It has been a month since my van was totaled. I am bad with dates, but I know that one because it was the day after my birthday. Age 37 has not been kind so far.

I really expected my recovery time from all of this to be quicker. There are no physical injuries but the mental and emotional wounds are still impacting my daily life. The truth is, in the past month I haven’t been able to drive out of my own city and even the excursions I have made that are just a couple of miles from home have been few and far between. I hate that this is even happening to me, but PTSD is real and it isn’t just for war veterans.  I flinch at the tiniest thing while driving and things like sirens or merging can send me into a panic attack.

Just a week after the wreck I tried driving my daughter to her day camp. The drop off was at a location I have driven to hundreds of times but on the way there someone honked at me and I had a panic attack so bad that my husband ended up having to get a ride to where I was and then drive me home. I have far fewer episodes as a passenger but it still happens. I finally decided to call the doctor to see if I needed professional help. He gave me some medications and referred me to a therapist. This was my first ever professional therapy session. The lady was great, but after doing some tests she thought I would need to go to a center that deals specifically with PTSD clients. I still haven’t seen anyone from that clinic yet.

I have so many wonderful friends and spiritual leaders who have prayed for me and with me. I love receiving encouraging songs and scriptures. The one that has spoken to me the most in this season and I have committed to memory now is Psalm 118:17 which a friend of mine texted to me.

I recently was told there is a song with that verse in it too and it is powerful.

It’s so weird how before our trip to Texas I could hop in the car and drive to church without thinking about driving AT ALL! It was second nature. Now when I go to church I am praying and fighting anxiety the whole time. When I arrive it’s like I cheated death just to get there. For the record, our church is less than 5 miles away.

I haven’t been able to even do the grocery shopping, doctors appointments, or take the kids to the park. Our life is pretty much on hold and I know it can’t go on like this. I am doing everything I can to get better. I know the spirit of fear is not from God and I am believing that I will soon be able to drive with peace and confidence.

The good news is that we do have a new (used) van. We went with the Honda Odyssey again.

This one is 5 years newer. It’s hard for me to get very excited about it just yet. I was so happy and grateful for the old van. It was such an answer to prayer and then- poof! It was gone. I am still mourning that loss. I know it’s weird to say that about an inanimate object, but that van was such a blessing. It came in just the time that we needed it. Yes, it was where my daughter was born which is such a weird fact, but it’s also been transportation for so many fun memorable trips and first days of school. When I announced that we bought that van the blog title was literally “Super Amazing Wonderful Praise Report” and in it, I wrote about how it was supernatural providence that allowed us to obtain my dream vehicle.

Now, 3 and a half years later I can’t help but wonder why that would be stripped away from us. Yes we all miraculously survived getting hit by a semi-truck and yes, insurance gave us fair market value for the van and two new car seats but it’s still hard to see that dream die and start all over again.

This post makes me feel like Eeyore for having such a gloomy attitude. I serve a God who provides and protects and I am most definitely thankful for His hand on me and my family. I am struggling though, and part of Messy Mom is me sharing my mess along with all the good stuff. So thank you all for the continued prayers. I will keep you posted.

*This post is sponsored by GetNameNecklace.*

I love customized jewelry! What a great way to add some style to your wardrobe while expressing what really matters most, the names or faces of the people you love.

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Then there is the engraved heart mother Sterling Silver Birthsones necklace which I absolutely love! They have several styles so you get to pick what suites your one of a kind mom. I could include all six of my family members on this precious piece of jewelry. We all have different birthstones too so I know it would look gorgeous.

From rings to keychains, to bracelets and more, GetNameNecklace has so many options to choose from. One of the coolest things that they offer is the photo necklace. WOW!

We all have our favorite family photos and with GetNameNecklace Personalized Picture Necklace you can take your most prized moments and hold onto them forever. You can add a photo on one side and text on the other. Every time you look at that piece of jewelry it is guaranteed to warm your heart.

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I have never seen anything like this but check out these adorable customized pet pieces! Don’t just show off any kitten or labradoodle, make it YOUR pet that is on your jewelry.

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I laid on the bed reading snippets out loud from “The Road Back to You” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile.

“I think you are probably a four, or maybe a one,” I said to my husband J as I laid the open book down on the covers. He related to some of what I was reading, but he didn’t want to be typed or boxed in (classic four). “Nope. Get that Pagan Pentagram personality test away from me” he said jokingly.

