I turn 38 tomorrow. I am absolutely to the point that I lose track of what age I am. I know it sounds ridiculous, but sometimes J and I have to do the math to figure out our ages. Then when we determine what age we are we gasp wondering where the time went.

I had a friend recently share what her 4oth year was like. It was her 41st birthday and she talked about some milestones and big changes she made for the better in the past year. I was inspired and started thinking about what I accomplished in the past year. This practice seemed promising but upon arrival of the memory I immediately found myself desending into a dark emotional pit. I don’t want to say it was the worst year of my life! Hello! 2012 called, they want their title back. For the record, 2012 was also not the worst year (my amazing and precious Ezie was born!), but some years are more challenging than others. It’s like waves at the sea, the ebbs and flows of life. Hold onto that analogy for a minute because I am going to come back to it.

We were in Texas last year for my 37th birthday. We had medicaid at the time, but it didn’t apply out of state so when strep throat hit the kids like dominoes, the out-of-pocket medical costs started to rack up real quick! It wasn’t the best trip ever, but everyone felt better toward the end. So the day after my birthday we decided to do one final excursion before heading back to Ohio. This is when I was driving the kids back from seeing Toy Story 4 and had an 18 wheeler cross into my lane on the highway and crushed my van up next to a concrete barricade.

I still have PTSD from that experience. For probably 10 seconds  I didn’t know if my children buckled in their seats behind me were alive. I have little flashbacks of the horror, but the experience as a whole is very fuzzy because my brain has blacked out a lot of it.

 It took us a couple of extra days to make it back to Ohio since my van was totaled. When we arrived back home we learned that our church, where my husband was employed full time as the worship leader, was going through a crisis of its own. I won’t go into details of all of that online because it’s so personal for many people that would be reading this, but the fact is my husband and everyone else on staff had their pay cut dramatically or entirely. We had to live on less than half our income and start looking for a new job. Not only did it take a physical toll on us, but it was all wrapped up in our spiritual sanctuary and some of our closest relationships too. While I don’t want to ellaborate anymore about this matter, I will say that God was and is always faithful. We had people bless us and care for us in extrodinary ways to ensure that our needs were met.

All that and then to wrap up the last 4 months of 37th year with a pandemic!?

Let’s just say I don’t look back on the past year with the fondest of memories or any sign of growth and accomplishments. It’s a time that I can look back and say, HEY I SURVIVED! And actually, I am quite proud of that. Sometimes situations can throw you into a disorienting abyss that can feel like drowning. This is where the waves analogy comes in.

The Bible talks a lot about storms and seas. It also mentions anchors. We read about them in a physical standpoint

Acts 27:29 “and fearing that we might run on the rocks, they let down four anchors from the stern and prayed for day to come.” 

and we read about them in a spiritual sense

Hebrews 6:19 “We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.”

There have been times in my life, specifically in the past year, where I feel completely lost at sea. I have experienced panic attacks, depression, hopelessness and felt the absolute depths of despair. I thought for sure that I was about to get swept away with the storm until I realized there is something keeping me grounded, something I can’t deny no matter how lost I feel. It’s His presence that holds me. When I accepted Christ as my savior He became the anchor in my soul. He is the reason I can stay strong and have hope. It’s like the song “Cornerstone” by Hillsong-

“When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil”

If I could scuba dive through this past year’s events and feel the turbulence and see the ship wreck I would swim all the way down to the depths and find the anchor. That’s my 37th year takeaway and for that, I am grateful.

Notice, I did not call this post “Social Distancing Week 11”. I have done updates every week since school was closed 11 weeks ago. I will still continue to write about our journey through all of this Covid-19 stuff because I am well aware that the virus is still an issue. However, I’m ready to move on. This is our “new normal”… I guess… from what I hear. So the Busch household is shifting gears!

They wanted us to stay home, so we decided to make our home a little more self-sustaining where we can grow our own vegetables, hang out, and have fun together! We have somewhat secretly been working hard on some big plans! J even took several days off work to focus on our backyard projects. One of the biggest additions is our *drumroll*…

TEN NEW BABY CHICKS!

