10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse
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10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse

Family, Marriage

10 Ways To Feel Loved and Adored By Your Spouse

(originally posted on November 11, 2013)

Imagine your husband brings home a rare painting in an ornate frame and he wants to hang it up in the living room, but you can’t find any nails, or hooks. So you try to put this heavy piece of art work on the wall with some double sided scotch tape. It is not going to work. Even if you put rolls and rolls of tape, it might stick for a moment, but then it is going to fall off and you’ll be in worse shape then when you started because there may be damage to the painting.

That’s how it is sometimes in marriage. Some women are made of rubber when it comes to receiving compliments and affection. We can blame our husbands all day long (and they probably deserve some of it), but like I tell my kids “you are responsible for yourself”. There are a lot of husbands out there that are geniunly in love with their wives, but dare I say we aren’t feeling it.

I am not an expert on marriage in any way, but my marriage and self confidence has seen a lot of ups and downs in the past 15 years! So if you have a moment, I would like to share some advice for how to start feeling the love.

1. Quit Dodging His Compliments

JoAnne Summers (a pastor’s wife in Dallas Texas) shared at a women’s conference years ago that when responding to compliments you should try saying “That’s a nice thing to say”. My mom and I have joked about this for YEARS and we can’t say it now without bursting into laughter, but it has stuck with us. The point is, just take the compliment. Obviously “thank you” works too. Just keep it simple. If you want to resist a compliment for example:

I like your hair- “Are you kidding, there is so much humidity today, it’s a disaster” or
That soup was tasty- “well, I probably shouldn’t have put so much salt in it.”

Instead revert to these tried and true lines, “Thank you, that is really nice of you!” The end.

2. Be Quiet

Since my daughter received her cochlear implants I have had to have training in learning how to talk with her and encourage a response. Sometimes when teaching a young child or baby to speak we may repeatedly say “Mama… ma ma… say mama sweetie. Can you say ma ma?” All the while the child may be like, I would, but I don’t want to interrupt. I was told this is a common mistake for parents with special needs children. You want to encourage them so badly that you flood them with language and forget to pause. I’m talking about a really nice long pause that is adequate enough for them to process and digest, and then potentially speak. Similary, women often have a tendency to talk a lot more then men and so maybe the reason you feel like you aren’t hearing what you need is that you aren’t giving him the chance to say it.

3. Shoulder to Shoulder Contact

A guy doesn’t like to feel cornered into being emotional. Fishing for compliments isn’t ideal either. One way of encouraging the opportunity to bring back that loving feeling is through shoulder to shoulder contact which is covered in the book “Love and Respect”. Women like to chat face to face, dudes are more into doing an activity (like golf or video games) side by side. When I heard this it really made sense for my relationship. Men are more likely to open up and share some of there feelings when they aren’t on the spot. So I encourage you (and I) to try some shoulder to shoulder quality time with our significant others.

3. Love Yourself

Maybe the lack of love and adoration you feel is really coming from yourself. I know as women we feel inclined to put our own needs at the bottom of the list and put all other duties and obligations first. The problem is that the list is so long that you never get to the part where you get rest and are nurtured. It’s time to show yourself some love and you may feel instantly more “adorable”.

4. Believe Him

When your husband tells you look nice, or that he is happy in your relationship, just believe him. Rule number one about accepting the compliment is just the first step. Kind of like fake it ’til you make. The next step is to receive and believe the compliment. Back to my analogy of the big painting representing your husband’s love, I just want you to get rid of the double sided tape. I don’t care if your husband comes home with a cheap little poster that he bought at Walmart. I want you to get a drill and bolt that sucker to the wall, ya hear?

5. Know the Truth

We all know how much the devil loves to beat us up, and even more so how he loves to tear down a godly union. When you start doubting yourself, or your husband, or marriage turn your focus on God’s truth. There is a long list of references and truth verses here available for free download.

6. Know Your Love Language

I think everyone is familiar with The 5 Love Languages by now. It is a must read. If you can figure out what makes you feel loved then you and your husband can work at gearing your activities and exchanges toward that thing. Also know what his love language is, because bless his heart he is probably trying to tell you he loves you in his own language. When you realize that, you can see just how much he has been loving you all along. All the little cleaning up he was doing that you felt was undermining your domestic role was really his way of loving you with an act of service (not that I would know anything about that).

7. Be Yourself

Sometimes even full grown married women find themselves so desperate for affection that they try to put on an act. It’s never as appealing as the real you. If you are funny be funny. If you’re quiet natured that’s cute. If you’re into sports cool, but if fashion is your thing, own it. Being yourself is adorable.