I admit the bazar star diagram does look like sorcery and the fact that enneagram sounds like pentagram doesn’t help, but in its modern application, this personality profile is actually for Christians.

I just laughed and left it at that. I never want to be pushy about it (classic nine) but every once in awhile in conversations I would still mention the enneagram because it really helped me navigate different relationships or my own thoughts!

Months later while on a long road trip to see family in Texas. J was wanting podcasts to listen to to pass the time. I played a podcast for him of one of his favorite musicians talking about what it’s like to be a four on the enneagram. J’s jaw dropped and he said, “I was skeptical but he just described everything I have felt most of my life”. The podcast was “Typology”

and because it is faith based they have several worship leaders and Christian musicians on the podcast. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that my worship leader/musician husband would have the same enneagram number as so many of his favorite artists. One podcast after the other J was engrossed and completely sold on the idea that he is a four and he has a deadly sin that he can work on as well as beautiful facets to his personality.

When we made it to J’s parents’ house and had spent time with everyone J brought up the enneagram and wanted to type each of his family members. One by one they took the test and we discussed what the results would mean. For the record, most enneagram experts will tell you it isn’t as simple as taking a test, the results are often inaccurate. You are better off researching what the enneagram is and what all the numbers are. It takes some digging and sometimes painful observation to discover what your core motivation is.

I’m a nine which is the peacemaker. That sounds all flowery and world changing, but in actuality, nines struggle with procrastination; they can be passive aggressive, slothful, and lacking in self awareness. Don’t feel bad for me though, all the numbers have major weaknesses and to me that’s what is unique about this personality assessment. The enneagram focuses more on what you use as a mask and what the root cause of that is so that you can discover your true identity. I stole this little expert from Bayside church blog because I like how it explains it:

Self-awareness (looking at the man in the mirror) opens the door to self-knowledge (oh, crap, I am angry and bitter). Self-knowledge paves the way to insight (this is why I’m angry and bitter). And insight is the gateway to spiritual transformation (letting go of the behaviors that cause your anger and bitterness). Depending on your number, you might replace anger with codependency or judgementalism or materialism.

So for me, finding out my enneagram number has really allowed me to realize what I am doing and why I am doing it so that I can try to steer my behavior in a healthy direction. For example, as a nine I worry A LOT about what other people are thinking or feeling, often to a fault. This was brought to my attention again recently after my car wreck. I was reluctant to share the reality of what happened in the wreck or what my needs were because I was worried that it would be a trigger to people who had painful experiences involving car accidents.  When I went to publish the blog post about the car wreck I had to stop because I was worried about making someone else feel anxious or sad. The truth is I needed to share what happened. First off because it’s the way that I cope and also because people care and want to be updated so that they can support or pray. So I channeled that worry into this sentence when I posted about the wreck on Facebook:

“This is the first time I am sharing the story and I wanted to include a trigger warning because I know that car wrecks and graphic photos or details can be overwhelming. This wreck could have been so much worse, but if you don’t feel like you want to read the whole story just know that I am doing okay.”

It took me a long time to figure out my number and it’s not that I relate to everything about nines, but the parts that resonate have been beneficial. That’s how I feel about most personality related trends.

I remember reading “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen when I was first married.

That book taught me the differences between people with a more introverted personality and those who are extraverted. This has been absolutely critical for me because I am an extrovert who attracts introverts like flies to a lamp! I also like “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

I thrive on Words of Affirmation while my husband is an Acts of Service kind of guy. This realization has been huge for us!

When I read books about personality and psychology it’s not just to learn about my temperament or makeup, it’s to give me a better understanding of those around me too. It allows me to be a better friend and to have more empathy. Enneagram is just another tool to add to my belt when it comes to relationships and self-awareness and if they are useful I’ll take all the tools I can get!

We don’t have a ton of family traditions for our little herd, but one thing we do enjoy doing every year is Cow Appreciation Day at our favorite restaurant- Chick-fil-A!

This was a big year for us to participate because it makes TEN years that we have dressed up and gotten free chicken.

We have so many fun memories from this annual outing. It’s fun to watch as one child outgrows a cow costume and another sibling inherits it.

This year Z wore the cow costume that I have worn the past few years. At the rate he is growing he probably won’t fit in it for long!

This Baby Gap Cow dress is what SJ wore her first year, and it was also worn by my niece, and by Elle when she was a baby.

The toddler cow costume was worn by the three youngest calves when they were a year old.

