Family

Behind the Scenes of the New Messy Mom Video

Baby Face

Baby Hand

Last week I had my 20 week ultrasound. Everything went great. The baby is healthy. I’m right on track with measurements. The kids enjoyed seeing the baby on the monitor and yes, we did find out the gender.

I texted my brother from the doctor’s office to announce the news and tell him I had a gender reveal video that I wanted to try to put together as soon as possible. He was on board and days later he and my sister in law came out to turn my idea into reality.

Some of you may remember last time we did this (back in March).

That video was obviously scripted whereas this next one (which I have not seen any of yet), is totally just documenting the moment.

I can’t share too much because I don’t want to blow the secret, but we used paint to make the announcement.

This was the first drawing on my story board. Don’t critique it! It’s just a really quick sketch to get the idea across and that’s just about all I can show you other than this photo of set up

and the two paint cans

and here we are getting ready for some fun.

I can’t wait to share our news with everyone!!! It is an honor to have my brother help out with this project. He has a busy schedule and he literally travels the world shooting films and commercials. Yet, he and his wife jump in with both feet to make a short film for their new nephew… or niece. Ha! Just kidding. I’m not telling.

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That’s my brother in the orange jacket on set in Iceland. Photo Credit: Paper Lantern Productions

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Here he is wearing some kind of gear that I don’t know the name of. Photo Credit: Drive Media House

Subscribe to my youtube channel so that you know exactly when we release the video. The big reveal is just days away!

By Natalie|2015-07-17T12:35:44+00:00July 17, 2015|Creativity, Pregnancy & Birth|2 Comments

The Lego Americana Roadshow

The one good thing about my computer malfunctioning was that when I brought it in to the Apple store at the Kenwood Mall I happened upon The Lego® Americana Roadshow- Building Across America.

I brought my kids back to experience it today.

Z LOVES History and LEGO® so this would be perfect for him! Here is a photo he made me take of his latest creation.

I have hundreds of these photos because he always wants his buildings and designs documented. Like most kids, Z just LOVES building. Unfortunately he is away at camp this week so he didn’t get to go with us, but the younger two still really enjoyed the event. Even J and I loved it. You don’t have to be a kid to like LEGO® right? I know “the box says it’s for ages 8-14” but “That’s just a suggestion. They have to put that one there”. That’s a LEGO Movie quote for those that haven’t seen it and if not, I suggest you do.

As far as a really brief overview of what to expect from the exhibit, there are several different historical USA landmark structures on display throughout the mall made completely out of LEGO® bricks.

There is a huge White House, the Statue of Liberty, the Old North Church was really pretty, and we especially loved the Lincoln Memorial because there was even a LEGO® Abraham Lincoln statue inside, just like in real life.

Throughout the mall you can easily pick up a map that shows where all of the displays are and there is a question and answer section on the back that can be completed and returned at the LEGO® store for a LEGO® American Roadshow poster.

Pretty cool and very educational.

On top of that there is a hands on activity center by the food court.

Children are encouraged to build with LEGO® toys and even race their own LEGO® car creations on a derby track.

Everyone there was having such a great time and the staff were really friendly and helpful too.

I am not getting paid to say any of this I promise. This is just a little tidbit of info from one LEGO® mom to another because it’s such a great opportunity for some FREE summer fun that also encourages creativity and learning about our nation at the same time.

The LEGO® Americana RoadShow that we visited was at the Kenwood Towne Centre Mall in Cincinnati Ohio. It will only be there through this Sunday, July 19th though. Then they’re off to the next stop which is Hoover Alabama. All of the details for their schedule can be found at LEGO.com

I’m telling you, if you have a chance to go and you are lucky enough for one of the stops to be in your area then you should definitely take advantage of that. From what I understand it’s something new that they are still developing. Let’s show LEGO® how much we love community events like this and maybe they’ll add more locations to future tours!

Check out their Facebook page for more information.

