Natalie, Author at Messymom

About Natalie

I am a Jesus Lover, a wife, and a mother. And I'm making the best of what looks like a mess!

Elle at 4 months

Elle has had a major growth spurt over the past month. It’s like someone pulled the cord on a self inflating raft and she just instantly filled out. She is currently sitting at 14 pounds of super cute chunkiness.

Here she is doing some tummy time in her Dr. Seuss diaper. I held back on cloth diapers the first couple months because I was just trying to get back on my feet.

Now that I am back into my routine I’m starting to feel so much better, physically and emotionally.

There aren’t too many developmental milestones to report other than that Elle is getting stronger and more curious.

She appears to be my first thumb sucker of the bunch (just like her momma was) and she is also starting to explore by wanting to put things in her mouth.

We just love having her around!

By Natalie|2016-03-11T16:19:01+00:00March 11, 2016|Babies, My Life|2 Comments

Mornings as a Deaf Child With Cochlear Implants

The other day someone asked me about SJ’s cochlear implants. The person I was talking with had never heard of them before. I hadn’t either before I had a deaf child. They are such a huge part of my life now that I forget that it’s not “normal” and there are still a lot of things people don’t understand about the procedure and the device.

So I had the idea to share a day in the life of a child with a cochlear implant (CI), but it would probably take a day to write so I am going to break it up a bit. We’ll start with the beginning of the day.

Keep in mind these routines aren’t the same for every child with hearing loss and things will change as each child advances in their journey, but for now this is what it’s like for SJ.

CI recipients wear their processors about the same amount that the visually impaired would wear glasses. The way it was described to me was that “The Three S’s” remind you when to take them off “Shower, Swim, Sleep” So SJ wakes up in silence. She had severe/profound hearing loss already, but when someone has the cochlear implant surgery it damages whatever preexisting hearing they had. So when the processors are off she hears nothing at all.

For now I wake her up, but many years from now when she is on her own there are special deaf alarm clocks that vibrate and there is a variety of options to choose from.

Some children may like to put their CIs on the moment they wake up. SJ doesn’t. She likes to ease into her day and have things quiet at first. I mentioned this to my family and my sister in law (who is hearing) said she is the same way. Makes sense to me. I’m not much of a morning person either.

Anyway, SJ can talk without wearing her processors. She sounds the same either way except she is usually oblivious to her volume. Kind of like when someone is wearing headphones and they don’t realize that they are shouting. So I have to remind her to speak softly when this happens. She also reads lips and signs, so we manage pretty well in the mornings before she puts her processors on. It isn’t long though before she has to be dressed and ready for school. That is when she puts her processors on.

The processor is the part that allows her to hear (shown in the photo above in white, the round part is a magnet) and the implant is inside her head (shown on the left). She calls the processors her “implants” because that word is easier to say. I wrote more extensively about the equipment in the post “All About The Cochlear Implant“.

Technically SJ can put her processors on all by herself, but it’s not easy. So for now I usually do it for her. When she is bigger they will simply hook on her ears and stay put, but right now her ears are just too small. They don’t make child size cochlear implants so a 1 year old wears the exact same processors as an adult. There are multiple options for children to keep the processors on though. SJ uses special headbands that my sister in law makes for her.

At Christmas she gave her some new sparkly ones and SJ has been thrilled to have more options to choose from.

You can get more elaborate with the CI headbands, but SJ’s are as simple as they look. It’s just a headband with an elastic loop.

Sometimes she doesn’t wear headbands and on those occasions we keep the CIs in place with toupee tape.

That pretty much covers the whole morning routine. After that she is hearing and ready to head out the door and go to her deaf school!

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:22:41+00:00March 9, 2016|Cochlear Implants, Uncategorized|5 Comments

The Big Six

SJ turned 6 years old on Friday. If you have spent any time around MessyMom.com then you probably know I like to party. SJ has had a Cupcake Party, Green Eggs and Ham Party, Donut Party, and Tea Party. However as I said in my blog post “How to avoid overboard kid parties” I don’t do theme parties every year and this is an off year. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have fun though! SJ still had a fabulous birthday and I still got to cherish all those gigantic smiles with FOUR teeth missing.

I started the day by sneaking in her room to hang some streamers in the door and throw some pink balloons on her bed. This might sound fancy, but trust me it was nothing you are going to see on pinterest. She woke up late so all 5 of us snuck into her room to surprise her (not hard to do with a deaf girl). We sang happy birthday as a family and she was beaming!