And how could I forget the two years I was a pregnant cow (but don’t even think about calling me heifer!)

We’ve always had fun coming up with frugal ways to make cow costumes and this paper plate cow mask tutorial that I made has been a hit on my blog!

We almost didn’t make it this year. Because of my recent car wreck that totaled my van we don’t currently have a vehicle that will fit all 6 of us. In the end, we decided to load up two cars and keep the tradition alive! We met several of our friends there and had a great time. I am really glad we went.

In honor of our 10th year here is a look back at all of our Cow Appreciation Days.

That’s all the fun for now, but I plan to keep the tradition going… ’till the cows come home’.

I love stories. I love reading, writing, hearing, and sharing them.

I haven’t been secretive about the fact that I am working on my own memoir. I’ve written dozens if not hundreds of pages already. The thing about my memoir is that I don’t know when or how it will end. The writer in me is anxious to tie up this latest season of our life with a great big bow and call it done. Don’t we all do that? We want a conclusion. It doesn’t have to be a fairy tale ending but there has to be some kind of closure right?

I am the closure queen. I will try to make plans all day long thinking I can force resolve in whatever area I feel is left undone. This has really backfired when I made snap decisions rather than having patience.

Last year I read Brene Brown’s book “Rising Strong” and it talks a lot about how we make up stories.  This insight has absolutely revolutionized the way J and I  fight dialogue. It is a simple phrase that changes accusations from arrows to question marks. Instead of trying to point fingers and lay blame we take our offenses and say “The story I am making up”. There is a whole book about it, so I am going to oversimplify here with an example.

Wife: Why didn’t you get home at 5:30 like you said?

Husband: I got caught up in a conversation with my boss and felt like it would be rude if I left.

The wife could go on a tirade about how he always does this and she can’t trust him to stick to his commitments at home. Another option is for the wife to really search for what is bothering her and what it is that she believes about her husband without claiming it as a fact. That’s where The story I am making up comes in.

Wife: The story I am making up is that you are using work as a way to escape your family and you like it better than being at home.

The reason this method dramatically changes the conversation is because we are owning the fact that our brain really does make up stories and a lot of times they are fictional stories! When J and I say “the story I am making up” we are much less defensive and ready to untangle the feelings that each of us are dealing with.

There is a whole science behind what our brains will do to bring closure to help us feel better about a situation. Brown explains it saying

“Our brains reward us with dopamine when we recognize and complete patterns. Stories are patterns. The brain recognized the familiar beginning- middle- end structure of a story and rewards us for clearing up the ambiguity”.

I don’t know about you, but as the “closure queen” I do not like ambiguity. Knowing that our brains find relief in these patterns helped me realize why I was trying so hard to push the plot line of my own real life story. I recently heard someone on a podcast say he always thought his life would have more of a narrative arc. That’s me! I subconsciously like to live in a novel and sometimes I think I can even write it, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I make decisions that can affect the outcome, but God is writing my story and I would be better off trusting him and learning how to float rather than swim aimlessly.

This analogy of swimming was brought to my attention recently since my youngest son is learning to swim. You can’t learn to swim if you can’t learn how to float and you can’t learn how to float if you can’t learn to relax. Holding your breath and propelling yourself underwater will only last so long. I’ve watched him in this struggle. He can dive for items in the shallow end and swim underwater like a champ, but he can’t come up for air unless it’s shallow enough for him to stand up. I have been anxious to teach him the skill of floating as it could potentially save his life. So I had him lay on his back on the water and I held him in place with my hands on his back. He kept wanting to lift his head up. It was a natural reaction for his body to want to resist going under water. I told him to trust me and let go of all the tension in his muscles and really lean back and look at the sky. I felt his abs contract and said to him “The more you struggle the more you are going to sink.” That’s when it hit me: that has been me lately. I have been swimming around without direction and it is tiring. As much as I want to work out all the details of this next chapter in my life story, God is teaching me to be still and wait on Him. Relax.

So I am working on that trusting HIM with total control of my story and I guess I am still learning to float.

I know so many of us have received that dreaded phone call that informs you that someone you love was in an accident. Nothing can make your heart drop faster. That is why when I got into a serious car wreck last Friday I knew to start the phone calls with “Everyone is fine, but…”. 

The week before this happened we had driven from Ohio to Texas. We spent our vacation playing cards with family, overeating, swimming in the pool, and getting caught up on each other’s lives.

