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Nothing has Changed, but EVERYTHING is different

April 12, 2012

It felt like the longest week of my life and the rest of April will probably not be much better. My ongoing inner dialogue is like a ping pong game going back and forth on exactly how to cope and if I even need to. I think I am ready to share this now.
Originally written on Thursday April 4, 2012
SJ went to the ENT specialist today and had her hearing checked per her doctors referral. I knew that this was a routine procedure for delayed speech. It was #8 on my list of things to do today. Simple as that.
From the moment I walked in the questions poured out- Does she have frequent ear infections? Is there a history of hearing problems in your family? Did she have a hearing screening as a newborn? When I answered no to all of the nurses concerning questions she asked, “So do you think that she has a hearing problem?” I answered quickly and calmly “No. No, not at all. We are just here to rule that out before moving onto some kind of therapy.” Everything was great and they guided us into the little booth where they did some behavioral tests, like checking if the child responded to toys and lights along with various levels of sound that would come from the left or right. She was extremely cooperative and responded great to the visuals, but did not react or move, or look for the sound at all. Not even when it was as loud as feed back coming through an amplifier. It was a little disheartening, but I didn’t think too much of it. Maybe she was just distracted by the flashing toys?
The Doctor did a Tympanometry test, which is where you insert little ear buds to check and see if there is any interference to the eardrum, like fluid or wax. She did have a minor ear infection, but not enough to cause her to completely fail the hearing exam. The doctors and nurses were concerned, to say the least. They asked more questions and told me the results were not looking good, and it would be critical to send her to a more specialized facility for sedated testing. In fact the Doctor walked me to an office where he asked the surgery coordinator to get a pediatric audiologist referral as soon as she could because this little girl here has severe hearing loss. And when the lady made the phone calls that is what she classified her as, “a two year old with severe hearing loss”. I sat there in complete denial thinking this is not happening to me. I have a little boy that is severely far sighted that has amblopia and strabismus, it doesn’t make sense for me to have another child with an impairment. Somehow this was logical in my mind.
It was also logical for me to think that the doctors are overreacting and the results of the test were not conclusive enough to label my child. Further testing is definitely in order, and a welcome relief for sure, but I just am not convinced that SJ is deaf. J and I have talked a lot, and even though I don’t believe SJ has a serious loss of hearing, I can’t stop all the what if’s from swimming around in my head. I still have to wait to hear back from the surgery coordinator about when and where she will go next. I am supposed to find this out tomorrow, and hopefully she will be seen in the next week or maybe two.

April 12, 2012
Since then I found out that we have to wait until May 4 for the testing. So basically a month of knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what it is or what to do about it.

Unfortunately, my initial shock and denial has subsided and we have seen A LOT more red flags. SJ functions and fits in so well that I never even considered she could be hard of hearing, but since the test a week ago its been like looking through a completely different lens and we’ve all noticed there is a lot that isn’t right. SJ just doesn’t seem to respond to voices, words, or sounds at all. It’s a very complex situation and my instinct as a mom feels like she could hear at birth and has experienced hearing loss in the past two years. It just feels like her speech and responses have regressed, but I can’t prove that. Waiting is so difficult.
In the mean time, we recognize that there is a problem and are willing to do whatever it takes to help our child whether that means hearing tests, therapy, surgery, or just good old fashioned parenting. Since SJ can’t talk right now and she obviously isn’t responding to verbal queues we are going to take her sign language to the next level. Before we even knew about this possible hearing loss she could say please, more, milk, all done and sometimes eat (if you remind her of the sign).
I know even with this lengthy post I am only on touching on a portion of the details, so feel free to ask questions, or give any advice you have, or even share your own experience. I’ve thought about keeping this matter private until we know more, but I am no good at putting on a face, so this it. This is my experience raw and true no matter what the test results show next month. I am blessed to have a strong family and community to support J and I as we walk through this. Thank God. Despite what a nervous wreck I am, I know everything is going to be okay.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00April 12, 2012|Uncategorized|5 Comments
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Christmas at Easter?

