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Baby On The Way

I’ve been anxious to share about these two simple children’s books that have really come in handy over the past month and the funny thing is I wasn’t even seeking them out.

The first one was available for free to take from the hospital when SJ had her sedated testing. It’s called My Own Prayers, by Larry Carney and it has simple little prayers for things like going to school, getting lost, or being scared of the dark. We brought it to the Doctor with us last time Z and SJ had to get shots because Z insisted he wanted to read the “Prayer for Getting a Shot” and we did. It was helpful for SJ too since we have the language barrier where neither of us really know the signs that would apply to this situation I was able to show her the picture and point to her and mommy and the doctor and I think it helped explain what was happening. I do have to mention one prayer in the book that kind of funny to me. It shouldn’t be, because it’s a very serious topic and I think it’s good that it was addressed, but the prayer is for “When My Parents Argue” and it goes like this:

The other book is one that I came across at a thrift store for 69 cents and I LOVE it! I don’t want to be overly dramatic, but it has been a blessing in our lives and we read it again last night per Z’s request. First of all it is a children’s book by the Sears family and if you know who Dr. Sear’s is you know his natural approach to child birth and parenting is right up my alley. It’s called Baby On The Way, and it’s  kind of like a candid, age appropriate version of “What to Expect When You Are Expecting” for children. It’s really helped Z to understand more about what is happening. He saw this picture and was surprised to find that the baby inside is naked! It’s pretty cool, but the thing that really elated me about this little book is that the pictures are fun and descriptive. It is a way, once again, for me to be able to communicate with my daughter what is going on. In the back of my mind I had been worried about SJ. When she was born Z understood what was going on. He would talk about the baby in my tummy and that he was going to be a big brother. Here we are again, it’s SJ turn and she is the same age Z was, but how do I really get her to understand. There is no time to teach all the signs that go along with pregnancy and child birth and I don’t want her to be any more blindsided than she has to be when we have a new baby and my stomach isn’t huge anymore. Well, the pictures in this book are an answer to my prayers. They go through everything from mommy feeling sick, to mommy going to the hospital, and mommy breast feeding. It even shows the newborn baby with the umbilical cord clamp. When I first read it to the kids there is one picture where you see the mommy’s belly while she is at the Doctor and SJ pulled up my shirt pointed to the picture and then pointed to my tummy. You can probably envision my heart leaping in that moment She gets it! She understands! She does this every time we get to that page, probably because she got such a great reaction the first time. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a child that is about have a sibling.

Speaking of which, we are getting geared up for baby #3. I am 37 weeks tomorrow and if I follow the previous patterns we are about 2 weeks away from delivery. Ahhhh! There is still a ton left to do, but having 2 children already I do realize that the baby doesn’t need much. No matter what we do or don’t get accomplished on my to do list at this point we are going to be okay. I have a baby shower on Saturday, a baby moon with J next week, and my mom and I are going to get a pedicure and go shopping one of these days. So there are lots of exciting things underway. I will definitely keep every one posted if there is any news to announce.

By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00September 18, 2012|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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Nesting My Heart Out

In the back of my mind I had this lengthy list of things to address or accomplish before our baby boy arrives. It has stayed back there behind the other lengthy list of things going on. So last month I basically had to sit down and pencil in “START NESTING” on my calendar. Since then I’ve made a tangible to do list and I’ve been able to check things off little by little and I finally feel like we’ve got some momentum.
J hauled all of the baby related stuff that was in storage back to the house. When we moved 7 months ago I packed away everything “baby” thinking we wouldn’t need it, but then… surprise!
I wrote up my first hospital birth plan, and I filled out all of the paper work that was given to me by the hospital. This whole hospital experience is so different because I am having to address issues like not wanting an episiotomy, pitocin, forceps, or a newborn Hep B vaccine. These were non issues at my other births. The cool thing is though, my Kentucky midwife and I have discussed all of this and we are on the same page with my birth philosophy and ideals.
While I am on the topic of earthy mama philosophies I might as well bring up circumcision. Finalizing our circumcision plans was actually another thing on my list. We knew that unlike many “crunchy” alternative medicine parents we would choose to circumcise, however we really wanted it to be after the 8th day and without the vitamin K shot. With Z we actually had the procedure done by a Mohel, and we wanted to continue in that tradition, but being a gentile in new city finding a Rabbi that wants to work with us has been a bit of a challenge (I do realize how weird this is all sounding right now). In the end we are going to go ahead and have our midwife do it. She is very experienced medical professional and has been extremely informative in exactly what will take place so we feel comfortable going this route.
On a less awkward note we registered this weekend. That’s always fun. I love getting freebies just for signing up.
 We already got a present with cute little booties and bibs. I am full term TOMORROW which just seems crazy to me. This is all finally sinking in. Even though realistically there is probably about a month left before he will be here I could go into labor at any moment. The baby is done cooking and ready for a healthy delivery. That’s exciting stuff! It’s also a little scary since there are still plenty of other things left on my to do list, but I’m sure it will all fall into place and probably just in the nick of time.

