When I saw SJ up on the stage at the church I went to growing up I couldn’t help but let the tears come.

It was such an answer to prayer to watch her use her gift of sign as a ministry. A couple of months ago I shared a video of the two of us signing “Gratitude by Brandon Lake”.

My friend who is a dance teacher wanted to know if SJ and I would be interested in incorporating ASL into the dance she was working on with her class. I agreed without hesitation and SJ was all in as well. SJ’s cousins are a part of this ballet and she was very excited to work on this project with them!

Then we got to meet a new friend and that was icing on the cake.

Morelia’s sister is in the ballet too and it turns out Morelia knows some sign language so she was the perfect partner for SJ. She actually learned to sign before she could talk. It was a great resource for her since some of her medical challenges delayed her speech. SJ had the same experience as a toddler due to her deafness. The two girls are the same age and both worked very hard to learn all of the sign language and practice with the ballerinas.

I love how God brought this beautiful and diverse group of young ladies together to spread a message of his love.

SJ’s genetic mutation is called connexin 26. Morelia’s is 22Q, but their act of worship was proof that no diagnosis or numbers were going to hold them back. It was a joy to watch all of the girls.

The lyrics to the song say “Here’s my heart Lord, speak what is true”. As I watched Morelia and SJ sign those words I loved how they were sharing the words in a voiceless language.

It makes me think of how God speaks to us. Don’t get me wrong, I fully believe that God can and does use an audible voice, but how often does he speak to us in other ways? In the Bible we see him use a rainbow, a dove, a donkey, a burning bush and more. He can speak to us through nature and the arts. He can use anyone and or anything. When the girls did their performance, I heard the words and I saw an interpretation through dance and though sign. It was a powerful reminder of the limitless ways that God can speak his truth.

This whole experience was such a beautiful example of God’s faithfulness. Both performances were really special and I know many lives were touched.

Today was a really special Sunday. SJ was water baptized.

I was crying before we even made it to the platform. My family was there to watch and support her. One of her best friends was there to give her a hug immediately after she came down from the stage. I got so many encouraging text messages from friends and loved ones speaking words of truth over SJ. I am so proud of her and thankful for what God has done in her life.

At our church they do baptisms as part of the worship service. SJ was the first one to get into the tank this morning and the song the worship team was playing was “Who You Say I am” by Hillsong Worship.

We haven’t sang that song in a really long time so I know it was the Lord that orchestrated the whole thing. I wrote a blog post back in 2018 called “The Healing I Never Saw coming“. In it I shared how I was asked to do sign language during worship on this one particular Sunday because we had some deaf individuals in the congregation. I don’t want to shine a spotlight on me at all, but I can’t help but share how good God is so here is an excerpt from that blog post from October 5th, 2018-

That Sunday I stepped up to the x on the stage and as the band began to play I took that music that I heard and I formed it into a visual with my hands. It was incredible. The beauty behind American Sign Language is amazing to me.

I was completely overcome with emotions as I felt the Lord healing me in areas that I didn’t even know it was needed. He did though. This was a full circle moment that I would have never envisioned in a million years. I let my hands sing as I signed the words

“I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who you say I am. You are for me, not against me. I am who you say I am.

Who the son sets free is free indeed. I am a child of God, yes I am. In my father’s house, there’s a place for me. I am a child of God yes I am”

When we were in a dark place after leaving our home in Texas we felt lost and confused about who we were.

When we had to choose how to help our daughter by either fully emerging in the signing community or having the cochlear implant surgery we felt lost and confused about who we were.

When I was asked to sign in worship but felt completely unqualified those same emotions were back, but as I motioned my hand back and forth to form the words “I AM WHO YOU SAY I AM” I knew it to be true.

No matter what obstacles or lies we are up against we can stand firm on the truth about what His word says about who we are and who He has called us to be.

I am chosen!

There is a place for me!

I am a child of God!

Who knew how this story would play out, the daughter of a worship leader profoundly deaf did not receive the supernatural healing prayed for.

It sounds bleak, but instead, God took us on a faith journey like no other. A journey that at times seemed so dark I felt like I had accidentally stumble into a pit. I had no idea where we were headed.

That Sunday as I stood next to my husband while he played the guitar and led the congregation I interpreted the words into sign language and it was like I had an aerial view of the journey and I saw how God’s hand was at work all along.

Here we are almost four years later and you can imagine how blessed I was to hear that song as J baptized SJ in the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. I know that at 12 years old God is already using SJ and I can’t wait to see what all He has in store.

It’s been several weeks since I’ve posted and I hate that because this blog is such an incredible outlet for me and I usually get to write weekly. I have a really good excuse, or two, or TEN. Life has been very busy. 

I love the quote about how
“Adulthood is saying “But after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.” That’s a joke obviously, but I relate so much to that statement. J and I were exhausted after spending two weeks in Texas for the holidays and on the way home we talked about the next few months and how we wouldn’t have that much going on. Insert major eye roll here because Z’s robotics competitions started in January so almost every weekend was booked.