This year’s Easter celebration was unforgettable. Our Pastor has been doing a series on giving, and since we give gifts to each other on Christmas he thought Easter would be an appropriate time to give gifts to Jesus. There was a cross set up in the sanctuary and everyone young and old was encouraged to bring a special present to place at the alter.
I was excited about this opportunity, so last week I printed out an Easter coloring sheet for the kids and we talked about the true meaning of Easter.

We also decorated our gift boxes. J and I cut words out of magazine to make a collage of things we are thankful for because of Christ’s sacrifice.

The kids decorated their box with stickers and filled it with their coloring sheet and some money they had collected.

Z was so excited about his little box and I was proud to watch him follow his dad up to the front of the church to lay their gifts at the foot of the cross. I thought a lot about this gesture and why we would even take the time to decorate and wrap an offering for the supreme Almighty God. I told the kids we were making gifts to give to Jesus at Easter, but I knew Jesus probably wasn’t actually going to be unwrapping any presents that day. So what was the point? Then I thought back to a question I asked my dad when I was a little girl. I said “Dad, if God can hear all of our thoughts then why do we pray out loud?” and without hesitation he said “Because it increases our faith”. I was probably 7 years old at the time and I will never forget that. So, even though it’s probably a group of deacons that are opening these “presents” and looking my kids art work, I believe that it blesses the Father’s heart, and at the same time allows us to exercise our faith.

It was also a wonderful opportunity to teach the kids that Easter is not all about bunnies and eggs, but it’s really about the resurrection and salvation, which is by far the greatest gift of all.

By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00April 9, 2012|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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2nd Trimester!

I have a confession to make. Several weeks ago I did a post called “Vintage Shopping In Louisville” and I posted these goofy pictures.

The reason I am holding up my fingers like that is because these were intended to be maternity photos. I had the idea to do a photo a month which is not uncommon, but I wanted each month to be represented in the photo by the colors or scenery. For example the first month of pregnancy was in January. Brrrr.


The second month was February, so I had my sweetheart take this photo on Valentine’s day.
The third month was March, which was SJ’s green egg’s and ham party and St. Patrick’s day. This was also the first month you can start to see a little bump in the making.
I wish I had a photo of what I look like now. In certain clothes I don’t look preggo whatsoever, but when I wear my comfy tshirts you can see them stretch just below the belly button where they normally would lay flat. Or at the end of the day between bloating and good eatin’ I can look like I’m six months along. Now that I am in my second trimester, and should start gaining a pound or two a week, I am ready to pull out the maternity clothes.
I’m excited about the 2nd trimester. The first one has really flown by. In the past three months we had a surprise positive test, our first sonogram, the announcement, the first time hearing the heart beat and it’s been such an amazing experience. It hasn’t all been stress free, but my pregnancy hormones have been acting like happy endorphins. I can get moody (and have some stories to prove it) but for the most part I feel about as cheerful as Buddy the Elf.

Maybe I am just making up for this past Christmas when I compared myself to Ebeneezer Scrooge or the Grinch. It feels good to feel good.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00April 4, 2012|Uncategorized|2 Comments
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Big Blue Nation


Today we head to Louisville, home of the University of Kentucky wildcats, but the NCAA team will not be there because, if you follow the March Madness mayhem at all, you know that UK is in New Orleans getting ready to face off against KU for the men’s basketball championship game. Pretty much everyone (including my husband’s bracket) say that Kentucky is a shoe in for the national title. I have been informed by various family members that I have to root for UK since I now live in Kentucky, the big blue nation, but I was rooting against them just last week when they played UofL in the final four, and since I am a big Louisville lover I pulled for the underdogs. In the end Louisville did lose of course, but not without a fight.

People here (in Kentucky) are CRAZY basketball fanatics. They don’t have an NBA team, but college ball is HUGE and this UK stuff is serious business. I mean SERIOUS business. They had water baptism at our church yesterday and couple of the participants were dunked in their wildcats attire. In this past month I couldn’t help but get swept up in some of the hype, which has been a lot of fun actually, and next year I plan on getting in on the competition with a bracket of my own. We’ll see how it all goes down tonight.

