Ten Pregnancy Symptoms I Had Before I Took the Test

I have so much suppressed details to write about this pregnancy. Three months into it and I have not blogged about any maternity stuff, other than the announcement. That might not sound like a big deal, but I have a chronic case of documentia. It’s a disorder that I made up to label my impulse to document everything.

So I do plan to catch up on all the first trimester updates, but let’s just start with how I knew I was pregnant.

am I pregnant

First of all I was not expecting to be pregnant. Here is the TMI version of the story.

I don’t do birth control pills or anything like that. I did once when I was a newly wed and have decided against it for the past 14 years due to personal medical reasons. However, we were trying NOT to get pregnant through every NFP (natural family planning) method in the book. Now some of you might laugh and say “Yeah, that NFP stuff is a joke and it never works”, but let me repeat I have not been on birth control for 14 years and the three children that I have were not accidents. Let’s just say we had a good system going. At one point at the beginning of this year we discussed the idea of having another child soon. Except we decided it wasn’t good timing and we wanted to wait a bit to be completely ready. From that point on though I will admit to being a little more laid back with charting and all that. It’s not the first time I have taken the casual-trust-my-gut approach to NFP. However, it is the first time it resulted in an unexpected pregnancy.

I knew pretty early on what we were in for. I made this list on March 23 (which would have made me almost 5 weeks pregnant). I even titled it-

“Am I Pregnant?”

am i pregnant

1. Weird Dreams

2. Fatigue

3. Late period

My period used to be all over the place so this one isn’t that big of indicator for me, but I was expecting to start any day.

4. Nausea

5. Ear problems

This is something I commonly struggle with when I am pregnant. That is part of the reason I had to go to the Doctor recently.

6. Forgetfulness

Not that I want to attribute everything I do to pregnancy, but there have been some CRAZY mix ups. I feel like I am in such a fog.

7. Insomnia

I knew when I woke up at 3:30 am hungry and unable to sleep that something was definitely up.

8. Metallic taste

During those first few weeks I had a slight metallic taste in my mouth. Which was probably the biggest indicator.

9. Numb Arm

My right arm had a lingering numbness to it. It’s not even a pregnancy symptom I have ever felt in the past, but when I looked it up, sure enough, it’s a pregnancy symptom.

10. Gas

Bloating and intestinal issues. Bleh.

From there the list just grew and was of course later confirmed through a pregnancy test. Even though it was kind of a tough first trimester I considered all the symptoms a blessing because it was a constant reminder that this was real. I knew it probably meant I was having a very normal healthy pregnancy.

Did any of you other mamas have tell tale signs when you were expecting? Did you know right off the bat, or were you oblivious for the longest time like those women on the show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant? Just kidding, don’t even get me started on all that craziness!

By |2015-05-21T19:23:06+00:00May 21, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

Messy Mom Movie

What an adventurous day Saturday was!
For those that haven’t been bombarded by all of my announcements online, I’ll fill you in. I am working on relaunching my website and over the weekend I did a professional video shoot for what will be the “Messy Mom Welcome Video”.
The Story Board
The set location was in my brother’s basement. He has a recording/video studio which was staged to look like a living room.
There was whole team of people helping out from art director to stylist and more.

 

 

Truth be told it was just friends and family, but having titles makes it feel more legit.
We did take after take. I think it was 6 scenes total. All three of my kids were involved too, so it was exhausting.
Well worth it though.
There is one final scene that we decided reshoot later, but it’s just Ezie. So he and I will be going back to my brother’s studio tomorrow for that.
It’s not easy being a celebrity! Just joking of course, but I have always loved acting and have dreamed of being a part of a live studio audience or an extra in a movie, and this felt pretty close.
The big premiere day is scheduled for May 9th which is this MOTHER’S DAY!!!
I have so many exciting things planned for that week. It’s going to be like a big ol’ carnival here on the blog… or maybe a circus… or worst case scenario a poorly planned frat party. Things are happening though, that much I know for sure and YOU get to be in on it all from ground zero.
I did want to give a little heads up that there is A LOT that goes into moving 7 years of content to a new home. So things are going to start to slow down a little bit here for the next month as I get ready for all of this. I’ll still be around, but I just wanted to mention that I might be posting less frequently for now.
That’s the latest update. I hope everyone had a beautiful Easter Sunday. It looks like the spring weather is finally here! God bless.