Her birthday outfit was a shirt I got from a yard sale that had a number 5 on it, but I covered it with a pin that said “I am 6” and she also wore her cupcake headband from last year which was from a conisgnment shop.

No slaving over the oven this year. The cupcakes I sent with her to school were store bought and the 13×9 cake that we ate that night was all from a box.

My parents and nieces and nephew came over for her “party”. It worked out great because they were going to come over anyway because their mom just had a baby and needs to rest. It made for a really great surprise birthday slumber party though.

Decorations $2

Birthday accessories $6

Birthday desserts $10

Birthday joy- Priceless

So as you can see it was definitley a low budget simple year and I know SJ still loved it just as much as the years I go all out.

The fun continued on Saturday since the family was still around to hang out and ride scooters.

Then Sunday she graduated to the big girl class at children’s church and yesterday she had her first daddy/daughter date.

That’s the last of it though. The birthday festivities are officially over until next year, which may or may not be a theme party. I’ll warn you though, if an idea sparks, there is no stopping me!

By Natalie|2016-03-08T12:36:54+00:00March 8, 2016|Frugal Living, Motherhood, Parties, Uncategorized|5 Comments

Praise Report for Elle

Elle is almost 4 months old and I am sorry to admit that I have neglected to share updates, but I was waiting. Waiting to learn more about her hearing.

Since the last time I shared she had another ABR and it was a good appointment. The audiologist felt like she got a final reading and we won’t need to do anymore ABRs. Praise the Lord!

Here is what we know. Elle has mild hearing loss in the left ear and is right on the line of normal on the right ear. That means we will wait until she is mobile before we put a hearing aid on her left ear. When she is old enough she can decide whether or not she even wants to bother with the hearing aid. That is how mild her hearing loss is. She could potentially get by without any intervention at all. That’s really awesome, but it gets even better.

I was waiting to share this news because I really wanted to get the genetic test results back. Once that came I would be able to exhale. I called the hospital last week just in case it was ready, but it wasn’t. It took six weeks and when I finally got that call it was really bad timing because I was on my way to pick up SJ from school. I couldn’t wait any longer though I wanted to know. I was assuming it would be a really short phone call confirming that Elle’s hearing loss is the same as SJ’s, but it wasn’t. As I am driving along I was trying to take in all this mind blowing information. At the stoplight I grabbed some eyeliner and scrap paper to try to jot down some of what she was telling me.

The geneticist said SJ’s genetic mutation is typical severe to profound deafness and Elle’s is mild. I couldn’t hold back my exuberance. That’s great news. I exclaimed So it should stay mild? and she said yes. I could tell the geneticist on the phone was glad that she was able to rejoice with me. I’m guessing she has to make a lot sad phone calls when it comes to DNA results. I could hardly control myself I apologized for being so dramatic and I told her I had been expecting it to be different. I didn’t even know that it was possible for them to have two different forms of genetic hearing loss.

She said the only way this is possible is if either the mother or father have hearing loss. She said it could potentially be so mild it was never diagnosed. I jumped in before she even finished. That’s me! I know it sounds weird to be excited to claim responsibility for my child’s genetic mutations, but I have had trouble hearing specifically on my left side for a long time. Even on the blog I have talked about how I can’t hear high pitches. I have written about my self diagnosis for Meniere’s disease, or how I went to have my ears checked again when I was pregnant with Elle. Except I never felt like the Doctors took me seriously. I never stood up for myself and demanded answers or treatment. When the last audiologist never called me back I just dropped it. Yes, my hearing loss is a nuisance, but I manage. You know how it is with moms. We take care of everyone else first and our own needs get put on the back burner and forgotten.

So basically for the past 4 years we have assumed that J and I were both carriers of hearing loss because we can hear, but in actuality J is a carrier and I have what is called autosomal dominant hearing loss. I THINK. Don’t quote me on all this. I still have a lot to learn. When I casually mentioned to my mom that I am not good at genetics in the same way that I am not good at math. She plainly said “Understanding genetics is like rocket science. Don’t feel bad.”

