Family

How to Respond to Whining and Model Behavior

I have heard people teach that the best way to encourage your child to read is for them to see you reading. I have heard the same concept about eating healthy, and being eager to learn or try new things, or being active… The list goes on and on. Children are very in tune to our actions and especially when they are younger they are going to mimic our behavior. It is safe to say that actions truly do speak louder than words and the best way to lead is by example.

The way you demonstrate self control and self regulation to your children will determine what they give back to you.

OUCH! I have a hard time with this, especially when we are running late. Is it even humanly possible to be a positive example when we are running late?

As hard as it is, it is still an important reminder that no matter how much you try to train, teach, or bombard your child with these learning opportunities it isn’t going to amount to much unless it means something to you and you are living it out. One of my favorite quotes is from Naomi Wolf and it says

“A mother who radiates self-love and self-acceptance actually vaccinates her daughter against low self-esteem.”

I hear so many mother’s say they don’t want their daughters to be insecure like they are. So they lavish their little girls with compliments and then turn around and talk about their own bodies in a way that is degrading. This method is INEFFECTIVE! You can’t just talk the talk honey, you have got to walk the walk.

My 2 year old is at the stage where he copies everything we say. EVERYTHING. It definitely makes us more aware of our words. My 4 year old, who is deaf, is more in tune to facial expressions so sometimes when I am trying to communicate with her it is like looking in a mirror. This video is from a while ago, and I know I look ridiculous, but it shows what I am talking about.

How comfortable are you with your children mirroring your actions? All of this just continues with one of the main themes of Teachable Parenting, which is that we set the tone in our home by the kind of environment we create. One of my favorite techniques that I read from Love and Logic is “I will respond when your voice sounds like mine”. This is an extremely helpful line to use with screaming or whining. Not only does it defuse the situation by giving them simple instructions, but it’s always a reminder for me that Oh yeah, I have to watch my voice too! If I bark at them and scream “I said I would respond when your voice sounds like miiiiine!!!” Then that would defeat the purpose wouldn’t it? So it keeps me in check and it also reminds me that I am an example to them. This is also why I have a hard time saying don’t hit followed by a little swat on the diaper. I’ve done it, but the message seems conflicting.

Again, this is why it is so important to discipline with empathy and respect because you are showing your child how they deserve to be treated and how they should be interacting with others (remember the idea that you teach them what their inner voice sounds like). Teachable Parenting is about bringing a culture of honor into the home. That doesn’t mean you are not in charge.

Modeling the ideal behavior is not going to happen over night, and we’ll never be perfect. For now I totally recommend trying that tip.

“I will be happy to respond when your voice sounds like mine.” It’s worth a try.

This post was originally written on October 13th, 2014 as a part of the 31 Day series Teachable Parenting.

By Natalie|2015-10-02T10:59:22+00:00October 2, 2015|Parenting Tips|2 Comments

Update on Baby #4

Yesterday I was trying to remember how many weeks pregnant I am.

Thirty-two. The answer is THIRTY-TWO! I feel like everything is hitting me all at once. I really want to meet and hold my baby. I can’t wait to see the excitement and joy of my other three children to get to meet their sister.

I am also nervous though. There is still so much left to do and even though this will be my 4th natural birth I am also a little scared about the labor and the post partum period. I love pregnancy and babies and all the emotional miraculous stuff that goes along with it, but it’s hard work. I always compare it to running a marathon, which for the record I have never done. You train, you prepare, you have great expectations. You love running (again this is just hypothetical none of this applies to me) and there is nothing that compares to the feeling you get when your first foot crosses over that finish line, but there are times of exhaustion that make you think you are crazy for trying. Times you need a cheerleader and a second wind.

Things are moving along though. J and I went to an orientation class at the birth center. I was amazed at how geared toward natural birth it is. It’s actually within a hospital so I expected it to be a little bit more mainstream, but it wasn’t. Which I liked. The one thing I was shocked about was that they don’t allow video during births! I don’t know if it’s a legal issue or what. This was the one birth I was going to video tape and it’s the one birth where it is not allowed! Out of all the things to be frustrated about though, that isn’t really a big deal.

After the orientation we explored the city and made a date out of it. The last time we went on a date was in March when we took the pregnancy test so we were long overdue.