The morning we planned to head home, J’s sister treated the kids and me to see Toy Story 4. I drove the kids because I wanted J to sleep in as long as possible in preparation for the long drive ahead of him. Afterward I followed behind J’s sister’s truck on the highway as we headed back to the house. Everything was fine until a semi truck suddenly pulled into my lane. I don’t want to give details in case I have to go to court. I hope that’s not the case but I am going to play it safe until all the dust settles with the insurance companies.

SJ was in the third row next to the window and Ezie was in front of her in the second row next to the passenger window when that side of the car was sideswiped by a semi truck!

I ricocheted between the truck and a concrete barricade. The windshield and passenger window glass was smashed out of the car. The side view mirror landed in the front seat. Mirrors, and lights, and compartments were crushed. The airbags were deployed.

I heard the smash and my van soon came to a stop. At that moment I honestly didn’t know if the accident was fatal. Time stood still and I felt like my whole world went dark for half a second then I cried out, “Are my babies okay!?”. I unbuckled the seat belt and shattered glass fell off of me as I went in between the front seats to reach my children. SJ was screaming, and Z was crying. I was able to look and talk to each one of my children as I dialed 911. The biggest injury was SJ’s elbow which was scratched and bruised but not severe. I got a little scratched and bruised too but we were all okay. It was a miracle!

Then a white truck pulled up behind me and a man ran to the back of the van, but couldn’t get the door all the way open.

I squeezed through the opening and abruptly asked if he could tell the dispatcher where I was because I had no idea. I gave this older gentleman my cell phone and without thinking I wrapped my arms around him as if I could transfer all of my weight and all of the pain onto him. I started sobbing uncontrollably for a moment. I knew my kids were okay and something in my gut needed to feel rescued by someone more grown up than me. I couldn’t speak, but I was so grateful he was there to help and that we were all alive.

At that point I climbed back into the van with my four children. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” I sputtered as I gasped for air. “I am so glad you are okay. It’s going to be okay. Thank you Jesus for saving us.” Then my sister in law showed up after crossing through traffic while on the phone with J directing him on where to find us. An off duty nurse also arrived and we got the van turned off and exited onto the side of the road. No one saw the driver for a few more minutes and we worried that it was a hit and run, but eventually he walked back to the scene of the accident. The cops had lots of questions and for the most part I was able to speak clearly but I started to lose feeling in my legs and my breath kept getting heavier.

Eventually, my van was towed away and the kids rode back to the house with J while my sister in law took me to the ER to get treatment. I couldn’t stop reliving the moment. I would see flashes of the trauma in my mind and then I would shake uncontrollably. I felt fear pumping through my veins. When we arrived at the hospital and I felt far away from the scene of the accident I could finally calm down. The doctors gave me prescription pain meds and muscle relaxers for the inevitable soreness that comes when you wreck a car on a highway where the speed limit is 75.

That night back at my in-laws house J wanted me to play dominoes to get my mind off of things and I tried, but I couldn’t finish the game. The anxiety was overwhelming. I excused myself and went to bed and I woke up 16 hours later. 

We took a couple of days to rest per the Doctors instructions and finally headed home. I knew getting back in a vehicle and being on the highway again would be difficult for me. J got a beast of a car so that I would feel safe. When we first started out I would gasp and close my eyes a lot but I managed.

At night though when it was dark all you could see was semi trucks and their headlights all around us and they felt terribly close. Ezie and SJ started crying. It felt so scary like being in a black ocean with sharks and whales all around ready to swallow us. I turned around so that I couldn’t see out my window and I held their hands. Ezie said “but mommy that truck is getting so close to us. I’m scared of a wreck. What if…” I cut him off. “I want you to close your eyes and sing with me.” I sang Your name is like honey on my lips… one worship song after the other… You’re never going to let me down… we cried out Through it all, through it all my eyes are one you… and they joined me as we Raised a Hallelujah louder than the unbelief!  I could sense a shift in the atmosphere. I could barely sing out the words as I wept through the lyrics- You make me brave. You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the Love that made a way. Then they were asleep. I gently let go of their hands, turned back around, and looked straight ahead into the deep dark sea of uncertainty in front of me.

I have had to trust God for every ounce of strength I have needed to get through this. I usually see myself as a courageous mama bear, but this wreck has left me feeling as crumpled and banged up as the van they had to tow away. Thankfully I have an army of friends and family willing to fight this battle with me. I feel their prayers.

