Free Donuts!?

I have been working hard to cut back sugar for our family this year. Each month another sweet treat is eliminated from the menu in our home and will no longer be restocked, but one thing I don’t think I will ever make completely off limits is donuts.

Did you know that National Donut Day is TOMORROW!? I didn’t, but it turns out it’s a thing.

Be sure to stop by your local Krispy Kreme or Dunkin’ Donuts to get a free donut Friday June 5th!

I know that Dunkin’ Donuts will require a drink purchase, but they have excellent coffee. I will be ordering my favorite, which is the cool and sweet Iced Caramel Latte with Whipped cream.

There is a party in my tummy. So yummy. So yummy…

Speaking of parties, a lot of the party ideas that we implemented SJ’s 4th birthday would be perfect for donut day or a variety of occasions.

Check out the party post HERE to see how my DIY donut invitations, donut hole fruit kabobs, and donut piñata turned out.

You can also head over to my donut party pinterest board for even Donut fun like:

Donuts for elves (they are actually cheerios). So cute!

Or stamping colorful thumbprints for donut sprinkles.

“If You Give a Dog a Donut” might be fun reading material for your kids this weekend.

There are so many possibilities! I realize we have a health epidimec in our society so maybe I shouldn’t be promoting a day that celebrates what is possibly the least nutritious snack of all time disguised as a breakfast food. But there are actually a lot of alternative recipes out there for vegan, gluten free, paleo, and keto donuts. Because regardless of your dietary needs I think every one deserves something sweet from time to time, “donut you think? “

Do you have a favorite donut?

By Natalie|2015-06-04T09:28:33+00:00June 4, 2015|Crafts, Creativity, Frugal Living, Parties|5 Comments

How Do I Know I am Done Having Babies?

J and I always wanted a big family. We were in agreement, but we never set a number. It seems for a lot of people they have always known exactly how many kids they wanted, but I never did.

Yet, here we are at baby number 4 and suddenly I know that I’m done.

This is actually SJ. I don’t have a sono of baby #4 yet.

It’s not that frazzled hair, bug-eyed mom staring blankly into space whimpering, “No more. Pleeease make it stop!”. I mean, I might look like that mom at times, but that’s not how I feel about it.

I’m going to be extremely candid and uncensored with my personal thoughts and feelings here, so please keep in mind that they are just that- personal. Every couple needs to follow their own path when it comes to bearing children; when, if, and how many. And sometimes that path is determined for you for various reasons. I don’t want my words to be hurtful, I am just expressing how it’s worked out for me at this point. That’s all.

There are a lot of reasons I feel like I am done, but the biggest is that I don’t want to birth children when I am over 35. There I said it. I said it to someone the other day who gracefully mentioned that ALL of her children were born when she was over 35. I hope I did a decent enough job of pulling my foot out of my mouth when she told me that, because I really do think she and other women like her are awesome. I know lots of people that have gone that route and I am all for it.

For me though, I will be turning 33 this month and so as far as I’m concerned this is it. Given my fertility history, if we continued having children I would be at least 35 when the next one would be born. I know that pregnancies after 35 are considered “high risk”, but that’s not even why I decided this. I just had a peace about having closure at this time. My body has been either pregnant or nursing for 8 years. After this baby I will have committed a decade of my life to using my body as a beautiful and miraculous source of nourishment. I feel a little sad about moving on from that season, but I know I’m ready. It’s not just about pregnancy either, these children grow up and I am considering my age when they graduate, and potentially have my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Only God knows the future. Children, health, and lives in general are all very unpredictable. So I realize my planning is somewhat futile, but I still like to dream about what lies ahead.

I look forward to soaking up every last bit of this pregnancy and turning the pages slowly as I close the chapter on this era.

I like that I know so many other moms that are at the same stage as me. I feel like there is a bond between us. If you know me, you know I never let conformity determine my choices AT ALL, but I have a lot of women I can turn to for support about this decision. And that’s a nice feeling.

Me and one of my closest friends when we were pregnant with our oldest sons (8 years ago). She has had 6 pregnancies and I’ve had 4. We are both feeling the same about the next step.