I do hope to learn more when we meet with our geneticist in a couple weeks. I didn’t want to wait that long to share this news though. It’s such a huge relief to me. I had pretty much put my whole life on hold, not in a way that I resented, but my brain did not have space to be creative, work on blogging, photography or any additional endeavors. I was waiting to see how much Elle would need from me. I was waiting with bated breath to find out whether or not she would loose the hearing that she does have. No one other than God himself knows what each day holds for any of us, but at least for the most part I can rest now knowing that Elle’s hearing loss is stable and she will need very little intervention in comparison to having cochlear implants. I would have been fine either way, but this brings me so much peace. He always knows my needs.

By Natalie|2016-03-07T18:20:15+00:00March 7, 2016|Uncategorized|7 Comments

A Safer Internet

I knew the day would come when we wanted some kind of filter for the internet and with an 8 year old doing reports and searches online that day is here. I have been asking friends what they use and it’s been on my mind a lot lately.Except we aren’t at a place where we can afford a subscription or service like that right now so I have just been trying to keep a close eye on things.

Recently Z created a biography on Google Docs. It was really neat and creative, but I asked him where he got the images and it was basically a search engine. I took some deep breaths and explained that he wasn’t allowed to do that anymore.

Quick side note there is a book out there called “Good Pictures Bad Pictures” and from what I have read about it it’s a great way to open up discussion for if (or better yet when) your child is exposed to pornographic images. I haven’t ordered the book yet, but I’ll let you know more about that when I do.

There is bad stuff in the world and we can’t bubble wrap our kids, I get that, but it’s just depressing when you are looking up sing-a-longs on youtube and one of them is laced with vulgarity to be funny or you are trying to do a report on swing dancing but images of swingers show up and scar you for life. I am speaking from experience here.

So when I first heard about Kiddle the FREE safe search engine for kids, I immediately went to check it out.

Then I typed in words like guns, bikini, Oscar dresses, farts, butts, Kim Kardashian, transformers, spice, swingers, beheading- any word I could think of that could trigger something inappropriate and it passed all of my tests! Most of my even slightly controversial words it said “Oops, looks like your query contained some bad word. Please try again” Although when I checked it today I noticed it said “Oops. Try again” I am not too surprised they modified this because I am sure people were not wanting their kids to think everything was a bad word for example menstruation.

I am really relieved that Kiddle is here and paving the way for the internet to be a great resource for kids without damaging them. I mean it’s one thing when an adolescent goes looking for trouble, but it breaks my heart when a child is trying to do something totally innocent and gets blindsided. You can’t unsee things.

Granted, some parents are still upset because they were able to find questionable content on Kiddle. My response to this is that it is not a replacement for monitoring your children. Disney Land is generally a family friendly environment, but there is a possibility that the guy in front of you in line will have a tattoo of a naked lady on his bicep. So yes, when it comes to censoring the entire world wide web by hand there is a chance that things are going to slip through or that a search for the word lesbian is offensive to one person, but not the other. At least from what I’ve experienced Kiddle is going to filter let’s just say 99% of the scary stuff.

One other minor thing that I haven’t seen anyone else talk about in their reviews is that Kiddle will not show copyrighted content. At least that’s what I am guessing is the case I’m not sure. This heavily limits the amount content available when you use the images tab. So let’s say Z is looking for a picture of The Rescue Bots or Sonic the Hedgehog (words that we actually “Kiddled”). A bunch of other random stuff comes up that isn’t relevant. There are tons of other options when it comes to looking for images, but I thought I would mention this little hiccup in case you were looking for a picture of Elsa and found this

Instead of this.

So needless to say I am really excited about this search engine. I am thrilled that it is accessible to everyone even those of us on the tightest of budgets.

I know I will still want some other filter eventually that will work on all websites and devices, but this buys me some time. My 8 year olds internet usage is very limited and heavily monitored right now anyway so I think this will cover us for a while.

Do you use any kind of filter or program in your home? If so I’d love to hear about it.

By Natalie|2016-03-03T13:02:32+00:00March 3, 2016|Family, Schooling|1 Comment

Hot Nanny Rant

I might get in trouble for this, but I’ve got some profound marriage advice for all the working moms and dads out there. Are you ready?

Stop hiring hot nannies.

I know I will probably get hate mail for sexy shaming, but hear me out. At least a couple times a year some celebrity, politician, real life friend or whatever gets in trouble for having an affair with their nanny. Really. It’s so soap operay, but it seems to happen a lot and I think I may have a remedy for this.

How about picking a nanny whose experience could potentially surpass your age. When you look at the most influential nannies of the past century they look very different from the nannies I see on the cover of Us Weekly.