I know Everything is Awesome, but The LEGO Americana Roadshow is really REALLY awesome.

By Natalie|2015-07-15T20:24:17+00:00July 15, 2015|Creativity, Family, Frugal Living|2 Comments

Finding Out We Were Pregnant

I think most moms remember where they were when they found out they were having a baby for the first time. Well, you were probably in the bathroom, but I guess I mean where you were at in life. Or maybe you remember the date or details with every child. It’s one of life’s most surreal and indescribable moments.

With my first pregnancy I took a test and then announced it to J at the Macaroni Grill while playing hangman with our crayons on the paper table cloth.

Then with the next pregnancy I had Z color a picture for J saying saying he was going to be a big brother.

With Ezie I switched things up. Instead of me announcing to J I had him tell me. I saw it on a show one time. I took the test, but he was the one to go in three minutes later and come out and tell me the news. If you consider this keep in mind this also means your husband will be the one to tell you if you are not pregnant (which did happen once). So it can get emotional, but it was really special to hear the news from my husband that we were expecting our third.

This last time I thought why not just find out together?

Once your test leaves the bathroom it opens up a whole world of possibilities really. You could take the test and then tuck it away to save after you hike up to the top of a mountain. You could have the life changing experience at the same place he proposed. In our case we went home after a nice date night and then opened a little gift bag while snuggling on the couch. That’s where we were when we found out our lives were going to change forever, again.

The thing I worried about when I started drumming up this idea was the possibility of accidentally seeing the results. That’s an easy fix though since you can just cover up the result window with tape.

I used Christmas tape because that’s what I had. It could be any colored tape. Once you take the test you can put the cap on and seal it in a zipper bag. Most test results will last up to 24 hours, but you will want to check the specific brand to know for sure ahead of time. That would be no fun to plan to take a canoe out on the lake or something and then just see a blank screen because your plus sign faded.

Another obvious downside to finding out together is that you don’t know if you are pregnant are not, which could be very anticlimactic if the test is negative. I can see how this is an impractical approach that would NOT be ideal for all situations. For me, since this was my fourth and I was tired of finding out alone. I KNEW I was pregnant. I was just waiting to confirm it with a test. So I just waited a little longer so that we could schedule a date night and celebrate afterwards with a special package and lemon meringue cheesecake. It was fun!

So that is the story of how we found out we were pregnant this time. I’ll never forget it.

By Natalie|2015-07-09T14:38:55+00:00July 9, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth|13 Comments

The BIG Ultrasound

I can’t believe the pregnancy is already half way over.

I am feeling well. I still get a little nauseous from time to time, but it’s definitely on the decline. The acid reflux is just barely starting to make short little unwanted visit. Boo. For the most part I feel fantastic though.

I am to the point that I feel the baby moving now and it won’t be long before the kids and J will be able to. We have our FIRST ultrasound on Monday.

Quick poll for anyone who has had a baby in the past decade or so.

Did you have more than one ultrasound?

At my first appointment they said that if they were unable to detect a heartbeat at the beginning then they would, but that wasn’t an issue so they just went ahead with the exam and didn’t schedule a sonogram until 20 weeks. This is a first for me. I usually had one early on where you can see the tiny little bean inside and then a second at the halfway point.

With that said, I’m excited to see the baby on the black and white monitor for the first time. This is always an emotional moment for me. Of course I want reassurance that the baby is healthy and everything is coming along fine and I am definitely anxious about finding out the gender!

Most people are guessing that it is a girl. The pattern so far has been boy, girl, boy… So it seems a girl would fit right in with our current rhythm. However, I have had some STRONG boy vibes. So much so that I was worried about psyching myself out if I was wrong. I didn’t want the baby to feel like I don’t want a girl if that’s what I’m having!

