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The Lost Individual

My husband wears a bracelet that says One by One. He’s worn it on his left wrist for two years now.

One by one is a ministry in Kenya and Sri Lanka whose mission statement is simply to “Stop for the one”. They have seen an overwhelming amount of poverty and devastation, but God has allowed them to bring hope to countless orphans, widows, and sex trafficking victims because he called them to make a difference in the life of just one individual at a time.

I know this isn’t some new ground breaking revelation, but it’s easy to forget. With the political climate of our nation right now the hate, the brokenness, and darkness can definitely be overwhelming. My heart has ached with grief for all that I see in the news to the point that I have struggled with being depressed and frozen with fear over many issues. I have cried out to God wondering what in the world can I do to make a difference.

I think so many of us are in the same boat. We see politicians touting statistics about all the different people groups that they are trying to win over. We see statistics about guns, the disabled, the transgendered, african americans, and women. People argue about how to help or who is right and in the midst of all this mass media I have felt Christ calling me to stop for the one. People are more than statistics. It’s time to get offline and seek out the lost art of having heart to heart connections with individuals.

When I wrote about “How to Never Offend Anyone” I said

One time I considered writing about
“What to say when you see a child with a disability” because my
daughter is deaf and has cochlear implants. I can tell that some people feel awkward around us at times. The problem with my list is that I would encourage people to talk with me openly about their thoughts
and curiosities. I love answering questions and educating people on what the cochlear implant is all about! However, I have lots of friends who are parents of deaf children and some of them do not like talking about it.
Or sometimes it depends on the day! So there is no list of do’s and don’ts because there aren’t just “Parents of Deaf Children”-period. It’s more complex than that.

Similarly there aren’t just pregnant ladies, or women who have had c-sections, or biracial couples, or introverts,
or working moms. There are just people! Individual people.

Having a daughter who is considered a minority because she can’t hear has really opened my eyes to what that looks like and how diverse and personal living with this disability is. There is no one size fits all bandaid ESPECIALLY in the deaf community. There are not just “Deaf People”. There are lots of individuals who have various degrees of hearing loss and need customized help in getting whatever form of treatment they subscribe to.

Let me give another eye opening experience. Because of what we walked through in the midst of our unemployment we have had exposure to another minority group. Families living in poverty.

My son has been a part of the Back Pack Program and Free Lunch Program. When we were on food stamps we automatically qualified for these opportunities. Which also meant we were offered the chance to have free non-perishable food items discreetly put in my son’s backpack so that he could eat at home. We weren’t in a situation that we needed to participate in that program or the free summer lunches, but the fact is they were made available. The thing that struck me is how many children still go hungry in our community!

When we were unemployed we had access to more food than we ever had in our lives! How is it that people are still going without!? Then it hit me that there are a lot of kids whose parents probably don’t sift through all the papers that come in their child’s backpack so they don’t even know about the programs (or are too drunk or high to care in some cases). Or maybe they don’t have a ride to get to the location where free food is served in the summer time. My heart is broken to the point of tears when I think about it. No amount of programs will stop hunger, but getting to know individuals in impoverished communities and forming relationships would give us a shot at reaching more.

In all of this I am not saying that we shouldn’t label culture groups or races. There is beauty in having these commonalities! I am also not saying we shouldn’t fight for changes in laws or have programs to help minorities. It’s kind of like Christ says in Matthew 5:17- I did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. When we look at Jesus’ example he spoke to the masses, but more than that he stopped for the one lost sheep, or the children that wanted to be near him, or the woman who touched his garment.

So when I get overwhelmed by the magnitude of the issues our society faces I feel God calling me to be like Him and stop for the one. Whether it’s a neighbor who is in an abusive marriage, or a kid at school that is being bullied, or a woman in front of you in line who needs help paying for groceries. I don’t want to give real life examples because I want to respect the privacy of the people God has brought into my life, but even in a situation where we are still not quite out of the welfare hole ourselves I have had so many opportunities to help serve individuals shoulder to shoulder and to create change.