All of these photos are ones that J took that day. So these are the most current pics I have of my belly which is getting huge.

I am feeling really great. Lots of fetal movement. We have a name and it’s really hard for me not to say anything, but with only 7 weeks to go I’m going to hold off. I get the normal braxton hicks. Call me a weirdo, but I’ve always liked braxton hicks. It’s an empowering feeling to me, but as I already mentioned this time around they scare me just a little because my mind starts racing with the reality of it all. The baby is already head down so as long as she doesn’t flip that’s one thing less to worry about.

My iron is still really low and I do not want to give too much info, but if you don’t like to hear about gory pregnancy details you can stop here.

I have been trying to be good about taking my perscribed iron supplements (which they have now doubled the dosage on), but they make me constipated so that is really annoying. I asked my midwife what I could do and there was a range of answers, none of which I wrote down or have yet to try so I guess I can’t complain.

I should be getting my Bella Gravida maternity clothes in the mail soon and then I am going to bombard you all with tons of baby bump pictures because before you know it the baby bump will be gone and I’ll be able to bend down and pick stuff up again. I know most women can’t wait to be done with pregnancy, but it’s bittersweet. I am just trying to take it all in.

By Natalie|2015-09-30T10:16:56+00:00September 30, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth|9 Comments

The Next Big Thing In Maternity Fashion

I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Influence Central for Bella Gravida. I received a complimentary subscription and promotional item to thank me for my participation.

Today I am 31 weeks pregnant and at a time when I should be feeling my most BLAH, I am actually ready to rock this baby bump like never before because I get chance to introduce to all of you a brand new revolutionary service for renting maternity clothes.

You can find all the latest fashion available in maternity styles at BellaGravida.com. It’s brilliant really. Why spend tons of money on something that you are getting such a limited use out of!?

Bella Gravida means Beautifully Pregnant in Italian and I am starting a subscription service that will last through the remainder of my pregnancy. So get ready for lots of photos because in October I’ll be blowing up my IG feed and Messy Mom accounts with all the fun stuff I find!

The cool thing about renting through Bella Gravida is that there is a flat monthly fee with plans starting as low as $39 a month.

It’s free shipping, unlimited exchanges, and thousands of designer maternity AND nursing outfits. So you can utilize the service from the time you are barely showing all the way to wearing maternity/nursing clothes after the baby is born. By the way, if you are a first time expectant mother be prepared to still wear maternity clothes for a while after the baby is born. It’s completely normal!

The best part is there are no return deadlines, you get unlimited exchanges, and laundry service is included. Do I need to keep going? I don’t think so, although I could because there is more. I’ll just let you go to BellaGravida.com and see for yourself.

By Natalie|2015-09-22T10:13:47+00:00September 22, 2015|Pregnancy & Birth|11 Comments

More Laundry Headed My Way

With a family 5 I do my fair share of laundry, and I am about to do even more.

First of all I’ve got these itty bitty baby girl clothes to wash.

Aside from the items I got from Carter’s all of this stuff came from a yard sale I went to last weekend. They had a two year old girl that was born in the winter so the stuff was perfect for our baby. The deal was all you could stuff in a grocery sack for $5. Well, call me Doc McSTUFFINS. I was all over it and now we should be set for the first 3 months of clothes.

I am also excited about pulling out the cloth diapers again. Every time you use a cloth diaper the cost per wear goes down and that makes the pay off for the initial investment even better. My cloth diaper stash paid for themselves a long time ago so now it’s just the cost of soap, water, and electricity.

And get this, the cost of soap and dryer time is even lower now since I’ve discovered Eco Nuts.

I had never heard of this unique product before, but they sent me some stuff to try and it’s perfect timing for me! I’m not going to lie I normally just pick up whatever is on sale when I’m grocery shopping. The one time I am picky about my detergent is when I have baby. I don’t want to ruin the absorbency of my cloth diapers and I don’t want to irritate the delicate newborn skin so I have always been particular about what I use with a newborn.

Despite the name and the appearance of Eco Nuts they are not really nuts. Though they are called soap nuts they are actually berries from a Sapindus mukorossi (Soap Berry) tree in the Himalayas. Inside the shell of these berries is something called saponin which is a natural cleaning agent that truly does work as a laundry detergent. I have been trying it for a couple months now and I don’t know if I am still used to how out of the ordinary it is, but it does get clothes clean.