Whew. That was a lot of sports talk for my little mom blog, especially coming from someone who had never watched a game of college ball in my life, but let it be known that if UK does win, my baby will be born in a city of champions, Wildcats territory, Lexington Kentucky. I’m actually about to take off to go to our 2nd appointment with the midwife. Thanks for listening to me ramble about sports, I assure you it is short lived. After the game tonight you probably won’t hear me mention basketball again unless it is referencing the size of my belly in a few more months.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00April 2, 2012|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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Our Vaccine Choice

I took the kids in for their first well child check up since we’ve moved here. I wanted to make sure that we had a primary caregiver lined up before we actually NEEDED one. Besides that, SJ is two now, and for us that means it’s time to start immunizations. With Z this was a very positive experience and I even saved the band aid and put it in his baby book. Unfortunately this time was not as happy go lucky.
We were very open with the Doctor about our choice to delay vaccines, but that we were ready to get started with SJ and continue on with Z, and were interested in doing that at this visit. So the Doctor said that she was fine with that and that we would make up a schedule, but that it would take some time because they won’t be able to get all caught up in one day. Of course not, I said, the last thing I want is to give them a bunch of shots at once. And while, I thought she was going to come back with a chart for us to discuss a schedule like I did with our previous pediatrician instead a nurse came in with a bunch of papers with information on all the different shots (7 to be exact) they were going to get.
I said “no, no, no, no, no… who are these for?” and she said “your children, they are way behind and these are the immunizations that the doctor has ordered up for me to give to them.” I tried to stay calm and explain that I was not interested in bombarding my children with a ton of shots all at once. She stated her stance about public schools. I said that they are not in day care or school. She asked if they went to church. I said yes they go to church [but last time I checked they do not exile children that are not up to date on their vaccines. And like our former physician said, an unvaccinated child is not a threat to vaccinated ones, so those that have had shots should not be concerned.] I didn’t say all that, but what I did say was “I understand what you are trying to do, and I know that they are behind and it will take a long time for them to be caught up, but I am in no hurry and I feel comfortable starting with one for SJ and seeing how she handles it.”
So we went through the shots that were prescribed one by one and I told her I didn’t want them. SJ left having received the DTaP, which was the one I originally planned. The nurse was shocked because I turned down many vaccines that might seem less harmful, but I wanted this shot for the same reason I did with Z, which is to protect the new baby against pertussis and I like the kids to be up to date on tetanus as well.
I’ve watched a couple different Vaccine documentaries. One called Vaccines: what the CDC documents and science reveal and The Vaccine War that was featured on PBS. I read, and own, the book on Vaccines by Dr. Caves, along with countless articles from unbiased magazines. I’ve also read online articles by Dr. Miller and Dr. Sears. We’ve had several caregivers (from Texas, thank you very much) be involved in our delayed vaccine choices. I am grateful for vaccines and what they have done to eradicate many disease. It also seems to be that too much of a good thing can be dangerous. I am not an expert, but J and I do try to stay current on the information that is available to us and reevaluate our decision periodically, but what the nurse I dealt with yesterday may not realize, is that it is not a choice that we have made blindly. I am grateful to live in a country where, although it is the most vaccinated nation in the world, at least we are a free country where we have the right to choose and make informed decision. This is something I will continue to fight for so that my children and grandchildren will also have these rights no matter what!
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00March 29, 2012|Uncategorized|6 Comments
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Z’s Reaction

Last time I was pregnant Z seemed to understand, but he was only two so it was very limited. This time I was SO excited to get to tell him and see what his reaction would be. He loves babies and I know he is going to be a wonderful big brother because he already is. SJ on the other hand gets jealous pretty easily, but I am sure she will adjust to being a big sister. I want them to be as involved as possible in this pregnancy, because the way I look at it, we are ALL expecting. I’ve sat down with them and showed them diagrams online of what the baby looks like. I’ve showed them fruit that corresponds with what size the baby is. I encouraged Z to tell meme what he learned about the baby and he said “my mom thinks the baby is like a plum”. Eh, close. Even though I think Z was a little distracted and wound up the night we told him THE BIG NEWS I still managed to get the reaction on video.
So in case it wasn’t clear enough on the video, there is only ONE baby in my tummy, and that is all the news.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00March 26, 2012|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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Friends With Bellies

One of my favorite parts of pregnancy is the camaraderie with other pregnant women. There are at least 4 other women from my little blog roll that are also expecting; It’s A Crackerjack Life, The Bug’s Life, Mama the Reader, and Meet Virginia.
One of these bloggers also happen to be one of my best friends.
AND another one of my closest gal pals from Texas is also pregnant and we are due THE SAME DAY!