 

By |2022-03-15T23:06:49+00:00April 6, 2015|Creativity, My Life|7 Comments

2 Years of Speech

 SJ said her first word just barely over two years ago, when she was three years old. She said “up” and pointed to go upstairs. I freaked out. Just a little bit.

From then on I started documenting everything. Okay, maybe not every word she said, but I have notes on my phone that I use to keep track. The name of the list on my phone from that time was “Words SJ Said Without Prompting”

What that means is that she said them spontaneously without anyone coaxing her and cuing her to say a specific word. She was able to parrot a lot of words, but she didn’t necessarily know them. Things really took off in the fall of that year.

The next year, in 2014 she started putting words together

This time last year she said “Mom. I hear phone!” and it was a huge breakthrough.

The words just kept rolling in and she was beginning to really communicate her needs.

Over the summer she was saying sentences and I started a new list called to “Sentences SJ Said”

or “Stuff SJ said at Christmas time”

So she progressed from sounds, to words, to spontaneous language, to multiple words, then sentences and lastly conversations.

That is where we are now. Good grief, I am crying just typing this out. Sometimes it feels like we aren’t getting anywhere, but as I look back I can see how far she’s come.

I used to get really excited when I noticed her say a new word. Now she has so many words I can’t keep track. Instead I find it cute when she doesn’t know a word and I get to teach her one. Like recently when she asked the word for feather or honey. Or yesterday when she called the refrigerator a closet.

It’s so hard to get video of anything. She’ll be chatting up a storm, but the times I actually sit down to record something she is a vault. I do have some snippets of a 15 minute conversation I had with her while she was preparing a snack. Please excuse her wild end of the day hair and the disaster in the background. I don’t call this space messy mom for nothing.

She has a LONG way to go before she is caught up. I’m proud of how far she has come though and I have to focus on that and remember my favorite Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11 to keep things in perspective.

I am going to paraphrase a little here, but you’ll understand why.

For I know the plans I have for SJ declares the Lord, plans to prosper her and not harm her, plans to give her hope and a future.

By |2015-05-18T04:16:14+00:00March 23, 2015|Hearing Loss, Uncategorized|11 Comments

My Loud Dishwasher

Most of my adult life I have been washing dishes by hand. I know it shocking that there are people in AMERICA in the 21st century that do not have dishwashers, but it’s true!

I won’t go through all of the places we lived and why there was no working dishwasher, but washing dishes in a tub of soapy warm water was my reality for over 10 years, other than a short stretch of time before we sold our house in Texas.

We did a complete kitchen remodel and we went all out for the energy efficient stainless steel dishwasher. My favorite feature was the “top rack only” option for when you only had half a load of dishes.

I remember when we bought that dishwasher. We were at the home improvement store and the salesperson was showing us all the bells and whistles of their best appliances. We got to the dishwasher and he asked me if my cell ringer was on. I gave him a confused and reluctant Yeeees. Then he told me to put my cell phone in the dishwasher! I thought he was crazy, but you know what they say “always trust a salesman”. Not really, but I was going with the flow. Then he shut the door and had J call my cellphone. The salesman grinned and looked at us like we should be just as excited as he was. My husband was nodding and looked impressed. I was still  confused until I was informed that the dishwasher was so sound proof that you couldn’t even hear a phone ring inside it. Which must be a big selling point for some. For me it just meant that if the kids hid my phone in the dishwasher I was never going to find it.

So that was the time that we had a fancy silent dishwasher. The next dishwasher came when we moved into our current apartment.

What’s teeny, tiny, and beige all over?

Our kitchen.

It’s the kind of kitchen you would find in a camper. See that row of white drawers in the foreground? We installed them. The kitchen originally came with a whopping total of 4 drawers, 6 cupboards, and literally two feet of counter space. It would be perfect if you were a single minimalist living in the 1980’s. It’s okay though, because one thing it does have is a dishwasher. It’s clunky, old and it is LOUD. The volume is like having a monster truck rally in our kitchen. And I am totally fine with that!

