece of cornea missing and eventually when he showed me what to look for I could see it too. This picture is from when the doctor put colored drops that show where the damage is.

It all happened around 2:30. I know because this is when I called the doctor and we went in at 4:45. Then we were sent to see an ophthalmologist at the Cincinnati children’s hospital emergency room. While there, SJ was having episodes of intense pain. I didn’t know what it was. It looked like a seizure. A nurse from the children’s hospital saw it and took notes. I was told as long as she was responsive it would be okay. That didn’t really help calm my fear though. When your daughter feels fine one minute and then slides into a trance where her eyes roll back into her head and her eyelids start fluttering. It’s scary to watch. SJ said she couldn’t shut her eyes. She also couldn’t open them. The episodes happened about a dozen times yesterday and they lasted close to two minutes each, give or take. Even when all the vision and eye exams were over and they confirmed there wasn’t any severe or long term damage I was still worried about my little girl and I’m sad to say the ophthalmologist wasn’t really hearing my concerns. Thankfully a doctor came at the end to go over her case and I finally got some answers. It was explained to me that the eyes have tons of nerves and are very delicate. The good thing is because they are living cells they heal rapidly! The bad news is that eye injuries are extremely painful so SJ was experiencing blepharospasms due to the pain.  I still don’t understand all of it. I don’t know if anyone ever will, but the bottom line is she is going to be okay. She has antibiotic drops and anointment which alleviates most of the pain. She’s doing a lot better today and has a follow up appointment tomorrow. I am appreciative of all the prayers for SJ and I am believing we will get a good report tomorrow and that she can go back to school on Thursday. That girl is full of grit and she’s going to get through all of this!