It’s not the first time we’ve been pregnant together either. And there is another friend back at my Texas church that is also due a month ahead of me and she has all girls so I can’t wait to find out what she is having this time. All 3 of these lovely ladies are expecting baby #4. I guess the Texas mommas are a bunch of baby machines!
Luckily I am not the lone ranger here in Kentucky either. I have had the pleasure of meeting some really cool sisters on recent trips here. One of them is mother of 4 boys and we should find out what they are having really soon. Her younger sister is a newly wed who recently found out they are having their first. Exciting time for both of them.
Can’t wait to see all of these adorable babies.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00March 22, 2012|Uncategorized|2 Comments
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Our Family is Growing

Ahhhh! Finally, I get to officially announce that we are on our way to becoming a party of 5. There have been so many details this past month that I have wanted to write about, and now that the secret is out my readers will be probably be facing an onslaught of blog posts. To kick it all off I’ll list the TOP TEN updates for the first trimester.

1. I wanted to take the pregnancy test February 14th, but was afraid that the results would be negative and that would have put a big damper on my valentine’s day so I opted for February 15th instead.
2. I took the test and had my husband be the one to see the results. So this time he got to announce to me that I was pregnant. It was really special.
3. The due date is October 10th.
4. If I had to bet on the arrival date I would pick October 5th because both of my kids were born early in the a.m. exactly 5 days before their due date.
5. Speaking of the #5, this year we become a family of 5, my son turns 5, and this baby will be the 5th grandchild for my parents.
6. As an avid supporter of home births for low risk pregnancies, and having both of my children out of the hospital, I was shocked to find out that midwifery is illegal in the state of Kentucky. More on this later.
7. It’s a long story, but I found a wonderful CNM that delivers at a women’s center in Lexington. This seems to be the closest alternative to a home birth . The problem is that Lexington is just over an hour away, but I am so passionate about my birthing options that I am willing to do whatever it takes.
8. Right now the baby is the size of peach.
9. I am feeling good, but I have definitely struggled with insomnia and nausea.
10. I just started showing. I’m not big enough for maternity clothes, but those that know me have noticed my baby bump.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00March 20, 2012|Uncategorized|5 Comments
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Green Eggs and Ham Party

