Home Stretch for This School Year

It’s official. I turned in re-enrollment forms for both of my school age kiddos. SJ will be going into 1st grade and Z is going into 3rd. I’m really excited about this next milestone for these two.

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Not a lot will change for SJ because her school uses a montesorri type format. So she will be in the same classroom with a lot of the same students next year, except now she won’t be the youngest. You would think this would be an easy transition (for me), but I get anxious almost every year.

The schedule is the same for SJ which means she spends about half of her time doing academics and the other half is speech and language. This year I felt great about that because even her hearing peers were only doing half day kindergarten anyway, but in 1st grade I have to worry about her getting a “full day” of curriculum in half the time. I worry so much about her being behind. I practically had to have a voluntary intervention at the parent teacher meeting last week.

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Thankfully we have the most amazing team of teachers, directors, even the audiologist was in there at one point. They all encouraged me by answering my questions and telling me what an incredible job SJ is doing. They also reminded me to remember how far she has come and she really has!  I feel 100% better after going to this meeting and now I am ready for next school year. I make it sound like I am the one going to school. I know I’m not, but I might as well be. We’re in this together!

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Z is going to be switching classes for the first time when he starts back up in the fall. He said he is a little apprehensive about that, but I know he’ll be fine. I am beyond excited that he gets to be at this school for the 4th year (new building, but same school by the way). I love his school so much and we weren’t sure if we were going to be moving, but we’re not. We are staying in our rental home another year. After that we’ll try to become home owners again and we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

The funny thing is, even though I don’t have to worry about Z falling behind I worry about him being challenged. With Z he has shown a lot of signs of being at the top of his class and he’s really great with technology and math. He wants to be an inventor and I want him to be able to do that. How do I harness his abilities without being pushy or overbearing? I know I sound like such a worry-wart, but I prefer the term over-thinker. The other day he had to remind me that college is still 10 years away. I am that mom.

Regardless of my tendency to fret I can assure you that these aren’t thoughts that constantly pervade my mind. With 4 kids I don’t have time to obsess. I am all about kids being kids and learning trough play, yada, yada, yada. I think all moms want their kids to succeed and reach their fullest potential. That’s what it boils down to.

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I am genuinely excited about wrapping up another successful school year. The last day of school for both Z and SJ is exactly 5 weeks away!

Look out summer, here we come.

By | April 21st, 2016|Schooling|1 Comment

Look Back and Laugh 002 {Switching Seasonal Clothes}

Sorry I’ve been so absent lately. My website is still down way too often and so for those not on Facebook you may think I have abandoned ship, but this is not so! Please don’t give up on me. As for today’s link up, this isn’t an embarrassing moment, but it is a funny exaggeration so that’s why I am posting it for today’s Look Back and Laugh. Maybe some of you will relate.

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Now that we finally have some spring weather it’s time to pack up the sweaters and bring out the shorts. This is always a big task to tackle, but this is the first time I have done it with 4 children. And let me tell you, it is a NIGHTMARE!

I have been working on it for daaaaays. Maybe there are people that have containers and storage for all this, or their closets are big enough  to fit winter and summer clothing year round. None of this is the case for me. We have hobbit closets and live by the philosophy if it wasn’t worn by 8 different children then someone didn’t get their money’s worthSo clothing rotation in our home is an art form and one that I have yet to master.

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One problem is how to group things. There is the obvious grouping by size and season, but we have up to size 10 and both genders. If I had a bin for each size, gender, and season we would have forty bins of clothes. So I try to scale down as I go through everything.

Let’s start with the first son. I have to decide if it’s something that will fit him next year. If yes, I put it in the size “8ish” winter pile. If not then it is either a future dust rag, donation, or I hang onto it for when the next son is in size 6 or 7.

See that’s the other problem, just because something says it’s one size it doesn’t always fit that way so you may have everything from a 6 to a 9 in a closet at one time. Then you have things that you want to pass on or give back to a specific family. That’s another pile. There are always a couple items that look like they need to go through the wash once more before being packed up, so you’ve gotta throw those in a pile. Or maybe it’s something you feel is valuable enough to sell. Start a pile for that too. Do this four times over and you have 23 piles and house that looks like an episode of Hoarders Buried Alive.

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I do realize in hindsight that there is no 5T or 6T, but after going through so many toddler clothes I got carried away with the T.

