I just finished the book Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist and it really got me thinking. Her book about “leaving behind frantic for a simpler, more soulful way of living”  hit me like a ton of bricks. Unlike Shauna I don’t have ample career opportunities that I have to turn down. The problem for me is that sometimes I wish I did.

There is a chapter in the book called “Must Be Nice” where Shauna recognizes that she is struggling with jealousy toward a friend. She picked up on it when she realized that her constant refrain about her friends’ life was, “Must be nice”. It’s funny because as I read about Shauna’s life I think to myself “must be nice”. It must be nice to be able to hop on a plane and get away. It must be nice to speak with other women. I am not even talking about on a platform or a major conference! I’m thinking it must be nice to have an uninterrupted adult conversation on a regular basis or to be a paid blogger and a writer. Or to have a babysitter. That MUST BE NICE.

The irony of my envious thoughts is that the book was mainly about Shauna shifting her priorities to make her life more like mine! She wanted to stay at home with her kids more. She wanted to spend less time obsessing over the perfect condition of her home. She wanted to place her career in the backseat so that she could really focus on being a wife and mom.

As I read about her desires I recognize that as my world. I am a full-time wife and mom and I live a very simple life with the focus being on our home and family. I don’t resent it, but I do feel like I could be doing MORE. If only I could contribute more financially. If only I could be a better house keeper. If only I had time I would focus more on my dream career. The book really convicted me about my wishful thinking and allowed me to see that what I am doing is not only enough, but it’s priceless. Some of the most successful people in the world can’t buy what I am giving to my kids and that is a childhood that is rooted in a solid faith filled home with a loving family who are deeply connected.

It sounds really aspirational when I say it that way, but now back to the part where the grass is always greener on the other side.

You see, I have a little obsession.  If you have a chance to speak with me in person for any length of time you will hear me talk about the NPR podcast “How I Built This”. I love that podcast and second to that is Shark Tank. I’m the first to admit my fascination with entrepreneurs, business launching, and rags to riches stories is a little random. I think it’s my form of escapism. Most housewives watch the Bachelor or read romance novels to escape. I think all that stuff is gross. Instead, you may catch me reading about how to hustle your way to success while downing a bowl of ice cream and signing permission slips. To each their own.

I get so inspired by entrepreneurs that beat the odds! It’s my dream to launch something that could be revolutionary! I have so many ideas, but here I am in bondage in my own home, a slave to nap time and carpools. Melodramatic tone aside, sometimes I beat myself for not being able to accomplish more.

This book really helped me to see the value in what I am doing right now. I felt like it let me off the hook for not hustling enough while being at home with my kids.

Yesterday I listened to the latest episode of How I Built This. It was about the guy that started Edible Arrangements. It is an incredible story. Tariq Farid came from a family of immigrants. He worked three jobs at a time as a teenager and turned all the money into his family to make ends meet. When he was 17 he invested in a rundown flower shop and the story goes from there. I was blown away by his vision, drive, and success. “Must be nice”. But then there’s a part of the show where the host asks Tariq about his family and some of the sacrifices he made. Tariq says  “There is a price that you pay [directly referencing his divorce and children] I think the biggest thing that you look back at and you wish you did it differently is probably the children because I don’t think they understand.They don’t care if you’re rich or poor. They just want your time and they want your love” That part really convicted me. I was already feeling like there was confirmation through the book validating my personal choices as a stay at home. As Jesus said in Mark 8:36 What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, but forfeit his soul.

The tagline for my blog is “Making the best of what looks like a mess” and this quote from “Present Over Perfect” is about that very thing.

Shauna says “I was faced with a dilemma- one so many of us face quite often: I could either wrestle my life and my kids and my house and our Christmas into something fantastic, something perfect… Or I could plunk myself down right in the middle of the mess and realize that the mess is actually my life, the only one I’ll ever get, the one I’m in danger of missing completely, waiting around for fantastic.”

I choose mess.

As I’ve mentioned a million times, all 4 kids have different schools/schedules this year.

Elle has no school so she stays home with me of course and she doesn’t even need therapy anymore.