It’s just that we have a boy name picked out already and the baby would be 3 years apart from Ezie (whereas he/she will be 6 years apart from SJ) so I can picture the boys playing well together and being in school together. Another reason maybe that I was the only girl with 3 brothers in my family so I know what to expect with that.

On the flip side, if I am wrong and it’s a girl there are lots of things to look forward to with that. I was sorting through their stash of costumes the other day and I thought about all of the princess clothes that SJ would be grown out of before you know it and I have so many more little girl party ideas that I won’t even get to throw if I don’t have another girl. There is also dividing up rooms and the convenience of an even number of boys and girls per room.

I’m rambling out loud, but needless to say it’s a win-win regardless of whether the baby is a boy or girl. I am still really anxious to find out so that I can hit up the yard sales and also clear out some of the old stuff we won’t need anymore depending on what the gender is.

Did any of you other mamas feel like you knew what you were having?

By Natalie|2015-07-03T09:54:22+00:00July 3, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth|2 Comments

Real Life in a Small Space

I have had such an overwhelming response to the “Small Space Living for Big Families“. It has been awesome! I have had the opportunity to connect with so many other families from ALL OVER who are also making the most out of living with less. The Facebook comments have been… diverse. Most of them are extremely positive, but I did get some feedback from skeptics because all of the photos I shared were of the apartment empty. They couldn’t imagine what “real life” in 800 square feet with three small children would actually look like. For most people the concept is a nightmare.

Just to be clear, if you can afford and manage a large or even average home that’s fantastic. It’s a personal choice. Some people do it out of conviction, for us it’s necessity. Either way the idea is to find satisfaction despite what our culture says we must have. Our children don’t have to live a solemn life of deprivation, just because they don’t have their own bedroom and playroom.

For those that follow my blog, I post pictures of my family in our apartment all the time so you know we are real people and you’ve seen most of this before. For everyone else I have gone through some old photos that show how we manage year round in less than 800 square feet. Get ready for an overwhelming amount of snapshots.

We’ll start with January.

Nerf darts. I did a whole post about this and it’s even been featured on other blogs.

We definitely go sledding and stuff, but the kids can spend hours out in this little patio throwing snowballs at the sliding door and building snowmen in the winter. It’s basically turns into a giant sandbox when it snows which means I get stay warm behind the glass!

Here is a pic of the kids filling out their class Valentine’s.

My daughter’s birthday is in March and I wrote two posts about how we had the ultimate tea party for her birthday.

The kid’s share a room for now and as you can see they consider it “Fun Land”

This is when Ezie was still in a crib and they didn’t have bunk beds yet.

and this isn’t the best pic, but it’s the new setup. The swing chair is from Ikea. There is a small trampoline in the other end of the room. There is a toy box and a book shelf hanging on the wall with tons and tons of books. They share a closet too.

Here is Z is posing in front of the apartment with his end of the year school project.

Fun with food.

Our one little bathroom seconds as a salon.

Bubbles on the patio is always a great choice for summer.

The guys having fun making race cars and a track out of paper.

Living on the third floor of an apartment means lots of stairs everyday.

Another successful birthday party. This one was camping theme! Check out the whole post with all the details here.

Floor puzzle

Dancing and dress up time

Checking herself out in the master bedroom

Building a model car with dad

Building a pinewood derby car with dad

Winning a trophy for pinewood derby! The suitcase is significant because my dad came in for the event and he spent the night. We have had many guest sleepover on multiple occasions!

More playtime

Crafts

We are always out of town with family for Christmas so we don’t do any big decorations, but we do Truth in the Tinsel and some other fun traditions.

Our one piece of furniture to sit on.

Many, many meals have been made in this tiny kitchen.

We love playing cards and board games.

Reading time!

They don’t usually sleep in our bed, but there are mornings we wake up like this!

The truth is we aren’t home that much. Thanks to generous gifts we have had annual memberships to the nature center, the sports and fitness club, and the science museum. We also frequent parks and libraries, along with play dates and road trips. So I am not trying to imply that we just love being cooped up together in our small apartment all the time. What I am trying to prove with this post is that we are a REAL family that has a lot of fun and shared memories using every last inch of our little space.