8. Don’t Be Deceived By Fictional Romance

We watch The Bachelor or read Nicholas Sparks and think romance comes looking like a Ryan Gosling Hey Girl meme. It’s really just a bunch of gunk. Sometimes we have to pull the plug on these things if they are causing more harm than good. I have even had Christian romance novels that ended up making me feel like my marriage was inadequate. Don’t hold your husband up to these unrealistic standards. You may find yourself feeling more love and admiration when you stop limiting romance to chocolate and roses.

9. Stop husband comparing!

So Billy Bob writes poems for his wife every week and posts them on Facebook. Whoop-de-doo! I have fallen into the husband comparison trap before because my husband is an introvert and I have compared him to the extraverts that just live for PDA. This made me feel like my quiet husband was ashamed of me. So the man that would stand on a roof top and declare love for his bride is better than the man that actually lives it out behind closed doors? No. This is only one way we compare. Yours may be different, but none of it’s good. So don’t do it!

10. Ignore This List

Okay, maybe you don’t have to completely ignore this list. But I don’t want it to be another set of rules for you to have to follow, especially with today’s abundance of advice available via social media. Reading too many online articles and self help books telling you how to have the perfect marriage can often end up being more pressure and stress than they’re worth. I hope that some of these tips might be helpful, and have connected with you as they have with me, but I also hope they aren’t preachy and weighty. Just have fun with your spouse and relax a bit. You’ll start to feel more genuine connection that way than you ever will following some formula.

At the end of the day just remember that no matter what, you really are adorable. I mean it!

By Natalie|2015-05-25T11:29:48+00:00May 24, 2015|Family, Marriage|18 Comments

Ten Pregnancy Symptoms I Had Before I Took the Test

I have so much suppressed details to write about this pregnancy. Three months into it and I have not blogged about any maternity stuff, other than the announcement. That might not sound like a big deal, but I have a chronic case of documentia. It’s a disorder that I made up to label my impulse to document everything.

So I do plan to catch up on all the first trimester updates, but let’s just start with how I knew I was pregnant.

First of all I was not expecting to be pregnant. Here is the TMI version of the story.

I don’t do birth control pills or anything like that. I did once when I was a newly wed and have decided against it for the past 14 years due to personal medical reasons. However, we were trying NOT to get pregnant through every NFP (natural family planning) method in the book. Now some of you might laugh and say “Yeah, that NFP stuff is a joke and it never works”, but let me repeat I have not been on birth control for 14 years and the three children that I have were not accidents. Let’s just say we had a good system going. At one point at the beginning of this year we discussed the idea of having another child soon. Except we decided it wasn’t good timing and we wanted to wait a bit to be completely ready. From that point on though I will admit to being a little more laid back with charting and all that. It’s not the first time I have taken the casual-trust-my-gut approach to NFP. However, it is the first time it resulted in an unexpected pregnancy.

I knew pretty early on what we were in for. I made this list on March 23 (which would have made me almost 5 weeks pregnant). I even titled it-

“Am I Pregnant?”

1. Weird Dreams

2. Fatigue

3. Late period

My period used to be all over the place so this one isn’t that big of indicator for me, but I was expecting to start any day.

4. Nausea

5. Ear problems

This is something I commonly struggle with when I am pregnant. That is part of the reason I had to go to the Doctor recently.

6. Forgetfulness

Not that I want to attribute everything I do to pregnancy, but there have been some CRAZY mix ups. I feel like I am in such a fog.

7. Insomnia

I knew when I woke up at 3:30 am hungry and unable to sleep that something was definitely up.

8. Metallic taste

During those first few weeks I had a slight metallic taste in my mouth. Which was probably the biggest indicator.

9. Numb Arm

My right arm had a lingering numbness to it. It’s not even a pregnancy symptom I have ever felt in the past, but when I looked it up, sure enough, it’s a pregnancy symptom.

10. Gas

Bloating and intestinal issues. Bleh.

From there the list just grew and was of course later confirmed through a pregnancy test. Even though it was kind of a tough first trimester I considered all the symptoms a blessing because it was a constant reminder that this was real. I knew it probably meant I was having a very normal healthy pregnancy.

Did any of you other mamas have tell tale signs when you were expecting? Did you know right off the bat, or were you oblivious for the longest time like those women on the show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant? Just kidding, don’t even get me started on all that craziness!