Take the Nanny reality shows for example. I never heard any scandals about any of them sexting.

Or that movie from 2005 Nanny McPhee. See what I mean?

Mary Poppins was cute and all, but if your nanny dresses like this then I’m not as concerned.

How about Mrs. Doubtfire? Yeah, I know “she” was a dad crossdressing to see his children illegally, but she was a good nanny!

So what you really want to look for in a nanny is someone that has a British accent and has their blouse buttoned all the way to the top. Umbrella and magic powers are recommended, but not required. What you don’t want is someone that looks like they just finished up auditioning for the bachelor.

There are a lot of bad celebrity examples that I could use to support my hot nanny theory, but I don’t want to give more attention to these sad stories. However there is one celebrity nanny where thankfully the dad actually made the RIGHT choice. Way to go dad! Last month after Eva Amurri’s husband got a lewd text from the nanny he came home to find her “waiting for him” in his bedroom. He secretly hit record on his phone to ensure he wouldn’t be framed or something (smart choice). Then he told her she was being extremely unprofessional and fired her on the spot. I hope he is an example for all the men out there put in this position. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work out this way.

So I’ve got a list of interview questions that could help weed out some of these sultry home wrecking nannies.

Of course you can ask all of the usual stuff like “What experience do you have working with children?” or “Do you know CPR?”, but here are some additional questions with ideal answers you would hope to hear.

Do you know how to twerk? You want your nanny to assume this is a cooking term.
What did you do for spring break 2014? You are looking for something along the lines of “Well, I got to see my kids who had been away at college”
Do you have a public Facebook account? If so, ask to see it.
What kind of music do you listen to? Anything that replaces the letter S with a $ or Z is a red flag.
Have you had a boob job? If it’s reconstructive surgery that’s totally fine.
What about a tramp stamp? Hopefully she thinks this has to do with a Disney movie and mailing a letter.
When I say the word party do you picture shot glasses or a Curious George cake? Obviously we are looking for the latter here and bonus points if she has the pinterest board to back it up.
Do you plan to use CPR on my husband? This is a trick question. The answer is no.
Do you have a snapchat account? If so say I am sorry, but this job is not for you.

Okay, okay, I’ll admit it. Even if you did find the perfect nanny I’m sure she would be terrified to work for you after hearing these questions, so you might want to scratch that idea. But seriously there is no shame in creeping on their Facebook.

By Natalie|2016-03-02T12:03:28+00:00March 2, 2016|Laughter, Uncategorized|7 Comments

Dealing With a Wet Basement

In our current house there are concrete stairs in the back which lead down to the basement. I know this is not a gorgeous shot, but it’s an old house that needs a lot of work.

At the bottom of the stairs there is a drain to prevent water from accumulating, but all it takes is a few leaves in the fall to block that drain. If this drain is clogged when a storm hits the water goes right under the threshold and can easily flood the basement. Luckily our basement is unfinished and is basically just a laundry room. It was still a scary sight the first time we saw standing water downstairs though.

Whether it’s a leaking water heater, a broken pipe, or a nature related incident, basement floods are not uncommon. Basements tend to hold moisture anyway and that is never good for your home or belongings.

The good news is there are a number of things you can do to take care of it before the water damage does some serious destruction.

Be Safe

First things first. If you have a flooded basement you need to take great precaution that there are not chords or electrical wires near the water. If possible, turn your power off before you get started because electricity and water don’t mix!

Clear or elevate your stuff

If there is anything important that you want to remove go ahead and get that out of the way. If it’s not too late you may be able to salvage your valuable possessions. In our basement we have everything elevated as a precautionary measure. If you know your basement is prone to flooding and you live in an older home you can’t take any chances. We chose to keep our belongings elevated at least 6 inches by using some really basic shelves that J built with 2×4’s and OSB. Simple but effective.

Get the water out

Now that you have addressed the electricity and maybe some of your belongings, it’s time to really get started on restoring your basement. Some cases will require professional help, while others can be addressed on your own with the right equipment. One way to get rid of the water is a shop vac (otherwise known as a wet/dry vacuum). This will allow you to extract most of the water and dump it outside or down a drain. In our case we have a utility sink that is the most convenient. Our flooding incident was minimal, but if there is too much water to worry about dumping out heavy bucket loads all day then consider renting a portable pump or extraction unit.