You just put 4 or 5 berries in the little sack that is provided and you use the same berries up to ten times.

They have a guide on their website that is more specific. Don’t worry you don’t have to keep a chalk board and tally each time you use one, you will be able to tell by the way the berries look.

I also got to try out their liquid detergent and wool dryer balls.

I LOVE the dryer balls because I am pretty much a fan of anything reusable. Also the kids have gotten a kick out of helping with the laundry since I’ve incorporated balls and soap nuts.

Now for the downsides. I know it’s natural and all, but I do miss that artificial perfumy smell that comes with liquid soap and dryer sheets, but I would have gone perfume free when the baby came anyway.I always do.

I also don’t particularly like the hassle of having to make sure I don’t throw the berries in the dryer. HOWEVER, there is a solution to both of these legitimate complaints.

You can add essential oils to the dryer balls if you want fragrance and then you get to pick exactly what scent you want!
The bags usually fall to the bottom of the load on their own making them easy to find (like coins). However it is possible that they could get tangled in with the clothes especially if you are like me and toss your wet clothes into the dryer by the arm full. If you do accidentally dry your soap nuts it’s not going to hurt anything. I have only done it twice. So out of all the benefits of Eco Nuts that really is a small inconvenience.

There is so much more I could say about these products and if you are like me you probably have some questions. The Eco Nuts website is full of information. They have videos, savings comparison chart, cloth diaper details, and local retailers (which makes even more savings when you don’t have to pay shipping). Speaking of savings, right now there is a offer that allows you to get 10% off with the coupon code EcoFall2015 .

If you want to know more go to econutsoap.com . It’s all very fascinating and worth looking into even if you don’t decide to go the organic soap nut route. I am looking forward to see how it works with the baby clothes and cloth diapers and I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

By Natalie|2015-09-18T12:57:56+00:00September 18, 2015|Babies, Babies & Toddlers, Frugal Living, Natural Living, Parenting Tips|2 Comments

Our Pretty Little Girls

This was my status update last night on Facebook.

“Today Sedona found a penny and two nickels. Tonight when she prayed she said “Dear Jesus, thank you me find three dollars so I can go shopping in Jesus name.”

Now for a little bit of background to this story that will make sense to those that follow my blog.

Here is an excerpt from something I wrote a few weeks ago

“when my three kids are going to sleep (they share a room for now) I lie there in the dark with them for a while and Ezie says he wants to pray. After he finishes he wants his sister to take a turn. I tell him SJ can’t hear us right now because she doesn’t have her implants. If it were light it would be different because she reads lips so well, and with her implants she is just communicating non stop, but the next night we went through the same thing and Ezie said SJ needed to get her implants.”

The good news is since writing that I realized I needed to be more intentional about this special time of prayer with the kids. It’s kind of embarrassing. It’s not that I have never prayed aloud with SJ in 5 1/2 years. She knows what prayer is. But between bath time, pajama time, and her own exhaustion the cochlear implants are always off before we do bedtime prayers and because she just now has started really talking I never thought about having her pray out loud other than a “repeat after me” type prayer. Anyway, all that to say as we are going through our evening routine and wrapping up story time we do prayer time before she shuts down her hearing for the night.

Even though I know she doesn’t quite understand yet, she has had some fun little prayers such as “God is great, God is good. Merry Christmas. The end.” I know that each word blesses the Fathers heart and it makes me so happy too.

I just wanted to share that breakthrough and document how one of her very first prayer was about shopping (in Jesus name). So cute. Raising girls is truly a different ballgame than boys.

Today I have the opportunity to write about our story and share some encouragement that I have learned through SJ’s journey.

The guest post is featured on Our Pretty Little Girls and I would love it if you stopped by and said hello.

By Natalie|2015-09-17T14:06:36+00:00September 17, 2015|Family, Special Needs|2 Comments

What I Wore the 2nd Trimester

From the creator of What I Wore the 1st Trimester comes the next set in the trilogy. Unfortunately, I have been very busy the last three months so unlike the first installment where I had my fancy camera and set up a little session just to feature each outfit, I have nothing like that this time.