We are going to get through this. No fear can hinder the promises He made.

This time last year SJ had just graduated from her deaf school. Her graduation was one of the greatest moments of my life for sure, but followed by a little anxiety and trepidation about what was next. Her whole life SJ had been in an environment that catered to her needs as a deaf child and she was about to be going to a school that was built for hearing children. This is one of the reasons we chose to have her repeat second grade at her new school.

I have had a lot of people ask how her transition went and what the first year was like, so here is a recap of life since graduation for SJ.

For starters, she got her first cochlear implant upgrade, the Nucleus 7, which has been AWESOME. I really can’t think of a big enough word to describe what these new devices are like for her. To think if they improved her cochlear implant processors this much in 5 years what will they be like when she is in high school?! As much as it is an added burden for her compared to hearing kids and it’s always a little scary to have a bionic anything on your body, it is also such a blessing. I am so grateful for her sound processors and the tracking device on the iPhone has come in handy!

She had several milestones last December including being a part of the church Christmas services, her first deaf alarm clock and her first journal.

She also had her 6th hearing anniversary!

The little film that she was a part was released on International Women’s Day and she did a great job.

Her first field trip at her new school was a success. She was so excited, she had an extensive checklist leading up to the big day.

Looking back I am moved to tears as I read the words I had typed out last year when I was anxiously awaiting her first year at a mainstream school:

“She will experience recess on a big outdoor playground. She will hold a lunch tray for the first time. She’ll begin reading chapter books and walking the same halls as her brothers and hearing announcements on an intercom. She’ll learn to use an FM system so that she can hear her teacher. She’ll learn to adapt and be an advocate for herself.”

and now she has done all of those things! She is crushing it and my heart could soar. She definitely knows how to navigate her own equipment. She made this little tutorial for pairing the mini mic with her devices.

She won an award for star student one month and got free Chick-fil-a for lunch! She loves reading chapter books now which was never the case before.

Were there days she struggled? Sure. She’s had a great year though and I owe an enormous thank you to her team at her public school. Not only did they support J and I and walk us through the process when we chose for her to repeat 2nd grade, but they went above and beyond to meet all of SJ’s needs as a deaf student. I hear horror stories all of the time about IEP meetings and schools not being able to accommodate the needs of disabled students but my experience has been the opposite!

At each meeting they addressed every little concern that we might have and at first this was hearing at recess and lunch when it’s loud. They recommended we have her audiologist adjust her implants to allow her to change the settings depending on the environment (which we did). They also said the intervention specialist might need her own mic instead of just having her teacher wear one (and they had it for her in no time). They also got a “Pass Mic” because the students at each table work together and discuss things often. This allowed the students to talk into a microphone so that SJ could hear them better with all the background noise. The list goes on. I love our school and I do not take it for granted.

On top of all that, SJ had a best friend at her deaf school who has a twin sister and she was in SJ’s class! This friend was even at SJ’s birthday party the year before so they knew each other and their relationship blossomed from there.

When we go to events at SJ’s old school the twins are there and when there parties and things at her new school the twins are there. It has been a wonderful bridge for SJ during this transition!

3rd grade is going to be a big jump but now I feel like she is totally ready. I have no regrets about any of our decisions. Cochlear implants, private school and therapy, summer school and an extra year of 2nd grade are all tools that have allowed her to speak, understand, and flourish.

This first year at mainstream school was an answer to prayer. To quote SJ’s journal “I had joy everywhere in my heart”. I can’t wait to see what is next for our shining star.

After writing updates last week I realized I had too many adorable photos and stories of Elle and I was definitely going to need to do another post just for our 3 and half-year-old.

First of all, Elle is very tender and affectionate. If you give her a hug she will say “I love you too”.

Almost every day she asks for a pony and I deliver! The catch is that she is really asking for a ponytail. We have communicated it this way for so long that I forget the literal meaning. We will be out and public and she starts crying “Mommy I want a pony! Why can’t I have a pony!?” and I’ll say “I know. I heard you. It’s coming”.

While watching Football with her dad she asked why all the players have tails.

Good question. 

Elle is super particular about what she wears and I think she has some mild sensory issues when it comes to clothes. There can’t be a wrinkle in her leggings or tights or she will go bananas. One day she described the crinkle in her sock in the cutest way. She said, “Mom I just don’t like it when there is a hill in my shoe!”.