We had chickens nine years ago and loved it. This time we have a lot more chicks and a lot more breeds. They are only a week old, but they are doing great so far. I can’t believe how much they have changed already! When got them from the hatchery last week they fit in this little to-go box!

Right now we have them in a brooder in the laundry room. Eventually, they will go in a coop in the back yard. We haven’t built that yet, but we have five more weeks to get on it.

Because they each have their own look we have been able to name them which was fun. I will try not to overwhelm you with too many photos, but we love our little chicks.

SJ is especially smitten. She pulled a chair into the laundry room because she loves to sit and watch them.

I know I don’t have any photos of the other oldest three in our family holding chicks (Z, J, and myself) but don’t let that fool you. We all participated in naming chicks and we love to hold them and watch them too. Last night I even had a dream about them. I dreamed that they were all full-grown and one was a rooster! For the record, we shouldn’t and hopefully don’t have any roosters. I know our neighbors would not appreciate it.

The kids have never had any pets, so while we are definitely looking forward to eggs because we eat them every single day, the main investment is having some animals that we can love on and bring extra smiles to all of our faces. So far they are really good at doing that.

We have even more additions in progress for our backyard. The next one isn’t a living thing, but it’s just as fun and exciting. I’ll keep you all posted!

Goodness, I remember being in disbelief when the schools abruptly closed for what was originally looking like 2 WHOLE MONTHS! Here we are more than 10 weeks later and while Ohio is reopening the end of social distancing does not look like it will be happening anytime soon.

I am grateful distance learning is over and looking forward to SUMMER FUN! The last day of school is technically Thursday May 28th but there are no more lessons planned. Instead the school is doing a reading challenge and dress up days that are optional. To say that distance learning was a challenge for us is an understatement, but there were some good moments in the midst of the struggle. We finished several read alouds and I found a love for doing character voices. The kids enjoyed it too. Their mémé offered to read one of the chapter books one day while I was doing work for the church, but in the end they decided that it wasn’t the same as when I do it. I am beyond flattered.

While struggling to find books that the kids hadn’t already read and that we owned (since the library is closed) I asked a friend if she wanted to do a book exchange. We met at the library because that just seemed like the natural choice (we are both library geeks) and I passed off “Wonder” to her

and got the book “Charlie and Frog” for us to read and so far it’s really good!

The kids also did a Lego challenge early on in quarantine before distance learning made it difficult to do fun activities. I hope to share a whole post on that sometime, but here are some of their creations.

We have some fun stuff planned in place of travel for the summer but I will hold off on that announcement for now. I am also going to hold off on finalizing what we will do about next school year. I’ve heard from various sources that schools are expected to have somewhat of a strategy in place by mid-July and so we should know then whether we will be homeschooling or going back to their public school.

I’m sure some of you have seen the graphic that went around Facebook.

Then I saw some rebuttals,  like this one.

While not all of what the blue graphic says is exactly what is recommended by the CDC, it’s pretty close. I have also read the Ohio draft of what the Department of Education is going to try to implement. These guidelines might be necessary or okay with others, but they are not okay with me. As I mentioned last week, BEFORE the CDC shared anything, I’ve already been planning for what would happen if we need to homeschool.

I try my best to stay informed and get my information directly from the President and Governors through press conferences. From what I understand, until we have a vaccine or unless the coronavirus cases dramatically drop or disappear, this is “our new normal” for a while. If masks, and shields, and keeping six feet apart are the expectations for churches, grocery stores, and everywhere else then why would we expect that in two months they’re going to be ready to let millions of children do otherwise? Although I know that each state and in some cases districts get to choose their own reopening plans (which I appreciate) I’m planning on those plans looking pretty close to what the CDC is recommending. If I’m wrong, that’s great! I want my kids in public school! I rave all the time about their school and their teachers. It’s why we moved here!  I had a teacher friend that posted this graphic.

I wish the teacher could wave a magic wand and make the school reopening less sterile and rigid, the same way I wish pastors could just reopen churches and let everybody hug and high five and reopen the children’s programs, but it’s not our current reality.