I do have some shots of my baby bump along the way though and I thought it would be fun to look at some of my outfits from the summer. So here it is. What I Wore the 2nd Trimester.

I had the opportunity to dress up and go to the Aronoff theater and I didn’t get any decent photos other than these super grainy ones from the phone camera. It’s shame too, because who knows when I’ll do something like that again.

I was 15 weeks here so not quite showing, but I definitely could not fit into any of my usual formal dresses so I headed off to Goodwill and was pleased to find the deal for the day was buy two dress for $6. I got this dress and the one I will share next.

Cute from the back too, although not that comfortable to sit in through a whole production. Ahhh, the things we do for fashion.

Here I am outlining my 19 week bump, just before finding out we were having a girl.

This is supposed to be a dress, but no way I am ever going to wear it without pants, however I might wear it without being pregnant because it isn’t actually maternity it’s just stretchy.

Moving forward to 24 weeks.

Shirt/ Kohl’s- this is also not maternity, but it’s billowy enough to work if I hoist the belted area up.

Pants/ Gap Maternity.

If you subscribe to the Messy Mom newsletter then you have probably seen this photo.

I was 25 weeks here (I am 30 now!).

Dress/ thrift store

Shoes/ Given to me from a friend whose feet didn’t get along with the lack of support (they are tricky to walk in)

Necklace/ Charming Charlie and since that day I have never worn that necklace with that dress again. After seeing the photos I didn’t like the combo at all.

That’s about it. It’s fun to highlight some of my favorites, but most of my 2nd trimester summer days were spent in a tshirt, shorts, and flip flops.

Shirt/Motherhood (I snagged it second hand from Once Upon a Child)

Shorts/ Gap maternity.

That’s all I’ve got for now, but I plan on taking an annoying amount of pregnant selfies in a few weeks because I have a really exciting opportunity to work with a maternity clothing company and review some of their stuff. I can’t wait to share more!

I potentially have only two months left before meeting the baby. It’s so hard to believe. I have tons emotions going on right now, but most of them are all goooood.

By Natalie|2015-09-15T23:09:19+00:00September 15, 2015|Pregnancy & Birth|10 Comments

Freedom From Parenting Guilt
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Freedom From Parenting Guilt

Family, Motherhood, Parenting Tips

Freedom From Parenting Guilt

Like most parents I fear that I fall short with my children. I worry that I don’t have what it takes as a mom and that I could possibly ruin my one shot at this child rearing thing. It’s not a constant thought, but it’s this lingering insecurity. I used to love to listen to a pastor named Miles Welch, who had a podcast for college students. I was way too married and grown up for the topics be applicable to me, but I tuned in anyway and I am glad I did. One day I was sweeping the kitchen while casually listening to the Q&A session on the podcast* when there was a question from a young man asking how he could forgive his dad who was responsible for breaking up the family with a divorce. What Miles had to say in response pretty much jumped out of iTunes and punched me in the gut (in a good way).

He said

“You know, that is a hard question. At some point I was really disgruntled by my parents. I had to learn to accept them for who they were – limited and faulted. You can’t put too much
hope in humanity, we are flawed, fallen people. Now there’s hope in Christ, but we shouldn’t have an idealistic view of humanity. We place too much hope in what a person can be. I used to be really angry that my parents left a mark on my soul. Now that I am a parent I know that every parent leaves a mark on a soul. I am going to for my daughter and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel like I can protect my child from Hollywood. I can protect my child from crazy teachers, and soccer coaches. I can protect my child from anybody but me, because I will leave a mark, and I am a broken person, and as hard as I try I will fail her and she will have to learn to forgive me. She was wired to have a perfect father, and she has me instead.”

I almost dropped my broom in the kitchen when I heard that and it’s stuck with me for all these years. My children are wired for a perfect father and I can’t meet that need and I am not supposed to be expected to. It was in that moment that the weight of the world fell off of my shoulders and Christ set me free from that guilt and insecurity. I was
wanting to be God to my children. Now don’t get me wrong I want to show Christ to them every moment that I breathe 24/7, but the fact of the matter is I mess up time and time again. The further along I go on this parenting journey I can see how it is actually helpful for my kids to see my weakness, to see me grappling with reality. That way some day they can see that even though I often struggled as a mother and wife, God’s grace was/is sufficient for me. Maybe they will learn that God is who they need to ultimately fulfill them not a parent, friend, or spouse. I pray that it teaches them about forgiveness and that they will truly embrace the grace of God that is there for them as well.