No matter what happens with any politician there is really only so much they can do with their claims to help immigrants or minorities etc. because they are going to use that one size fits all bandaid approach. We have the power to do more though just by stopping for one lost individual.

“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.” – Mother Teresa

The last photo is from One by One ministries, a team of people who are seeing change by reaching the world’s poorest one life at a time. Check out onebyone.net to hear the heart of what my friends are doing over seas.

By Natalie|2016-07-08T10:59:46+00:00July 8, 2016|Uncategorized|2 Comments

The First Day With a Hearing Aid

Yesterday was my first day with my new hearing aid. As with most physical therapy treatments you have to press through a lot of challenges in order to get your body to respond in the way it is supposed to.

So it’s been a rough 24 hours (minus when I slept). I knew there was skill involved in learning to listen with a hearing device because of having a daughter with a cochlear implant, but I assumed since I can hear and was born hearing that I would be exempt from such a difficult transition stage. I was wrong.

It is way more challenging than I ever imagined. When I put the device on yesterday it sounded like the world was on “speaker phone” mode and I don’t know if you have ever had your voice echo when someone else has you on their speaker phone, but it’s annoying and that’s how it was at first. Luckily, the initial reverb didn’t last too long. However everything still sounds like I am in a cave or something. It’s not natural. Have you ever talked while plugging your ears? If not, go ahead and try it. Do you hear your voice muffled inside your head? That’s what my voice sounds like all the time to me right now. I feel like I should be whispering because the sound of my voice is so loud. Some things sound close to normal, but there are thousands of small sounds that appear to be amplified. This is what happens when you go without typical hearing for a while (or have never had it). Your ears interpret all sound the same. It’s all coming at you equally and your brain gradually decides what is needed and what to filter out.

One example I can think of experiencing this phenomenon was when we moved into our first home which was a few miles from a railroad track. I will never forget that first night while our mattress was still laying on the floor of a room full of unpacked boxes. I thought the train sounded like it was running through our house and rattling my brains. It was SO loud. Oh no. What have we done? I thought. I wasn’t sure how we would ever sleep with the train and it’s notorious whistle so close by. However, the sensation didn’t last. I am not sure how long it took, I just know that despite the trains schedule and location remaining the same I no longer heard it. My brain filtered it out. That’s what is supposed to happen with hearing aids. I even asked my daughter’s audiologist for second opinion. Are you sure it’s not being amplified louder than it should be? I shouldn’t be able to hear the toilet paper slide off the roll. She assured me that my case was no different than the others and I just had to push through and allow my brain to file away that distracting background noise.

It can be debilitating though. This is what it is like running a simple errand.

When you walk to the car you hear footsteps on the pavement and the grass. You hear wind (the way it sounds on a phone or home movie, very loud and distorted). You can hear your keys jingling and cars driving by.

As you get in the car you hear the door unlock, unlatch, and the seatbelt slides and clicks into place. You hear the engine start, the AC starts, there is lots of beeping and clicking with putting the car into gear or using the turning signal. And if you are thinking that you already hear all of those things, you are right. But do you always notice them? Do they distract you? Would you consider them loud and intrusive?

As you drive you have some coins in your console that keep sliding back and forth with every turn and slope. You grab a bottle of water and the plastic crumples and sounds ear piercing. You hear the cap unscrew, you hear the water go down your throat, then you hear yourself put the cap back on and return the water to the cup holder.

When you arrive at the store you hear the music which sounds normal, but the hangers on the rack sound extremely loud, a child is playing with a toy in the distance and you hear that. You feel like everyone that is talking is close by, but they are not. When you pay you hear yourself get out your wallet and all the items inside your purse starts banging up against each other like some kind of violent mosh pit. You hear yourself open the wallet, and I kid you not, you hear the debit card slide out of the wallet. You hear the beeping of the cash register as you normally would, but the magnitude of the stapler that the employee uses sounds like she must have used an industrial strength nail gun to combine two receipts. You flinch and hear yourself clasp your purse and grab the plastic bag which never stops crumpling loudly up against your leg.