I feel like God has brought us to this place for a reason. We’ve learned and gained so much from this season of our lives. If I could change the past and give my children a bigger home and a more luxurious or glamorous lifestyle I wouldn’t do it. My dream house wish list is longer than my weekly grocery list, so don’t get me wrong I am a big fan of amenities, but for now it’s the simple life and I SIMPLY wouldn’t have it any other way.

By Natalie|2022-03-16T14:45:46+00:00July 1, 2015|Family, Frugal Living, Lifestyle, Simple Living, Uncategorized|11 Comments

The “I Love Lucy” Chemistry

I got free tickets to see I Love Lucy live at the Aranoff theater in Cincinnati and it was such a great experience. I used to watch reruns of the show back in the day. Watching it as an adult made me realize just how much my husband and I are just like Lucy and Ricky! I am the quirky free spirited one always trying new things and getting myself into some kind of trouble, while J is a little more grounded and inclined to ~~overthink~~ think things through.

It’s a great combination though and it’s not uncommon for opposites to attract. There is often chemistry there. Even in fictional love stories there are numerous times where Type A personality + Type B personality = True Love. I’m no movie or television buff, but I did my best to come up with a list of characters that have that “I Love Lucy” chemistry. Maybe you can help me add to it.

1. Lucy and Ricky Ricardo (I Love Lucy)

I already ‘splained myself on this one. Quirky meets grounded and BAM! Match made in heaven.

2. Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

It’s not unlikely for this personality combination to start as a love/hate relationship, as was the case with Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. Darcy is about as straight laced as they come seeing everything in black and white. Elizabeth on he other hand was raised with an entirely different set of values and has “a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous” (to quote Jane Austen). Yet, it works. Sounds like another Lucy and Ricky to me.

3. Maria and Captain von Trapp (Sound of Music)

Um, can we say opposite? Another classic example of how a serious military guy can fall for a singing dancing “flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown!” such as Maria. Once again, it took a while for them to realize their love, but it doesn’t get any more perfect than the captain and Maria.

4. Fran Fine and Mr. Sheffield (The Nanny)

If you are looking for the 1990’s modern adaptation of all of these love stories than look no further than the hit sitcom “The Nanny”. A wealthy widower who is reserved and proper ends up with a flashy, sassy, hot mess from Flushing Queens when Fran becomes the nanny of Mr. Sheffield’s three children. Of course it takes 5 of 6 seasons for them to admit their feelings, but they do end up happily ever after.

5. Cory and Topanga (Boy Meets World)

Another 90’s sitcom (sorry that’s my era). First of all how cool is it that we watched this connection start as children and now there is a spin off series where they are still married and have children!? Even though Cory and Topanga definitely mellow out a little making it less obvious how opposites attract. But let’s not forget that Topanga was a total hippy when she met the nerdy little Cory Matthews. Cory describes his love for Toganga by saying

“She gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about.”

So that’s why I say Cory and Topanga fit the bill for straight laced guy and free spirited gal.

7. Joe and Anya (Roman Holiday)

Even though this classic black and white Audry Hepburn film doesn’t really end up as a love story I think it still shows that same pattern. A dedicated reporter tries to stay focused on business while the care free spontaneous princess just wants to chop off her hair, hop on a motorcycle, and live life to the fullest! At first Joe just wanted to get the story for his career, but in the end love, loyalty, and passion win him over.

8. Emmett and Wyldstyle (Lego Movie)

You can laugh if you want, but are Emmett and Wyldstyle from the Lego movie not the perfect example of the rule following guy totally falling for the independent artsy chick? I’ll admit Wyldstyle is way more serious than the playful free wheeling girls I have listed above, but she definitely likes to march to the beat of her own drum and eventually Emmett does too! Not to mention Wyld Style’s real name is LUCY. It’s like this I love Lucy comparison has gone full circle!