This is post was originally published October 6th, 2014 as part of a 31 Day Series.

The quote was taken from * Miles Welch, 12 Stone podcast- Marriage and Divorce episode #76 June 28, 2011

By Natalie|2015-09-14T13:38:06+00:00September 14, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Parenting Tips|12 Comments

Books and Toys for 8 Year Old Boys

As you may have noticed I have been in birthday mode and that is what sparked the idea for a list of gift ideas, but even if there are no children’s birthdays coming up for you in the next few months Christmas is right around the corner (only 104 days to go).

Keep in mind that although these are things my 8 year old boy loves, the age and gender is definitely not limited to that. I hope that these gift ideas are an inspiration for shopping for kids in general!

Snap Circuit Kit

This kit is AWESOME. Z got his for Christmas a couple years ago. Children can build real electronic gadgets by following the instructions and snapping the pieces into place. You can make a fan that flies up into the air, an alarm, a voice recorder and dozens of other fun games and electronic projects. There are several different kits varying in skill level and price range. This is the one that Z has. He still needs an adult’s help when he plays with it, but it has been a wonderful activity for him and his dad to bond over.

Razor scooter

Z got his Razor last year for his 7th birthday. Since then we have searched Craig’s list, yard sales, and thrift stores to get one for each family member (except Ezie, he has a three wheeled scooter because he is still too little). The recommended age is 5 and up. The handle height adjusts and the scooter can fold up and fit in a small places. You can easily throw them in a car trunk or closet. Anyway the Razor is a lot of fun. Even J and I enjoy riding them and we’re in our 30’s!

Encyclopedia Brown

Z just happened to find one of these books at a thrift store recently and since then I have been telling everyone about them. I was late to the party on this successful series (the first book was published in 1963 and the last one was 2012). The books are so cool because each chapter is a mystery that Encyclopedia Brown solves, but they don’t tell you what the conclusion is! You have to see if you can figure it out for yourself and then you can look up the answers in the back. The stories are tons of fun and anything that encourages boys to read I am all for! It would be a great read for families to do together for ages 8 and up.

The Day the Crayons Quit

This one is really intended for children under 8, but similar to many other children’s books it can be appreciated at any age. All three of my kids were laughing out loud and loving this story from beginning to end. They request it almost every night. Not to brag, but I am known to do a variety of dramatic voices when I read out loud and this book presents many “colorful” characters to really get crazy with. I will admit though, one of the reasons my kids love the book is because the crayons are so sassy, so you might want to review the story ahead of time to make sure you feel it’s appropriate for your situation.

Legos

I don’t think I need to go into a detail about why legos are so great. Most boys at this age love legos and Z is one of them. That’s that.

Nerf Gun

Just like with Legos the Nerf brand is a childhood classic. I probably shouldn’t admit this, but Nerf is another one of those toys that J and I seem to enjoy as much as the kids and we may or may not have had Nerf wars with each other. Check out this post about how to do your own target dart game.

Science Kit

My 8 year old boy loves video games and screen time of all kind. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that to a degree, but I try to encourage other forms of play and more intellectually stimulating activities. He loves doing hands on science experiments and for his birthday this year he got his second science kit. Both of them have been a HUGE hit.

The World According to Humphrey Hamster

This is a book that his class started reading this year. It’s actually a series and Z has fallen in love with it. It’s written from the view point of the classroom hamster. Again, anything that gets boys reading I am going to shout from the roof tops so that’s why I am sharing this book. It might be a little advanced for an 8 year old, but that’s probably a good starting point, especially to read aloud to them.

All of the items on the list have been owned and tested by my child/children and approved by me! Not to mention I compared them with other lists online and it only confirmed that these are very popular interests so it’s not just my wacky family that likes this stuff (which could totally happen). I did link to Amazon for more info and I am an Amazon affiliate, but these products should not be difficult to find at any local toy/book store.