I took my 8 month photo at the very end of August. It wasn’t convenient. It was more like ‘okay, if I don’t do this RIGHT NOW I will not have an 8 month picture.’ All parties involved, photographer (J) and subject (me), were in grouchy moods. Anyway, there is my big o’ belly. 
By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00September 11, 2012|Uncategorized|3 Comments
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Building a Language

My first response before I even knew the degree of SJ’s hearing loss was to learn American Sign Language and teach it to her. I never thought it would be be easy, but my original expectations might have been a little unrealistic.

I was already familiar with baby sign language. I figured that if babies can learn to sign before they can talk then this sign language thing should be a breeze, especially for SJ because she’s brilliant! Come to find out it’s not that simple and it has to do with what I wrote about last week in “the Science of Language”. You acquire your first language by being immersed in it and it all happens easily and naturally. It’s called first language acquisition.

Babies hear MILLIONS of words before they ever say their first! They are observing, listening and mentally taking it all in for the first year or so. It’s a critical time developmentally. A deaf baby born in a deaf family is going through the same process except with a manual language. These children are typically raised in deaf culture so they see sign language happening all around them through their parents, teachers, and communities. One of SJ’s therapist says a child needs to see a sign around 100 times before it sticks. I thought I would simply show SJ some signs and teach her how to talk, but I am up against her natural urge of language acquisition which is to imitate, and for the past 2 and a half years she hasn’t seen any proof that the world around her communicates through sign language. Even now, I try to sign quite a bit, but we are still no where near the amount of oral words she would be hearing if she could. I’m not sure if I am making sense, but this whole first language acquisition thing was a recent epiphany for me. I just never thought about it that way.

Realizing your child is at square one trapped in world without language is a tough pill to swallow. It’s different than realizing that they can’t hear, it’s like Okay. Wow, we have a lot of lost time to make up. I explain it to people using Z as an example. Z started watching signing time and learning ASL along with us just a few months ago. As a 4 year old he quickly picked up around 100 words with minimal effort. I can ask Z What is the sign for share? and he’ll show me. The difference between him and SJ (besides that Z is 2 1/2 years older) is that Z already has a language. He knows what share means and has been learning about this word for years, now he is just attaching a sign to it. Just because SJ is deaf it doesn’t mean she is naturally more inclined to pick up sign language, it’s going to be harder for her because of the lack of immersion that I mentioned earlier. Anyway, that was my light bulb moment last month, but taking all this into consideration she is doing awesome. Sometimes I take for granted how much she does communicate with us through ASL. I need to document more of those precious first words that we are seeing from her.

On another note, we got the test results back yesterday and praise the Lord SJ’s brain and ear anatomy looks great. This means the hearing loss is not caused by any shocking unforeseen damage or malformations. That is really good news and now we can move forward with getting a cochlear implant, which is another big ol’ topic that I need to write about sometime. Just another curve on this windy hilly journey that we are on. There are ups and downs, pit stops, and speed bumps, but I am trying to take in all the beautiful scenery along the way and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

By |2015-05-25T23:09:28+00:00September 6, 2012|Babies & Toddlers, Parenting Tips, Special Needs, Uncategorized|2 Comments
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4 Year Old Funnies

Someone very special has a birthday tomorrow! That same someone fell off a jumper toy that he is way too big for and somehow managed to get 3 stitches in his ear yesterday.
He keeps us on our toes that is for sure. I am going to miss him being 4. In honor of this milestone I have tried to think of 10 of my favorite funny Z moments from the past year.
1. Z asked me to play a song while we were driving. I said sure and I started to sing while I searched for the track on the ipod. Z interrupted my musical outburst by saying “Mommmm, I wanted the car to sing it”. 
2. The last time Z had to get new glasses J took him and it was a huge fiasco. The eye wear place messed everything up and finally J and Z went out to get some food while waiting for the new frames. J called me to vent and Z of course was tuned in to everything he was saying. When they were back in the store to pick up the glasses Z shouted out “Dad, what are we doing here? I thought you said we would NEVER come back to this place again?”
3. Just recently Z’s preschool teacher informed me that at rest time Z says “I really don’t like to lay here with this music, it’s stressful for me.
4. We stopped by a coffee shop after Z had gotten a shot and therefor had on a bandaid. He was concerned when he saw this sign and said”Oh no, they don’t allow any bandaids here!”