Then heaven forbid your child realize you are getting rid of one of their prized possessions. Oh it’s all over! Go ahead and bring in a professional counselor for this part. Yesterday SJ wanted to know what the letters on the trash bag spelled and I told her it said “Donation” and she gave me a quizzical look. Donation? What is donation? She asked. I dodged the question. We’ll talk about it later.

Then Z saw a pair of jogging pants in the trash pile and he freaked out on me. I told him they are a size six and too small, but he began to protest.

Z: That’s just a label mom. They still fit me.

Mom: They have holes in them. They are going in the trash”

Dad: You could cut them and make them into shorts.

Mom: He has plenty of shorts! You stay out of this.

This conversation went on for a long time and I kid you not he wore them to school today. Sigh.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I am just as much a culprit when it comes to clothing attachment issues. I see a vest that Z wore for Easter of ’09 and I react like my 13 year old dog is being euthanized. 

It’s all just too much. I mean, I understand why we have clothes I guess, but sometimes I wonder if they are overrated. Maybe unisex rompers will become a thing. Until then I better get back to sorting or it will be winter again before I finish.

By | April 19th, 2016|Laughter|1 Comment

Awaiting the ABR… Again

Elle is now 5 weeks old. She had her one month check up this week and is now 10 pounds 22 inches. The Doctor has been extremely impressed by her growth. Here is a side by side from her first check up and her last which were taken exactly 4 weeks apart. Elle looks completely different.

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She is really filling out. No more newborn diapers or clothes for her. She has outgrown them!

There aren’t a lot of updates. She smiles now, but it’s not often.

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She still sleeps about 18 hours a day.

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I did a little impromptu photo shoot of her on her 1 month birthday.

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I love that she was born close to the holidays. I think about how our birth story was so unconventional and I wonder how Mary must have felt and what her birth story would be like (of course we know the story, but not from the perspective of Mary).

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We have an important appointment coming up and I would love it if you would be in prayer for us during this time. I previously mentioned that Elle failed the newborn hearing screening. The first time they came in with the equipment to test her the tech lady had a unique personality and was rowdy. I think she was trying to be nice. For most people this is just a routine test. No reason to get too serious, but all kinds of faculty were coming in and out and joking around and making a racket so Elle woke up and was fussy for the second half of the test (the left side). So she failed on the left, but the boisterous tech assured us it was because she woke up and that’s all it was.

The next day a younger new tech came in while it was still dark and quiet in our hospital room. I asked if she could shut the door and maybe hang a do not disturb note or something. She looked at my like I was crazy, but at least it was a much more subdued and calmer atmosphere. She even let me nurse Elle during the test. Again Elle passed on the right, but she couldn’t even get a reading on the left. It was like it wasn’t hooked up right so the tech tried to adjust it. She never was able to figure out what was wrong so she said that she failed and she would refer us to an audiologist. I was hormonal, and tired, and obviously stressed so I sternly proclaimed “We have an audiologist. This is a big concern for us and I’d like to know what is going on” Then J and I asked more questions about the test. None of which she could answer. She looked really intimidated. She had never even heard of Connexin 26 which is the genetic hearing loss that we have in our family. It is the NUMBER ONE CAUSE of sensorineural deafness so you would think someone that tests for hearing loss would have some familiarity with it. I then asked to speak with a supervisor and  did, but she mostly just had some paperwork for me.

I immediately called SJ’s school and talked to our audiologist. She made me feel much better about the whole thing and gave me advice on how to proceed.


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I know a lot about hearing loss and I think Elle can hear. I feel very confident in that. I guess you could say we know she can because the test confirmed it on the right side. With Connexin 26 it is highly unlikely that it would be unilateral (only on one side) so chances are she is fine.

However, this whole thing brings up a lot of tender memories for me. We have to go through all the same testing that we did with SJ and we have to keep her asleep for 90 minutes which should be easy considering what I said about her sleep, but it’s still completely unpredictable and out of our control so that stresses me out.

I cried when I called and scheduled the appointment. I have openly expressed to people how I know that she is fine and it’s just a machine error which happens all the time. And hearing children do fail this test A LOT.

However, lately there have been other thoughts popping into my head that make me wonder why it was the left ear BOTH times. Maybe just a coincidence? I mean if something is going to go wrong with the test you have a 50/50 chance that it will be on the left side. Still part of me wonders if she has another problem on that side that doesn’t even have to do with Connexin 26. Or what if her hearing gets progressively worse, which can happen. What if she is one of those rare cases?

Luckily, most of these frantic thoughts didn’t really come into my mind until this week so at least I haven’t spent the past 4 weeks panicking.