By Natalie|2015-05-21T19:23:06+00:00May 21, 2015|My Life, Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

Mothers Are Like Clocks

Long ago, before we even had children we bought this large clock for our kitchen. It actually set itself automatically and changed when the time changes twice a year. It was just a simple analog clock, so I never did figure out how it could adjust the time like magic, but it was faithful to do so.

The clock moved from Texas, to Kentucky, and finally Ohio where it adorned our kitchen once more. It wasn’t the cutest or trendiest home decor item but it had an important purpose. Our son even learned how to tell time the old fashioned way thanks to that clock. I’ll admit that it had gradually sped up over the years to the point that I knew it wasn’t perfectly accurate, but it still helped me stay on schedule. It just kept faithfully ticking away.

That was until recently when the clock stopped.

I thought it was 12:55 pm for two hours before I realized what happened. I panicked and rushed out the door to pick up my kids from school. When I returned home I immediately went to change the batteries. The problem is that it still didn’t work. We tried different batteries. We tried reseting it. Even the fixer of our family couldn’t revive it. So we had to face the fact that after ten years of service to our family the clock had come to the end of it’s life.

Time of death? Unknown.
Bad joke. Sorry.

Anyway, into the trash it went and about a week passed by without the clock hanging on the wall. Even despite our phones, computers, and other various digital clocks I had relied on that one for so long that I thought I would loose my mind if it wasn’t replaced soon. I looked up at that blank spot on the wall probably 20 times a day. I expected to see the time only to be repeatedly disappointed. I feel lost when I don’t know what time it is.

Today we finally replaced the clock and life can proceed as normal.

With mother’s day around the corner this got me thinking. Moms are a lot like clocks. As a child you rely on your mother to keep time, to get you where you need to go, to maintain a steady rhythm, to be there to keep the machine running non stop… like clock work! Then one day you grow up and enter adulthood and you realize just how much you looked up to your mom. It’s in hindsight that you can fully appreciate the depth of what she did for you.

When I think about my old clock I see so many parallels to my mother.

I don’t know how she did it all- all the time, but it happened. Like magic. And if sometimes her timing wasn’t perfect it didn’t matter because she got the job done. She served our family faithfully. She was committed every second, minute, and hour of every day. Her purpose was and is invaluable.

She taught me how to cherish the time.

So this is for all the mother’s out there that are constantly running. To the moms that are a source of reliability and consistency for their families, and those who are trying to embrace every moment as time marches on. Your role in your family is obviously deeper and more intimate than any old clock, but maybe next time you look at the time you can think about the bigger picture because whether you feel it or not, I can assure you that you are appreciated.

Happy Mother’s Day.

By Natalie|2022-03-15T22:46:04+00:00May 1, 2015|Family, Motherhood, Uncategorized|16 Comments

The Hardest Job on the Planet

I saw this comedian on youtube that was joking about how the statement motherhood is the hardest job on the planet is an exaggeration. He compares motherhood to coal miners dying of the black lung, implying that risking your life for a job would be harder. I would never describe motherhood as life threatening, but in a few rare cases it actually is. The comedian then dramatically explains how difficult it must be to bend down and put a dvd in the dvd player while you are still in your pajamas. The most ignorant thing he said was how mothers can send their kids to bed ANYTIME THEY WANT so that they can have a drink and watch The Price Is Right.

Would’t that be nice!?

Now I understand how comedy works, and even though I think this guy has no idea what he is talking about I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that everything he said was 100% sarcastic. However, there are people out there that buy into his idea of motherhood as a brainless effortless gig and that is why I want to talk about it.

First off I would agree that there are plenty of more physically and intellectually demanding careers out there. Being a mom isn’t even really a job at all in my opinion. One reason is because unlike a job, motherhood isn’t just an investment of time and skill, it demands attention from ever fiber of your being.

During pregnancy a mother’s body will literally be stretched and strained to it’s maximum potential in order to create and sustain a new human. After her body pushes the baby out of her (something I’d love to see that comedian try to even fathom) then the child will depend on her for not only physical nourishment, but the love and care that has been scientifically proven is necessary for life. There will be times she will be stuck in a car with relentless screaming that could bring a soldier to his knees. She will clean up vomit and feceses more times than you can count. Her nipples will probably be bitten, her sleep will be stolen, and her hair will be pulled. All that and we aren’t even through the first year.

The challenges only increase as the child grows and it’s not a bad thing, but it certainly is NOT easy.

The emotional side of motherhood is far more intricate and complex than any job could ever be. Some people may feel like they are emotionally invested in their jobs, but mothers are attached at the core of who they are. When the child suffers the mother feels the same pain multiplied. The intensity of her passion for her children is pumping through her blood because those children are a part of her and share her DNA.