9. Ross and Rachel (Friends)

Ross Geller was the focused and introverted paleontologist while Rachel Green was a bit of a loose cannon who had many different jobs throughout the show. They were the unlikely nerd and cheerleader opposite combo that finally settled down together in the end. For that reason I would say this ultimate sitcom couple had a little “I Love Lucy” chemistry going on.

10. Belle and The Beast (Beauty and the Beast)

I know this is a stretch, but just think about it. Belle is that same dreamer, non conformist, make your own path leading lady and while we don’t know a ton about the Beast it’s safe to say he had that type A personality that would make them an opposite couple. I am sure you know the story so I won’t go into detail, but once again true love wins in the end!

So those are my picks for fictional couples with “I Love Lucy” chemistry. Although, I should mention it doesn’t have to be the male that has the A type personality.
There is Danny and Sandy from Greece, or Allie and Noah from the Notebook (he was the one to bring her out of her shell), or even though I do realize they were cartoon dogs Lady and the Tramp is another prime example. I should stop before I come up with another list of ten. Feel free to add your own. I am sure there are lots more.

Are you an I Love Lucy Couple?

By Natalie|2015-06-11T10:51:48+00:00June 11, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|15 Comments

Questions Answered With First Response

I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Influence Central for First Response. I received product samples as well as a promotional item to thank me for my participation.

I recently wrote about the 10 pregnancy symptoms I had before I knew I was pregnant and it stirred up a lot of discussion because it seems that just about everything can be a pregnancy symptom.

I have heard it all and seen it all. You can have every symptom in the book and not be expecting or vice versa. Take it from someone who has been in both of those positions more than once. The only way to alleviate the uncertainty is through an accurate pregnancy test and the sooner you can know the less you have to wonder! That’s where First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test comes in.

Pregnancy tests have come a long way, even in the past few years that I have been using them. The First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test can detect pregnancy as early as SIX DAYS BEFORE the day of your missed period. That’s like one week less of having to play guessing games with every little potential symptom. What a relief!

Not only is the First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test able to give you results sooner than any other brand of pregnancy test, but they have a new Comfort Sure Design feature that makes the whole experience…um…less awkward. The curve shape is especially design to fit a woman’s hand, the handle is longer, and the tip is 50% wider. When you use this newly designed test you will wonder why no one thought of this sooner! I have taken dozens and dozens of tests over the years and trust me, the First Response Early Result Pregnancy test with new comfort sure design just makes sense.

It’s easy to use, easy to read, and easy to find since it’s available at all major drugstores and grocery stores. The retail price is $8.99-$15.99 . The First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test is FDA approved and can detect all relevant forms of urinary hCG throughout pregnancy ANY time of the day. So you don’t have to worry about taking the test in the morning like you used to. The results are 99% accurate from the day of the expected period and the test only takes 3 minutes. If you are like me and the test shows 2 pink lines then get ready girl because you are pregnant!

So whether you think you are pregnant, want to be pregnant, or just want to quit wondering, I recommend the only test that can tell you 6 days before your expected period and the only test with the comfort sure design:

First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test.

Stop asking questions and get some answers with First Response Early Result Pregnancy Test .

Be sure to go to FirstResponse.com for some wonderful pregnancy planning resources, coupons, product information, and more.

By Natalie|2015-06-10T09:08:27+00:00June 10, 2015|Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

How Do I Know I am Done Having Babies?

J and I always wanted a big family. We were in agreement, but we never set a number. It seems for a lot of people they have always known exactly how many kids they wanted, but I never did.

Yet, here we are at baby number 4 and suddenly I know that I’m done.

This is actually SJ. I don’t have a sono of baby #4 yet.