Please pray that we get some answers with this test. I do have a peace about it, and all in all I think everything is going to be okay, but I hate the idea that if she doesn’t sleep we have to drag this out for another month or so. That would be terrible. I just want this to be over with.

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The reason I titled this “Awaiting the ABR… Again” is because I wrote another post about 3 1/2 years ago when I was waiting for this same test for SJ. You can read “Awaiting the ABR” to find out what the test is and what the waiting period was like for me in that time when I didn’t know for sure whether or not SJ was deaf. It feels like a world away.

Thanks for all the prayers and support. Of course I will keep you posted.

By | December 16th, 2015|Babies, Hearing Loss, My Life, Pregnancy & Birth|4 Comments

How to Respond to Whining and Model Behavior

I have heard people teach that the best way to encourage your child to read is for them to see you reading. I have heard the same concept about eating healthy, and being eager to learn or try new things, or being active… The list goes on and on. Children are very in tune to our actions and especially when they are younger they are going to mimic our behavior. It is safe to say that actions truly do speak louder than words and the best way to lead is by example.

The way you demonstrate self control and self regulation to your children will determine what they give back to you. 

OUCH! I have a hard time with this, especially when we are running late. Is it even humanly possible to be a positive example when we are running late?

As hard as it is, it is still an important reminder that no matter how much you try to train, teach, or bombard your child with these learning opportunities it isn’t going to amount to much unless it means something to you and you are living it out. One of my favorite quotes is from Naomi Wolf and it says

“A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem.”

I hear so many mother’s say they don’t want their daughters to be insecure like they are. So they lavish their little girls with compliments and then turn around and talk about their own bodies in a  way that is degrading. This method is INEFFECTIVE! You can’t just talk the talk honey, you have got to walk the walk.

My 2 year old is at the stage where he copies everything we say. EVERYTHING. It definitely makes us more aware of our words. My 4 year old, who is deaf, is more in tune to facial expressions so sometimes when I am trying to communicate with her it is like looking in a mirror. This video is from a  while ago, and I know I look ridiculous, but it shows what I am talking about.


How comfortable are you with your children mirroring your actions? All of this just continues with one of the main themes of Teachable Parenting, which is that we set the tone in our home by the kind of environment we create. One of my favorite techniques that I read from Love and Logic is “I will respond when your voice sounds like mine”. This is an extremely helpful line to use with screaming or whining. Not only does it defuse the situation by giving them simple instructions, but it’s always a reminder for me that Oh yeah, I have to watch my voice too! If I bark at them and scream “I said I would respond when your voice sounds like miiiiine!!!” Then that would defeat the purpose wouldn’t it? So it keeps me in check and it also reminds me that I am an example to them. This is also why I have a hard time saying don’t hit followed by a little swat on the diaper. I’ve done it, but the message seems conflicting.

Again, this is why it is so important to discipline with empathy and respect because you are showing your child how they deserve to be treated and how they should be interacting with others (remember the idea that you teach them what their inner voice sounds like). Teachable Parenting is about bringing a culture of honor into the homeThat doesn’t mean you are not in charge.

Modeling the ideal behavior is not going to happen over night, and we’ll never be perfect. For now I totally recommend trying that tip.

“I will be happy to respond when your voice sounds like mine.” It’s worth a try.

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This post was originally written on October 13th, 2014 as a part of the 31 Day series Teachable Parenting.