Ezie is in a preschool (afternoons) Monday through Thursday down by where we used to live.

SJ starts 2nd grade and this will be her final year at her deaf school which is in a nearby city.

Z is going into 4th grade at a local public school.

There were so many unknowns as to how all of this was going to pan out. Today is the first day of school for the boys and I am so happy to report that everything is falling into place perfectly.

Ezie has the same teacher he had for speech therapy last year and she is great. He will also be riding the bus for the first time and he is so excited about that. Lastly, he was given a barely used Ninja Turtle backpack. Ezie loves Ninja Turtles and needed a backpack, so that was such a blessing. Now I can officially check all of those concerns off of my list.

SJ will also be riding the bus for the first time. I’ve met the bus driver and she’s so sweet. SJ is super duper pumped and talks about riding the bus all the time. I already know all of her teachers and it’s a fantastic lineup. As far as a backpack, my mom got her a Shopkins one because that’s her favorite. More little details crossed off my list!

Lastly, Z is starting a new school. The faculty and everyone has been great. There are even two boys in his class from his old school. This is unheard of, but a huge relief for the new kid. Since the little kids are riding the bus I will be able to drive Z to and from school and still get back in plenty of time to be at the bus stop for Ezie and SJ.

Whew, I can wipe the sweat off of my brow. Awesome teacher? Check. Transportation? Check. Backpack? Check!

I keep on mentioning backpacks because it’s a big deal. When you have a large family on one income, starting out the school year can be tough. Over the years we have had to humbly accept help in different areas, like the free lunch program or supply fee waivers. Thankfully we aren’t in that place anymore, but we aren’t totally out of the woods yet. Z still gets a discount on school lunches and for the past 5 years has received a donated backpack.

I mention this for two reasons. Some of you are probably donating backpacks and there are probably a few of you that are receiving them. If you are struggling to get supplies for your family because you have limited resources there is no need to be ashamed. It is okay to ask for help. I know what it’s like to sit in church and watch the backpacks come in for those “poor needy” kids knowing that your child is secretly one of them. You don’t have to be in a homeless shelter to need a little assistance. Did you know that for a family of 5 you can make up to $53,000 a year and still qualify for reduced lunches? What is a reduced lunch? It’s a lunch for your child that cost 40 cents and you can get breakfast for 30 cents!

It costs hundreds of dollars to send our kids to publicly funded schools. This year we will pay $150 in supply fees and that’s not including backpacks, supplies, shoes, clothes etc. For some of us that is a lot of money, especially all at once. And believe me, I am not complaining. I love our schools and would pay more for my kids to go there. It’s my desire to make big donations to the schools and teachers one day because it’s worth it. What they do for our children is invaluable. However, I am not at that place right now. We are a one income family with special needs children and we are doing everything we can just to make ends meet from month to month. To get that free back pack with almost all of the supplies in it is something that helps lift some of the burden around this time of year and I am extremely appreciative. When Z accepted his plain Walmart backpack from the school office the other day he marveled at all the pockets. He was so grateful for the donation and he will take good care of it. When his sister saw it she said “Wow that is a cool back pack!”

So if you need a backpack or assistance for your kids to go back to school I hope it is encouraging to know that you are not alone. I can assure that this is only a season. And if you donated a back pack or school supplies this year. Thank you. You have surely been a blessing.

This summer has been full of visitors! My in laws from Texas came twice, then my best friend from Michigan came down, then some other friends from Texas, and lastly some MORE friends from Texas. Our house isn’t huge, but after living in a tiny rental it feels plenty adequate.

When this last group came through they brought a very sweet hostess gift, a beautiful ceramic serving bowl.

Not only is this bowl lovely and practical, it’s special because it belonged to granny who passed away a couple months ago.

The family that visited were the Lewistons (grandchildren and great grandchildren of Heidi) and they said that she would want me to have it. Heidi loved to cook and I love to entertain as well, so it was the perfect fit.