Are you tired yet? I am. It sounds like I must be exaggerating, but everything I have read and all the professionals I have spoken with tell me this is just how it goes at first. This article form Starkey.com was really helpful and explains everything so realistically. They say “the learning curve can take anywhere from six weeks to six months. Success comes from practice and commitment.” So I am going to keep at it. Many of the articles I have read describe the adjustment time as tiring and disorenting which are the exact words I have used.

I go back in 2 weeks to see my audiologist and see how I am coming along. It may not be perfect by then, but it should be much easier. I hope. Feel free to ask me any questions. I have said so much, and yet there is so much I haven’t covered. Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:19:14+00:00June 15, 2016|Hearing Aids, Uncategorized|2 Comments

American Eagle Gets it Right… Almost

***Edited*** I would consider this a family friendly blog. And I like to think that my readers could have young children looking over their shoulders without having to worry about seeing a close up of some gal’s rear end in a bikini. So I have edited this post to include this disclaimer just in case anyone would like a heads up. I never post graphic content, but due to the nature of this post there are a few photos of some scantily clad women. So there’s that. ****

It’s swimsuit season! Yay!!! *excuse my sarcasm* So I was checking out suits online at Aerie (American Eagle lingerie and apparel) and this model caught my eye today.

I’ve never known American Eagle to feature plus size girls, but this swimsuit model looks a tiny bit closer to what the average woman’s body looks like. I know this shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I have seen a lot swimsuit ads over the years and rarely do I see a woman that has any curves except sometimes in the chest, which is the opposite of what I see at the beach. I wanted to give a standing ovation for diversity. Way to go American Eagle for showing how there are gorgeous models that aren’t a size zero.

Except, the way it works on this particular website is when you hold the cursor over an image it shows the back of the garment. I am scrolling through the online catalogue and I see the front side of the model and the back. Front. Back. Front. Back. There are dozens of swimsuits. Then I stop at one image in particular because I see the front and then where did she go?

Um. Either that’s a different girl, or they photoshopped the crap out of her. In their defense they did have a shot of her back on a different swimsuit.

I hate to be picky, but this was the only model whose size drastically changed from one photo to another. Why? Maybe it was an honest mistake and all the photos of her in that swimsuit from the back were underexposed or something? I doubt it.

On the one hand I am happy to see a model that isn’t rail thin. On the other hand why is she represented so differently than all the other models? It makes me sad. It’s like they want to encourage women of different body types, but they are only willing to go so far.

I’m too old for American Eagle’s target demographic anyway, but on behalf of girls of all sizes thanks for featuring a curvy model. I think we would all like to see even more of that. Now how about taking it a step further and having her model the front AND back of the swimsuit?

By Natalie|2016-06-13T17:31:16+00:00June 13, 2016|Uncategorized|2 Comments

It’s common to loose hair after pregnancy and I am not exempt from this hormonal misfortune.

When I am in those first postpartum months I shed more hair than a Chow on a hot day. I can’t stand it. I decided after my second pregnancy that I would just cut my hair off to make it more tolerable. So that’s what I have done with each baby since then.

I am normally sporting a lengthy mane through pregnancy, but then I have it all chopped off by the time my newborn has cracked their first smile. This method has worked well for me.

So after Elle came I went short with bangs, which was a new look I have never tried before.

I said I wanted the Taylor Swift bob, and the second stylist I went to really nailed it.

Friends and strangers alike were lavishing me with compliments. One woman at church froze in her tracks, grabbed me, and sternly told me to never change my new hair style. It was the most threatening compliment I’ve ever received. Between that and all the people talking about how much younger I look I feel pressure to keep this style. Now hear me out. I like the style, but there are some things I don’t like.

I have naturally wavy hair and in order to maintain the right look for this bob I have to wash, blow dry, and straighten my hair every single day. I don’t though, which means most of the time I look like Dora the Explorer without conditioner.

I can’t let it air dry. I can’t just pull it back into a pony tail. I can’t sleep on it and get up and go. This is really annoying because I am a no fuss kind of gal. I don’t mind getting gussied up every now and then, but for the day to day I like a low maintenance cut. Still, I had committed to trying this for a year. So that means I am half way there.