By | October 2nd, 2015|Parenting Tips|2 Comments

Freedom From Parenting Guilt

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Like most parents I fear that I fall short with my children. I worry that I don’t have what it takes as a mom and that I could possibly ruin my one shot at this child rearing thing. It’s not a constant thought, but it’s this lingering insecurity. I used to love to listen to a pastor named Miles Welch, who had a podcast for college students. I was way too married and grown up for the topics be applicable to me, but I tuned in anyway and I am glad I did. One day I was sweeping the kitchen while casually listening to the Q&A session on the podcast* when there was a question from a young man asking how he could forgive his dad who was responsible for breaking up the family with a divorce. What Miles had to say in response pretty much jumped out of iTunes and punched me in the gut (in a good way).
He said
“You know, that is a hard question. At some point I was really disgruntled by my parents. I had to learn to accept them for who they were – limited and faulted. You can’t put too much
hope in humanity, we are flawed, fallen people. Now there’s hope in Christ, but we shouldn’t have an idealistic view of humanity. We place too much hope in what a person can be. I used to be really angry that my parents left a mark on my soul. Now that I am a parent I know that every parent leaves a mark on a soul. I am going to for my daughter and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel like I can protect my child from Hollywood. I can protect my child from crazy teachers, and soccer coaches. I can protect my child from anybody but me, because I will leave a mark, and I am a broken person, and as hard as I try I will fail her and she will have to learn to forgive me. She was wired to have a perfect father, and she has me instead.”
I almost dropped my broom in the kitchen when I heard that and it’s stuck with me for all these years. My children are wired for a perfect father and I can’t meet that need and I am not supposed to be expected to. It was in that moment that the weight of the world fell off of my shoulders and Christ set me free from that guilt and insecurity. I was
wanting to be God to my children. Now don’t get me wrong I want to show Christ to them every moment that I breathe 24/7, but the fact of the matter is I mess up time and time again. The further along I go on this parenting journey I can see how it is actually helpful for my kids to see my weakness, to see me grappling with reality.  That way some day they can see that even though I often struggled as a mother and wife, God’s grace was/is sufficient for me. Maybe they will learn that God is who they need to ultimately fulfill them not a parent, friend, or spouse. I pray that it teaches them about forgiveness and that they will truly embrace the grace of God that is there for them as well.
This is post was originally published October 6th, 2014 as part of a 31 Day Series. 
The quote was taken from * Miles Welch, 12 Stone podcast- Marriage and Divorce episode #76 June 28, 2011
By | September 14th, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Parenting Tips|10 Comments

Living in Holland (Thoughts From a Special Needs Mom)

If you have a  child diagnosed with some form of special needs then you have probably come across the “Welcome To Holland” essay by Emily Perl Kingsley. Basically it compares the shock of finding out your child has a disability to the feelings you would have if you planned a trip to Italy, but landed in Holland. The idea behind the whole analogy is that Holland isn’t BAD it’s just different and may take time to readjust your original plans and learn your way around.

The comparison applies to my situation well. I thought I was raising a perfectly “normal” (for lack of a better word) child the first two years of her life before I learned that SJ was deaf. I was speaking Italian, bought all the guide books for Italy, and really believed I was in Italy until that point which I consider my crash landing in Holland.

I have known about SJ’s hearing loss for 3 years now. The 2 1/2 year mark was a significant threshold for me because at that point I knew that my daughter was deaf longer than I knew her as (I thought) a hearing child.

It really does get easier. I have an appreciation for Holland. I’ve met lots of new friends here and learned so much. I’ve got the Holland guide books and maps now. I might as well have a tshirt and bumper sticker declaring my loyalty to Holland! There are moments though. There are moments you remember this wasn’t your original destination. I am being candid because I know I am not the only special needs mom going through this.

For example I have never babied or coddled SJ for her disability. She can truly accomplish anything she wants to do. She has been learning to swim this summer and let me tell you she is a champ. She fearlessly tackles this mission with great passion and fervency. She does so without the use of her cochlear implants so she is completely without hearing the whole time. I try to sit by the pool for a little break and she will tug on me and sign  “Practice! Practice! Mom, practice.” I see her going after it with all she’s got and when she comes up for air with the splashes of water blurring her vision I scream “Good job. Take a breath. KICK! KICK! KICK! You’ve got this!” but I know she can’t hear me. She can’t even read my lips or see me with the conditions that we are working with in that moment and I have felt helpless. Similarly, when my three kids are going to sleep (they share a room for now) I lie there in the dark with them for a while and Ezie says he wants to pray. After he finishes he wants his sister to take a turn. I tell him SJ can’t hear us right now because she doesn’t have her implants. If it were light it would be different because she reads lips so well, and with her implants she is just communicating non stop, but the next night we went through the same thing and Ezie said SJ needed to get her implants. He’s two and just starting to verbalize more himself, so it’s kind of heart breaking to hear him process all of it for the first time. Add to some of these emotions that SJ is starting kindergarten and she can’t go to the same school or have the same opportunities as her brother and it’s just another layer of Oh yeah, I was supposed to be in Italy.

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I know I shouldn’t feel guilty sharing some of these stories, but I do because we are so blessed and I love SJ exactly as she is. We are to the point now that if I try to think of what life would be like if she weren’t deaf I absolutely can’t wrap my brain around it because it’s a part of who she is. It’s like trying to picture what she would be like if she had been a boy. That’s just not who she is and I don’t want to change a thing.