I could go on and on about all that motherhood entails, but I have already wasted too much time responding to a really stupid youtube video that was recommended on Facebook, and the only thing worse than that is that I also read a couple of the idiotic comments. Apparently there are a lot of oblivious people out there who really do think moms sit around all day playing Candy Crush Saga and snacking on sushi or something.

Just to be clear as I wrap this thing up, some women birth children, but never become mothers. Some women never birth children, but are the strongest mothers of all. It’s a relationship, a lifestyle, a gift, a sacrifice, and a calling, but not necessarily a job. To say motherhood is job implies that you are paid, or that you can go off duty, or retire. So I don’t think that motherhood is the hardest job on the planet because that statement isn’t powerful enough to describe what being a mom really is.

By Natalie|2015-05-17T04:12:25+00:00April 9, 2015|Family, Motherhood|11 Comments

Meeting a Project Runway Fashion Designer
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Meeting a Project Runway Fashion Designer

Hearing Loss, My Life, Special Needs, Uncategorized

Meeting a Project Runway Fashion Designer

A couple years ago my best friend called me to let me know that there was a deaf designer on Project Runway that signed and had a cochlear implant. I had never watched the show before that or since then, but I religiously followed that entire season rooting for Justin LeBlanc the entire time. At one point he was actually eliminated and it was very emotional. ~~I might have~~ okay, I did shed a tear, but then he was able to get back on the show because you know how those reality shows can go.

I was thrilled to see a role model on a popular TV show that was deaf like my daughter and I even blogged about how I was a big fan. So when I found out that Justin LeBlanc was coming to my SJ’s school I was ecstatic! I had the opportunity to photograph the event for the school. After LeBlanc was introduced to the kids (grades K-2) they had a Q&A which mostly included

Can you make shirts?
Can you make a hat?
Can you make shoes?
Did you make your clothes?
Did you make my clothes?
Can you make toys?
And lastly, How old are you?

The answer is yes he can make just about any clothing item, but no he did not make the clothes anyone there was wearing, and he is 28 years old.

Afterwards LeBlanc helped all them decorate their own hat. It really was the coolest thing! It was like watching the mini version of Project Runway with all of them busily losing themselves in the fabric and materials.

Then came the fashion show!

All of the elementary age students walked down the runway in front of their classmates and other special guests. It was adorable to say the least.

At the end LeBlanc shared a little bit more about his hearing loss and what his passions are. I was able to get a picture and talk to him briefly when everything ended. In classic fan girl fashion I started sputtering out “It is SO great to meet you. I never even watched Project Runway until you were on it” and his response was “Yeah, me neither.” I have had a lot of PR fans ask about what he was like in real life, not that I hung out with him for a week or anything, but for that afternoon he was so polite, sincere, and always had this smile on his face.

His parents were there too. Whenever there is a deaf celebrity I am always most interested in the parents behind the scenes, because that’s what I relate to and I loved getting to visit with them.

I’m sure everyone there took away different things from the experience, but the highlights for me were hearing LeBlanc talk about how Project Runway was kind of like a designer summer camp for him because he had six weeks being completely unplugged. No cell phone. No social networking. No TV. Just hours upon hours spent working on clothes and really getting to focus on his craft, which he had never had that opportunity to do to that extent before.

On top of all that channel 12 in Cincinnati was there.

Much to my surprise they decided to interview me (I am the only woman in the video. It’s about the halfway point and they also show a short clip of SJ while I am talking). I’ll admit it was a little bit intimidating and definitely made me self-conscious, it was still a great experience though. The cameraman and anchorwoman were so personable and down-to-earth. You can view the video on their website.

Local 12 WKRC-TV Cincinnati – Top Stories

I really can’t say enough good things about the fashion show at Ohio Valley Voices and I do want to give credit to Justin Leblanc designs, Sewn Studios, and TJ Maxx for donating their time and materials. I know that it means so much to these kids and their families.

I meant what I said in my interview

“It’s really inspiring to have someone that’s deaf that’s shown how successful you can be despite whatever challenges you may face. I think they had a great time”

By Natalie|2015-05-18T04:17:58+00:00March 10, 2015|Hearing Loss, My Life, Special Needs, Uncategorized|14 Comments

My Top Ten Tips for Natural Birth
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My Top Ten Tips for Natural Birth

Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized

My Top Ten Tips for Natural Birth

On instagram yesterday I had a question from a follower that is having her first baby.