It’s funny how most of my friends commit to growing their hair out, but then cave. I have the opposite problem. Long hair is my fall back. One day while hiking and getting all sweaty my hair started curling up and my husband mentioned how much he loved and missed seeing my wavy hair.

AH HAH! I exclaimed, pointing at him with an accusing finger as if he had just been convicted of a crime. I knew it! You like my hair long. You haven’t said anything, but I could tell!

He is very sweet and gracious. He says he likes it either way and just wants me to like it. Fast forward a few days later when I was getting ready and complaining about my hair for the umpteenth time and he talked about how he doesn’t like his hair either. He said he wants to grow his hair out, but that’s not really an option (he’s going bald and recently shaved his head). That’s when it occurred to me that I can grow my hair out. The only thing stopping me is the pressure I put on myself. So I am going to cancel my next hair appointment and just let it grow, let it grow. I can’t hold it back anymore…

Go figure. I finally updated my blog profile picture and now I plan to change my look. At this moment it is current though. I’ll give myself a pat on the back for that.

By Natalie|2016-06-10T15:02:57+00:00June 10, 2016|Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|0 Comments

New Server!!!

Whew. It’s been a crazy month you guys. I’ve been blogging since 2008 and the longest I have ever gone without blogging is one week. One week! This whole time! So the fact that my site has been down for a month has been really discouraging. I feel like I need to skip sleeping for the unforeseeable future in order to get caught up on here. But don’t worry I am going to sleep. There are few things I love more than blogging. God for sure. Family is definitely one of them and sleep is probably the other.

If you follow Messy Mom on Facebook (which I highly recommend) then you know most of this already, but my site was crashing nonstop and J eventually decided we had to start all over. We moved the whole site to a new server. Things may look the same, but this a completely new virtual property that we just broke ground on.

A couple updates.

First of all, even though I am back to blogging we are not finished tweaking the site. So you may see some changes popping up here and there. Things like my About Me page which is sorely outdated and working out some final kinks.

I also plan to start a new series called “Inspiring Moms”. It’s going to be a once a month feature of different moms that have unique stories to tell. Please let me know if you are interested in being featured.

I want to shed light on all different stories of motherhood so maybe you have been through a divorce, or maybe you have a special needs child and you could share about that. It could be about parenting in another country or homeschool. I really want this to be something that we can learn from each other and build community. So that’s the vision behind Inspiring Moms, it’s not about the heroic mother that rescued her baby from a pack of wolves it’s about all mothers. And by the way it’s an interview so you don’t have to be a writer to participate.

Speaking of sharing stories. The Messy Mom (that’s me) is going to be doing a public speaking appearance at a bar in Cincinnati! Ack!? Can you believe it? It’s scheduled for the beginning of August and I will be sharing a humorous version of Elle’s birth story. I really look forward to what I consider a ministry opportunity. It’s going to be recorded too so if it works out I will share the video on here.

On a more personal note here is a micro-update of what is happening at home.

J is still doing a co-op at the same job. Even though he hasn’t taken classes since last year he technically graduates this August. This means we are going to rock this little rental property for at least one more year. It’s not my dream home, but it is a dream compared to the apartment.

My latest news is that I have been fitted for a hearing aid and will be getting it in one week. Most of you are probably really confused by this, I’ll explain it all when everything is finalized.

Z recently graduated 2nd grade and completed his final year in the building he has gone to since Kindergarten.

They tore the old building down immediately after school ended and now there is just a bunch of rubble that needs to be moved out of the way to give access to the new building that the students will go to in the fall.

SJ graduated Kindergarten and is currently in summer school. Some of you from Facebook were praying that she would qualify for funding and miraculously she did. So thank you all for the prayers.

Not much is new with Ezie. I think he is enjoying having the siblings around more now that school is out.

Elle is about to turn 7 months!

She is eating, sitting, and partially crawling!!! She just got her second tooth on Saturday. Oh my goodness she has changed so much. Cuter than ever though.