The thought of missing the tiny toddler voices makes my heart ache, but I get a burst of excitement thinking of being able to ride bikes as a family, or travel and minister together, and play board games on a level that is fun for everyone involved.

My mind continues to waltz through visions of each season; from enjoying regular date nights with my husband again when we are in our
40’s, to planning weddings and welcoming grandchildren in our 50’s, maybe seeing the world in our 60’s, and then perhaps great grandchildren?

Who knows what will happen. Plans change. Circumstances change. Feelings change. Proverbs 27:1 says “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” As far as what J and I have discussed though (and there was a lot of prayer and discussion), this will be my final pregnancy. The million dollar question is always How do you know when you are done? The answer is simple for me.

I know I am done because the thought of it is comforting.

By Natalie|2015-06-02T23:00:53+00:00June 2, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Pregnancy & Birth|16 Comments

Are Unexcused Absences Ever Excusable?
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Are Unexcused Absences Ever Excusable?

Schooling, Uncategorized

Are Unexcused Absences Ever Excusable?

I take school and academics very seriously, but I am not opposed to missing a day every once in a while even when the reasons aren’t related to death or illness. Maybe you’ve seen some of the headlines in the news lately.

Mike Rossi is a dad who wrote a very passionate letter to the school’s principal which then went viral. The letter came as a response to the disapproval of him taking his kids out of school to watch him run in the Boston Marathon.

Then there was a mom, who was also a substitute teacher that was ARRESTED because her 10 year old honor student had too many unexcused absences. He was allowed 6, but had 12. Some of those were excused with a doctor’s note, but the mother, Julie Giles, claims they were all illness related. Giles says:

“The truth is, l cannot afford a copay every single time they are sick, but I never want to send them to school when they feel bad or could possibly get others sick,”

No doctor’s note, no excuse. Sometimes your child is too sick for school, but not sick enough to have to see a doctor. I completely understand what that’s like! On the other hand there are always two sides to every story. I do realize the importance of rules and protocol, but it’s like Mike Rossi said in regards to his children’s Boston Marathon absences

“Zero tolerance equals zero common sense, and in this case, they made this blanket rule and say, no exceptions? It’s silly.”

Thankfully I haven’t run into this problem with our schools. My children have missed school for various reasons, including trips and family events. I know their classmates have too. I haven’t heard or experienced any backlash from this.

When my husband J was wrapping up his last semester he wanted to bring Z to his college campus to see a project he had been working on. J had spent months working to perfect a Tic-Tac-Toe game. I know that might sound ridiculous for a grown man who is in college, but maybe a little less silly when you realize he was programing software that would enable a robot to play Tic-Tac-Toe. J had been sending updates and videos to Z every step of the way and now that it was finally complete he really wanted Z to be able to see it in action. So I emailed his teacher and told the school exactly what was going on knowing that this was technically an unexcused absence. His teacher and the faculty were extremely supportive. Z was able to be a part of invaluable learning opportunity visiting a college campus and playing Tic-Tac-Toe with a robot in 1st grade! Not to mention the priceless memories with his dad.

I really hope these irrational standards for school attendance are isolated incidences and that the majority of our schools really do support the families they are serving.

So, let’s chat.

Did your parents allow you to miss school for certain events when you were growing up? What about your children? I think you know how I feel.

By Natalie|2015-05-29T09:28:46+00:00May 28, 2015|Schooling, Uncategorized|16 Comments

What I Wore My First Trimester

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I will have to do a separate post explaining why this pregnancy (my 4th) will also more than likely be my last. It has always been my preference that I would know when I was done having children so that I could really go out with a bang. What can I say? I like closure. So this is the end of a child birthing era for me and I want to finish in style.

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These days my style usually consists of jeans, a t-shirt, Toms, no makeup, and a messy bun. That’s not to say that there aren’t occasions that I do try to coordinate just a little bit. Those are the outfits I’ll be focusing on for What I Wore Wednesday.

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This shear pink striped top was featured in a previous WIWW last summer, only this time I added a belt and paired it with some comfy black leggings and flats. The first trimester can be tricky because you are’t quite “showing”, but if you are like me you certainly aren’t fitting in your regular clothes. That’s why I was all about large tops and leggings these past couple months.