As far as the little bumps in the road, we can purchase special gear that she can wear in the water to swim with her cochlear implants on. We can make sure everyone takes a turn praying in bed before SJ takes her implants off. She goes to a phenomenal school, and will have tons of wonderful experiences this year in Kindergarten. These are really minor things, but as in the Holland analogy it’s different and it takes some getting used to.

I have a friend whose son just crossed the one year mark of being a double amputee and that family has the most incredible testimony.

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I have loved cheering them along as I have watched all that their little man has achieved and I can’t wait to see what comes next. They have a caring bridge site where they post updates about Jude’s progress. Reading some of their experience has been like reliving my own. Even though SJ has artificial hearing and Jude has artificial legs there are just TONS of similarities.

I don’t know it all (that’s for sure) but since I feel like I am a couple years ahead on this journey I shared with my friend what I have come to realize after being thrown into the world of special needs parenting. I wanted to encourage her that just because it’s been a year doesn’t mean that you should be completely adjusted and move on. It’s been 3 years since SJ’s diagnosis and we are still in the transition stage. I look at the timeline like this Old normal, shock, transition (or adjustment, or adaptation), and then new normal.

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We spent just over two years living in the old normal, there was probably a year of living in shock and just doing my best to stay afloat. The last two years have been transition and we’ll be here for a while. I feel pretty darn close to “New Normal” but we still have such a long way to go. I feel like for us that will be when she goes to main stream schooling. I’m sure it looks different for everyone and more experienced moms could give a lot more insight into all this and the multifaceted layers. I am just learning, but this is my message for those in similar situations. Don’t feel like you have to rush into coping or adjusting. It’s going to be uncomfortable at times for some more than others, and somedays you are in Holland with a map from Italy. That’s okay, you will get there. I will get there. Our precious babies will get there and boy will we have stories of all the adventures we’ve had!

By | August 31st, 2015|Motherhood, My Life, Parenting Tips, Special Needs, Uncategorized|5 Comments

Finding Out We Were Pregnant

I think most moms remember where they were when they found out they were having a baby for the first time. Well, you were probably in the bathroom, but I guess I mean where you were at in life. Or maybe you remember the date or details with every child. It’s one of life’s most surreal and indescribable moments.

With my first pregnancy I took a test and then announced it to J at the Macaroni Grill while playing hangman with our crayons on the paper table cloth.

Then with the next pregnancy I had Z color a picture for J saying saying he was going to be a big brother.

With Ezie I switched things up. Instead of me announcing to J I had him tell me. I saw it on a show one time. I took the test, but he was the one to go in three minutes later and come out and tell me the news. If you consider this keep in mind this also means your husband will be the one to tell you if you are not pregnant (which did happen once). So it can get emotional, but it was really special to hear the news from my husband that we were expecting our third.

This last time I thought why not just find out together? 

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Once your test leaves the bathroom it opens up a whole world of possibilities really. You could take the test and then tuck it away to save after you hike up to the top of a mountain. You could have the life changing experience at the same place he proposed. In our case we went home after a nice date night and then opened a little gift bag while snuggling on the couch. That’s where we were when we found out our lives were going to change forever, again.

The thing I worried about when I started drumming up this idea was the possibility of accidentally seeing the results. That’s an easy fix though since you can just cover up the result window with tape.

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I used Christmas tape because that’s what I had. It could be any colored tape. Once you take the test you can put the cap on and seal it in a zipper bag. Most test results will last up to 24 hours, but you will want to check the specific brand to know for sure ahead of time. That would be no fun to plan to take a canoe out on the lake or something and then just see a blank screen because your plus sign faded.

Another obvious downside to finding out together is that you don’t know if you are pregnant are not, which could be very anticlimactic if the test is negative. I can see how this is an impractical approach that would NOT be ideal for all situations. For me, since this was my fourth and I was tired of finding out alone. I KNEW I was pregnant. I was just waiting to confirm it with a test. So I just waited a little longer so that we could schedule a date night and celebrate afterwards with a special package and lemon meringue cheesecake. It was fun!

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So that is the story of how we found out we were pregnant this time. I’ll never forget it.

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By | July 9th, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth|13 Comments

Ten Pregnancy Symptoms I Had Before I Took the Test

I have so much suppressed details to write about this pregnancy. Three months into it and I have not blogged about any maternity stuff, other than the announcement. That might not sound like a big deal, but I have a chronic case of documentia. It’s a disorder that I made up to label my impulse to document everything.

So I do plan to catch up on all the first trimester updates, but let’s just start with how I knew I was pregnant.

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First of all I was not expecting to be pregnant. Here is the TMI version of the story.