I think that’s pretty gets us pretty close to caught up. I will go ahead and sign off for now, but the good news is just like the Terminator “I’ll be back”.

By Natalie|2016-06-07T11:36:39+00:00June 7, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Personality Tests

I have been reading H3 Leadership by Brad Lomenick while we are out of town for spring break and it has been really enlightening.

In the chapter “A Habit of Self- Discovery” Lomenick suggests several different personality tests and recommends reviewing the results side by side looking for echoes.

The first test I did was similar to a Strength Finders test and found that my main talent (according to this test) is “Believing”.

The results showed that

Individuals with the Believing talent can have a solid set of core values by which they choose to live. This talent can enhance ethical standards and integrity, and when presented with alternative paths will tend to choose the ‘right one’.

As I said at the beginning of the year my word for 2016 is “Next” as in just do the next right thing. So that’s was a cool confirmation.

The next test I took was the Myer’s Briggs. I have taken this before, but I always forget what the 4 letters are. It looks like I am an ENFP (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving). Everything I have read about this personality seems to fit my own.

The last one I did was DISC which was also neat. These are my results in a nutshell.

Out of all of these results I realized that I am really high on the emotional strengths and lower on the structured ones. For example some of my highest strengths are being a positive, motivating, harmonious unifier. The things I am the most lacking in are being commanding, responsible, strategic, deliberate, and disciplined.

As I have mentioned before J and I are opposite. When we chose our core values for our family mine was compassion and his was self control. We are apart on love language too. Mine has always been words of affirmation by a landslide and his is acts of service. Acts of service are almost pointless to me. I appreciate them, but they don’t make me feel more loved. I guess we balance each other out.

According to H3 Leadership personality tests are a way to “step outside of yourself and more clearly survey how you’re built.” It’s an emotionless snapshot of you identify, gifts, and passions.

Have you taken any of these tests? What areas do you thrive in the most?

By Natalie|2016-03-30T21:18:59+00:00March 30, 2016|My Life, Uncategorized|2 Comments

A Brief Update

Happy St. Patrick’s day. I never remember this holiday and this is the first year I dressed my kids in green. That’s actually not true at all. They dressed themselves. Including SJ who apparently does not own one single piece of green clothing except for this hand me down flower girl dress.

I guess that means fancy dress it is! The kids were so excited about this day that at the last minute I made a shamrock for SJ’s lunch using a green apple and kiwi.

SJ loves green apples and kiwi are her favorite, so this is not just about aesthetics. It will be eaten!

Yesterday was a busy day. I had a doctors appointment with my GP and then we met with the geneticist at the hospital after that. All of this hearing loss stuff has always been about my daughters, but now that I am in the mix thank to the genetic testing it is allowing me to pursue getting some real help with my hearing problem. I will have my first ENT visit on Monday and maybe I’ll get a hearing aid after that. According to my test results I only have a 65% word recognition in my left ear and 80% in my right. So if I ever laugh at something that was not supposed to be a joke or say you’re welcome when you didn’t say thank you, now you understand why. It’s a serious problem that I have just learned to live with, but I am looking forward to finally getting to the bottom of it!

So there has been a lot going on plus we’re about to travel to Texas for spring break. I say all of this to warn you that I might not be blogging as much for a while. I will still be here and I will still be writing, but actually some of my latest writing time hasn’t been on the blog because I am currently working on two books. I rattle that off like it’s nothing, but I’ve never written a book before. So it is definitely something, but who knows what will come of it.

Anyway I just wanted to touch base in case it looks like I have fallen off the grid for a while, but it may not even be that big of a deal. Time will tell.

Have a great weekend.

By Natalie|2016-03-17T14:47:17+00:00March 17, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Mornings as a Deaf Child With Cochlear Implants

The other day someone asked me about SJ’s cochlear implants. The person I was talking with had never heard of them before. I hadn’t either before I had a deaf child. They are such a huge part of my life now that I forget that it’s not “normal” and there are still a lot of things people don’t understand about the procedure and the device.