The Lewistons and I go way back. Peter (Heidi’s grandson) and I were friends in Highschool and even went to prom together twice. One year for spring break some friends and I made a list of 5 things we’ve never done before as a way to spice things up right? We were teenagers so they were really silly and fun like dye our hair purple or eat Lengua de vaca (cow tongue). One thing on the list was to have a picnic ON TOP of a car. So we went to the Lewiston’s and actually spread a table cloth on top of Peter’s car and ate a full blown meal. I honestly don’t know if he ever even found out that it happened.

I’m the one in the middle, on top of the car.

Eventually, I married J and Peter played drums and caught the garter at our weddding. A couple years later he met Hannah. Not to brag, but I was somewhat instrumental in encouraging them to consider a relationship. Call me match maker because now 15 years and 5 kids later they are still going strong. Hannah was one of the first ones I told when I was pregnant. In fact we had been on a walk that day and she immediatly loaned me all of her maternity clothes. Then I gave them all back a couple of weeks later when she found out she was expecting as well.

So we were both due just weeks apart, both expecting boys, oh yeah and we are both photographers.

Current photo of Hannah and I from their visit.

It made sense to us that this called for a… PHOTO SHOOT!

Fast forward to now. Since the Lewistons were in town and the boys are about to turn ten I suggested we do an update to our maternity session from 2007. This one was not nearly as coordinated or planned, but we had fun trying to recreate the moment.

A lot has changed in the past decade! The 2nd photo shoot was just random. They were in town so why not? As I was editing the photos I decided to look at the file info on the original picture and had to do a double take. The first was set was taken on July 31, 2007 and the current one was  July 30, 2017.

I know it’s a day difference, but pretty stinkin’ close to being EXACTLY 10 years! We couldn’t have planned it that well if we tried.

It was great to have them and all of our out of town guest. I will look forward to next time.

Last year I wrote about the benefit of creating an environment that cultivates learning year round.

Let me be clear. Like most moms, I do not have the time, energy, and resources to focus on all kinds of fulfilling enrichment activities all summer long. However, I am pretty passionate about the fact that they need some kind of mental stimulation here and there when they are out of school in the summer months. Every little bit helps in avoiding the summer slide and giving a jump start to the new school year.

A Johns Hopkins study of Baltimore Public Schools notes that low-income youths “lose more than two months in reading achievement” over summer vacation, while their middle-class counterparts make small gains in reading achievement. Regardless of income level, most students lose “two months of grade-level equivalency” in math skills every summer.

So here are a few of our favorite learning activities from this summer so far.

SCIENCE

Science experiments

Lava lamp and bubble sock are two of our favorites.

Nature Center

These pics were some my dad took of the Homosassa Nature preserve in Florida.

Aquarium

This is when SJ went to the Cincinnati Aquarium with some friends.

National Park

More pictures from my dad of their tour of Mammoth Caves in Kentucky

WRITING

Writing notes to friends and family

Most recently they made cards for their dad whose birthday is TODAY!

Story Cubes

This is a game where you roll the cubes and make a story out of the pictures. It’s so much fun. You could practice writing stories or just formulating ideas and telling them out loud.

Playing School

This is one of those incidental learning situations. I am sure it wouldn’t go as well if I iniated it but when the older kids teach the younger how to write everyone is practicing and it’s great! The chalk board marker board I got for $4 at the thrift store was money well spent.

Writing out instructions for Science experiments

A lot of boys (like my son) really love science but writing isn’t their strong suit. For several years Z has kept a private Science blog which is a way to incorporate writing with his favorite subject.

Last year Z’s friend did a guest post for me with his slime experiment and I hope to have Z do the same next week with a lava lamp tutorial.

READING 

We always participate in the Summer Reading Program at the library and the kids win prizes. You can imagine how thrilled I was to walk in and see this one night! A book lovers dream.

Here are some new books we discovered this summer

1. Mustache Baby Meets His Match 
2. A Hole in the Wall 
3. Let’s Sing a Lullaby with the Brave Cowboy
4. Wonder (for 3rd grade and up)

MATH

Yahtzee

A classic game that takes counting, addition, and even some multiplication.

Math apps on the iPad

Our favorite is Monster Math and it has levels for all ages.