Add to that we decided to start a kitchen remodel. For context here is a picture of our kitchen at the beginning of the year.

What was originally going to be a new sink, countertops and a quick and cheap flooring cover-up turned into astronomically more. I’ll get into the details of  that another time, but trust me it was and IS a complete overhaul.

It’s still under construction, but phase one is complete and the kitchen is functional. J and his brother have been working around the clock for weeks, but it was time for a break. So for now I have  a new ceiling, new LED lights, new butcher block counter tops, new garbage disposal and farm house sink, and new flooring. What you can’t see is the updated electrical wiring and subflooring. We weren’t planning on getting in that deep at the time, but it was desperately needed and I’m glad it’s done now.

So that’s the biggest thing, but we also had a birthday in the house recently (SJ is TWELVE. What!?).

I know it’s crazy. I thought I just announced her birth here on Messy Mom. Also, she is getting baptized this weekend. YAY! And Z’s robotics team is going to the state championship… also this weekend (thankfully not at the same time). As you can see, we’ve been spinning some plates. It’s all good things though, thankfully.

Hopefully I will get to start blogging more after this week when things slow down a bit (wink wink).

I am so excited about this video I recently posted.  A little background if you are new here, my daughter SJ was diagnosed with severe hearing loss when she was two years old (almost ten years ago). She can hear and speak now thanks to cochlear implants and hard work, but it was a very long journey.

I started simple signed language when she was a baby before I knew that she was deaf and when she was dianosed I knew I needed to find a way to communicate with her immediately. So I devoured every resource I could on American Signed Language. One thing that helped me learn ASL was to worship in sign. Several years ago I had some friends who are deaf that started coming to the church where my husband was the full time worship leader and while I certainly could NOT interpret the message (I am nowhere near fluent) I could interpret  and lead in sign during worship.

When the song Gratitude by Brandon Lake came out it resonated deeply in my soul so I did what I always do when I want to learn the signs, I googled it! Except there was no interpretation online anywhere. I felt like the Lord led me to be the one to post a video of the interpretation so I did and I had my daughter join me.

I know there are many ways to interpret, especially music. I did receive help from a deaf friend who is fluent, so between my friend, SJ, and myself this is what we came up with. It’s an expression of worship in the first language that my daughter and I spoke to each other with. Fun fact, she is left handed and I’m not so our signs are a mirror image of each other, which I feel like makes it even more special.

So there is the full back story to this video. If you are interested in learning the signs to the song Gratitude line by line I will leave the gloss below. Glossing can be used for any language and it’s when you do a transcription of the words instead of a translation. So I will type out the signs that we used, but keep in mind a lot of this goes deeper than just a direct word for word translation, it’s facial expressions, body movements, and reactions that express the full message of the lyrics. It’s one of the beautiful aspects of ASL that made me fall in love with this language.

I could go on and on, but for now, here are signs-

All words fail

I have nothing new

How I show my gratitude

I can sing

I often sing

but every song ends

you eternal

*throw hands up*

praise again again

all I have hallelujah hallelujah

I know not much but I have nothing for king

but  heart sing hallelujah hallelujah

I have one response

I have one strategy

*spread arms wide*

I will worship you

come my soul don’t *shy (but we did more expressive movement)

lift song

I lion inside breathe

lift up praise Lord

I’m simplifying big time here, but I know something like this is helpful when learning. I would encourage anyone interested in ASL to learn about the full structure, culture, and nuances of the language, but you have to start somewhere. My heart is that maybe someone who is learning about worshiping in sign, or is homeschooling, or even in ministry of some kind that maybe this blog post would be helpful. It was a fun first time experience to share this expression of worship with my daughter.

I recently watched a movie on YouTube called Childhood 2.0.

A lot of the information shared was a reminder, but some of it was new and eye opening to me. ALL of it was very important. I have been recommending this free resource left and right since I saw it. Honestly, I feel like every parent needs to watch this!

I know it looks like it’s a fear mongering documentary, but it’s really about awareness and how to be on guard. I can’t shield my kids from everything, but I can be proactive about some of the imminent dangers that they face as kids and teens that I never did. Also, some of it helped me to see where I am struggling myself with addiction and insecurities that are social media based.

The video is an hour and a half long and I know how hard it is to carve out time for something like this, but to me it’s worth it. So much so that I watched it again and took notes. Side note, there are some “icky” images that they put in there to show how bad things are. Some of them are blurred, some aren’t. I could do without seeing that stuff personally, but it’s no different than what you would find on billboards or magazine covers.

My biggest takeaway is that most parents of teens grew up in the 70s or 80s (like myself) and it was a different era. We lived in a world where we spent most of our childhood playing outside. We learned about stranger danger and physical threats. Many parents are now using devices to keep our kids safe from those physical threats by location tracking or having 24/7 connection to them, but statistically speaking our world is much safer outside than it ever has been. Those physical dangers in most neighborhoods are much less likely to happen than the dangers that are happening online. As is stated in the film “We have traded a false sense of safety and security for actually putting our kids in riskier situations”.  