So I had the idea to share a day in the life of a child with a cochlear implant (CI), but it would probably take a day to write so I am going to break it up a bit. We’ll start with the beginning of the day.

Keep in mind these routines aren’t the same for every child with hearing loss and things will change as each child advances in their journey, but for now this is what it’s like for SJ.

CI recipients wear their processors about the same amount that the visually impaired would wear glasses. The way it was described to me was that “The Three S’s” remind you when to take them off “Shower, Swim, Sleep” So SJ wakes up in silence. She had severe/profound hearing loss already, but when someone has the cochlear implant surgery it damages whatever preexisting hearing they had. So when the processors are off she hears nothing at all.

For now I wake her up, but many years from now when she is on her own there are special deaf alarm clocks that vibrate and there is a variety of options to choose from.

Some children may like to put their CIs on the moment they wake up. SJ doesn’t. She likes to ease into her day and have things quiet at first. I mentioned this to my family and my sister in law (who is hearing) said she is the same way. Makes sense to me. I’m not much of a morning person either.

Anyway, SJ can talk without wearing her processors. She sounds the same either way except she is usually oblivious to her volume. Kind of like when someone is wearing headphones and they don’t realize that they are shouting. So I have to remind her to speak softly when this happens. She also reads lips and signs, so we manage pretty well in the mornings before she puts her processors on. It isn’t long though before she has to be dressed and ready for school. That is when she puts her processors on.

The processor is the part that allows her to hear (shown in the photo above in white, the round part is a magnet) and the implant is inside her head (shown on the left). She calls the processors her “implants” because that word is easier to say. I wrote more extensively about the equipment in the post “All About The Cochlear Implant“.

Technically SJ can put her processors on all by herself, but it’s not easy. So for now I usually do it for her. When she is bigger they will simply hook on her ears and stay put, but right now her ears are just too small. They don’t make child size cochlear implants so a 1 year old wears the exact same processors as an adult. There are multiple options for children to keep the processors on though. SJ uses special headbands that my sister in law makes for her.

At Christmas she gave her some new sparkly ones and SJ has been thrilled to have more options to choose from.

You can get more elaborate with the CI headbands, but SJ’s are as simple as they look. It’s just a headband with an elastic loop.

Sometimes she doesn’t wear headbands and on those occasions we keep the CIs in place with toupee tape.

That pretty much covers the whole morning routine. After that she is hearing and ready to head out the door and go to her deaf school!

By Natalie|2023-06-12T06:22:41+00:00March 9, 2016|Cochlear Implants, Uncategorized|5 Comments

The Big Six

SJ turned 6 years old on Friday. If you have spent any time around MessyMom.com then you probably know I like to party. SJ has had a Cupcake Party, Green Eggs and Ham Party, Donut Party, and Tea Party. However as I said in my blog post “How to avoid overboard kid parties” I don’t do theme parties every year and this is an off year. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have fun though! SJ still had a fabulous birthday and I still got to cherish all those gigantic smiles with FOUR teeth missing.

I started the day by sneaking in her room to hang some streamers in the door and throw some pink balloons on her bed. This might sound fancy, but trust me it was nothing you are going to see on pinterest. She woke up late so all 5 of us snuck into her room to surprise her (not hard to do with a deaf girl). We sang happy birthday as a family and she was beaming!

Her birthday outfit was a shirt I got from a yard sale that had a number 5 on it, but I covered it with a pin that said “I am 6” and she also wore her cupcake headband from last year which was from a conisgnment shop.

No slaving over the oven this year. The cupcakes I sent with her to school were store bought and the 13×9 cake that we ate that night was all from a box.

My parents and nieces and nephew came over for her “party”. It worked out great because they were going to come over anyway because their mom just had a baby and needs to rest. It made for a really great surprise birthday slumber party though.

Decorations $2

Birthday accessories $6

Birthday desserts $10

Birthday joy- Priceless

So as you can see it was definitley a low budget simple year and I know SJ still loved it just as much as the years I go all out.

The fun continued on Saturday since the family was still around to hang out and ride scooters.

