Getting a great photo of a your children is a feat in and of itself. Getting a photo with your children takes olympic level skills! I just finished having family photos done with me, my husband, and our three children. As a photographer that has been in this situation behind the lens countless times you would think I would have it all together, but it’s different when it’s your own family.

I remember the days when I would take selfies for my myspace (yeah, it was a long time ago). Or my husband would snap a photo of me in the park out on a date. 

Here was the scene-

I think this light and this background right here would be good for a photo. I think I’ll stand here and hold this pose. Am I smiling too big or not big enough? Do you think this is my good side? Okay, eyebrows slightly raised, tummy sucked in, shoulders back, body tilted ever so slightly.

Then I look at the photo and see that my hair was sticking up in one place, or my shirt wasn’t laying flat. Oh MY! Taking a good photo is hard work. Let’s reshoot that again and again until I love the way I look.

Now let’s look at yesterday’s scene.

I think this light and this background is perfect, let’s pray that our children will miraculously stand here and look in the same direction for 10 seconds so that we can take a photo.

Okay, guys we are going to stand right here. No? Okay, let’s stand over here where baby Ezie is. No wait! Baby Ezie come back. Do you want to go on daddy’s shoulders? But you love daddy’s shoulders. Fine, let’s all sit. On the count of three say “Chuck E. Cheeeese”  Keep your shirt down sweetie. HEY! Do not pull your sister’s pony tail! Seriously, every one look at the camera. NO, don’t point at it, just look. And smile. Not like that, that looks like the Joker. Come on!  Alright, where is your sister? I think we lost her. Oh, there she is running toward that poison ivy.  Stop! Stop now! Hold onto my hand. Is this everyone? How about standing by this tree stump here. Hello? Is there anyone in this family that knows what a tree stump is? Stop pushing. If you don’t cut it out right now you might not see Mine Craft ever again! No. Don’t cry. We want happy photos. Fine, who wants candy? How much candy is this going to take? Ewww, gross. What is that smell? I think someone stepped in dog poo. Let’s check your shoes everyone. Bingo. Alright, try and wipe it off in the leaves over there. Goodness gracious! Moving on…

Not once did I ever think about my shoulders or my hair. There is no checking the preview to see how I look. No “place all your weight on your back foot” rule. Nope. If we have a photo of the 5 of us together where no one is crying or injuring someone then it’s a keeper. You don’t even have to have your eyes open. I went from having a 20 point checklist for how I looked in a photograph to just one qualification. Do I look sane? Even that is debatable. 

It’s a new school year with a  clean slate and that inspires me*. No more roll out of bed, put shoes on and show up at the school in a wrinkled frump of whatever I wore to bed or picked up out of the laundry basket. I am turning a new leaf. It’s hard to say how long it will last, but I am going on a full two weeks *gasp* of having clothes picked out ahead of time. I am actually getting myself ready in the morning. 

Along with trying to dress decent on a daily basis I tried to get photographic evidence. It wasn’t all that easy, but I wrangled up a few pics for ya, and I am going to use all of my God given restraint to forgo dozens of disclaimers about the way I look or the way the photos looks, because ain’t nobody got time for that. 

Sometimes the most well meaning people can make a new mom feel like she is under a microscope. The other day I arrived at a photo shoot for a fitness class. The lady I was photographing looked at me and said “OH my goodness girl! Didn’t you just have a baby?” I smiled kind of sheepishly and answered “Well yeah.” Then she gave me that supportive exuberant “WOW. You look fantastic.” It’s what every mother wants to hear. I modestly explained “She is 3 months old now”. Then her face changed and she said “OH”, the kind of oh that implied that she was revoking the previous comment. She went on to say something like “You had a baby 3 months ago. That makes sense then.”

I know the whole conversation was ridiculous and I shouldn’t put any weight on it (no pun intended). However, it made me feel like it should be expected that I would snap back into shape by this time and that’s high expectations for any woman.

You think having a baby might take all eyes and hands off of your previously pregnant body, but on the contrary people actually examine you more in some ways. Sometimes it’s people looking you up, down, and behind to tell you how your postpartum body is coming along. Other times it’s people analysing your every feature to compare to your baby. For example:

“She does look like you! I can see the resemblance all throughout this area (pointing to the nose region). You know how your nose points down? Her earlobes hang down too (grabbing on to your ear lobes and squinting at you from an uncomfortable distance). Your eyes are little smaller though. Hmmm, I think she’s got her daddy’s big eyes and lips (looking back at the baby). Look at that smooth dark skin. That is just gorgeous. Now, neither of you have dark skin. Huh? Where did she get that beautiful complexion? My my, what a doll. She looks just like grandma.”

By the end of the day you find yourself examining your own features in the mirror and wondering “does my nose really point down that much?”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want everyone feeling like they can never say anything about me or my kids and who they look like, because it’s usually really sweet. However, sometimes it’s a little extreme and you can’t help but feel like an item being evaluated at the antique roadshow. Has anyone else experienced this?