I don’t do birth control pills or anything like that. I did once when I was a newly wed and have decided against it for the past 14 years due to personal medical reasons. However, we were trying NOT to get pregnant through every NFP (natural family planning) method in the book. Now some of you might laugh and say “Yeah, that NFP stuff is a joke and it never works”, but let me repeat I have not been on birth control for 14 years and the three children that I have were not accidents. Let’s just say we had a good system going. At one point at the beginning of this year we discussed the idea of having another child soon. Except we decided it wasn’t good timing and we wanted to wait a bit to be completely ready. From that point on though I will admit to being a little more laid back with charting and all that. It’s not the first time I have taken the casual-trust-my-gut approach to NFP. However, it is the first time it resulted in an unexpected pregnancy.

I knew pretty early on what we were in for. I made this list on March 23 (which would have made me almost 5 weeks pregnant). I even titled it-

“Am I Pregnant?”

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1. Weird Dreams

2. Fatigue

3. Late period

My period used to be all over the place so this one isn’t that big of indicator for me, but I was expecting to start any day.

4. Nausea

5. Ear problems

This is something I commonly struggle with when I am pregnant. That is part of the reason I had to go to the Doctor recently.

6. Forgetfulness

Not that I want to attribute everything I do to pregnancy, but there have been some CRAZY mix ups. I feel like I am in such a fog.

7. Insomnia

I knew when I woke up at 3:30 am hungry and unable to sleep that something was definitely up.

8. Metallic taste

During those first few weeks I had a slight metallic taste in my mouth. Which was probably the biggest indicator.

9. Numb Arm

My right arm had a lingering numbness to it. It’s not even a pregnancy symptom I have ever felt in the past, but when I looked it up, sure enough, it’s a pregnancy symptom.

10. Gas

Bloating and intestinal issues. Bleh.

From there the list just grew and was of course later confirmed through a pregnancy test. Even though it was kind of a tough first trimester I considered all the symptoms a blessing because it was a constant reminder that this was real. I knew it probably meant I was having a very normal healthy pregnancy.

Did any of you other mamas have tell tale signs when you were expecting? Did you know right off the bat, or were you oblivious for the longest time like those women on the show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant? Just kidding, don’t even get me started on all that craziness!

By | May 21st, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

You can’t trust the intuition of a woman on a mission

Wisdom always tells us not to over think things. You almost always find the what you are looking for when you stop looking, whether that be your sunglasses, a spouse, or in my case a positive pregnancy test.

We hadn’t been trying to conceive for that long, but with each passing month I began to get a little more anxious. So I decided the “it will happen when it happens” approach that we took with our last pregnancy wasn’t going to work this time, and I was going to have to take control of the matter. I began to journal everyday about the whole process, charting every detail that would pertain to fertility. I was tracking my temperature using a basal thermometer, taking prenatal vitamins everyday, and being very aware of what phase of my cycle I was in. I was a woman on a mission and the mission was to get pregnant!

By the end of the month I began starting to feel like I could be pregnant and those feelings increased everyday. There were a lot of things that pointed toward pregnancy and my intuition was telling me that I was. The journal entries escalated from “I think I might be pregnant” to “I am %99.9 sure I AM pregnant.” I even posted on my friend Lexi’s blog that I thought for sure I was, but like I said I guess you can’t trust your intuition when your a woman on a mission. I had my due date calculated and everything was planned out, but with each negative pregnancy test I began to be really confused. I was so desperate for answers that I even spent $75.00 for a blood test, which confirmed that I was not nor had I been pregnant.

I was discouraged to say the least. It’s not that I wanted to be pregnant THAT bad, it’s just that I didn’t understand how I could be so certain and be wrong about it. That’s where my quest for fertility ended. The following month I stopped taking my temperature, stopped charting, I even stopped taking my vitamins, which I now regret. It was on the 4th of July that I began to feel a bit off and the idea popped in my head that I could possibly be pregnant. I said last time that I wasn’t going to put myself through that again, and so I tried to get the idea out of my head. That night I dreamt that I was pregnant, I woke up and argued internally on whether or not to take a pregnancy test. Finally I decided that I wasn’t going to stop thinking about it until I took one, so I went ahead and took a test that I already had on hand and I didn’t even have to set it down for the positive line to appear. At first I was just in shock, but it didn’t take long for me to spring into maternal action and start to calculate the due date, take my vitamins, and get ready to embark upon another one of life’s most amazing journeys.

By | July 29th, 2009|Motherhood, Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|1 Comment