Shut the Box

I actually really enjoy this game. It’s so easy too. You just roll the dice, add them up, and turn over the number that you end up with. So if you roll a nine you can turn the 9 tab, or a 4 and 5, or the 8 and 1, or the 4, 3, and 2. The goal is to get all of the numbers turned over. When you have no more options you add up what is left.

Leap Frog Movies

For the younger learners, I recommend anything Leap Frog. This isn’t really summer learning fun, but I couldn’t think of anything else math related. Math is a toughie.

Those are just some of things we’ve done. I would like to be a little more proactive as we get closer to the new school year. Hopefully some of these give some helpful ideas for those wanting to bridge the summer gap in a fun way. 

I love true stories. It’s almost an obsession. I have read dozens and dozens of memoirs/biographies. And my hands down FAVORITE podcast is How I Built This becuase each week you hear a story from a succesful entrepeneur. Anyway, it’s been such an honor to be able to integrate this interest into my own blog by inviting others to share their stories via How We Met and Inspiring Moms. Note to self, I need to get landing pages for those series.

By the way, the next Inspiring Mom is a friend of mine who has been a mom for 19 years and has so many different stories that she could share; each one is  just as phenomenal as the last. Her latest adventure involves moving with her husband and 3 of her school aged children from Waxahachie Texas to Roatan Honduras.

She looks so young it’s hard to tell whose who. This is Shana-

She is going to give us a glimpse of what it’s like making such and dramatic change and potentially whet the apetite of those who have considered living abroad.

You can look forward to that this coming Monday, but today I wanted to share a few little creative collections of sorts from previous Messy Mom contributors.

First off, my dad shared his story back in 2015 of how he met my mother (sounds like a TV show). He mentions how  he met Nancy in High School when he had his pilots licence so he was able to fly her around the mountains of Vermont.

Now,  40 years later she is the one flying him around thanks to her flying benefits from working for Delta.

She is also flying all of her grandkids around. It’s been a tradition to take each grandchild on a trip when they turn 5 (give or take). Ezie is almost 5 and just recently had his first plane ride to Florida. My dad caught this video of his reaction and it is the SWEETEST. It truly encapsulates that child like wonder that we all can only hope to get a tiny taste of as adults.

The next year in 2016 Melissa Mulvany shared how she met her spouse. She was a black jack dealer at a charity table at the bar where she met Ian. You can read the whole story here, but (spoiler alert) they have now been married for 18 years, have 3 awesome boys, and are serving the Lord together as a family in their home and community.

Melissa posted a photo on Facebook a couple days ago that made me laugh outloud. I asked permission to share and she said yes. These two women (Melissa on the left) were best friends in college and 17 years ago when they were new moms they took this photo together holding eachother’s babies.

They recently reunited and decided to try to recreate that same photo. The results are hilarious.

I love how the teens cooperated to the point that they even try to mimic their faces and hands. The young man in the photo is Melissa’s football player son towering over all of them. What a difference 17 years makes! One of my best friends from my college years is coming to Ohio in a few weeks and I am hoping to do this same thing with her. I’ll definitely reveal the photo afterwards if it all works out!

Last but not least, for this most recent How We Met series Emily Williams shared about her husband Colton’s esophegeal cancer diagnosis moved them from Kentucky to New York City for immuno therapy and clinical trial treatment. Colton has stage IV cancer and a year ago the doctors were ready to give up. They wanted to pursue palliative care for Colton, but this couple did not quit! They keep fighting, and praying, and linking arms with their loved ones and believing for more. It’s been a roller coaster but we’ve seen miracles along the way.  For their whole story you can follow Colton and Emily on cure.coltonwilliams.com and for their love story you can read Emily’s guest post for How We Met.

So what I wanted to share from Colton today is this incredible moving poem. Now that you know a bit of his back story you can see the depths of where Colton is coming from when he speaks these truths. It is so raw and so powerful; I hope everyone watches it and that all of us would be shocked into being thankful for life.

I like New Year’s. I like anniversaries. I like birthdays.

They all represent a fresh start and a clean slate for me. I can start out the new year looking back and looking ahead. I also usually set goals, but then I start to loose momentum. Lucky for me half way through the year I have a birthday. So I get to cheat a little bit and have another “new year”.