It’s not that frazzled hair, bug-eyed mom staring blankly into space whimpering, “No more. Pleeease make it stop!”. I mean, I might look like that mom at times, but that’s not how I feel about it.

I’m going to be extremely candid and uncensored with my personal thoughts and feelings here, so please keep in mind that they are just that- personal. Every couple needs to follow their own path when it comes to bearing children; when, if, and how many. And sometimes that path is determined for you for various reasons. I don’t want my words to be hurtful, I am just expressing how it’s worked out for me at this point. That’s all.

There are a lot of reasons I feel like I am done, but the biggest is that I don’t want to birth children when I am over 35. There I said it. I said it to someone the other day who gracefully mentioned that ALL of her children were born when she was over 35. I hope I did a decent enough job of pulling my foot out of my mouth when she told me that, because I really do think she and other women like her are awesome. I know lots of people that have gone that route and I am all for it.

For me though, I will be turning 33 this month and so as far as I’m concerned this is it. Given my fertility history, if we continued having children I would be at least 35 when the next one would be born. I know that pregnancies after 35 are considered “high risk”, but that’s not even why I decided this. I just had a peace about having closure at this time. My body has been either pregnant or nursing for 8 years. After this baby I will have committed a decade of my life to using my body as a beautiful and miraculous source of nourishment. I feel a little sad about moving on from that season, but I know I’m ready. It’s not just about pregnancy either, these children grow up and I am considering my age when they graduate, and potentially have my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Only God knows the future. Children, health, and lives in general are all very unpredictable. So I realize my planning is somewhat futile, but I still like to dream about what lies ahead.

I look forward to soaking up every last bit of this pregnancy and turning the pages slowly as I close the chapter on this era.

I like that I know so many other moms that are at the same stage as me. I feel like there is a bond between us. If you know me, you know I never let conformity determine my choices AT ALL, but I have a lot of women I can turn to for support about this decision. And that’s a nice feeling.

Me and one of my closest friends when we were pregnant with our oldest sons (8 years ago). She has had 6 pregnancies and I’ve had 4. We are both feeling the same about the next step.

The thought of missing the tiny toddler voices makes my heart ache, but I get a burst of excitement thinking of being able to ride bikes as a family, or travel and minister together, and play board games on a level that is fun for everyone involved.

My mind continues to waltz through visions of each season; from enjoying regular date nights with my husband again when we are in our
40’s, to planning weddings and welcoming grandchildren in our 50’s, maybe seeing the world in our 60’s, and then perhaps great grandchildren?

Who knows what will happen. Plans change. Circumstances change. Feelings change. Proverbs 27:1 says “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” As far as what J and I have discussed though (and there was a lot of prayer and discussion), this will be my final pregnancy. The million dollar question is always How do you know when you are done? The answer is simple for me.

I know I am done because the thought of it is comforting.

By Natalie|2015-06-02T23:00:53+00:00June 2, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Pregnancy & Birth|16 Comments

Are Unexcused Absences Ever Excusable?
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Are Unexcused Absences Ever Excusable?

Schooling, Uncategorized

Are Unexcused Absences Ever Excusable?

I take school and academics very seriously, but I am not opposed to missing a day every once in a while even when the reasons aren’t related to death or illness. Maybe you’ve seen some of the headlines in the news lately.

Mike Rossi is a dad who wrote a very passionate letter to the school’s principal which then went viral. The letter came as a response to the disapproval of him taking his kids out of school to watch him run in the Boston Marathon.

Then there was a mom, who was also a substitute teacher that was ARRESTED because her 10 year old honor student had too many unexcused absences. He was allowed 6, but had 12. Some of those were excused with a doctor’s note, but the mother, Julie Giles, claims they were all illness related. Giles says:

“The truth is, l cannot afford a copay every single time they are sick, but I never want to send them to school when they feel bad or could possibly get others sick,”

No doctor’s note, no excuse. Sometimes your child is too sick for school, but not sick enough to have to see a doctor. I completely understand what that’s like! On the other hand there are always two sides to every story. I do realize the importance of rules and protocol, but it’s like Mike Rossi said in regards to his children’s Boston Marathon absences

“Zero tolerance equals zero common sense, and in this case, they made this blanket rule and say, no exceptions? It’s silly.”