When I hear that dishwasher spraying and swishing, heating and drying, I am just reminded of all the dishes I am not washing by hand. Sometimes when the rhythm of the noise is just right I swear it is to the tune of the opening chorus from Les Miserables.

If you are not familiar with The Work Song from the French Musical then just imagine the opening song from Frozen. Pretty much the same thing.

My word for 2015 is “good”. I am determined to look for the good in things this year and that’s how I feel about my dishwasher. It’s good. It’s not the best, but it’s good. It is a blessing.

I know this is a really bazaar assignment, but I want you to listen for your blessings today. There are going to be the obvious things like birds chirping or children laughing, but go even deeper.

I remember hanging out with someone and their heater kicked on. You could hear it rumble and she apologized because it was so loud.

No apology needed! We have heat. We can be warm. That’s a blessing.

We all have a loud dishwasher in some form or another. Take that thing that could be considered intrusive noise and watch it become music to your ears.

By |2021-10-25T15:39:44+00:00March 20, 2015|My Life, Simple Living, Uncategorized|14 Comments

Meeting a Project Runway Fashion Designer

A couple years ago my best friend called me to let me know that there was a deaf designer on Project Runway that signed and had a cochlear implant. I had never watched the show before that or since then, but I religiously followed that entire season rooting for Justin LeBlanc the entire time. At one point he was actually eliminated and it was very emotional. I might have okay, I did shed a tear, but then he was able to get back on the show because you know how those reality shows can go.

 I was thrilled to see a role model on a popular TV show that was deaf like my daughter and I even blogged about how I was a big fan. So when I found out that Justin LeBlanc was coming to my SJ’s school I was ecstatic! I had the opportunity to photograph the event for the school. After LeBlanc was introduced to the kids (grades K-2) they had a Q&A which mostly included 

Can you make shirts?
Can you make a hat?
Can you make shoes? 
Did you make your clothes?
Did you make my clothes? 
Can you make toys?
And lastly, How old are you?

 The answer is yes he can make just about any clothing item, but no he did not make the clothes anyone there was wearing, and he is 28 years old.

 Afterwards LeBlanc helped all them decorate their own hat. It really was the coolest thing! It was like watching the mini version of Project Runway with all of them busily losing themselves in the fabric and materials.


Then came the fashion show! 

 All of the elementary age students walked down the runway in front of their classmates and other special guests. It was adorable to say the least. 

At the end LeBlanc shared a little bit more about his hearing loss and what his passions are.  I was able to get a picture and talk to him briefly when everything ended. In classic fan girl fashion I started sputtering out “It is SO great to meet you. I never even watched Project Runway until you were on it” and his response was “Yeah, me neither.” I have had a lot of PR fans ask about what he was like in real life, not that I hung out with him for a week or anything, but for that afternoon he was so polite, sincere, and always had this smile on his face.

His parents were there too. Whenever there is a deaf celebrity I am always most interested in the parents behind the scenes, because that’s what I relate to and I loved getting to visit with them. 

 I’m sure everyone there took away different things from the experience, but the highlights for me were hearing LeBlanc talk about how Project Runway was kind of like a designer summer camp for him because he had six weeks being completely unplugged. No cell phone. No social networking. No TV. Just hours upon hours spent working on clothes and really getting to focus on his craft, which he had never had that opportunity to do to that extent before. 

On top of all that channel 12 in Cincinnati was there. 

Much to my surprise they decided to interview me (I am the only woman in the video. It’s about the halfway point and they also show a short clip of SJ while I am talking). I’ll admit it was a little bit intimidating and definitely made me self-conscious, it was still a great experience though. The cameraman and anchorwoman were so personable and down-to-earth. You can view the video on their website. 

 Local 12 WKRC-TV Cincinnati – Top Stories

I really can’t say enough good things about the fashion show at Ohio Valley Voices and I do want to give credit to Justin Leblanc designs, Sewn Studios, and TJ Maxx for donating their time and materials. I know that it means so much to these kids and their families.