She also calls polka dots bouncy balls. It took me a while before I realized what she meant when she requested “bouncy ball dress” or “bouncy ball pajamas”

Her love of fashion results in her changing clothes several times a day but she calls it changing her mind. It kind of makes sense until she says “I think I’m going to go change my mind” and then switches outfits.

She’s super sassy and when she gets mad at her brothers or doesn’t get her way she shouts “Fine! I’m not going to be your brother anymore!”

One time while traveling one of the boys had to pee and we weren’t going to be near a bathroom anytime soon so J had them pee in an empty water bottle in the car. Later, after we had made it to our destination, J noticed the lid was off of the bottle. He lined up the kids and with a wild look in his eye interrogated each one in an attempt to find out who had tampered with the bottle. Z shook his head no. Ezie said not me and SJ crinkled her nose in confusion. Then J turned to Elle and asked “Baby girl, did you take the lid off of this bottle?” Without hesitation she responded, “That drink is ESCUSTING!” That’s when we knew.

One day I called Elle a “Love muffin” and she said “I do love muffin! I love nanna bread too.”

One final Elle story that happened recently,  I was using the bathroom that is in my room and Elle comes barging in while I am on the commode. I said “Elle! I would really like some privacy” She seemed to genuinely understand as she apologized. “Oh! I’m sorry mom” she said and then she shut the door, with her inside the bathroom with me. All I can do is shake my head and laugh. I am a mother four, privacy went out the window a long time ago.

She definitely keeps us all smiling. That’s our little Elle Belle.

The kids are one week into their 2019 summer break and it has been wonderful. I love new beginnings because it lends the opportunity to reflect and have closure along with vision and dreams for what’s next. The past school year was significant because we went from 3 different schools (Z elementary, Ezie preschool, and SJ private school) down to one. I often found myself making plans throughout the year for Christmas break or other holidays and wondering about scheduling conflicts only to remember that all of my kids had the same days off! That was a really special treat that has never been the case in the 5 years that we’ve had school-aged children. I’ve also watched the three older kids bond over these newly common experiences like mindful music, what was for lunch, the school carnival, talent show, and more. There have certainly been ups and downs throughout the school year, but I would definitely say it was a success. Here is a look back at some of the fun memories, milestones, and growth I have witnessed during the 2018/19 school year.

Elle isn’t in school yet so she gets to tag along with me all day.

I don’t do any formal lessons with her but we read, draw, and sing… Elle knows all of the basic shapes and colors. She is starting to count and say her ABCs. Elle also turned three years old!

Ezie started his first year of elementary school. He went to afternoon kindergarten so he is easing his way into this whole school thing. Ezie is the friendliest, most outgoing child I have ever known so I was worried about him being a distraction in class, but he actually did really well.

He learned to read and write and he lost a lot of teeth!

He also went on his first field trip and got to milk a goat.

It was an awesome first year for Ezie!

SJ completed 2nd grade in her first year at a mainstream school! We were all nervous going into it but she did great. She became a lot more independent this year because at her new school she is completely responsible for her own hearing devices. I’ll share more about all that in a separate post because I have had a lot of people ask how it went. There have been a lot of cool new things that happened this year.

This was her first time to go to a daddy daughter dance. It was the end of October so it was a costume party.

Her art was selected for the school district art show.

Since she turned nine she has been able to be a helper in the church nursery (we have two services so she doesn’t miss her own class time).

We are also thrilled that she started gymnastics lessons. She LOVES it and is really excelling. She can do a roundoff, one handed cartwheel, the splits, backbend, and she is working on a handstand and back walkover.

Z is the only one of the bunch who already went to this school last year so he was already adjusted and fitting in fine.

He has so many friends that my extraverted heart could burst. He is adored by all of his teachers.

This was his first year to be on a robotics team and he was in his element!

The team didn’t win anything and ended up not advancing, but they’ve already been able to have one meeting to discuss plans for 6th grade!

Z has definitely had a growth spurt. His feet are bigger than mine now. I am clinging to the one year he has left in elementary school and the last few months of children’s church.

Speaking of church, Z has recently started filling in on ProPresenter in the adult service. He enjoys being a part of the tech team and I love how he is using his giftings. 
So there you have it. I am so proud of each of them. Mom brag over.