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Next up I have the same outfit I wore for my profile pic. This shirt is NOT maternity, but I always feel like I look pregnant when I wear it, so I finally just packed it up with my maternity clothes. I am also wearing some Old Navy maternity skinny jeans that I LOVE and my fave pair of Gap sandals.

Oh, and I have to mention my little side kick sporting his Wal-Mart jammies. He always likes to copy me when we do these shoots.

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Lastly, it’s back to leggings with a big shirt. On the left I am wearing a dress from the Gap (I consider it more of a shirt though!). On the right is a “Pinned it Spinned it” outfit which I had posted on Instagram. A lot of these clothes I wore to camouflage my big secret, but now the secrets out and it’s a good thing because my bump is less and less conspicuous everyday!

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So those are some of the highlights from the first trimester. Now that the weather is warming up it’s probably going to be summer dresses for the win. I’ll have another installment of What I Wore Wednesday maternity edition further down the road.

That’s all for now!

By Natalie|2015-05-27T01:02:25+00:00May 27, 2015|Uncategorized|9 Comments

10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse
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10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse

Family, Marriage

10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse

(originally posted on November 11, 2013)

Imagine your husband brings home a rare painting in an ornate frame and he wants to hang it up in the living room, but you can’t find any nails, or hooks. So you try to put this heavy piece of art work on the wall with some double sided scotch tape. It is not going to work. Even if you put rolls and rolls of tape, it might stick for a moment, but then it is going to fall off and you’ll be in worse shape then when you started because there may be damage to the painting.

That’s how it is sometimes in marriage. Some women are made of rubber when it comes to receiving compliments and affection. We can blame our husbands all day long (and they probably deserve some of it), but like I tell my kids “you are responsible for yourself”. There are a lot of husbands out there that are geniunly in love with their wives, but dare I say we aren’t feeling it.

I am not an expert on marriage in any way, but my marriage and self confidence has seen a lot of ups and downs in the past 15 years! So if you have a moment, I would like to share some advice for how to start feeling the love.

1. Quit Dodging His Compliments

JoAnne Summers (a pastor’s wife in Dallas Texas) shared at a women’s conference years ago that when responding to compliments you should try saying “That’s a nice thing to say”. My mom and I have joked about this for YEARS and we can’t say it now without bursting into laughter, but it has stuck with us. The point is, just take the compliment. Obviously “thank you” works too. Just keep it simple. If you want to resist a compliment for example:

I like your hair- “Are you kidding, there is so much humidity today, it’s a disaster” or
That soup was tasty- “well, I probably shouldn’t have put so much salt in it.”

Instead revert to these tried and true lines, “Thank you, that is really nice of you!” The end.

2. Be Quiet

Since my daughter received her cochlear implants I have had to have training in learning how to talk with her and encourage a response. Sometimes when teaching a young child or baby to speak we may repeatedly say “Mama… ma ma… say mama sweetie. Can you say ma ma?” All the while the child may be like, I would, but I don’t want to interrupt. I was told this is a common mistake for parents with special needs children. You want to encourage them so badly that you flood them with language and forget to pause. I’m talking about a really nice long pause that is adequate enough for them to process and digest, and then potentially speak. Similary, women often have a tendency to talk a lot more then men and so maybe the reason you feel like you aren’t hearing what you need is that you aren’t giving him the chance to say it.

3. Shoulder to Shoulder Contact

A guy doesn’t like to feel cornered into being emotional. Fishing for compliments isn’t ideal either. One way of encouraging the opportunity to bring back that loving feeling is through shoulder to shoulder contact which is covered in the book “Love and Respect”. Women like to chat face to face, dudes are more into doing an activity (like golf or video games) side by side. When I heard this it really made sense for my relationship. Men are more likely to open up and share some of there feelings when they aren’t on the spot. So I encourage you (and I) to try some shoulder to shoulder quality time with our significant others.