 I meant what I said in my interview

“It’s really inspiring to have someone that’s deaf that’s shown how successful you can be despite whatever challenges you may face. I think they had a great time”

By |2015-05-18T04:17:58+00:00March 10, 2015|Hearing Loss, My Life, Special Needs, Uncategorized|14 Comments

15 Years Ago I Wasn’t Quite In Love

This is a really exciting year for me you guys. I am a bit of a romantic, and while most of our anniversaries are low key, the 5th and the 10th were unforgettable. Seriously. My wedding day, 5 year, and 10 year anniversary rank super high on the best days of my life list. This year will mark our 15th anniversary and so you are going to hear me talking about about this milestone A LOT. Even our Christmas card will be paying homage to our 15 year mark.

Before I get too excited about all that lovey dovey stuff, let’s time travel to see what our relationship was like at this time 15 years ago.

This photo is from ’98. J is being silly with the heart sunglasses and I am sporting my American Eagle overalls because it was the 90’s. 

I am in High School. J is in college.

Here is an excerpt from my diary from February 8, 2000. I did leave out names, but other than that it is exactly as I wrote it 15 years ago!

On Friday “J” and “Friend” were as clingy as ever. Everything is cleared up between me and them, but I have to admit I still get very annoyed by them. My mom doesn’t understand why I am bitter, but she doesn’t see the same side of J as I do, but don’t get me wrong I love the guy to death and I would do anything for him.

Here is my translation now that I am a grown woman looking back at my hormonal 17 year old angst. 

Jeremy is  friends with another girl. They flirt and I am extremely jealous. I would never admit that. Not to Jeremy, or my mom, and certainly not to myself. I have feelings for this guy that I claim are  platonic, but the truth is I don’t know how to process all these emotions, so apparently I am “bitter”. 

Here is another one from just a couple weeks later. February 15, 2000

“Yesterday was absolutely horrible. I had no valentine and was exhausted from working ALL WEEKEND. I got home from school and I just went in my room and cried. Then my mom came in and told me I had a visitor. It was “cute boy”. So I tried to pull myself together and went out there, and we talked for a long time. You know what? I know I’ve been acting weird and emotional. I’ve just felt different lately. So I am going to leave out all of the details of my lame teenage life for just a moment. I may get to talking about it all sooner or later, but for now I am just going to write.
Jeremy is sick tonight. He just has the flu, but I feel bad for him. I know I have said a lot of mean things about him, but he is the greatest guy I have ever known (or at least one of). I love him very much in a way that I cannot explain. It’s not romantic love, or brotherly love, or even friendly love, I don’t know what it is, but I care about him a lot and it kills me to see him sick.”

Translation: 

I am so mad because I have no Valentine and I had to work. What could be worse?! Oh the agony!!! Then this cute boy shows up at my doorstep. He really likes me. He said and did all the right things, including giving me sweet little gifts that were inside jokes between the two of us, but I am not mentioning any of that because I have other things on my mind. 
Out of NOWHERE I have decided I am going to stop talking about boys and teenage stuff and start to dissect some of the emotions I am feeling for J who is a long time close friend of mine. At this point I am not ready to admit that I am head over heals in love with him, but I am suddenly falling hard and fast. For now, suffice it to say that I care about him and I want to take care of him. Whatever that means. 

Even though it’s embarrassing to share the unfiltered thoughts of my teenage diary, I can barely read that February 15th journal entry without tearing up now. Because in hindsight it’s like I can see the exact moment that I fell in love. Even if I claimed it wasn’t romantic.

It’s crazy to think of how quickly things changed. 15 years ago we were very close, but not quite in love. If someone had told me at the time that we would be married by the end of the year I would have thought they were insane. I would have bet money that I would become a famous actress by the end of the year before I would have believed any kind of marriage nonsense, but I am glad that I was wrong because I’d rather be married to J than be in Hollywood. Yes we were married young and there are definitely obstacles that come along with that, but that’s for another post. I’ll leave you with my favorite line from “The Fault In Our Stars” and I think it applies to our love story quite nicely. 

And 15 years later I am more in love than I have ever been. 