4.Dry the basement

The goal is to completely dry out your basement. Even if you don’t have a basement that floods, if it’s damp, it’s a problem. Moisture is your home’s enemy and can cause all kinds of expensive problems such as rotten wood and mold. The way you want to deal with this is by using an air mover along with a dehumidifier. My brother cleans carpets professionally and he uses AER Industries. They have several options for air movers, and commercial dehumidifiers. The air mover and dehumidifiers to pull the remaining mostiure out from the carpet or flooring, the framing material, drywall, and all surfaces. It’s critical to act quickly in order to prevent mold damage which can happen in as little as 48 hours.

5. Clean and disinfect

Once you have thoroughly dried out your basement it is important that you clean and disinfect everything . This is once again to prevent mold from trying to creep in. After you’ve finished sterilizing the room you are done.

Those are 5 basic steps to clean up a flooded basement, but they are helpful tips for any areas of your home that tend to be damp or have been exposed to water for whatever reason.

Hopefully you won’t find yourself in that kind of predicament, but with stormy springtime weather right around the corner you may want to pin this information for later just in case.

Today’s informative post is sponsored, but as always the advice given here is geniune and I hope you’ll find these tips to be helpful.

By Natalie|2016-03-01T10:07:38+00:00March 1, 2016|Projects|2 Comments

No Excuses Book Review

When I saw the Duracell commercial about Derrick Coleman for the first time I cried. When I watched it for the 10^th time I cried. I tear up pretty much any time I hear that monologue because it reminds me of SJ and how focused and driven she is in the midst of adversity.
I recently checked out Coleman’s book No Excuses from the library and since then I have recommended it to everybody. If you have a child or you yourself have any form of disability I think you would be extremely encouraged by Coleman’s story.

A lot of it I can relate to because of my own connection with hearing loss. SJ started ballet recently and I feel like reading No Excuses has allowed me to become an even better advocate for her. I was able to tell the instructors that she is capable and you don’t need to baby her, but also giving practical information on how she may understand more when you are facing her and she can read your lips. Eventually she’ll have to be vocal about her needs, but until then I am there to do it for her.

The book was full of all kinds of excellent advice without just spelling things out in a preachy way. There was also a lot of behind the scenes football stuff. I am not a huge football fan at all. I know pretty much nothing about the game, but I still got a lot out of it.

For example there was one part of the book where Coleman makes it onto an NFL team and he messes up during a game. He knows that he blew it and so he immediately apologizes to the coach and the coach says 4 simple words “Don’t worry about it”. At first I took this as a really great reply. How sweet that that coach would give him grace during such a high pressure event. Yeah I really thought that, but what Derrick was thinking was Oh no. They are done with me. He said you know that if a coach ever stops correcting you they no longer believe in you. The fact that this coach let him off the hook meant that he was also going to let him go. And Derrick was right. After that he was sent packing.

I was inspired by this tiny little nugget, because as a momma who can tend to be big on mercy it made me think about the importance of correction. I’m not saying that I have to constantly play the role of coach and not a compassionate mother, but that’s not the point. The point is we correct our children because we value them and even though I know this is true, it was still a good reminder for me.

The next day my son was complaining about how his friends get to stay up past 10:00 every night playing video games and he was showing resentment toward me because I don’t let him do that. I explained how those kids are either exaggerating or maybe their parents really don’t care, which is scary. Then I gave him the football story about Derrick and the coach. I said It might be easier if I let you do whatever you want and never correct you, but that’s not what’s best for you. When that coach said “Don’t worry about it” he basically was saying you are not on my team anymore so I’m not going to waste my time. But, son you are on my team. And your dad and I are always going to care about you and instruct you. You may not like it, but we are trying to make sure you turn out to be the best player you can possibly be! We want you to win the super bowl!”

Yes. I actually went there with the sports analogy.

Back to the book, if you are craving an uplifting true story you should give No Excuses a chance. Derrick Coleman defied the odds by becoming the first legally deaf offensive player in the history of the NFL. And not only that he saw victory on the field. The book made me so happy for him and for all deaf people.

Two thumbs up from Messy Mom.

By Natalie|2016-02-29T10:30:16+00:00February 29, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

When Christine Met Brad

Today’s guest post is from Christine Leeb who has a burning message to share about marriage. Just when they thought theirs was over God stepped in.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Our journey together began in college in the fall of 1996. He was the Graduate Assistant for the marching band and I was on the dance team. The first time I saw him, I thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen. It didn’t matter that he was wearing a Huckleberry Hound t-shirt, khaki shorts with white socks and sandals, he had the most amazing blue eyes. I was instantly smitten.

