I’ve always been the non-preschool mom. I feel like with 13 + years of formal structured education and then onto adulthood I don’t see any reason to rush into things (for my kids). However, it’s different with SJ.  She is going to need extra help from people that are trained in working with hearing loss. She is in an early intervention program already. Once she turns 3 (in 3 months) she will begin full time preschool. I am completely out of my element when it comes to applying to preschool. Everything I do know comes from the quirky documentary Nursery University.

Fortunately we do not live in Manhattan where the competition is one spot for every 15 applicants. Still, much like the documentary depicts, it does feel similar to trying to get into college. There’s the funding, the location, and eligibility. I have had a couple consultations with two different schools already and I just got off the phone with SJ’s service coordinator who called to set up another meeting.

 There are 3 schools that want to enroll SJ. She could go to the public school where she would be thrown in a special ed program with 20 other kids with varying special needs. I have been strongly advised by her Doctors that we should not go this route, but I still met with them because the public school could potentially fund her private school education depending on what hoops we jump through. The other options are both deaf oral schools. She has play group at one in Louisville that I absolutely love, but the location is further from everything that we moved here for. The 3rd option is moving to Ohio where there is another private school for the deaf. We’ve had the tour and been faxing and mailing forms back and forth to get things started. This school would still be considerably further from where we want to be, but within an hour from the church and family so it’s doable.

It’s a big decision and I want what is best for the entire family. J and I both feel like that would be the Ohio school so that’s all set. Except wait, we need a job, and a place to live, and a school for Z! Well, it looks like we are going to have to fully expect God to come through for us. Something I have plenty of practice in, but still am challenged by. I humbly ask that you would join in prayer with us (AGAIN) as we seek wisdom and direction for this next stage in our lives.

Mathew 17:20  Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

It’s been a tradition with each of my kids to put a compilation of photos from the pregnancy and birth together for a slideshow video. Early on in the pregnancy I started hunting for just the right song for this baby. I don’t remember how it came to me, but there is a song called Lullaby that I listened to back in High School. The lyrics were perfect, but the music wasn’t what I was looking for. So J learned the song and recorded it for this video. My sister in law graciously traveled an hour to be there as a support and as my photographer even though she doesn’t have any photography experience. I had to have pictures though. Not only are there pictures from my birth, but as a photographer, and someone who views childbirth as a natural and beautiful experience it isn’t that strange to me. I am really careful to make sure it is all tastefully done, believe me! Even then I have to remind myself that birth photography, although growing in popularity, is still considered weird to a lot of people. Then again so is midwifery and water birth, but I’ve never let any of that stop me. Anyway, enough rambling. Here is the much anticipated slideshow of Ezras’ arrival.

Hospital: The Women’s Hospital of St. Joseph’s East
Midwife: Melissa Courtney
Song: Lullaby by All Star United
Song Performed by: My amazing husband  

J called when I was writing an updated version of my about me page and when he asked what I was doing I told him I was “having an identity crisis” I have been meaning to update my “about me” page for a while now. It’s been over 2 years since I wrote it and pretty much everything has changed since then. I just about went crazy trying to come up with what I wanted to say. I feel like I am at a crossroad in my life right now and so I don’t really feel comfortable talking “about me”.

I could just talk about ME and what I like and how I am just like so many other moms. I enjoy looking at recipes and crafts on Pinterest, but who has the time with 3 preschoolers ya know? La la la…

I know that if I only shared that and tried not to make a big deal about living with my parents and having a “late identified” deaf child then I would be hiding 90% of what my life actually is right now. However, I also feel like if I open up about the real me and share the whole truth then this idea that I would be alienated creeps in, or that I would look like a complete Debbie Downer. With all that I have going on it’s kind of like an out of body experience. In one year we quit our jobs, moved out of state, I turned 30, found out our daughter is deaf, and had a baby. I haven’t had a chance to keep up with all of the changes. It’s like there was a mix up and I got thrown into someone else’s life. I don’t even relate to myself right now so I can’t imagine how other people would perceive me. These are not the type of things I think all the time by the way, not at all, only when I am writing “about me”.

I plan on tweaking my website a little more in the future, but at least it no longer looks like I am a 20 something, part time photographer, mother of two, and pastors wife living in Texas. All of this soul searching even inspired me to change my voice mail greeting, which was long overdue. It’s a new day people. It is a new day.