By |2015-05-18T04:21:00+00:00February 4, 2015|Marriage, My Life, Uncategorized|7 Comments

Pinewood Derby

The Pinewood Derby race is one of the biggest events of the year for Cub Scouts and this was Z’s first year to participate. With help form an adult, the scouts are expected to build their own car out of wood. Sure you start with a kit, but it’s more than just something you would find at Ikea with minimal assembly required. They actually have to carve, drill, nail, and paint the thing. 

I was so happy to see these two working as a team. J and Z have a wonderful relationship, but I know J hates how much he has to be away since being in school full time.

The pack has a tune up meeting the week of the race to weigh in and make sure your car meets all the specific qualifications. 
They expect a lot out of these little Tiger Cubs. It’s not just about assembling a car to roll down a track. They are expected to craft it in a way that will improve the performance level. So they are not only learning basic carpentry, but they are also implementing lots of scientific components like momentum and aerodynamics. You would be surprised at how much goes into these races, unless you have been a part of Pinewood Derby. In which case, none of this surprises you at all. 
The track is on a slope like this. 
They line up 6 cars at a time and all of the names of those on deck show up on a big screen. 
That’s Z’s batman car in the middle. At the end of the track is a timer that shows the speed and rank of each car. They race multiple times and at the end they average all the times to find the winner.

I was worried about Z not ranking very high. They put so much effort into all of it and I knew he would be disappointed if he lost, but I just wanted him to learn good sportsmanship. We would always pray about the upcoming derby day and I would try to really emphasize “Help Z to do his best” “Let your will be done on the race track” “We commit to having a good attitude and to be a light no matter what happens with Z’s derby car”. You might laugh at such a silly prayer, unless you have been a part of a Pinewood Derby. In which case, again, none of this surprises you. 
In the end Z actually got third place, so he did get a trophy and he was super proud. This isn’t one of those everyone gets a trophy deals. Plenty of 6-10 year old boys were in tears over defeat that day. I am sure I will be wiping those tears away for another competition. We’ve been there before, but this time he beamed. 
His grandpa and dad were by his side for whole thing and I am sure this is a moment he is going to remember for a long, long time. 

Z has never participated in any sports or competitive activities yet, so I am really glad he got to have this opportunity. This quote taken directly from pinewoodderby.org really sums it all up. “At the heart of this event’s success is the process itself- bonds are strengthened as the Cub Scout partners with a  parent or adult mentor to design, carve, paint, weigh, refine, and race the car.”

Win our loose, this was priceless bonding time for a dad and his first born son. It doesn’t get much better than that.

By |2015-05-18T04:22:27+00:00January 23, 2015|My Life, Schooling, Uncategorized|8 Comments

Messy Mom’s Tidy Daughter

My blog title is Messy Mom for a reason. I am messy by nature, so is my mom, and so is my best friend. I have referred to our entire family as The Messies before. That’s what I was used to, until SJ. She’s only four years old and is already very structured and orderly. But can I really label her as fastidious at such a young age? Yes. I can. Let’s back up.


When SJ was one she taught herself to go potty. She dressed herself including buttoning and zipping.

When she was two she started to prepare her own meals. Granted they were a bit eccentric, but I swore if there were ever some kind of apocalyptic situation where the world was in crisis SJ, our deaf toddler, would be one of the last survivors.

At age three she could fold clothes better than most men. I know that’s not saying a lot, but trust me, she is precise.

At four years old SJ is now able to wash her hair, brush it, and pull it back into a pony tail. She also cuts her own finger nails. I don’t like this idea, but after observing her with the baby nail clippers several times, I am convinced that she can handle it (with supervision). 

These stories give you just a glimpse of how she has always been very independent and has some serious fine motor skills, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s clean and tidy. Except for the fact that now that she is coming up on 5 years old it is really starting to manifest. SJ is very thorough and detail oriented when it comes to cleaning. She sees something out of place and she is going to fix it. Lately I have been trying to keep things clean around the apartment. This behavior is not to be expected the other 11 months of the year (it’s a new years tradition I guess). Anyway I washed the couch cover and swept/vacuumed and mopped the floors. And while most children wouldn’t notice (and my husband certainly did not) SJ came into the living room after school that day and without a second thought she exclaimed “It’s clean!!” Then she went to her room where I had vacuumed and she said “Carpet is clean!” and stroked it with her hand. It’s embarrassing for me to admit that this was something that was out of the ordinary. The point is, it mattered to her. She noticed and she got really excited. 
I won’t tell you all the stories of how she loves to put things away, wipe down counters, scrub little crusted pieces of food off of the table, or help me clean my room, but she does all of that with skill and precision. Yesterday she insisted on vacuuming and let me tell you, when she was done she wound up the cord back into it’s place and then put the vacuum (which was bigger than her) in the closet where it belongs. Why can’t I do that!? I think about unplugging the vacuum, but then what if I decide I want to use it again, then I’d have to get to start all over. That’s my thought process you guys. It’s bad. I am thrilled to have a little helper around the house though.