Regardless of any kind of politics I need to know that the educational benefits that my children would get would outweigh the potential emotional and mental health costs that come with the distance approach. The thing I feel like might be in our favor is that our county is not a hot spot for coronavirus. We’ve had cases and even deaths (that could be counted on one hand from what I understand). Our city is not huge though and it is slightly more rural than a lot of areas. I know that those factors come into play with how different districts will proceed. J and I will continue to pray through this decision. I’m okay with kids eating schools in the classrooms and smaller class sizes. I am in favor of open windows and outdoor learning! We already don’t ride the bus, so I definitely don’t care what they choose to do about that. On the other hand, I am not okay with elementary students in masks, or no free play during recess, or no working on tactile projects and crafts together, or constant hand sanitizing. If you have known me and my delayed vax/cloth diaper/cosleeping/home-birth self for any length of time you know that I am not basing these decisions of a silly graphic (with a typo mind you) circulating online. This is my crunchy momma side that has been there since my first pregnancy including when I chose probiotics over antibiotics even though I tested positive for GBS. Come at me!

Just kidding, don’t come at me. I’m actually a nonconfrontational enneagram nine, but I do get passionate about my rights regarding my health and my children. I understand WHY these measures are in place, but if I had a choice for my kids I’d chose home in this scenarioio. If we do go that route I’d like to think that it frees up space in a time where that is really needed.

Enough about social distancing though! My next post will be an exciting surprise.

The week of May 10-16 was a big one for our area in terms of the pandemic. Ohio continued the reopening process.

I just rescheduled with our dentist and the cleanings that were canceled in April have now been pushed back to August. I assured them it was not urgent and that I understood. Many restaurants with patios are now open. Retail stores are open again and people are out shopping big time! In Kentucky, a federal court overturned the governor’s temporary ban on churches meeting in person. This was big news for the church I grew up in where the rest of my family still goes. With strict guidelines in place for everyone’s protection, they were able to meet in person on Mother’s Day for the first time since the quarantine.

Our church is still recording services.

We aired our tenth service yesterday. It’s not easy to do virtual services. Whether you are meeting in church again or online please remember your pastoral team in your prayers (as I’m sure you already do if you have a church you consider home). The church and leadership are not at lounging in their recliners soaking up all of the free time! As someone who volunteers as social media director at our church and is married to a worship pastor I can assure that your pastoral team is working around the clock right now to figure out how to do virtual church or reopen or a mix of both while also doing mental and spiritual health check-ups, outreach in the community, and all the usual stuff on top of that. The church is essential and they are on the frontlines. God is big enough to take care of it all though and I am blessed to be a vessel. I just wanted to be candid about how much work it is. I have had people bless me, check in on me, text me, and pray with me and I appreciate all of that! I am sure your pastor, tech team, worship team etc. would love to hear some encouragement and positive feedback from you too!

Now about the whole distance learning thing, this past week was okay.

SJ had to create a fictional animal for science. This is UniDog. She also had to do a report that included vocabulary and information they’ve been studying.

Things are winding down as we only have two weeks left, however my mind will NOT stop racing about what happens in the next school year. Elle is already enrolled in her first year of Pre-K. Z’s classes are all lined up including his recent acceptance into a special math cohort program and Language Arts for his first year of Junior High. I was really looking forward to this next school year and still do, but I am starting to become fearful. I know that fear is not from the Lord, but there have been recent discussions about what school will look like in August in the fight against this virus. I’ve seen drafts of plans and they don’t look they are going to work for our family. I won’t get into all the details right now, but let’s just say for now we plan for all four of kids to go to school in the fall. However, that is contingent on what school will look like for the kids and if it’s something that seems like a negative detrimental experience then I will homeschool them. Or there is a possibility that some will go to school and others won’t. We are going from one school to three this year (it’s not the first time I would have children spread out in three different schools). Anything could happen. I am trying not to think about too much, but I don’t want to be naive and assume everything will be back to normal (or close to it). With all that we have been through so far in 2020, I don’t know if anything would shock me at this point. Either way J and I have a lot to pray about and consider for our family. I am thankful to be in a country where we are free to do that and also be in a situation where, as a stay at home mom, this is something I can consider. That’s all the information I have for now though and it will probably be a couple of months before I even know more.

I used to love the game Minesweeper when I was a kid/teen.