Then Sunday she graduated to the big girl class at children’s church and yesterday she had her first daddy/daughter date.

That’s the last of it though. The birthday festivities are officially over until next year, which may or may not be a theme party. I’ll warn you though, if an idea sparks, there is no stopping me!

By Natalie|2016-03-08T12:36:54+00:00March 8, 2016|Frugal Living, Motherhood, Parties, Uncategorized|5 Comments

Praise Report for Elle

Elle is almost 4 months old and I am sorry to admit that I have neglected to share updates, but I was waiting. Waiting to learn more about her hearing.

Since the last time I shared she had another ABR and it was a good appointment. The audiologist felt like she got a final reading and we won’t need to do anymore ABRs. Praise the Lord!

Here is what we know. Elle has mild hearing loss in the left ear and is right on the line of normal on the right ear. That means we will wait until she is mobile before we put a hearing aid on her left ear. When she is old enough she can decide whether or not she even wants to bother with the hearing aid. That is how mild her hearing loss is. She could potentially get by without any intervention at all. That’s really awesome, but it gets even better.

I was waiting to share this news because I really wanted to get the genetic test results back. Once that came I would be able to exhale. I called the hospital last week just in case it was ready, but it wasn’t. It took six weeks and when I finally got that call it was really bad timing because I was on my way to pick up SJ from school. I couldn’t wait any longer though I wanted to know. I was assuming it would be a really short phone call confirming that Elle’s hearing loss is the same as SJ’s, but it wasn’t. As I am driving along I was trying to take in all this mind blowing information. At the stoplight I grabbed some eyeliner and scrap paper to try to jot down some of what she was telling me.

The geneticist said SJ’s genetic mutation is typical severe to profound deafness and Elle’s is mild. I couldn’t hold back my exuberance. That’s great news. I exclaimed So it should stay mild? and she said yes. I could tell the geneticist on the phone was glad that she was able to rejoice with me. I’m guessing she has to make a lot sad phone calls when it comes to DNA results. I could hardly control myself I apologized for being so dramatic and I told her I had been expecting it to be different. I didn’t even know that it was possible for them to have two different forms of genetic hearing loss.

She said the only way this is possible is if either the mother or father have hearing loss. She said it could potentially be so mild it was never diagnosed. I jumped in before she even finished. That’s me! I know it sounds weird to be excited to claim responsibility for my child’s genetic mutations, but I have had trouble hearing specifically on my left side for a long time. Even on the blog I have talked about how I can’t hear high pitches. I have written about my self diagnosis for Meniere’s disease, or how I went to have my ears checked again when I was pregnant with Elle. Except I never felt like the Doctors took me seriously. I never stood up for myself and demanded answers or treatment. When the last audiologist never called me back I just dropped it. Yes, my hearing loss is a nuisance, but I manage. You know how it is with moms. We take care of everyone else first and our own needs get put on the back burner and forgotten.

So basically for the past 4 years we have assumed that J and I were both carriers of hearing loss because we can hear, but in actuality J is a carrier and I have what is called autosomal dominant hearing loss. I THINK. Don’t quote me on all this. I still have a lot to learn. When I casually mentioned to my mom that I am not good at genetics in the same way that I am not good at math. She plainly said “Understanding genetics is like rocket science. Don’t feel bad.”

I do hope to learn more when we meet with our geneticist in a couple weeks. I didn’t want to wait that long to share this news though. It’s such a huge relief to me. I had pretty much put my whole life on hold, not in a way that I resented, but my brain did not have space to be creative, work on blogging, photography or any additional endeavors. I was waiting to see how much Elle would need from me. I was waiting with bated breath to find out whether or not she would loose the hearing that she does have. No one other than God himself knows what each day holds for any of us, but at least for the most part I can rest now knowing that Elle’s hearing loss is stable and she will need very little intervention in comparison to having cochlear implants. I would have been fine either way, but this brings me so much peace. He always knows my needs.

By Natalie|2016-03-07T18:20:15+00:00March 7, 2016|Uncategorized|7 Comments

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