3. Love Yourself

Maybe the lack of love and adoration you feel is really coming from yourself. I know as women we feel inclined to put our own needs at the bottom of the list and put all other duties and obligations first. The problem is that the list is so long that you never get to the part where you get rest and are nurtured. It’s time to show yourself some love and you may feel instantly more “adorable”.

4. Believe Him

When your husband tells you look nice, or that he is happy in your relationship, just believe him. Rule number one about accepting the compliment is just the first step. Kind of like fake it ’til you make. The next step is to receive and believe the compliment. Back to my analogy of the big painting representing your husband’s love, I just want you to get rid of the double sided tape. I don’t care if your husband comes home with a cheap little poster that he bought at Walmart. I want you to get a drill and bolt that sucker to the wall, ya hear?

5. Know the Truth

We all know how much the devil loves to beat us up, and even more so how he loves to tear down a godly union. When you start doubting yourself, or your husband, or marriage turn your focus on God’s truth. There is a long list of references and truth verses here available for free download.

6. Know Your Love Language

I think everyone is familiar with The 5 Love Languages by now. It is a must read. If you can figure out what makes you feel loved then you and your husband can work at gearing your activities and exchanges toward that thing. Also know what his love language is, because bless his heart he is probably trying to tell you he loves you in his own language. When you realize that, you can see just how much he has been loving you all along. All the little cleaning up he was doing that you felt was undermining your domestic role was really his way of loving you with an act of service (not that I would know anything about that).

7. Be Yourself

Sometimes even full grown married women find themselves so desperate for affection that they try to put on an act. It’s never as appealing as the real you. If you are funny be funny. If you’re quiet natured that’s cute. If you’re into sports cool, but if fashion is your thing, own it. Being yourself is adorable.

8. Don’t Be Deceived By Fictional Romance

We watch The Bachelor or read Nicholas Sparks and think romance comes looking like a Ryan Gosling Hey Girl meme. It’s really just a bunch of gunk. Sometimes we have to pull the plug on these things if they are causing more harm than good. I have even had Christian romance novels that ended up making me feel like my marriage was inadequate. Don’t hold your husband up to these unrealistic standards. You may find yourself feeling more love and admiration when you stop limiting romance to chocolate and roses.

9. Stop husband comparing!

So Billy Bob writes poems for his wife every week and posts them on Facebook. Whoop-de-doo! I have fallen into the husband comparison trap before because my husband is an introvert and I have compared him to the extraverts that just live for PDA. This made me feel like my quiet husband was ashamed of me. So the man that would stand on a roof top and declare love for his bride is better than the man that actually lives it out behind closed doors? No. This is only one way we compare. Yours may be different, but none of it’s good. So don’t do it!

10. Ignore This List

Okay, maybe you don’t have to completely ignore this list. But I don’t want it to be another set of rules for you to have to follow, especially with today’s abundance of advice available via social media. Reading too many online articles and self help books telling you how to have the perfect marriage can often end up being more pressure and stress than they’re worth. I hope that some of these tips might be helpful, and have connected with you as they have with me, but I also hope they aren’t preachy and weighty. Just have fun with your spouse and relax a bit. You’ll start to feel more genuine connection that way than you ever will following some formula.

At the end of the day just remember that no matter what, you really are adorable. I mean it!

By Natalie|2015-05-25T11:29:48+00:00May 24, 2015|Family, Marriage|18 Comments

Ten Pregnancy Symptoms I Had Before I Took the Test

I have so much suppressed details to write about this pregnancy. Three months into it and I have not blogged about any maternity stuff, other than the announcement. That might not sound like a big deal, but I have a chronic case of documentia. It’s a disorder that I made up to label my impulse to document everything.

So I do plan to catch up on all the first trimester updates, but let’s just start with how I knew I was pregnant.

First of all I was not expecting to be pregnant. Here is the TMI version of the story.