Looking back at being 34 I feel it was a productive year. Certainly a year of transition, but it was also a very difficult year. I faced many hurtles and gut wrenching decisions.

Looking forward to what life will look like at 35 I am pretty excited. I will celebrate 10 years of motherhood which is wild to me (A.K.A. Z’s birthday, but let’s make it all about me, ha!). I will celebrate 17 years of marriage (also kinda crazy), and last but not least I will celebrate SJ graduating from her deaf school.

Lots to celebrate, but it will also be an intense season with three out of four kids in three different schools with three different schedules.

As far as the actual 35th birthday celebration itself it was awesome. As an adult I don’t really make a big deal of my birthday, but some stuff fell into place this year for us to have a party at our new house.

After learning that we would be hosting a cook out for 22 people utilizing only the little fire pit in our back yard my family all began scheming privately to get a grill for us.

Now this a pretty lofty gift in my book, but they justified it by making it a housing warming present, a birthday present for me, and a birthday present for J whose birthday is less than a month away.

The day of the party J was busy flipping burgers over the open flame when he turns to spot my brothers sneaking the new grill onto the patio.

Sure they could have spared him the labor with the fire if they told us ahead of time, but it all happened pretty spontaniously and that made it made that much more fun.

The next day J and I went out for a special date night. Here are a few pics from that.

Funny story. I shared this picture on Facebook with the caption “We are trying to up our PDA game because last time we went on a date the server asked us if we were on seperate checks”. Seriously.

We had such a great time. The whole birthday was pretty special, but the week’s not over so I’m still making excuses to eat junk food and sleep more. Hey it’s my birthday!

hnI have shared a lot about Heidi recently. First when I interviewed her for “Inspiring Moms” then when she passed away, and then I recorded a song for her memorial.

Heidi encouraged me in so many ways including in worship. One day she approached me about singing a special solo in a Sunday service. Now you can’t just go requesting any song you want sung by any specific individual any time you feel like it. But my husband was the worship leader, and Heidi did get special privileges as the church member who was shall we say “most advanced in years”.

The song was “No One Ever Cared For Me Like Jesus”. The thing about this song was that she wanted to hear me sing it while she was still around and then sing it at her funeral when the time came. I’m not the best singer and there are plenty of girls who are more qualified on a performance level, but I don’t think Heidi cared about that. She cared about the words and she cared about the heart in which those words were delivered. The fact that she thought I would be the best person for the job is beyond humbling to me. Since then I moved away and had more and more kids making it extremely difficult to hop on a plane and fly in for the memorial service. I tried, but flying standby in the summer is definitely a gamble. It was really tearing me up inside. So Heidi’s family (some of my closest friends) suggested I send in a video.

I told them that considering my brother has a professional video/music studio I think we can pull a little something together. So I texted my brother and he agreed without hesitation.

It all went well and I was blessed by the positive feedback from Heidi’s family, including those I have never met.

Then on Sunday, my dad shared the video on Facebook with this caption

“Allow me to be a proud father this day… It is so rare to get this girl to sing publicly. Thanks Mrs. Lewiston for stretching her.”

A lot of people were commenting about how shocked they were that I could sing and they had no idea. Like I said that doesn’t mean I am a superstar with a phenomenal range and ability. I don’t have a secret desire to be a singer at all, but it did rekindle the love I have for music and worship and collaborating with my husband.

Just a couple days ago I was listening to a podcast and one of the guests talked about growing up in a musical family. It got me thinking; when Z and SJ were born I would have described our family as musical. Their dad was full time worship leader and their second home was a coffee shop with open mic night and musical festivals. Then we moved and SJ was diagnosed with profound hearing loss and life got crazy. Ezie and Elle haven’t really been exposed to that musical side of our lives at all since they have been born. I talked to J about how this made me kind of bummed and how I really liked working with him on a song for the first time in over 5 years!

Now that our lives are finally finding a steady rhythm again (no pun intended) I am inspired to cultivate a culture of music in our home once more and I have Heidi to thank for that.

No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus – Jeremy and Natalie Busch – Heidi Lewiston from Brandon Weaver on Vimeo.