This question comes from Brooke of stylehomeandhappiness . On a side note you should follow her IG account. She does a lot of pin it spin it, and she always looks so cute!

Anyway Brooke writes:

“How was your experience with an at home water birth? I am due in June and although I will be delivering at a hospital with no option of water birth, I still plan to delver drug-free. Any tips?”

To answer the first question having an at home water birth was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

However, after having three natural births I’ve covered just about every scenario including one in the hospital and one that was not a water birth. So, even though all women, babies, and births are different I do hope that what helped me through labor and delivery might also help you and anyone else that is interested in labor techniques.

1. Commit

Just like marriage, running a race, or any endeavor that takes endurance you have to be all in. If you think, “Maybe I’ll just wait and see how I feel at the halfway point” then you will quit, because you probably will not feel good. This applies to a lot of scenarios. Some things take determination. If you do get an epidural or have some other form of intervention there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! I can’t stress that enough. However, if you are passionate about wanting to go natural then make that commitment ahead of time. This is critical!

2. Connect

Find other mother’s who had a natural hospital births and listen to their stories and advice. If you don’t know anyone personally check the web. You could spend days reading other women’s experiences on line. I have all three of my birth stories written in detail here on messy mom.

3. Prepare

You have to mentally and somewhat physically prepare yourself for the act of labor. This could mean childbirth classes, books, or online videos. You don’t want to go into childbirth without doing your homework.

4. Create Your Atmosphere

Even though you are going to be in a hospital you can still play music or have special momentos around you.

5. Wait it Out

It’s so hard to know whether or not you are actually in labor. The rule of thumb is wait until contractions are a minute long and three minutes a part. Don’t be surprised though if you never get those text book constant contractions they talk about. My labor was never consistent. You’ll know when it’s time though. The longer you wait the better your chances are of not getting that epidural.

6. Utilize

Make the most of the natural pain management the hospital offers and find out what that is ahead of time. There may be a birthing ball, rice sock, or shower. You can always bring your own stuff too, like a tennis ball or oils for massages. Unfortunately, you usually never know what helps you in the moment, until that moment!

7. Visualize

This one sounds cheesy, but it’s so true. I can’t say enough how much visualization helps me in labor. Practice before hand. This one can get kind of spiritual too, so my disclaimer is that I am a christian and I use prayer and scripture when I’m in labor, but I have also imagined flowers slowly opening up or butter melting until it’s completely liquefied. I’m really visual so using imagery like this helps me focus.

8. Know the Stages of Labor

If you know what to expect then you can use that knowledge as a road map. Recognizing transition for example helps you know just how close you are to having that baby in your arms. Sometimes that is all the encouragement you need.

9. Have Help

Whether it’s a doula, your spouse, or a trusted friend don’t go into labor alone. Have someone with you that knows your birth plan and will be completely supportive of that.

10. Loosen Your Body

This goes hand in hand with number 4 and 7.

THE BEST ADVICE I HAVE REGARDING NATURAL CHILDBIRTH IS “Loose lips. Loose cervix”

In the movies you always see women screaming their way through birth, and that’s part of the reality of it, but ideally you want to moan or make the “puh” sound. Screaming, clenching your teeth, straining your neck- all that is tightening up your body and when your body is scared and tight it is is no position to birth. I wrote a post a long time ago about eliminating fear during labor and there is more info there.

I would say this is my #1 tip out of all of them, just to do your best to relax. Make a motor boat sound (or “blow horse lips”) to help you keep those lips loose. That was a tremendous help when I was in labor. Your body will take over and do what it was made to do.

These are some practical tips that worked for me, but no matter what happens you are going to do a great job and I am sure you will be a fantastic mom!

I hope this list was helpful. Anyone else that wants to chime in with advice please do so! As strange as it is, talking about birth never gets old to me.

By Natalie|2015-05-18T04:18:21+00:00March 5, 2015|Pregnancy & Birth, Uncategorized|8 Comments

3 Ways To Screen Netflix (and other forms of entertainment)
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3 Ways To Screen Netflix (and other forms of entertainment)

Parenting Tips, Uncategorized

3 Ways To Screen Netflix (and other forms of entertainment)

Yesterday I explained why the media diet your children are on is so important, but how do we know what is healthy when it comes to the entertainment they consume?

The answer is that it’s pretty much the same way we figure out what is healthy when it comes to the food they consume, and it’s easier than you think!

1. Read the Labels

Just like the packaged food we buy is required to have nutrition information, the shows you watch do too! They are called TV Parental Guidelines and appear in the upper left hand corner.