Unlike her brother. With Z I have to walk him through the whole process step by step. It is like pulling teeth. Of course it would be easier to do it myself, but the chores are for his sake so that he can learn. With SJ, even though she’s so tiny, she really does pack a lot of punch in the cleaning department and it has been beneficial to me. She gets the job done! I’m serious. It’s awesome.

Then there are times that I worry about how her personality will affect our relationship later in life.

 Is my laid back, do it later mentality going to drive her insane? Is her slightly obsessive attention to detail going to make me loose my cool? I hope not. My plan at this point is to take the Frozen approach to the whole thing and teach my little queen Elsa how to control her powers and use them for the good of our own personal Arendelle.

Or maybe she will change as she grows up and she won’t turn out like Monica from Friends.

I doubt it though, she’s pretty hard core right now and it’s only grown over the years. Have any of you seen this type of behavior in a child before? Or maybe you were that way as a child? Are you the neat freak type, or are you like me and let’s just say your strengths are in other areas? I think we can all learn and benefit from each others differences. The world needs both type of personalities and apparently my family does too.

By |2015-05-18T04:22:35+00:00January 22, 2015|My Life, Uncategorized|8 Comments

Through Mother’s Eyes

This week I have been talking about books. As I already mentioned I recently read Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan and Surprised By Motherhood by Lisa Jo Baker . The authors themselves and the main premise of each book is very different. However, they both take a deep and personal look at their mothers in hindsight after becoming a mother themselves. It is amazing what truths are unveiled to them that were there all along, but it’s different when you look back. It’s different when you are a mom.

In Baker’s memoir, Surprised By Motherhood, she looses her mother when she is 18 years old.  Nearly two decades later she is looking at her young daughter and she begins to see herself through her late mother’s eyes. So much healing takes place in that moment. It really is a moving story that I highly recommend. That particular part of the story truly resonated with me. Because in that moment she feels like she has a glimpse of what her mom felt. It is then that she knows that she was loved and she knows that she was known. She couldn’t have experienced it in a way that was so intricate or detailed until she applied it to the relationship she has with her own daughter.

I didn’t loose my mother, but I did loose a brother. Zeb was diagnosed when he was 3 years old. He had Leukemia. He died when he was about to turn 7 and I was 9. We were very close. I grieved the loss of my little brother, the baby of our family, my best friend. I had closure though. I knew he was in Heaven, and the way that I missed him evolved over time.

Then I became a mother. Sigh. Motherhood changes everything doesn’t it? And much in the way of these two authors who saw their mothers in a different light after having kids, I did as well. I understood now the price that she paid, willingly and lovingly, to raise her four children. I also felt like I had a new understanding, although I could never know completely, about what she went through with my little brother Zeb. I hesitate to say that it opens up a wound, but the good news is that God is gracious and merciful and that His presence is a balm for these feelings. He can soothe even the deepest abrasions.

You see, I lost a brother and that was tough. I cherish the memories I have of him. However, I pray that I will never know what it is like to loose a son. As a young girl I had NO idea what my parents went through. Looking back at it with my new perspective as a mom I have to grieve all over again. Every once in a while I will hear stories about that time in our life. I treasure these stories. It’s a part of my life and I want to know everything there is to know about my brother Zeb. I take it all in. Even the hard stuff. It might be stories about his treatment, the chemo, and bone marrow transplant. Or pictures of how young my mother was when she had to endure all this at the age I am now. Or just the look in her eyes when she talks about it. The wholeness and peace that comes from above, along with the empty space that never goes away. And you never want it to.