By Natalie|2015-09-11T11:16:49+00:00September 11, 2015|Parenting Tips, Schooling|2 Comments

My #1 Son

There really isn’t anything significant about turning 8 and yet somehow Z is changing so much all of the sudden! It really snuck up on me, but I first noticed it when I did my run down of asking each of the kids to go potty before we let the house and Z requested that I NOT use the word potty with him. He says it’s embarrassing. Since then I have caught myself several times, but I am working on it.

We were at Ikea recently. J and I have always waited with great anticipation for each one of our children to be tall enough to get into small land. This last time as Z stood in front of the height marker I noticed that he is closer to being TOO TALL to get in than he is to being to small. When did that happen?

This photo is from last year when he turned 7.

Similarly, I asked him to pull up a stool to help with dishes the other night and he informed me he didn’t need a stool. I honestly did not believe him. I figured he’d be reaching on his tippy toes, but nope. He can stand at the sink and wash dishes perfectly fine without a stool.

There are tons of little things like this. For example I am glad Carter’s offers size eight now but this is a recent extension of their children’s selection. There are lots of stores that lump the size 8 in with the preteen clothes. So even shopping has made me realize what a big boy he is.

He’s still a young though and he is not afraid to hold hands, which melts my heart. Holding my child’s hand has got to be one of my favorite parts of being a mom. Physical touch isn’t my love language so I am a little surprised at how much warmth and connection I feel with this small gesture. Even just walking across the parking lot (when they aren’t trying to pry away and dart off) holding hands is the best feeling in the world. At the end of the last school year we were walking on the sidewalk holding hands and I asked him if he would still hold my hand in 2nd grade and he said “Yes. I will hold your hand in all the grades”. I know that’s not true, that would be weird. It was still sweet to hear along with seeing drawings like this

or school papers like this

or a Lite-Brite with these words.

Or notes in my pocket like this

He was the one that started me on this motherhood assignment. I call him my #1 son. He knows what I mean by that. It doesn’t mean he is above all the rest, but he was the first. I know he often feels slighted due to his siblings getting more attention at times and I remind him of the special place he has in my heart as my #1 son. I feel exceedingly blessed to have this precious boy in my life.
Happy 8th birthday Z.

By Natalie|2015-09-04T00:02:00+00:00September 4, 2015|Motherhood, My Life|5 Comments

Thoughts From My 7 Year Old

Tomorrow Z turns 8. This will be the last time I do a post about the funny things he said through the year. He’s getting so mature I don’t want to embarrass him when he is in 3rd grade and says things that I think are cute. It’s still fun to look back though. If you haven’t seen my previous posts about the funny things Z says they are a must read.

Four Year Old Funnies

Laugh Out Loud Conversations with Z

and

That’s What Z Said

First off how precious is this “Valentime’s Day Cards, Box of Love”?

I love the way children have such a unique way of looking at things. When my computer went black Z panicked and I told him not to worry and explained that it just went into sleep mode. Then the screen saver slideshow popped up which was pictures of polar bears, hummingbirds, and pretty nature scenes and Z said “so is then is that what the computer is dreaming?” Such a cute way to think of it.

I think we’ve all asked this question, but one night while laying in bed Z asked why does most of the stuff in America say Made in China?

If you know anything about Minecraft you will know why this was such a thoughtful card to make for your best bud’s birthday.

Z created a very sincere colorful heart felt card for when his grandpa was having surgery with the words “I hope you live” written on the front. I was careful with my response, but I made him redo it.

I asked Z a bunch of questions that I saw online and one was “What was your mom like as a child?” His answer was “I have no idea. I wasn’t around in 1966”. For the record I was born in ’82!

Z posted these signs on his door one day it says “Welcome to fun land. You can do whatever you want. Knock if you hear playing please!” I don’t know about the do whatever you want, but at least he said please.

Another creative project from the little dude was when he made “snail shells” out of reusable bags for himself and his siblings.

I know there were a ton of other moments I could have photographed or written down, but sometimes you just take life’s moment in the moment and enjoy it as it passes. I have been pretty emotional about this milestone for Z (probably pregnancy hormones). But I’ll save all the mushy stuff for tomorrow. I still have one more day with my seven year old.

By Natalie|2015-09-03T14:17:01+00:00September 3, 2015|Family, My Life, Uncategorized|2 Comments

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