The premise of the game is to clear the squares without clicking a bomb. According to Wikipedia “In order to win the game, players must logically deduce where mines exist through the use of the numbers given by uncovered cell”.  I feel like talking about the coronavirus right now is a lot like playing minesweeper. You can read the clues and skip through the board as best you can, but you never know when you are going to click the wrong thing and detonate a bomb or in the case of real-life, tick someone off. With that said I will warn you that I am talking about loosening the reigns a tad for social distancing. I know this can be a trigger for some people.

Anyway, this month Ohio is starting to open back up. It’s gradual but there is a huge shift in the atmosphere here.

A lot of people are out and about walking, sitting on benches, and visiting. There are more cars on the road and gas prices are going back up. It was a pretty good week for me compared to some of the previous ones.

On Monday we wore our Star Wars shirts for “May the 4th”.

Tuesday I had my first photoshoot since quarantine. Ezie learned to ride a bike without training wheels so we did a lot of that.

Z decorated a yard sign for his elementary graduation.

SJ went on a virtual field trip and so she had no school work on Thursday which was a huge relief since she has had a difficult time keeping up.

On Saturday our church had an outreach in the parking lot and the women’s ministry gathered items to be donated to people in need. They ended up with three van fulls. We were all bundled up with masks and sunglasses on so it was hard to really see anyone’s face but at least we could “see” each other and it was great to be able to do something for the community.

After that our family went to some plant nurseries to brainstorm for our backyard makeover and it’s getting pretty exciting.

J and Z are working on doing digital sketches and plans for the yard which will hopefully include a zipline! The kids all worked together to design their dream tree house (not that we can create it, but it’s still fun to dream).

There are still so many things that are off-kilter right now as we try to fight this virus. The stores are out of fresh meat. You can only buy in limited quantities which for a family of 6 is less than we would normally eat. We still aren’t at school or church, so that’s a huge difference. One thing I really miss is the library and another thing is thrift stores. I am all about eco-friendly shopping and recycling or borrowing to reduce waste and consumption, but right now we can’t do that and so it breaks my heart. Lots of people will be throwing items away because there is nowhere to donate. People like myself that would normally buy used or borrow are forced to buy new.  I know this is nothing compared to some of the bigger issues, but it is something that I think about.

It has been a long two months and writing each week has really helped me to process all of this. I realize it’s been a while since I have written about anything other than my quarantine updates. I do hope that I can start “reopening” as a blogger and write about other topics soon. While distance learning school is in session my time is extremely limited so I don’t know exactly when that will happen, but it’s something I will look forward to.

Week Seven is in the books. It was interesting because we officially started “reopening Ohio”. Granted not much changes. I did get a text from our dentist office wanting to reschedule missed appointments so that was kind of refreshing to see.

It’s really weird how all of this is rolling out. I heard in a press conference that the shut down was like turning off a light switch. It happened all of a sudden, like the flip of a switch. Everything immediately went black. However, opening the state back up is not turning the light back on, it’s using a dimmer to gradually add a little bit of light at a time.

It’s been intense to see the reactions of this reassimilation. Most people seem really unhappy right now. They are angry that the government isn’t moving quickly enough. Other people are upset that the government is moving too quickly. It’s a lot to process.

Most of my kids are still struggling with distance learning. It is not going great. So I am bummed about that and the fear that this coming school year will be affected in some way. I am also bummed that my 6th grader doesn’t get to have an elementary school graduation. I know that sounds silly, but allow me to quote myself from a blog post I wrote earlier this year called “Big Year for Z”

In May, at the end of the school year, all the faculty and students line the halls of the school and the 6th graders walk through the crowds one final time before graduating elementary school. Everyone claps, cheers, and gives high fives to the graduates. It’s always made me tear up even when it was for kids that didn’t know at all! I imagine I’ll be a big ball of emotion this year when it’s Z making that walk symbolizing the transition into this next stage.

It’s something I’ve looked forward to since he was in Kindergarten and saw the big kids get their “clap out” (I didn’t know that was a thing until then). I know it’s not the same as a high school senior by any means (God bless them and their families right now) but it was meaningful to me. So I cried when I realized that he would miss that opportunity.

On the bright side, there have been some sweet moments from this quarantine time. This past weekend we started a garden.