5. Having dealt with my fair share of nausea this pregnancy, Z has caught on to the routine. When he heard that I felt like throwing up he eagerly retrieved a “puke bucket” for me. I took this photo later so I could remember what he brought me. 

6. The “What to Expect” app on my phone keeps track of how big the baby inside of me has grown by comparing it to produce. This entire pregnancy Z has wanted to know what “fruit” the baby is.  For the longest time he was a head of lettuce and Z constantly asked me when he wasn’t going to be a lettuce anymore. I didn’t know if there would be any future updates so finally I said “I don’t know if it’s going to change. It might just stay on lettuce.” In all sincerity he broke down, “Oh man! I thought my brother was going to turn into a human!” We have since cleared up the confusion and he is aware that the baby is not literally a fruit or vegetable. 

7. J asked me if I had gotten a hold of so and so and I said “not yet, we’ve been playing phone tag”. Z overheard this and bursts into the room dying to play phone tag with us. 

8. While in the waiting room for my prenatal appointment the nurse wanted to go ahead and get my blood drawn since I had already had my glucose drink. Her exact words were, “You can come on back, I am going to go ahead and draw you now.” Z heard this and you could tell his wheels were spinning as he said “She is going to draw my mom? That’s interesting.”
9. “J and I were getting a rental car and my parents watched the kids. Z inquired about where we were and my mom answered “they are picking up a car”. Z’s response, “They can pick up a car? That’s pretty strong.”
10.  Looking at a map that had a symbol for no wheel chair access Z announces that the sign says no one is allowed to go potty here.

PS- In that last photo of Z he is on a dock looking down at the fish. Every time he bent over you would see Woody from Toy Story peeking over staring at you. That was before Z owned a belt.

By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00September 3, 2012|Uncategorized|3 Comments
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The Science of LANGUAGE

Despite the typos and sloppy grammar you may find on this blog I always excelled at Language Arts in school, but that had to do with writing. I never even considered delving into linguistics. I had a hard enough time getting through my second year of Spanish. However, now having a daughter that is deaf and therefor cannot speak, I am learning all kinds of fascinating facts about language. I’m learning about the intricate art and science of language, and how every one of us communicating in whatever form we learned naturally, is an absolute miracle!

I watched a National Geographic documentary earlier this year called The Science of Babies before I knew of SJ’s hearing loss. It touched on the fact that babies are born being able to produce and hear all sounds alike. An American newborn is processing Chinese just as well they are English, but since they will hear English the most they will start to perceive it as their native language very early on. Eventually they will learn to understand English and speak English and have an accent. Understanding and putting together all of these different speech sounds is called phonological development. The English language has about 44 phonemes, out the potential 150 phonemes used in languages throughout the world.

The thing that I am discovering in my most recent research of hearing/language and our amazing minds is that you have to “use it or loose it”. As an infant you had the potential to roll your R’s along with the best mariachi singer in Mexico, but there are many people whose language doesn’t include this sound and therefore they can’t roll their R’s at all (my husband is one of those people). Did you know that most Germans can’t pronounce squirrel? It all has to do with something called phonemic awareness. Our pastor was preaching from the book of Judges chapter 12 recently. He described when the Ephraimites where trying to escape over the Jordan after battle. The Gileadites had secured the river fords to try and stop them. For every soldier trying to cross they would ask them to say the Shibboleth, because they knew the Ephraimites wouldn’t be able to pronounce it. The Ephraimites  would then say Sibboleth and were therefor exposed as refugees trying to escape. There you have it. Even way back in the Old Testament, you can find a perfect example of how our brains naturally use and dismiss certain phenomes according to our dialect as we develop language.

