I know I will be dating myself with this complaint, but remember when you could go into a store and buy your groceries by simply exchanging money for goods? There was no harassment from cashiers or cash registers asking you a gazillion questions at check out? It was as simple as That will be $29.37 will you be paying with cash or check? Done.

Not anymore. Not even close.

store membership rant

Let’s say I’m at my local drug store buying some chapstick and gum really quick and I am asked for my rewards card. I say I don’t have one, but then of course there is the speil about how I could sign up for one and it wouldn’t take long, and I would save so much. Blah blah blah. I politely say no and continue on with my purchase. The next question is debit or credit. I say debit, then swipe my card and enter my pin. Done. Just kidding.

First I get asked if I want to donate a dollar to some worthy cause. I say no and feel like a terrible person. Then the machine asks if I want cash back. I say no. If I am at a gas station it will ask if I want or a car wash or a snack. NO. NO. NO. The answer is no. I just want my chapstick and gum and I want to get out of here. Except for in my haste I accidentally selected “No” when it asked me if this the amount was correct. Crap. Now I have to start all over.

Here’s the thing about all the membership card stuff, they will brain wash you into joining their cult. I held out for a long time, but eventually I realized that it wasn’t going away so I succumbed to having an outrageous amount of plastic keychain cards on my key ring because despite the hassle it really did save me a bunch of money. At first I was really frustrated about having to get a stupid membership for every store I stepped foot in even if it’s a store that I only go to once a year, because if I am not a member I might pay $3.89 instead of $2.59 and I don’t know if I could live with myself if I let that deal slip by! Over time I was suckered into signing up for every single rewards program, advantage card, extra care ID, loyalty plus, or pharmacy covenant card  out there. I finally stopped complaining and decided it wasn’t so bad. In fact I forgot that it ever really bothered me. That’s when it happened.

I call it Attack of the Apps.

That’s right friends, it’s not enough to have a rewards card. Now you have to have an app for every store you step foot in. I don’t have room on my phone for another stinking app! Maybe if I delete a couple hundred selfies that my toddler took, but I don’t have time to do that at the moment and therefor I have to pay $4.27  instead of $3.39! Or I have to wait in line at Starbucks or Chic-fil-A with other low life people that don’t have the app. Gah!!! Why can’t a store just have a sale, take my money, and be done with it.

Except, I am a blogger and I know why they can’t do that. It’s because they want your commitment and they want your information so that they can continue to harass you offer you awesome deals. That is why I have experts telling me that if I don’t have a pop up ad asking for your email I must not really care about blogging and if I don’t have said pop up ad I should expect to never have a real fanbase. I have never followed through with this advice and probably will never have a substantial fanbase because of it, but whatever.

Eventually, I will probably get all the apps. I will have the apps and the cards and a pop up subscription. Then they will probably want me to get a microchip implanted in my wrist, but that is where I will definitely draw the line.
I don’t care how much I save on shampoo. So there.