We weren’t going to this year because we would be traveling. I had big plans (I blogged about that too). Another plan bites the dust.

There is a quote from Dwight Eisenhower that says something to the effect of “Plans are useless, but planning is indispensable”. I think what it means is that you can never predict the exact outcome and plans inevitable change. However, it’s the dreaming, problem-solving, or strategy that you drum up that gives you direction and motivation.

Plans don’t always roll out perfectly, but either way, planning has a purpose. That’s reassuring to me because of how many times do I have a plan and it gets ripped away from me?

I planned the family trip of a lifetime and now the coronavirus ruined it.

Or the time I had the perfect birth plan! Then the baby was born on the way to the hospital.

Or what about last month when I planned meals for all thirty days of April, only to have a tornado knock out our power for three days and force us to eat out.

I take great stock in the verse “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps”. It’s nearly impossible for ANY OF US to plan much of anything these days because the top doctors, world leaders, and scientists do not know what the rest of the year will look like. We just don’t know. Earlier this year I read Lysa Terkeurst’s book “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way”. It’s really great and I recommend it. She talks about being a planner and in Chapter Ten she said somethings that I related to so much when I read it last year and it definitely still applies now. Terkeursts says

“Whatever your situation is, you probably feel like you can’t change it, but you still have to live through the realities of what happening right now. Sometimes you just have to walk in your ‘I don’t know’…What if settling down and all your disappointments going away would be the worst thing that could happen to you? What if your ‘I don’t know’ is helping you, not hurting you? What if your ‘I don’t know’ is helping you let go of things you aren’t supposed to know because that knowledge would be too heavy a burden for today? But the One you do know, the Lord, is so perfectly capable to bear it all.”

Colossians 1:11 says “God will strengthen you with His own great power so that you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient.”

Lord, help me to trust you as I walk through this season of “I don’t know”.

I can’t believe it’s been 6 weeks since the country basically shut down. Last week Ohio officially announced that school would be closed for the remainder of the semester. Unlike when schools closed the first time, this was not a shocker to anyone. It is still surreal and somehow comforting to have it finally settled for certain.

I have not been shy about sharing my struggles throughout this whole pandemic. It’s been heavy enough that I decided to take a break from social media and some of my usual routine last week. I know this was the right choice for me and even though I still feel a bit disoriented by the whole act of quarantining I definitely worked out a lot of the kinks for distance learning. One way of doing this is by choosing sanity over assignments. I almost can’t even type that because it might sound like a cop-out. Academics have always been a HUGE priority to me. That’s why when other parents seemed to be struggling through all of this I had no problem reminding them that the teachers and schools are extending a ton of grace and understanding right now and “just do what you can do”, but when I had to turn around and say that to myself it didn’t really stick. I felt like I was failing my children.

The cool thing about distance learning or homeschooling is that each family can do what works for them. I know some people that keep things really flexible and do school at any hour of the day or break it up between their kids instead of doing it all at the same time. For us, with grades 1, 3, 6, and pre-k and a work from home husband who does a lot of conference calls, we have had to rely on some structure.

9:00 am – 1:00 pm is school hours. If you include travel time this shaves off 3 and a half hours from their school routine which used to be- leave the house at 8:00 am and get home at 3:30 pm.

I have one child who is an independent learner and barrels through assignments very quickly. This is where we have had to put up boundaries with google chats and video games. I have had to implement the fact that even though the assignments may be done it doesn’t mean the second half of the week is a free-for-all. Monday-Friday 9:00-1:00 is mostly used for educational activities. If you run out of assignments from school you can work on something fun that is educational like building a website, or you can read or help your siblings.

I have another child that is starting to become more of an independent learner so that is very helpful, but they also are a perfectionist. For all of our sake, I have had to cut off school at a certain time (this is where sanity over assignments comes in). We haven’t completed everything in distance learning, but we are doing our best and working well beyond the two hour daily minimum requirements that the district set. With this child I have also had to set boundaries about screaming for help. We are still working on the no screaming rule, but the idea is instead of screaming come and let me know that you need something and then be patient. When I (or big brother, or occasionally dad) can come to help I will.