If you don’t use it, you loose it. All of this information is not only intriguing, but it is also very important to me because of SJ’s hearing loss. SJ can hear vowels and so that is what she identifies as language. Her brain is currently wiring her to determine what she should “use” and everything else she will “loose”. She is at a very critical age where we either decide that oral communication is not important for her, or we can try to take advantage of  the modern technology that will enable her to hear speech before it’s basically too late. We are currently making use of hearing aids, but they can only amplify sound and with her profound loss this isn’t really enough. That is why, by recommendation of her doctors and therapists, we are pursuing the cochlear implant. It’s not the same as perfect natural hearing, but it will create sound rather than just amplify it and allow her to hear and communicate orally.

One of the articles I was given in regards to “Why Early Audition Is Important” (that was the name of the article) talks about how we process sound and why the ages of 0-5 are so critical. Reading it enlightened me to a whole new level of understanding something that I’ve always just taken for granted and that is the development of our natural senses and how they all works. I am going to quote a lot of what I read from this article published in Volta Voices in June 2011because if I paraphrase too much it will probably not be as informative.

 “The human brain has a genetic predisposition to want to make sense of the world. This condition of forcing neurons to compete with each other to be selected for “hard wiring” is a necessary biological action that allows the individual to develop the skills necessary to be successful in his or her environment”. Being able to say squirrel is not essential to Germans being successful in their environment, but for Americans it’s part of our language, on the other hand I don’t even want to know what I would sound like trying to speak German or an African clicking language. Moving on, “A fully developed brain has over 100 trillion connections (pruned down from the quadrillions of connections in the 2-year old brain), and there are only 80,000 genes. We use our genes for lots of thing (like neurogenesis and migration) There just aren’t enough for synaptogenesis too. Children during the first two years of life create an overabundance of synaptic connections, which continues until around age 8 as they learn new skills and behaviors. These connections are forced to compete for survival and are either pruned away or cemented based on the amount of electrical activity that occurs at that connection.” WOW! Okay, so as much as I like to talk about  neural pathways and all, let me tell you how I translate this. If your brain is a honey comb and it has 100 worker bees they all have to find a job to do fast. They will find work somewhere, but if there is no work in one place then they will move on and take their business elsewhere. That is why it really is true that blind people have heightened senses in other areas, and yes deaf people do tend to have better peripheral vision and sense of vibration etc. All of this pruning and cementing that is going on happens early in life which is why it is so critical to get SJ the resources that she needs as soon as possible. Even though it is a time sensitive issue it’s also good to know that she is well within the right age range for all of this. We can be confident that it is not too late for her to start stimulating that auditory nerve and we are working toward that pretty much every single day.

I am not an expert in all of this, but I love reading and trying to understand as much as possible. To me it puts a whole new spin on education and foreign language. Some of the resources that I have read came from an online article about how children learn language, which prompted me to learn more about  phonological development on good old Wikipedia, and of course I already referenced some of the other articles that I read and I’ve included the links for those as well. There is more to all of this and how it directly applies to SJ and her communication abilities, but basically that is the brainy science side of things. In short, use it or lose it!

By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00August 29, 2012|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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2012 Garden Timeline

We still have some okra and bell pepper plants that have yet to become full grown, but the majority of our garden this year has reached the end of the road. This was our first Kentucky garden and I have to give great big kudos to my husband for all the work that he did. It’s been 4 months of tilling, digging, planting, weeding, and harvesting and we have had plenty of produce to show for it. Here is our 2012 Kentucky garden timeline.
May 10, 2012 J is very thorough in his gardening plans. Z and I made all the labels. 

May 11, 2012 Broke Ground and planted seed
 

June 03, 2012 Things are sprouting

June 13, 2012 A beautiful day to cultivate

June 16, 2012 So close to harvest!

June 23, 2012 Budding Watermelon

July 9, 2012 Loads of onions, carrots, yellow squash, herbs, zucchini, and more.

July 28, 2012 Add corn, tomatoes, and summer squash to all that bounty.

July 30, 2012 J digs up potatoes

August 1, 2012 Time to cut open some watermelon!

Sj loves watermelon. Her sticky little fingers are dripping with the juice.

August 10, 2012 Tomatoes galore
August 14, 2012 Time to add to the compost pile.

Thanks to J and the Kentucky soil for making this summers garden such a success.

By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00August 24, 2012|Uncategorized|2 Comments
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The Final Trimester

I am a whopping 33 weeks along in my pregnancy, which means the baby will be here in less than 2 months for sure, and he could arrive even a month from now. In the meantime I have a lot to get done. We’ve traveled SO MUCH this year I feel like I am running behind, but that last trip to Texas was the cut off. I won’t be going anywhere for a while. The next trip we take this baby will be in a car seat and not in my belly!  
At my last prenatal checkup I went to tour the hospital that I will be delivering at. This will be my first hospital birth. It was fun to get to see where we will be going on the big day. 