I don’t do birth control pills or anything like that. I did once when I was a newly wed and have decided against it for the past 14 years due to personal medical reasons. However, we were trying NOT to get pregnant through every NFP (natural family planning) method in the book. Now some of you might laugh and say “Yeah, that NFP stuff is a joke and it never works”, but let me repeat I have not been on birth control for 14 years and the three children that I have were not accidents. Let’s just say we had a good system going. At one point at the beginning of this year we discussed the idea of having another child soon. Except we decided it wasn’t good timing and we wanted to wait a bit to be completely ready. From that point on though I will admit to being a little more laid back with charting and all that. It’s not the first time I have taken the casual-trust-my-gut approach to NFP. However, it is the first time it resulted in an unexpected pregnancy.

I knew pretty early on what we were in for. I made this list on March 23 (which would have made me almost 5 weeks pregnant). I even titled it-

“Am I Pregnant?”

1. Weird Dreams

2. Fatigue

3. Late period

My period used to be all over the place so this one isn’t that big of indicator for me, but I was expecting to start any day.

4. Nausea

5. Ear problems

This is something I commonly struggle with when I am pregnant. That is part of the reason I had to go to the Doctor recently.

6. Forgetfulness

Not that I want to attribute everything I do to pregnancy, but there have been some CRAZY mix ups. I feel like I am in such a fog.

7. Insomnia

I knew when I woke up at 3:30 am hungry and unable to sleep that something was definitely up.

8. Metallic taste

During those first few weeks I had a slight metallic taste in my mouth. Which was probably the biggest indicator.

9. Numb Arm

My right arm had a lingering numbness to it. It’s not even a pregnancy symptom I have ever felt in the past, but when I looked it up, sure enough, it’s a pregnancy symptom.

10. Gas

Bloating and intestinal issues. Bleh.

From there the list just grew and was of course later confirmed through a pregnancy test. Even though it was kind of a tough first trimester I considered all the symptoms a blessing because it was a constant reminder that this was real. I knew it probably meant I was having a very normal healthy pregnancy.

Did any of you other mamas have tell tale signs when you were expecting? Did you know right off the bat, or were you oblivious for the longest time like those women on the show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant? Just kidding, don’t even get me started on all that craziness!

By Natalie|2015-05-21T19:23:06+00:00May 21, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

Welcome!
Gallery
Welcome!

Uncategorized

Welcome!

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Hello, and welcome to my brand spankin’ new website! Please don’t look too closely because this site is still heavily underconstruction. I don’t know if you should even be reading this without a hard hat. Seriously though, J and I spent all weekend day and night working on getting everything transferred from Blogger to WordPress and trying to customize and organize over 1,000 posts and all the many features that go into the pages of a blog. It’s not done yet, but we are both exhausted and I didn’t want to delay the launch any longer. I can’t thank my husband enough for everything that he has done to invest in this passion of mine.

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Now I do realize that some of you might be thinking this site doesn’t look that dramatically different from the old site.

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Or maybe you like the old site better, but you’ll just have to trust me that from a blogger’s standpoint the bones of this site are thousand times better.

Since this is a blog move, let’s compare it to a real move. Messy Mom was renting a prefab home before. Blogger (owned by the google empire) owned my home. The rent was cheap (free) and it was great, but I was wanting my blog to grow and I didn’t think house would be the right size for what I was dreaming up. So last week I had a little going away party! I showed a movie, had some party favors (The Starbuck’s giveaway ends tonight at midnight! There is still time to enter if you haven’t already), and I even invited everyone to my next party (a link-up party).

Then I packed up all of my content and moved it over to this new site, which does cost a little more, but it’s a customized home that my husband J built it by hand. So it is a completely one of a kind and comes with amenities I never would have dreamed of in my old virtual house. Now I just have to learn my way around and figure out the fancy bells and whistles of it all.

As with a real move, getting into the house is only the beginning. You have to unpack and set up. Sometimes you get rid of stuff you don’t need anymore or purchase some new window treatments and such. Then it’s time to organize everything. Even when you think you have it all set you then realize you want to rearrange because you think the couch would look better on the other side of the room, or you can’t find your waffle iron and you wonder if it got left behind in the move. You just keep tweaking your crib until eventually it feels like home again.

So that is where I am at in this process. I still have a lot of work cut out for me. There may be some glitches here and there, but please be patient. I will have it all sorted out soon and then we’ll have a house warming party. You know how much I love a good party.

Click edit button to change this text.