It’s been 23 years and she does cry every once in a while. Now that I am a mom I totally get that. I am sure she’s crying right now reading this (I am too). It’s weird the way life imprints dates, ages, places on your heart so that you can’t go pass them without tripping a wire. I am sure all of us have those times that serve as a memorial. For me, I think of my mom when my children (especially my oldest son) turn 3 and then 7. Z is seven now actually, and there was one night in particular, after putting him to bed and watching him drift to sleep, I just had to weep over the thought of what that would be like to lose him. I certainly don’t want all this to come across as an obsessive state of hopelessness and depression. It’s quite the contrary. On the occasion that these memories do arise I am reminded of the Savior’s sacrifice. I am reminded of the promise and the hope that we have through Christ. It’s also like rereading the living testament that my parents walk out daily as they prove the redeeming and powerful love of God in the midst of the storms. Lastly, I am honoring a precious little boy’s legacy.

As I read Lisa Jo Baker’s words and saw the healing that was evident through the pain. I also saw that at work in my own life and I am sure it can be true for you as well. We all experience different forms of loss and grief, and the way we grieve is as diverse as each one of us.

To bring this back to becoming a mom and seeing our moms in a new light I would like to share this little quote from Glitter and Glue,

“And it occurs to me that maybe the reason my mother was so exhausted all the time wasn’t because she was doing so much but because she was feeling so much.”


I don’t like to describe myself as exhausted, but if it looks like I am I can attest that this would be why. As these authors have described being a mother means feeling deeply. It’s braving the unknown only to feel your way through it. It’s not always easy, but of course it’s worth it.  

By |2015-05-18T04:22:53+00:00January 17, 2015|Motherhood, My Life, Uncategorized|7 Comments

My Favorite Gift (SJ’s Christmas Message)

One of my all time favorite Messy Mom blog posts is The Littlest Christmas Star which I wrote this time last year . If you haven’t read it I would encourage you to check it out.  It’s about SJ’s first Christmas program at her deaf school. Her line last year was to say I love you mommy, daddy, and her brother’s names. She could barely muster out I love you mama. It wasn’t much, but it meant a great deal to me because she tried. She’s come a long way since then. I had heard her practicing saying her lines at home. “I love you mommy, daddy, Zion, Ezra” Sometimes she would even talk about whose turn it was and also recite her classmates lines.

When the day of the Christmas program arrived we headed to the school and I heard her practicing in the backseat, but I also heard her say “I want Minnie Mouse”. I could tell it was part of what she would be saying in the program and not just random chatter because children tend to sound like zombies when they recite lines (to quote Gru from Despicable me 2). I almost cried before it even started because in that moment I realized she was going to say more than just I love you to us! It might not sound like much, but this meant she was able to memorize more, speak a lot more, and most importantly it meant that she has made advancements since last year that her teachers deemed ready to take to the next level! 
Sure enough SJ approaches the microphone and it’s not intelligible to everyone, I get that. To me as her mom though, I understood every. single. word. And for the first time I got to hear her say
“Santa I want a Minnie Mouse for Christmas. I love you mommy, daddy, Zion, and Ezra.” 
She nailed it. All the mothers in the auditorium that know us and know how far SJ has come all looked back at me to see tears flowing down my cheeks. I tried not to cry, which is worse, because that just equates to an ugly contorted face, but whatevs. Some of them were crying too because it was such a beautiful moment. 
For the record she DID get a Minnie Mouse for Christmas.
 Ezie got Mickey too so they love to play together with them. He actually calls him Minnie because he hears that from his sister so often. I don’t know if Mickey’s name has ever been uttered in our household.
The mouse presents continued when we went to Texas and she got a Minnie Mouse outfit 
and a Minnie Mouse Puzzle. 
All of which she has announced to many people. She says “I have Minnie Mouse toy. I have Minnie Mouse coat… pants… puzzle. I have four Minnie Mouse.” 
So that may have been her favorite gift of the year, but mine was just hearing her be able to ask for it. It is a wonderful life. 
By |2015-05-18T04:23:41+00:00January 7, 2015|Hearing Loss, My Life|8 Comments
Go to Top