At good ‘ole Eastern Illinois University—what’s with all the crackers?

Our relationship was not pretty. In fact, anyone who knew my husband and I when we first started dating would have voted us “The Couple Most Likely to be Divorced”. I’m sure that some of our friends that knew us are shocked that we are still together today, and frankly, so am I. I say this, not out of disrespect for marriage, but because we didn’t do anything right from the beginning. Even as a dating couple, we were a disaster.

We loved each other, but we didn’t do it well. There was a lot of breaking up, a lot of fighting and finally after 4 years of dating and an ultimatum later, he finally proposed. Why? Only God knows. Ultimatums are not a good way to start out a marriage. Regardless, less than 6 months later, on July 8, 2000, we were married,

Marriage for us was not easy. In fact, a book describing our marriage for the first 8-9 years would be called What Not To Do For A Successful Marriage with a subtitle–Whatever Brad and Christine are Doing, Do the Exact Opposite! This was difficult for us because my parents had been married for 30some years and Brad’s parents had been married for over 40some years at the time. So why couldn’t we do it?

No one ever told us how hard marriage was. It was frustrating.
There was definitely love there. There was definitely friendship. There was definitely common ground. And when things were good, they were really good, but when things were bad, they were really bad. In 2009, our marriage completely fell apart. It all happened right after a 4 year struggle with infertility. Right after we miraculously got pregnant with our beautiful boy, Ben.

That was when our marriage almost ended in divorce. It’s embarrassing to admit it, but it’s true. Now, our marriage is stronger and better than it’s ever been, but we can’t believe how close we came to ending it…to giving up. Don’t ever doubt Him! Brad and I get teary-eyed just thinking about the fact that had we not fought to save our marriage, we wouldn’t have had two more blessings added to our family! Thank God, for not giving up on us!

Even though it seemed to us that Ben came at the worst time in our marriage God knew that it was the perfect time. He always does, right? God knew that if He blessed us with a child at the exact same time that our marriage was about to end, we would fight to save it.

And, so, we went to marriage counseling. I remember feeling embarrassed that we had to go. I didn’t even want to tell my parents. When I did, though, my dad says (in his Mattoon, IL southern accent–yes, we Illinoisans have a southern accent) “Well, I’m sure you’re mother and I needed marriage counseling, we just never went to marriage counseling.”

The first two or three maybe even four of our sessions were just Brad and I talking and yelling at each other while the counselor just sat there with his mouth open. For over a year we continued to go to counseling, and we made progress, but trust me, it got worse before it got better. It seemed that for every step forward that we’d take, we would take 100 steps back. It felt hopeless. It felt like we were never going to move forward and heal. I wanted to give up, but I didn’t.
At this point either one of us could have left. Either one of us could have given up, but we didn’t. We never gave up on us! We kept trying to make it work! It was tough. It was not fun to hold the mirror up to our faces and to really take a good at ourselves and see how much we had hurt each other. But we both faced our demons head on, and we were ready to get it all out! Look out!!!

So much came out during these sessions. We realized that we lived over 8 years with a marriage that was not God-centered. It was a marriage that was not protected. Because of that, the enemy attacked our marriage in every way. The enemy seeks to kill, steal, and destroy every marriage. We had so much brokenness that we didn’t even realize it. We struggled with jealousy, selfishness, lack of trust, disrespect, lack of communication, lack of time together, lack of making our marriage a priority, depression, oh—and, don’t forget the 4 years of infertility thrown into the mix, and the list goes on. All of this mess built up into 8 years of resentment, lack of forgiveness, and anger towards one another. It was ugly.
I will never forget the turning point for us: I got so angry at him one night that I screamed and screamed at the top of my lungs about how mad at him that I was. After that, I’m convinced that God said: “Ok, you’ve said your piece. Now be quiet.” He shut my mouth for eight days. Yes, eight days. We didn’t talk to each other at all. Instead we wrote letters. We wrote and wrote—page after page. We got everything out. Thousands of words. Miles of hurt. Eight years of questions. Eight years of pain. Eight years of destruction. Out. FINALLY—-We were free. Praise the Lord. There was hope.
Not to say that things were perfect from then on, but it was a start—a fresh start! A start to freedom. A start to a healthier communication. A start to an amazing NEW friendship and love. A start to rebuilding a marriage with a foundation of trust. A start of a new marriage with God in the center just the way He intended marriage to be!
In June of 2010, Brad and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. After a year and a half of literally starting our marriage over and building it from the ground up, we chose to celebrate our fresh start in a big way. We traveled out to Napa California.