There is a nice little  atrium in the center of the building
and a waiting area with accommodations for the kids. Children are welcome in the delivery room, but that is not in the game plan for me. They can come and meet their new little brother just as soon as the labor is over. 
The thing that I was not impressed with, and I guess that’s why I didn’t snap any photos on my phone, were the actual hospital rooms. I am so used to a comfy, homey environment. I was hoping for something more like a birth center, but what I found was very typical, sterile rooms with bright fluorescent lights, uncomfortable looking furniture, and a view of the parking lot. Bleh! I know, I sound like I am whining more than the new baby will. I am sure that in the moment I will be too distracted to worry about any of those details. I am actually looking forward to getting to experience the birth environment that 97% of American women have their babies in. After this I will have had a birth center birth, water birth, home birth, and hospital birth. 
I am starting to feel pretty confident in my body and even though I pray that I will never have a baby in a car or unassisted I feel like I am just about up for anything. 
By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00August 22, 2012|Uncategorized|5 Comments
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Test Day

Friday was the big day for SJ to have three major tests done in order to possibly have more insight to her hearing loss and also review her candidacy for the cochlear implant. The first test was the ABR and the results came back the same as last time. She has profound hearing loss in both ears. 

She also had an MRI and CAT scan, but we won’t know any results for these tests for a couple more weeks. All three tests were done while SJ was sedated, but it was a light anesthesia and she handled it really well. She had to fast for about 15 hours total and then she was allowed some juice, followed by soft foods, and eventually solids.

It didn’t take long for her to bounce back. I captured this little dance routine that evening. 
She’s trying to copy all the moves from the Fresh Beat Band including the dancers that flip across the stage! 
That night I took Z to an outdoor movie at his school.
 
I was glad he had a chance to unwind after being at the hospital with us all day. 
I never want him to feel overshadowed or neglected in the midst of what we are going through with SJ. He seems to handle it all just fine for now. I have not seen even one ounce of resentment. He loves his sister very much. I know what it’s like to be in his shoes. I was his age when my little brother was diagnosed with Leukemia, so I can remember what it is like to have a younger sibling that is needing constant medical attention. It’s a different situation, but  similar enough that I feel like I have some insight. In fact, it’s similar enough that my mom can relate to my situation. She knows what it is like to suddenly become an expert on a medical condition that you had no previous experience with. Or to be overwhelmed with Doctors, tests, and appointments while caring for the rest of your family. She also knows how it feels to suddenly drop everything to nurture a child that has special needs, to fight for them, and make major decisions on their behalf.
I don’t know why things happen the way that they do, but God has a plan and He has written my story (Psalm 139:16). You just never know when your personal testimony will be the encouragement that someone needs and right now my mom is one of the many people that have been an encouragement to me because of what she has been through, and I hope that I can offer that kind of compassion for Z.
By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00August 20, 2012|Uncategorized|2 Comments
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What This Means (3 months later)

A little over 3 months ago I did a blog post titled “What This Means (as far as I know)” and in it I tried my best to describe what was going on with SJ’s newly diagnosed hearing loss. At the time I admitted to feeling that I was underqualified to explain or understand what was really happening with her. I still feel that way, but we have made some progress in treatment, diagnosis, and overall adjustment. So here is an update of the 10 questions I had previously outlined.

1. What type of hearing loss does SJ have?
Sensorineural, meaning inner ear.

2. How did this happen?
We still don’t know. We may never know, but I have started asking her doctors about genetic testing. I have recently met multiple parents whose children were deaf as a result of a hereditary hearing loss called Connexin 26. I could be totally wrong in my attempts to search for answers, but Cx26  is is the most common cause of congenital sensorineural hearing loss and some of the stories I have heard that involve this type of hearing loss sound very similar to SJ’s. I won’t go into all the details, but I’ve included some links for those interested.

3. Was she born with it? We still don’t know for sure. My latest theory is that she was born with some hearing loss, but that it wasn’t so severe. That may be why she had definite signs of hearing before her 2nd birthday and has progressively gotten worse. It’s a shot in the dark, but it’s all I’ve got for now.

4.  Could she continue to loose her hearing?
We don’t know, but long story short it won’t matter if she does because her hearing loss is so severe.