I am shocked at how many people do not know what those letters stand for (and for a while I was one of them). If you have wondered yourself than here you go-

Y is all children
Y7 is directed to older children
TV Y7 FV is appropriate for older children, but may contain more intense violence
TVG stands for General Audience
TVPG stand for Parental Guidance
TV14 is Parents strongly cautioned and probably not appropriate for chidden under 14
TVMA is for mature audience only (unsuitable for anyone under 17)

D is dialogue (which I used to think was drug references)
L is for crude language
S is sex
V is violence
FV is fantasy violence

And here is my nerdy little secret, although these ratings are intended to help parents know what is suitable for children, my husband and I use them as adults. Can you imagine!? We are grown ups that are allowed to watch whatever we want and yet we CHOOSE to filter some stuff out according to the TV ratings. We are that crazy.

2. Do your research

Just like at the grocery store you can’t always count on on the FDA when you get really serious about your diet you have to actually do some research to see what is in the foods you are eating. Same thing with TV and movies, the little labels don’t tell the whole story. That’s why I love Focus on the Family’s Plugged In website. You can look up any show, movie, music, or video game and it will give you a thorough review of what to expect according to specific categories which include

Positive Elements
Spiritual Content
Sexual Content
Violent Content
Crude or Profane Language
Drug and Alcohol Content
Other Negative Elements

There very well may be spoilers when you have this much detail in your review, but this resource has been absolutely critical for me. I want to kiss the computer screen when I look up a movie for my kids and realize what I avoided exposing them to thanks to this website! And again, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to using it to see what I wanted to invest my personal time watching.

Common Sense Media is a very similar concept to Plugged In and is an excellent resource. The main difference that I am aware of is that Plugged In is from a specifically christian perspective. The advantage of Common Sense Media is that many of their reviews are built right into Netflix.

If you are browsing Netflix and click on the title of a show or movie, then you will see the members star rating, and the description. It’s kind of hidden, but if you scroll down on the right you will see movie details, awards, rating, and then BOOM “Common Sense Media Rating”.

Click on that to get a detailed description of how kid friendly the content of the show is. I just randomly chose Mr. Peabody and Sherman, and My Fake Fiance’ for screen shots to show you what it looks like .

This is such a great option for me when searching for what to watch because I usually want to read the description anyway and then you have this Common Sense rating conveniently right there.

3. Don’t put the junk where they can access it

Another Netflix option that I am so grateful for is the customized account settings.

When our kids browse through Netflix they only have access to children’s programing, which is so nice even if only to avoid some of those disturbing movie covers. To set up this option click on your account icon in the upper right hand corner then select manage accounts and click on that to create an individual account for everyone in your family. For your children’s accounts you can check the box that says children 12 and under. Then you can click the option for little kids or older kids to make it even more customized. We don’t have TV, (we have a TV screen, but we don’t have access to any channels) but for those that do the V-Chip is a great way to do the same thing I have just described here. If your TV was purchased in the past 15 years than it has one!

Almost all of our modern day technological devices conveniently have parental controls built in you just have to know how to use them.

For us this means having passwords on the Wii and Apple TV. No little early morning risers can just sneak in the living room and watch TV or play games without going through us first because they have to have the password.

To set this up on the Apple TV go to the main menu then select Settings >General>Restrictions and choose a 4 digit pin number.

To set this up on the Wii go to options>Wii Settings then pus the +button, and click parental controls. Then Click yes and a make a 4 digit pin number.

And here are some other links for parental control setup for the iPhone/iPad, Xbox, You Tube, and Amazon instant video.

Just remember, that while these features are certainly helpful they are NOT a substitute for parents actively observing and deciding what is being viewed in their home.

Those are just 3 basic tips for trying filter what our children are watching. This of course is only scratching the surface. My children aren’t old enough to have their own gadgets or use the internet yet. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it and I’ll do another post twice as long for how to screen that content! I loved reading the comments yesterday about how some moms have chosen to make reading or outdoor playtime and artistic expressions the priority in their home. Why not tell the TV to take a backseat, especially during these critical formative years. I like that! However, if you’re children are going to have any television or movie time at all, these resources are such a blessing for parents to really know just how healthy or UNHEALTHY their media choices are.

If you have any other advice or tips for content filtering please share in the comments. I know this list isn’t exhaustive and I’d love to hear from you!