Last year for SJ’s first birthday we had a cupcake party and everything was pink. I didn’t want to do something ultra girly again and feel like it was the same party so this year the theme was Green Egg’s and Ham. Everything was green. Here are some of the ideas we implemented for this special occasion-
1. We kept the invitation simple by creating an Evite. I love how easy it is to keep track of your guest lists and that it sends out reminders.
2. The Green Eggs and Ham cake/cookies is what started this whole idea.
3. For the meal we had a tasty baked ham, with green deviled eggs, and many other sides.
4. I filled up green water balloons in various sizes to use in place of ice to keep the drinks cool.*
5. I also made this yummy green punch and garnished it with limes.
6. All 4 of us wore green to the party. Not coordinating, but green nonetheless.
7. The birthday girl sported this headband that gave her springy green pig tails, it was really a St. Patrick’s day accessory, but it seemed very Suess-like and she loved it.
8. I wove dozens of balloons together and hung them from the chandelier to 4 opposite corners of the room.**
9. I also taped about 18 balloons in the formation of a 2 above the cake table.***
10. Other than that we just embellished here and there with more green! The theme was convenient considering her birthday party was a week before St. Patrick’s day and her birtheday is 2 days before Dr. Suess’s.
I had originally wanted a very intimate little party with a simple homemade cake, but one thing led to another (like Pinterest, and getting 200 balloons at a discount price) and even though it was a little bit more than I originally anticipated the party and the entire process was tons of fun.
* I found the idea for the ice balloons on Pinterest, but couldn’t find a link to the tutorial anywhere! Obviously you fill the balloons with water. I chose to do different sizes. You also want to be aware of how they lay when you freeze them. I laid my balloons flat in a freestanding freezer and they were fairly round, but you wouldn’t want them all squished together or bumped up against anything because they will come out looking like deformed balloons, which would not be as cute. Also, by the end of the night most of the latex had cracked, but it certainly didn’t affect the practicality of keeping the drinks cool and the presentation looked great for the majority of the time.
** For the balloon garland I used thin nylon string and started off by tying it around the first balloon. Each balloon after that I just wrapped the string around the balloon 3 times (between the balloon and the balloon knot) and pulled it really tight. They stayed fine without having to actually tie them together which was good since the string was SO long. As far as how we blew up 200 balloons we used my husbands air compressor and it worked great! The balloons will stay inflated for days so you can prepare them ahead of time. It took a couple hours and there were 4 of us working on it, but having a few friends over along with a viewing of the movie Up to get you in the balloon mood makes for a wonderful pre party party.
*** Taping balloons to the wall was another Pinterest idea, but for me it was not that simple. I had to use PACKING tape, and lots of it, to get them to stick to the wall. Luckily my parents have yet to remodel their dining room so the walls weren’t really a concern. I formed the number two on a bed and then moved it to the wall one balloon at a time. This way I didn’t have to keep retaping the balloons to see how many I needed or to make it all even.
Those are my tips. Check out Many Little Blessings for more Top Ten Tuesday.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:42+00:00March 12, 2012|Uncategorized|4 Comments
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FaceBook to the Rescue

My whole world turned upside down when we decided to sell our house and leave the place we’ve called home for the first 11 years of our marriage. Then my computer turned upside down when it fell off the bed! The good news is it was under warranty, the bad news is I lost my entire hard drive. I have come a long way when it comes to making back ups, so all of my work related data and personal files were covered except for November and December because I slacked off in the middle of getting ready to move.

As I was getting ready for SJ’s 2nd birthday I wanted to catch up on our family albums and her baby book, but I have no evidence of any family pictures that were downloaded November or December of 2012! That means I lost pictures of my sons graduation from the church nursery,
my kids in their adorable halloween costumes,
and our last Christmas before we left Texas.
That’s when I went to Facebook. I knew I had uploaded all of these events to share with friends and family, but would they be printable?
What a lot of people don’t realize is that web resolution and print resolution are two totally different things. When I worked for Now Magazine I would ALWAYS have people tell me we have lots of pictures on our web site, just pull them off there. And most of the time they were TOO small. Things can look great on the online at 72 dpi, but to look good in print they need to be around 300 dpi. I know it’s confusing, but just because it looks good online does not mean you can print it.
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However, Facebook has an option when you upload photos to post them at high quality and I strongly recommended checking that box, because thanks to the photos I posted on Facebook I have been able to print out all the special memories that would have been lost otherwise.
Here’s how to upload your photos.
1. Go to your photo albums and click the button that says add photos.
2. In the bottom left corner there is a box that says “high quality”. Check that.
3.On the right there is a drop down menu that says “public” and when you click on it you can customize who you want to be able to see the photos. If you don’t necessarily won’t to post the photos to your home page then you can select “Only me” and no one else will be able to view your photos, but they are there if you ever had a computer crash like mine did.
After that you just select the photos you want to upload and publish your album.
I am not suggesting that you use Facebook as your primary storage device. First of all I can’t guarantee they won’t delete your whole account tomorrow, and I am not even sure what the maximum number of uploads is. You should always back up your images through discs or time machine, external hard drives, carbonate, etc., but it’s nice to have multiple locations for your most treasured moments and in my case Facebook really saved the day.
Thank you social networking!
By |2015-06-08T14:29:07+00:00March 8, 2012|My Life, Uncategorized|2 Comments
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