We wore our wedding attire and we renewed our vows on a hot air balloon ride over the valley. It was beautiful. It was amazing. It was heavenly. I could feel God smiling.

Even after almost 16 years together, we are still working on our marriage. Marriage is always a work in progress. We, as individuals, are always a work in progress. Brad and I thank God for pursuing us, changing us, and loving us so much that He used our past to help us build a better future. He helped us to grow closer to each other and to Him. And we are now able to set an example to our children as to what a healthy marriage should be. We are so thankful that God never gave up on us. He kept trying. But that’s not all there is—we had to never give up too. We had to keep trying too.

WHAT THIS MEANS TO YOU

No matter what your struggle is- obviously for me, it was my marriage. For you, it might be your marriage too or it might be something else. No matter what your challenge is, just know that God will never give up on you and He will always keep trying to find new ways to pursue you. In any way that you feel hopeless, may God bring you hope.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12: 12
Together, Brad and I came up with a list of 10 tips that have helped us to have a healthier marriage. We pray they help you too…

1. Put God at the center of your marriage. Even though we have different religions, we still pray together. Pray for each other. Pray! Pray! Pray!
2. Grow together. Be willing to learn from each other.
3. Communicate. Don’t let little things turn into big things. Find out how you both communicate best. And Listen!
4. It is not your job to make each other happy. We are in charge of our own happiness. Instead, show each other unconditional love, encouragement, respect, and support.
5. Laugh together. Find the humor in little things. Always be on each other’s side.
6. Be honest—even if it’s not what the other person wants to hear.
7. Admit when you’re wrong. More importantly, tell your spouse when he’s/she’s right (even though it doesn’t happen that he’s right very often…hehe.).
8. Sometimes some things just don’t need to be said.
9. Don’t let solvable problems be the robber of your time, energy, thoughts and joy.
10. Find something you both enjoy doing together. Be willing to try new things together and get involved in each other’s interests. Be silly and have fun together!

CHRISTINE LEEB is The Real Mom–she has a messy kitchen, loses her patience with her kids, hides brownies from her family, and keeps motherhood real through 4Real Moms—an organization encouraging moms to be real while helping them be the best moms God created them to be. She is a speaker, writer, and Christian Life Coach. She is the author of In His Light: Facing Fear with Faith and three ebooks: Best In-Home Date Nights That Don’t Involve the TV, Blessed in the Mess: 10 Ways to Find Balance in Motherhood, and 22 Ways to Love Your Husband Like a Boyfriend Again which has an on-going 14-Day Challenge for wives to take– JOIN NOW. www.4realmoms.com

By Natalie|2016-02-26T09:47:35+00:00February 26, 2016|Marriage, Uncategorized|4 Comments

When Bill Met Loretta

It was 1963 and Bill was a Senior at Hub City Bible Insitue in South Dakota. When he met Loretta he knew she was the one. She was a petite blue eyed beauty who had plenty of boys pursuing her, but Bill didn’t let that stop him and he asked her out. Loretta decided to give Bill a chance and their relationship grew and grew. Being at a conservatie Bible school there were very strict guidelines about how much time a couple could spend “courting” and those hours were logged. Bill and Loretta were supposed to limit it to one hour a week, but they couldn’t bear to be apart that often so they decided they would spend their time together studying in the library. It was just the loophole they needed in order to see each other more.

Things began to get serious and it was time for Bill to meet Loretta’s family. Loretta’s family was of German descent and they went to a German church where it was customary at the time for the men to sit on one side and the women on the other. However the service was in German and Bill didn’t speak German. So yet again they found their loophole and they convinced those in charge they needed to sit together so that Loretta could interpret the service for Bill.

At this point they had been together for over a year and they were still spending their days “studying” at the library. The library was a special place for them. It’s where they really got to know each other and Bill cherished the significance of those moments enough that he thought it would be a great place to propose. So one day while they were at the library he asked her to marry him using a game of hangman. Of course she said yes and they began to plan a wedding.