For the other school-age child, I have had to sit down and walk them through everything. It’s been helpful to see the learning struggles there that I never realized were an issue. This child is great at math though, so when I have to leave them to help a sibling I will have them work on math independently, or just try to read, or take a break to play or have a snack. I set a timer and then come back when time is up.

Timers are my friend, I don’t use them religiously, but it works in other areas of my life so it finally dawned on me (5 weeks into it) to use a timer for distance learning rather than using the assignment as the standard for how long everything will take. Teachers don’t even do that in school! You give an assignment and some will finish early and some will be incomplete, but when the bell rings or test time is up then it’s “pencils down”. I have written about timers and routine before and they are some of my most popular blog posts. Here are the links if you want to check them out.

The Magic Kitchen Timer (from my teachable parenting series)

Ideas for Helping Kids with daily routines

For the record, we also do walks, outside time, movement time, family time, reading a book together time, and of course breakfast and lunch. So when I talk about the first half of the day being all about school that doesn’t mean the kids are sitting at a desk with their nose in a textbook for four hours straight.

I sound like I really have things down pat now, but the truth is we are all navigating things one wave at a time. The kids are not thrilled with distance learning. We have some hard times. This is real life. I am grateful that at least for now I don’t feel like my head will spontaneously explode at any moment and that’s a good thing right?

The past couple of weeks had been rough (read “Social Distancing Week Three” and “Social Distancing Week Four/Spring Break/Tornados”). I had no plans for Easter. I thought about trying to do something and maybe even getting dressed up, but even though the power in the house was back on I still felt powerless.

However, I have two little girls who scrolled through their closets to pick out the prettiest brightest dresses they could find. They paired them with tights and fancy shoes. They dug through the stash of bows and started asking if I would curl their hair. After the week we’d had how could I say no. I was more than happy to participate at that point.

I also happened to have a bin full of Easter eggs, table cloths, and goodies from my mother in law who was clearing stuff out of her house last time we were in Texas. She asked if we wanted it and I accepted not knowing that a big box of Easter fun would be exactly what we needed! I filled the eggs with coins, candy, and small toys that the kids already owned but probably wouldn’t remember. I’m not against regifting little toys in Easter eggs, even when we aren’t on lockdown.

That morning we had breakfast burritos before sitting on the couch to watch our church service that which we had recorded Friday.

When the worship team played the song “Forever” by Kari Jobe I invited SJ to worship through sign language with me. I had already learned the signs to this song before and she knew some of it too. SJ isn’t fluent in ASL, but it was technically her first language. From age 9 months to 3 years old that is exclusively how she communicated. We also have friends who are deaf that we sign with. So it’s not just that it’s a beautiful language, it really is special and meaningful to us. J caught a small bit of it on video.

We took a couple of Easter photos using a tripod and a remote.

Side note, I decided to get a selfie stick for the time of quarantine and it also works as a remote shutter. I don’t regret this lowcost purchase. I knew it would be just us for a long time and if I wanted to document it a selfie stick would be the way to go. Anyway, I am glad it’s worked out so well.

After photos, we went outside for the egg hunt.

It wasn’t a sunny picturesque day at all, but it wasn’t raining at that moment and that’s all that mattered!

The kids had a blast finding eggs. SJ even found a real Robin’s egg! Sadly it was probably a storm casualty because the egg was homeless.

That night for dinner we had steak and we finished The Chosen series, which was so great.

It turned out to be a very special Easter. I was reminded of where my power source comes from, one that will never let me down.

The fourth week off of school (April 6-10) was already scheduled off because of Spring Break. I had no intentions of doing anything special, we were quarantined after all. I was looking forward to a little less pressure though since there were no assignments due.

Becuase I had experienced so many wonderful “porch blessings” the week before I was seeking the Lord about how to pay it forward. One by one the opportunities arose. I had older neighbors and church family who needed masks and santizer which I happen to have extra of since we had the flu this year! I had another friend who needed toilet paper and packing tape. I happen to have plenty of that too!

I was also able to loan out some Bible based children’s books. On top of that, the kids made Easter cards for the retirement center for a card drive. They turned out really cute and felt good to be able to give back.