Thankfully I haven’t run into this problem with our schools. My children have missed school for various reasons, including trips and family events. I know their classmates have too. I haven’t heard or experienced any backlash from this.

When my husband J was wrapping up his last semester he wanted to bring Z to his college campus to see a project he had been working on. J had spent months working to perfect a Tic-Tac-Toe game. I know that might sound ridiculous for a grown man who is in college, but maybe a little less silly when you realize he was programing software that would enable a robot to play Tic-Tac-Toe. J had been sending updates and videos to Z every step of the way and now that it was finally complete he really wanted Z to be able to see it in action. So I emailed his teacher and told the school exactly what was going on knowing that this was technically an unexcused absence. His teacher and the faculty were extremely supportive. Z was able to be a part of invaluable learning opportunity visiting a college campus and playing Tic-Tac-Toe with a robot in 1st grade! Not to mention the priceless memories with his dad.

I really hope these irrational standards for school attendance are isolated incidences and that the majority of our schools really do support the families they are serving.

So, let’s chat.

Did your parents allow you to miss school for certain events when you were growing up? What about your children? I think you know how I feel.

By Natalie|2015-05-29T09:28:46+00:00May 28, 2015|Schooling, Uncategorized|16 Comments

10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse
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10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse

Family, Marriage

10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse

(originally posted on November 11, 2013)

Imagine your husband brings home a rare painting in an ornate frame and he wants to hang it up in the living room, but you can’t find any nails, or hooks. So you try to put this heavy piece of art work on the wall with some double sided scotch tape. It is not going to work. Even if you put rolls and rolls of tape, it might stick for a moment, but then it is going to fall off and you’ll be in worse shape then when you started because there may be damage to the painting.

That’s how it is sometimes in marriage. Some women are made of rubber when it comes to receiving compliments and affection. We can blame our husbands all day long (and they probably deserve some of it), but like I tell my kids “you are responsible for yourself”. There are a lot of husbands out there that are geniunly in love with their wives, but dare I say we aren’t feeling it.

I am not an expert on marriage in any way, but my marriage and self confidence has seen a lot of ups and downs in the past 15 years! So if you have a moment, I would like to share some advice for how to start feeling the love.

1. Quit Dodging His Compliments

JoAnne Summers (a pastor’s wife in Dallas Texas) shared at a women’s conference years ago that when responding to compliments you should try saying “That’s a nice thing to say”. My mom and I have joked about this for YEARS and we can’t say it now without bursting into laughter, but it has stuck with us. The point is, just take the compliment. Obviously “thank you” works too. Just keep it simple. If you want to resist a compliment for example:

I like your hair- “Are you kidding, there is so much humidity today, it’s a disaster” or
That soup was tasty- “well, I probably shouldn’t have put so much salt in it.”

Instead revert to these tried and true lines, “Thank you, that is really nice of you!” The end.

2. Be Quiet

Since my daughter received her cochlear implants I have had to have training in learning how to talk with her and encourage a response. Sometimes when teaching a young child or baby to speak we may repeatedly say “Mama… ma ma… say mama sweetie. Can you say ma ma?” All the while the child may be like, I would, but I don’t want to interrupt. I was told this is a common mistake for parents with special needs children. You want to encourage them so badly that you flood them with language and forget to pause. I’m talking about a really nice long pause that is adequate enough for them to process and digest, and then potentially speak. Similary, women often have a tendency to talk a lot more then men and so maybe the reason you feel like you aren’t hearing what you need is that you aren’t giving him the chance to say it.