5. Is SJ deaf?
YES. 3 months ago my answer was that she is hard of hearing, but since then I have learned from her specialists that SJ is in fact deaf. This doesn’t mean she has no hearing at all, but it means that she has a profound hearing loss.

6. Will she learn sign language or talk?
Right now SJ is unable to hear speech and therefor she can’t talk. We have confidence that with the right equipment she will be able to and we are working on figuring out what is best for our family with great urgency. As it stands, SJ only knows sign language and even that is very minimal because it’s new to her and all of us. For now though, this is how she can communicate and it is her first language.

7. What can she hear?
Someone at the deaf school showed me this video and it gives a good illustration of hearing loss. SJ is severe to profound, so even the final setting in the video is better than what she can hear.

8. What about cochlear implant? 
It’s amazing how much can change in 4 months. I was originally hoping we would never have to face the decision for SJ to have surgery. At our first appointment with the audiologist they didn’t even want to discuss the cochlear implant, which I think is just standard protocol- start with hearing aids then take it from there. However, now her entire medical team is recommending the surgery and we are currently in the process of looking at models, choosing a surgeon, and deciding on when to do it. There is a lot more to discuss about this huge life altering decision, but that’s basically where we are at right now.

9. What happens next? 
Tomorrow SJ will be sedated and tested for the ABR, MRI, and CTscan. This will be her second ABR which is the hearing test and that will either confirm what we already knew about her hearing loss or potentially see if it has worsened. The MRI will check any brain or nerve damage, which none of her team of experts are worried about because her vision, balance, and all of her motor skills are great. The cat scan will look at the bone structure and give a better picture of what is happening in the inner ear. The results will be in after about 2 weeks.

10.  What do we need?
I’ve made a few connections from the deaf school, which is so wonderful, but if you or someone you are close to is deaf, or has a cochlear implant then I would love to hear from you. I am always wanting to learn more and people with personal experience are one of my greatest resources.

You can reach me through my facebook page or email natobusch at yahoo (hopefully, I typed that in way that is spam proof).

Of course we will take all the pray we can get too. Prayers that SJ will be safe during the sedation and that the doctors will get all of the information that they need during these tests. Prayers for guidance on which hospital to use for the surgery if she gets it and even what this means as far as where and when our family will move!

Thank you all for being so loving and supportive. We will of course keep you posted every step of the way. 

By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00August 16, 2012|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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His First Day


What a milestone! Z started school yesterday. In Texas, or at least where I lived, his birthday is just after the cut off and he was scheduled to start kindergarten next year, but in Kentucky he is supposed to start this year. Enrolling my child in school for the next 13 years was a decision I didn’t want to feel rushed into or have Z unprepared for. So we decided to hold him back and stick with our original schedule, which I was told a lot parents do and it’s perfectly acceptable.

Z has never been to any type of daycare or nursery school. His first 4 years were spent at home with me just learning about life in a relaxed environment. That is why I am taking this Pre-k business very seriously. I treated yesterday as the monumental day he began his long journey of formal education. Maybe that is why I cried just a tiny little bit on the way there.

On Z’s first day of school I woke up earlier than I ever do, ironed his clothes, shoveled down some pancakes, fretted over whether I was sending him with enough food for lunch, and frantically looked for his back pack wondering why I hadn’t done all of this the day before. J and I managed to get both kids out the door and with shortness of breath I began snapping pictures rapidly. I threw any of my professional photographic training out the window. I was in the candid, crazy mom mode. The mom that kept the camera around her neck all morning and literally followed her kids into the school taking pictures all along the way.  

There was a moment though that the craziness subsided. It happened when J and I prayed for Z. That was the moment that I stopped panicking about details and started allowing reality to sink in. I remember days I thought I wasn’t going to survive the terrible two’s, the nap time refusal, or the multiple attempts at potty training. Somehow I see this day as a finish line for that stage in life, the PRE school stage. Like I can look back and say we did it. It’s the beginning yes, but it is also the conclusion of something else. He is no longer a toddler, a baby, or even a preschooler really. He is a smart, compassionate,  happy little boy. A little boy who marched right up to school on his first day and went and sat down with his classmates ready for this new chapter.

When I picked him up that afternoon they said he did a great job. Z showed me a map in the hallway on the way out. He loves geography. He held my hand as we headed to the car and I think he walked a little taller that day. I think I did too. 

By |2015-05-14T23:15:40+00:00August 15, 2012|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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