Loretta wanted to make sure the day was perfect. She made her own wedding dress. She had family and friends enlisted to help with all the details. They even hid their car in a grain elevator so no pranksters (like Bill’s brother for example) would try to do anything to it. Then on October 23 , 1964 before their family, friends, and church they became husband and wife.

They immediately began their ministry together. Everything they did was to build the kingdom and give glory and honor to their savior Jesus Christ. They were married for two years before they had their son Kendall and then a couple years later Jonathan. After 8 years Loretta wanted to try once more for a daughter. She convinced Bill that they were certain to have a baby girl this time. Soon enough they were expecting baby number 3. The nursery was decorated and the hospital bags were packed with all things pink and finally little David was born. That’s right . They had their third son.

It might not have been what they were expecting but God had blessed them with three healthy boys that grew up as strong leaders who serve the Lord. Loretta eventually had three wonderful daughter in laws that she was very close with. She and Bill also had the joy of getting to be grandparents to 11 grandchildren. Sadly, one of their granddaughters was still born and went to be with Jesus at birth. It was difficult for the family to experience this loss, but they clung to each other and to the word of God during this trying time.

Bill’s favorite Bible verse was “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal Isaiah 26:3.

That verse and the supernatural peace of the Holy Spirit is what carried them through many trying times, like when Loretta was diagnosed with breast cancer. Bill had to become her caregiver and it was season of testing, and trusting in God like never before . Everyone was praying diligenty in the midst of this hardship, and miraculously Loretta had an incredible turn around. She felt whole and was able to garden and cook and do all the things she loved doing. Her well being came at the perfect time because unfortunately this season of testing wasn’t quite over yet.

In the summer of 2015 Bill had an aneurism and it was Loretta’s turn to care for Bill. Due to a terrible fall off of a ladder along with his deteriorating health, Bill ended up in a nursing home. They never enjoyed being apart and it felt dark and lonely. Bill wasn’t supposed to leave the nursing home at all until he was completely approved for discharge, but once again they found a loophole! Loretta convinced the medical team that it would be nice for Bill to step out just briefly since they knew he was on the mend. The staff approved this request and so they snuck off together. Bill took off his neck brace and back brace and those two crazy love birds managed to have a patriotic photo together that day for the church directory.

Soon after that they were both back home going to church and having meals with family. Loretta was getting to paint the granddaughters nails and share stories with them while Bill was tinkering in the garage with the boys. They had been married for over 50 years and in ministry together that whole time. They were blessed and they knew it. Then when they least expected it Loretta’s health took a turn for the worse, again. Then one morning as Loretta was lying in bed under the careful watch of the hospice nurse, the nurse pulled Bill aside and told him that she thought she had about 30 days to live. Bill told her that he felt like she would be gone by the coming Saturday, 5 days from then. The nurse argued a bit wanting Bill to hang on to all hope, but Bill stood his ground. Then Bill looked her in the eye and said “and I will be going home shortly after”. He shared this with everyone from his son’s foreign exchange student to the pharmacist. He was insistant. The nurse was concerned and warned the family to watch him carefully for possible suicidality following Loretta’s death. Bill’s sons felt that although he implied heaven when he said he was going home, maybe he really just meant his own house. Five days later Loretta passed ways just as Bill had said.

It was a sad day for everyone. Loretta was a light that had impacted so many and now she was gone. The family mourned while at the same time celebrating her homecoming.

Bill went back to working on projects in the garage and spending time with his family. It was his first time alone in 50 years, but the peace of God was with him. Then a month after Loretta’s passing Bill had a sudden stroke that took his life and he too went to be with the Lord. It may have been unexpected to the family, but Bill knew it in his heart and spirit all along.

Bill and Loretta had a commitment to Christ and to each other that is the rarest of treasures. The legacy they leave behind is one that is evident in their families and will trickle down for generations and generations to come.

When Loretta passed away on October 17, 2015 they used that patriotic photo for her obiturary, but Bill was cropped out. When Bill passed away on November 18^,2015 they used that same photo and this time Loretta was cropped out. However, if you look really close in Loretta’s photo you’ll see Bill’s shoulder in the corner and if you look close at Bill’s photo you can spot some of Loretta’s hair. They were in eachothers obiturary photos. Just like they managed to be together in the library, or in the old German church, or the nursing home, they found their loophole.

By Natalie|2016-02-25T10:15:49+00:00February 25, 2016|Marriage, Uncategorized|7 Comments

Previous 404142 Next