By Natalie|2015-05-18T22:28:07+00:00May 18, 2015|Uncategorized|9 Comments

Messy Mom Giveaway!

I love giveaways! I have won A LOT of free stuff from blog giveaways. My favorite was probably the wok set that I won from Barefoot by the Sea. It came with loads of non perishable asian cuisine and other items from Blue Dragon.

The day the two huge boxes were dropped at my doorstep was like Christmas! We have made several items from the stash so far and my husband volunteered to make spring rolls again tonight.

Sadly the giveaway that I have for you today isn’t that great. In fact this is probably the most anticlimactic giveaway in blog history, but it is from the heart!

As a thank you for joining me on this journey I would like to give you the chance to win a cup of coffee on me. Actually, depending on what you order with your $10 Starbucks gift card you will probably be able to get TWO drinks! This deal is getting sweeter by the minute.

And because this is from me personally I am going to be sending it the old fashioned way through snail mail (because I could send you an electronic gift card these days) and it will come in an adorable handmade card from fellow blogger Karrilee from Abiding Love, Abounding Grace. I WON the notecards in a giveaway that she had and I love the idea of having it go full circle to another giveaway.

To enter just use the rafflecopter below to sign up.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I have kept it simple this time with the options of following on Twitter and Facebook. I will do another giveaway for subscriptions sometime after I launch the new site and I can’t wait to host more bigger and better giveaways for you guys as the site grows.

If you want to keep up with MessyMom.com, but don’t care about the giveaway then by all means you can still follow along. My social media buttons are the first thing in my sidebar.

Then come back tomorrow as the party continues and I reveal a new weekly link up I will be hosting!

“Giveaway ends May 18th at 11:59 PM EST. Open to Residents of the US only. Prizes cannot be shipped to PO Boxes. Winner will be selected by Random.org and be notified by email. Winner have 48 hours to respond before a new winner is selected. Facebook and Twitter are in no way associated with this giveaway. By providing your information in this form, you are providing your information to me and me alone. I do not share or sell information and will use any information only for the purpose of contacting the winner.”

By Natalie|2015-05-18T01:50:45+00:00May 11, 2015|Uncategorized|23 Comments

Mothers Are Like Clocks

Long ago, before we even had children we bought this large clock for our kitchen. It actually set itself automatically and changed when the time changes twice a year. It was just a simple analog clock, so I never did figure out how it could adjust the time like magic, but it was faithful to do so.

The clock moved from Texas, to Kentucky, and finally Ohio where it adorned our kitchen once more. It wasn’t the cutest or trendiest home decor item but it had an important purpose. Our son even learned how to tell time the old fashioned way thanks to that clock. I’ll admit that it had gradually sped up over the years to the point that I knew it wasn’t perfectly accurate, but it still helped me stay on schedule. It just kept faithfully ticking away.

That was until recently when the clock stopped.

I thought it was 12:55 pm for two hours before I realized what happened. I panicked and rushed out the door to pick up my kids from school. When I returned home I immediately went to change the batteries. The problem is that it still didn’t work. We tried different batteries. We tried reseting it. Even the fixer of our family couldn’t revive it. So we had to face the fact that after ten years of service to our family the clock had come to the end of it’s life.

Time of death? Unknown.
Bad joke. Sorry.

Anyway, into the trash it went and about a week passed by without the clock hanging on the wall. Even despite our phones, computers, and other various digital clocks I had relied on that one for so long that I thought I would loose my mind if it wasn’t replaced soon. I looked up at that blank spot on the wall probably 20 times a day. I expected to see the time only to be repeatedly disappointed. I feel lost when I don’t know what time it is.

Today we finally replaced the clock and life can proceed as normal.

With mother’s day around the corner this got me thinking. Moms are a lot like clocks. As a child you rely on your mother to keep time, to get you where you need to go, to maintain a steady rhythm, to be there to keep the machine running non stop… like clock work! Then one day you grow up and enter adulthood and you realize just how much you looked up to your mom. It’s in hindsight that you can fully appreciate the depth of what she did for you.

When I think about my old clock I see so many parallels to my mother.