By Natalie|2015-05-18T04:18:44+00:00February 27, 2015|Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|7 Comments

Healthy Media Habits For Children
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Healthy Media Habits For Children

Parenting Tips, Uncategorized

Healthy Media Habits For Children

Last week I blogged about the entertainment industry, 50 Shades of Grey and all that stuff (and there is a lot of STUFF). I really appreciate the tremendous amount of supportive feedback I got from you all, but that was for adults. What about what our kids are watching?

How do we know what is appropriate entertainment for our children in a culture that is saturated with disrespect, lust, greed, and all kinds of mixed spiritual messages?

To some degree it’s the same way we find things that are healthy for our kids to eat in a culture that is obsessed with sugar, preservatives, and convenience food. I’ll admit that I am not the best example of feeding my kids a healthy diet, but I have made it a major focus this year and since then the magnitude of the junk they consume is becoming apparent to me.

We don’t have to let food trends and cereal commercials determine what we feed our children, the same way we don’t have to let production companies dictate what they consume on a spiritual level.

We have the opportunity as the gatekeeper of our homes to decide right now what kinds of content our children are viewing on television or in movies.

Children, especially preschool age, are little sponges. At that stage they are observing and soaking up everything they see every waking hour and using it to shape their worldview and learn how to navigate through life. So this TV stuff is pretty important, but what do we do about it?

Just like with diets there are hundreds of different approaches to living a healthy lifestyle. What your kids watch and how much they watch is a very personal decision. However, no matter what your convictions are you have to know how to implement them.

First of all whether food or TV, leading by example is going to be the most effective thing you can do. This is really true in any area of parenting. “Your words and standards will carry more weight if you practice what you preach and limit the amount of time you watch TV or spend on the computer. Also, your kids notice the kinds of movies and shows you watch, so model responsibility there as well.” (from the book “Wild Things The Art of Nurturing Boys”)

Another TV tip that goes hand and hand with the food comparison is to focus on the positive and make an activity out of it. If your children are involved in cooking with you, or really engaged in learning about gardening they are more likely to want to eat healthy.

So consider watching TV with your child. I know, that is the one time you have to break away, but on occasion you can really see what it is that they are consuming and take the opportunity to talk about it whether it’s good or bad. For example “Oh, that was not a nice. They shouldn’t call people idiots”. It’s also a great time to discuss emotions or interests with your child. On the contrary, If you just bark out orders about what they should be eating or watching it is less likely to be a habit they will ever truly obtain.

These are just a couple of the many strategies for implementing media boundaries and guidelines in an effective way.

Tomorrow I am going to share some really practical advice on how to use some of the free content filtering options that are available.

So check back then for Part two (Monitoring TV and Netflix).

By Natalie|2015-05-18T04:18:55+00:00February 26, 2015|Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|9 Comments

When Richard Met Nancy
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When Richard Met Nancy

Marriage, Uncategorized

When Richard Met Nancy

I first met Nancy in high school. I was in my senior year and near graduation. My kid brother had a crush on her. I encouraged him to ask her out. He was very shy and introverted however, so to encourage him I said, “Well if you won’t ask her out, I will!” He never did.

One day when I was leaving school, there she was, sitting on the grass, struggling to draw a sketch of my car for art class. It was an International Harvester “Scout” in what today might be called an SUV.

I stopped and chatted a bit, but I didn’t want to drive off with her subject matter, so I offered to help her with it. My family was comprised of artists, and drawing and painting were my strongest skills throughout school. I basically drew it for her. Our art teacher was wise enough to recognize that it wasn’t her work.

This isn’t THE drawing, but this is what it looked like. I did this one on the computer.

After finishing the drawing I offered to give Her a ride home. She lived 15 miles away and required driving through a different state to get to her home. She didn’t want to impose, but I insisted “Not a problem, it is right on my way.” It was really 30 miles out of my way.

Soon after that was “Senior Skip Day” which was an annual event where classes were winding down and seniors were wanting to sow their wild oats. All my friends were trying to line up dates for the event.

Nancy was a junior, but I wanted to ask her out so I did and she accepted. By this time I was already falling for her and when she accepted my request, it was our first date, which sealed the deal for me; (1) because she was one of the most beautiful girls in our high school, and (2) she accepted.

Not unlike my kid brother, I was introverted and had a bad track record of being afraid of asking a girl out, but when I did being turned down. So I wasn’t going to let this one go if I could help it.

At the time I had my pilots license and was able to take Nancy for flights over the Vermont Mountains. We did everything together. It wasn’t long before we knew that we were in love. I always joke that she was my first and last date, which is the truth.