The movie talks about cyber bullying, suicide, pornography, depression, anxiety, addiction and more. One eye opening analogy that was shared was about pornography online. 27% of all video content on the unfiltered internet is pornographic. Imagine a coffee table that had four magazines on it and one of them was pornographic and three of them weren’t. Now imagine a parent had this in their home and just hoped that the kids didn’t look at the wrong one. That is what the unfiltered internet is today, only it’s in their pockets and it’s far worse than anything the former generations were ever exposed to.  

Again, this isn’t about fear or helplessness and I am not anti-technology or screens. My husband is a computer programmer who works on apps for a living. I am a blogger/influencer and it’s been my passion and side hustle for 14 years. My oldest son is a programmer in VEX robotics and competes in Esports which are video games!

We are the quintessential tech family, but I’m in the trenches trying to send out a signal flair to other families and younger generations. The hazards of kids and the internet are real but there is hope! There were several different experts that shared in this documentary. One of them was Patti Agatston, PhD, LPC who said “The best [content] filter that your child will develop  is in between their ears. So having an adult that they can go to that they trust is critical.”

Also Detective Richard Wistocki who works specifically with cyber crimes said,

“There is no bigger God’s gift than a mother’s intuition. When a mom knows something, feels something- there’s something wrong with their kids. God has given this gift to moms to protect their children.” 

I smiled at the end of the movie when it was noted that we have so many more resources than we did even five years ago! Many of the logos that popped up where resources I am very familiar with and can personally vouch for.

Protect Young Eyes

Bark

Fight the New Drug

Common Sense Media

Wait Until 8th

Also, the childhood2movie.com has a great community and discussion guide. Another one not mentioned but I get their newsletter and have one their books is Defend Young Minds.

I’ll end with a quote that is alarming but hopefully a wake up call. It comes from Joel Stoddard, MD MAS Pediatric Mental Health expert, he says

“Right now we’re effectively living in an experiment. How is this going to affect us? We’ll find out with the current generation.” 

My word for 2022 is Gratitude.

I felt the Lord dropped it in my heart when I was feeling extra grumpy. It was a dreary day at the end of December and I was thinking about how I had such high hopes for redemption in 2021. What I was specifically hoping for was that the pandemic would be over. I thought for sure with the vaccine being out and so many people having natural immunity we would see most of the news, rage, and restrictions subside, but not much changed. I even went to my first Covid related funeral. So it’s been pretty gloomy year. In that moment of despair I also felt like I was personally failing in all kinds of ways. So I started in on the whole “woe is me” bit that I rehearse in times of weakness. I was ready to just cross off the past year and consider it a dud. Then I felt a little spark of gratitude in my spirit and the Holy Spirit give me a nudge to make a list reflecting on what was good about 2021. So I pulled out my phone and began to type out some of the good things that I accomplished in 2021. Here is what I came up with

1. I finally got my hemoglobin on track after years of being anemic. This was huge!
2. I successfully concluded a year of homeschooling and my kids are doing great (I was so worried that I was failing them).
3. I finished the first draft of my memoir. This was also a major breakthrough for me!!!
4. I launched a successful life group that is still growing strong and building lasting, edifying friendships.
5. I got to see Guy Raz at a leadership conference which was kind of bucket list dream of mine. 
6. I threw four super special birthday parties (to make up for a year of no big parties). 
7. I upgraded my camera and photo editing software. It was expensive but I’m grateful for a side hustle that can cover those costs and capture beautiful memories for my clients.

Those are just some of what I feel like I accomplished. There are so many other major breakthroughs and joyous times that happened last year. Even though the enemy tried to back me into a corner with feelings of fear and inadequacy I can see for myself that 2021 was in fact a healthy, productive, and blessed year!

I love the song “Gratitude” by Brandon Lake. According to Spotify it was one of the songs I listened to the most in 2021. I really wanted to learn the sign language to the song and usually what I do for worshiping in ASL is google a video of someone that has already interpreted it. Only, in this case there weren’t any videos! That’s when it occurred to me that maybe I should be the one to fill that void. So I interpreted it over Christmas break and even got some help from a  dear friend of mine who is deaf and ASL is her first language. SJ and I have both been practicing and hopefully next week we’ll be ready to record a video and post it.

After all this focus on gratitude I got a belated Christmas present from a friend in the mail and I got choked up when I opened it.

It was a candle with the word gratitude on it. She had no idea that was my word for this year. The candle smells amazing by the way. It’s from a place called Thistle Farms which helps women survivors of trafficking, prostitution, and addiction. Definitely go support that ministry! It’s amazing. But sorry, as of now (01/20/22) the gratitude candle is sold out!

So there is one more 2021 recap while we are still in January. I know I already shared my goals, but I wanted to share my word. Gratitude. It’s significantly shaping my outlook for this year.