I don’t know how she did it all- all the time, but it happened. Like magic. And if sometimes her timing wasn’t perfect it didn’t matter because she got the job done. She served our family faithfully. She was committed every second, minute, and hour of every day. Her purpose was and is invaluable.

She taught me how to cherish the time.

So this is for all the mother’s out there that are constantly running. To the moms that are a source of reliability and consistency for their families, and those who are trying to embrace every moment as time marches on. Your role in your family is obviously deeper and more intimate than any old clock, but maybe next time you look at the time you can think about the bigger picture because whether you feel it or not, I can assure you that you are appreciated.

Happy Mother’s Day.

By Natalie|2022-03-15T22:46:04+00:00May 1, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Uncategorized|16 Comments

Are Breasts the New Shoulders?

I’ve seen a lot of children/family movies lately where some of the women looked like they got their sexy wardrobes from a Bond girl. Seeing cleavage everywhere is nothing new, but it seems to be getting more prominent and mainstream everyday. Don’t even get me started on swimsuits. When I am talking to a woman whose breasts appear to be coming up for air, I try to think like a good ol boy. Don’t gawk. Look at her face. Be respectful. Unlike with men, it’s not because I’m stimulated by all that skin. It’s because some girls have their “girls” pushed up so high and their necklines so low that it really is an art form how they even manage to keep their nipples covered. Sorry to be so descriptive.

For years I have tried to ignore this. I don’t want to be judgmental or legalistic. I was hoping that eventually I would just get used to it. Surely once we see enough boobs we’ll all be desensitized and we won’t even notice them anymore.

Being as open and objective as I possibly can, I tried to compare cleavage to going sleeveless.

Not that long ago showing your shoulders was scandalous. My mother in law told me about a time her daughters were scheduled to sing a gospel song at church, but one of them had a sleeveless dress and so it was considered inappropriate for them to be on the platform and they were turned away. Pants used to be immodest as well and there are still plenty of cultures and religions where some of these practices are still in place, but it’s certainly not the norm.

So maybe that’s how it is with cleavage now. It’s something that used to be a big deal, but now it’s not. There are modest ways to expose your breasts and I just need to embrace change.

Except I don’t buy that. To me it’s still a big deal. Keep in mind this is my personal conviction and opinion as a christian woman. I have decided that breasts are not the same as shoulders. People don’t get shoulder implants. There aren’t restaurants named after women’s shoulders (ahem Hooters). Women don’t sustain a newborn life with their shoulders. Children and men have shoulders, but they do not have mammary glands. I know those are weird examples, but what I am trying to get at is that breasts are still sacred in my book. It’s not just the nipples, I’m talking about the whole organ. Medicalook explains “The glands are associated with the female reproductive system in part due to their assistance in attracting a mate as well as their role in nourishing a baby.” In other words, from a scientific standpoint female breasts are not sexual organs, but they are largely associated with sexuality because they are in some ways part of reproduction. No matter how much we try to normalize it breasts are sexual and cleavage is provocative.

There are so many different lines that can be drawn when it comes to cleavage and it’s not a one size fits all issue (literally). My well endowed friends know what I’m talking about. This isn’t about shaming women for having curves. It’s about loving our curves enough to have some dignity. I wear what I feel comfortable wearing. I went through a season where I beat myself up about the issue of modesty. Everyday I would obsess about every detail of my jeans, shirt, or dress and whether or not it could be something that would be a trigger for a man. This was bondage I had because of my past which I have thankfully been delivered from. I still want to dress modestly, but I feel like it’s a who I am as a transformed and renewed daughter of the King not because of a modesty checklist. That’s another topic entirely, but I just want to be clear that this isn’t me looking down on other women because of how they dress. It’s simply the stance I take for myself and the message I want to send to my daughter.

I am not ready to just accept that breast are the new shoulders. It’s such a lovely, complicated, mysterious part of the body and I don’t want to exploit that. I want my daughter to know that unlike what you see on TV you can be beautiful, elegant, and feminine without having your breast on display. That’s where I stand.

By Natalie|2015-08-05T18:25:30+00:00April 28, 2015|Uncategorized|10 Comments