That is not to say our life has all been a romantic fairytale. Initially we had no moral restraint. We knew we wanted to get married, but I was heading off to college and Nancy still had to finish high school. It wasn’t long and we got news that we were with child. I was wrestling with many sin issues in my life. I had no faith except for “dabbling” in Christian Science. Things finally reached a crescendo where I knew I had to change something, but had no idea how. I walked off the campus I was attending in central Vermont state and into the wilderness until I reached a clearing in the woods. I fell to my knees and prayed at a large boulder. I didn’t even know for sure if there was a God, but I didn’t know what else to do. God heard my prayer and I accepted His son Jesus Christ right there in the woods and THE greatest love came into my life.

Nancy and I both made that dreaded phone call to let our parents know the news. We had a shotgun wedding in the Catholic Church on New Year’s Eve. 30 years later on our anniversary we renewed our vows in our church with all our children present. Our pastor and spiritual father lead us in our vows.

Now we have been married 38 years. We have four children and six grandchildren to date.

Our favorite thing to do together is just spend time with our family. Our second favorite thing to do is travel. Nancy works for Delta and now that we are empty nesters we’ve been able to travel all over the country and even overseas. I joke that when we were dating I flew her around.

This is me with the plane I trained on.

38 years later she’s the one that’s flying me places (thanks to her employee benefits we both fly for free).

Nancy at the French Alps in 2014

God has truly blessed us.

We are more in love today than ever.

This guest post was written by Richard Weaver and is a part of the series How We Met. You can find the rest of the series HERE on Messy Mom.com

By Natalie|2017-01-04T12:28:14+00:00February 13, 2015|Marriage, Uncategorized|13 Comments

When Jennifer Met Scott
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When Jennifer Met Scott

Marriage, Uncategorized

When Jennifer Met Scott

My husband and I met when I was just 16; we married 6 months later.I had been raised in a Christian home, but spent my early teen years running with a wild crowd. I ended up dropping out of school and then taking the California High School
Proficiency Exam. In the fall, at the age of 16, I enrolled in Jr. College.As Christmas of that year approached, I had grown weary of the weekly rounds of
nightclubs and the seedy life my friends and I were living. I can remember one night
being woken by my friend. I had been sleeping on the couch of her new boyfriend’s
apartment after a late night at a club, and an ex-girlfriend had come into the apartment
to threaten her. Terrified, we ran out the door and drove away. This was one of several
incidents which made the party life look less and less appealing.

In the early spring, after a few quiet months of going to school and work, my manager at
the clothing store where I had a part-time job finally convinced me to go on a blind date
with her boyfriend’s best friend. I had hesitated to become social with my co-workers
because I was uninterested in a boyfriend after my few years of craziness. There was
also one other small problem. I had lied about my age to get the job. This made an
honest social life seem a bit out of reach.

After several months of her telling me what a perfect couple we would make, she finally
convinced me to go on a date with their friend, and I am forever thankful that she did.

On our first date, my co-worker, her boyfriend and my date picked me up from my
home… in a pick up truck. With no back seat. So, my very first date with my husband, I
had to awkwardly sit on his lap in the cab of a tiny Toyota truck.

Our dates got better, and within three months of meeting, he proposed. My mom went
with us to the courthouse to give her permission for us to marry, and then we had a
lovely church wedding. Three years later we had our first child.

We will celebrate 25 years of marriage in September. We have had a lifetime of love, a
lot of kids, and loads of opportunities to forgive and to grow.

Although we didn’t start our married life as committed Christians, God was gracious to us and won our hearts. We have seen Him continue to pour out mercy and grace on us and our children throughout
our life together, and the latest gift has been the marriage ministry, Love After Marriage.
We went to a week long seminar and learned tools for reconciliation and communication
that have been instrumental in healing hurts and bringing new closeness and love into
our decades long marriage.

Marriage is a gift, and I am so thankful that God brought my husband and I together. He
is a God who gives good gifts.

Jennifer is a homeschool mom to seven children, and is married to her best friend Scott. They live on a small farm in Northern California and travel regularly to Mexico for outreach.

Her writing has been featured in magazines such as Above Rubies, Wild and Free, Home Educating Family, and Home School Enrichment and she is the author of the book, Bountiful Homeschooling on a Budget. She blogs at http://homeschoolingforthewholefamily.com or you can follow her on Instagram, @jennpepito. She is passionate about encouraging women as they love the husband and children God has blessed them with.

Thank you for joining us for this Valentine’s series of How We Met. Come back tomorrow for the final story of when Richard met Nancy!