3. Shoulder to Shoulder Contact

A guy doesn’t like to feel cornered into being emotional. Fishing for compliments isn’t ideal either. One way of encouraging the opportunity to bring back that loving feeling is through shoulder to shoulder contact which is covered in the book “Love and Respect”. Women like to chat face to face, dudes are more into doing an activity (like golf or video games) side by side. When I heard this it really made sense for my relationship. Men are more likely to open up and share some of there feelings when they aren’t on the spot. So I encourage you (and I) to try some shoulder to shoulder quality time with our significant others.

3. Love Yourself

Maybe the lack of love and adoration you feel is really coming from yourself. I know as women we feel inclined to put our own needs at the bottom of the list and put all other duties and obligations first. The problem is that the list is so long that you never get to the part where you get rest and are nurtured. It’s time to show yourself some love and you may feel instantly more “adorable”.

4. Believe Him

When your husband tells you look nice, or that he is happy in your relationship, just believe him. Rule number one about accepting the compliment is just the first step. Kind of like fake it ’til you make. The next step is to receive and believe the compliment. Back to my analogy of the big painting representing your husband’s love, I just want you to get rid of the double sided tape. I don’t care if your husband comes home with a cheap little poster that he bought at Walmart. I want you to get a drill and bolt that sucker to the wall, ya hear?

5. Know the Truth

We all know how much the devil loves to beat us up, and even more so how he loves to tear down a godly union. When you start doubting yourself, or your husband, or marriage turn your focus on God’s truth. There is a long list of references and truth verses here available for free download.

6. Know Your Love Language

I think everyone is familiar with The 5 Love Languages by now. It is a must read. If you can figure out what makes you feel loved then you and your husband can work at gearing your activities and exchanges toward that thing. Also know what his love language is, because bless his heart he is probably trying to tell you he loves you in his own language. When you realize that, you can see just how much he has been loving you all along. All the little cleaning up he was doing that you felt was undermining your domestic role was really his way of loving you with an act of service (not that I would know anything about that).

7. Be Yourself

Sometimes even full grown married women find themselves so desperate for affection that they try to put on an act. It’s never as appealing as the real you. If you are funny be funny. If you’re quiet natured that’s cute. If you’re into sports cool, but if fashion is your thing, own it. Being yourself is adorable.

8. Don’t Be Deceived By Fictional Romance

We watch The Bachelor or read Nicholas Sparks and think romance comes looking like a Ryan Gosling Hey Girl meme. It’s really just a bunch of gunk. Sometimes we have to pull the plug on these things if they are causing more harm than good. I have even had Christian romance novels that ended up making me feel like my marriage was inadequate. Don’t hold your husband up to these unrealistic standards. You may find yourself feeling more love and admiration when you stop limiting romance to chocolate and roses.

9. Stop husband comparing!

So Billy Bob writes poems for his wife every week and posts them on Facebook. Whoop-de-doo! I have fallen into the husband comparison trap before because my husband is an introvert and I have compared him to the extraverts that just live for PDA. This made me feel like my quiet husband was ashamed of me. So the man that would stand on a roof top and declare love for his bride is better than the man that actually lives it out behind closed doors? No. This is only one way we compare. Yours may be different, but none of it’s good. So don’t do it!

10. Ignore This List

Okay, maybe you don’t have to completely ignore this list. But I don’t want it to be another set of rules for you to have to follow, especially with today’s abundance of advice available via social media. Reading too many online articles and self help books telling you how to have the perfect marriage can often end up being more pressure and stress than they’re worth. I hope that some of these tips might be helpful, and have connected with you as they have with me, but I also hope they aren’t preachy and weighty. Just have fun with your spouse and relax a bit. You’ll start to feel more genuine connection that way than you ever will following some formula.

At the end of the day just remember that no matter what, you really are adorable. I mean it!

By Natalie|2015-05-25T11:29:48+00:00May 24, 2015|Family, Marriage|18 Comments

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