One cool thing about my job as a mom blogger and even a pastor’s wife is that moms feel like they can open up to me. I don’t take that for granted and it lifts my spirits to have the honor of encouraging other moms or being able to pray for them. On top of that, between the various series I have written like “Lots of Hope for a Little Home” “How We Met” and “Inspiring Moms” I have been able to interview dozens of moms and get a special peek into their lives. It’s fascinating how no matter what cultural background, social status, or number of children a mother has there are always so many similarities. Sadly many of these similarities are unnecessary insecurities. I think all moms struggle with a certain amount of guilt from time to time, I know I do. Sometimes it helps to know that you are not alone! That’s why today I have decided to talk about three LIES that I’ve noticed most of us mom can fall prey to.

Most moms…

1. Most Don’t Believe They Are Inspiring

Almost every single time I approach a woman about being featured as an Inspiring Mom the request is met with “I’d love to, but I don’t think I’m Inspiring”. My reaction goes something like Really!? You adopted 5 children with special needs from various countries all over the globe! If that’s not inspiring what is? This a real life conversation I had by the way. I haven’t done the interview yet, but hopefully I will get to. It is so hard for moms to see the value in what they do because it’s a job that rarely gets praise or appreciation.

What I want to say to moms that feel this way is that you what you do, even the messy and mundane, is significant and that God has given you this great calling and privilege of motherhood. You have a voice, you are a light, and you are seen. Most importantly your story matters!

2.  Most Moms Feel Like an Imposter

This is a big problem in the social media age. From what we see on our screens it looks like everyone else around us is doing it better or doing it right. We try to keep up, but we are secretly worried that we’ll be exposed. These are imposter comments I see frequently in response to compliments.

“Wow girl, you don’t age!”  “Oh no, that’s just the filter, trust me!”

“Thanks for bringing those cookies to the school event” “Well, I totally cheated and just picked up a package from the store”

“Your house looks so clean” “Ha! That’s because everything is shoved in the closet”

“The IG video of your family was so sweet. #Goals” “There is a reason I didn’t include in sound in the video. You wouldn’t say that if you heard my children bickering!”

Again, these are all REAL examples! I am totally guilty of this, like when I shared this photo of some pumpkins with our family’s names on them.

My friend complimented me by saying “nice handwriting” and I said I cheated because I copied the font off of a website. Then another friend chimed in and called me out on it. She said, “Why don’t we give ourselves the credit we deserve instead of saying Oh I cheated so it really isn’t that good.”

She was right! We don’t have to feel like we are imposters ready to have our cover blown!

My message to you and myself is to stop comparing and own our choices without apology. Forget Pinterest!

3. Most Moms Think They Are Failing

This goes hand in hand with the last myth about motherhood (the imposter syndrome). Most moms feel like they are failing. I can hear Beverly Goldberg in my head right now…

I’m pretty sure mom guilt has been around since Eve but the introduction of television and then the internet has amped it up to the point that moms can’t pick out a breakfast cereal without feeling like they are failing. There is a reason #momfail is a hashtag and there are literally millions of posts online in which moms have labeled their efforts as failures. This has to stop.

Sometimes we do fail and it’s okay because we have to teach our children to fail too.

Not teach them to fail without consequence and revel in it, but to recognize that no one is perfect. Woody Allen says “If you’re not failing every now and again it’s a sign you aren’t doing anything very innovative”. Our failures are teaching some of the greatest lessons we can give to our kids. Sometimes failures teach us how to have grace, patience, or forgiveness. Other times it teaches endurance, flexibility or coping skills and then there are some failures that just teach us to laugh! I’ve posted this quote before and it has meant so much to me throughout the years. This was said by a pastor (and wonderful father) talking about his daughter

“I feel like I can protect my child from Hollywood. I can protect my child from crazy teachers, and soccer coaches. I can protect my child from anybody but me, because I will leave a mark, and I am a broken person, and as hard as I try I will fail her and she will have to learn to forgive me. She was wired to have a perfect father, and she has me instead.”

So my message to those who feel like they have failed is that you have failed and you will again just like the rest of us, but you are doing one heck of a good job at raising your kids! One other thing- not making valentine’s by hand for your kids class is not a fail, neither is posting your monthly newborn updates a couple of days late or not moving your elf on a shelf. So let’s dial back the expectations shall we?

In closing, if you have ever felt like you don’t have a voice, or that you are faking it, or that you are a failure, just know that you aren’t the only one feeling that way. Then recognize that those are all lies that the enemy wants to use to tear you down because mothers are such a threat. The truth is you are a masterpiece and you matter.