Spring Break 2020 was shaping up beautifully, all things considered. We were outside everyday and on Wednesday, April 8th, the kids were in their swimsuits  making a slip and slide with the water hose.

I got videos of them on my IG story laughing and splashing in the warm sunshine. I added the background music “I’ll stop the world and melt with you. You’ve seen the difference and it’s getting better all the time” because it seemed fitting. That night we were all hanging out watching “The Chosen” series when a Tornado siren started going off. We calmly gathered in the basement hall. Then the power went off and it was pitch black. You could hear thunder, sirens, wind, and cracking branches, but we couldn’t see anything. SJ started crying because she was so scared. I realized my phone was about to be dead and I was kicking myself for not having more of a charge on it. I texted my mom at 10:30 pm with the message “Power went out and my phone is almost dead. Trees went down. Sedona is scared. Pray for us.” Once the storm seemed to die down a bit J and I went out to collect the blown over trash cans and patio furniture in the rain. We surveyed some of the damage in the dark. It looked bad, but we were fine and so was our home. SJ was the most shaken up. She takes her cochlear implants off every night to charge them, but she can’t hear anything at all when they are off. That night, for the first time ever, I told her that we could switch to disposable batteries and she could leave the devices on while she slept. It was the security of knowing she could hear if there were an emergency.

We all laid down in sleeping bags and couches in the basement that night. We happened to have this lantern that is solar powered by the sun in the day and then looks like a flame when it gets dark. I’ve gotten compliments on it before, but now it was actually very practical as a night light for all of us as we slept.

I was the first one up the next day. I went outside and felt so deflated as I walked around.

I looked at the trees blocking the road (other than a path carved out by some heroic neighbors to insure road access). I saw an old pine tree of ours completely uprooted and laying on the ground. The neighbor behind us has a trampoline that went over their fence and landed in the yard next to us. Our chimey cap went across the street and into another neighbor’s yard. My biggest concern at that point was the electicity. I had two refrigerators fully stocked with hundreds of dollars worth of food since we were staying at home through the pandemic. I was also worried about not having a way to charge our devices. I know internet is somewhat of a luxury, but at this point we had been stuck at home for three and a half weeks with our screens being our only connection to our friends and family and now that was stripped away from us too!? My husband couldn’t work without power.

I got in the car and turned it on to charge my phone. Then I did what any good millennial (barely, I’m 37) would do and I made an Instagram story explaining our plight. I also posted it to Facebook. I started getting texts and calls immediately checking in on us and offering suggestions, or help. The first thing I did was get ice for our coolers. Driving around and seeing houses that had been hit and roofs blown off, I realized how we had it mild compared so many of those around us.

It felt weird traipsing into the gas station wearing a mask and looking disheveled. It was like Could my life get any weirder right now?.

Soon after that I got a text that said “Natalie call me about a generator. We can probably help you out.” I called and it was a client from my photography business. I had photographed their daughter’s wedding back when I was pregnant with Ellis (5 years ago). They were so kind to bring us a fully functioning generator to save all of our food and charge some of our devices.

My parents, who I hadn’t seen in weeks due to the quarantine, also swooped in to help. They brought Chick-fil-A for the whole family and a couple of chainsaws.

We got to work cleaning up the yard and ordered pizza for dinner. The food might have been saved, but there was no way to cook anything!

The next day we got a call from more people wanting to help. Our yard was fine now but there was devastation all over the neighborhood.

A family from our church came with a chainsaw and helped our neighbors clean up all the fallen trees in their yard.

There were still tons of roads closed. At one point J went out and could not get back home until finally a fire marshal came to the scene where cars were lined up. The informed the utility workers that they had to leave access to come and go.

We still had no power and were scheduled to record two church services back to back that night for our online services. I hadn’t showered in days and wasn’t feeling up to it, but there were others in the worship band in the same boat and we all agreed to just power through. The kids stayed at my parent’s house because we had no lights or heat and the temperature had dipped down to freezing. I don’t remember the last time I felt so completely defeated.

Our power came back on Saturday morning. I was beyond grateful to have a hot shower. We drove down to my parents to pick up the kids and on the way home we stopped at Walmart so that I could pick up a few things. I grabbed some bags of candy and a couple of steaks while I was there because the next day was Easter…