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Allow Them To Feel

You may notice I talk a lot about allowing things to happen because
that would be the opposite of controlling. Yesterday was about allowing our children to make mistakes. Today’s focus is allowing our children to feel.  The controlling parent route is rigid and external. It’s using your dominance as the parent
to eliminate mistakes, eliminate screaming, crying, pouting etc. None of this is allowed.
The thing about Teachable Parenting is that having children who know how to shut up and butt out is not the ultimate goal. Our kids are real people, with real emotions, fears, and heartache. We have to teach and model for them a variety of real life feelings and how to handle them. 
We are so distracted in this day and age that we as adults
want to numb our feelings and cover them up with television, computers, eating,
drinking, or whatever the drug of choice is. We do the same with our children at
times. We pacify them with phones and iPads or threaten them with
punishment depending on if their cries are an
inconvenience. Or sometimes it just plain makes us uncomfortable. We don’t want
our children to feel bad so we inadvertently teach them not to feel. Don’t get
me wrong , I bribe my children. I give into to their whaling more often
than I should, and sometimes the relentless screaming is flat out
inappropriate. So I don’t want to take this to an extreme, because there is a
time and a place to vent.  I still feel like the topic of expressing emotions is  worth consideration and evaluation.
In the book Wild Things it says: 

“Boys need help in discriminating among their feelings. We can help by
teaching them to develop a rich emotional vocabulary. Beginning when he is very
young – but you can do this at any age – help your boy connect words to his
feelings.”

“Boys who have a large vocabulary of “feeling words” are
better at expressing their emotions using language rather than behavioral
outbursts. As caregivers we need engaging ways to teach boys a vocabulary for
emotions and to help them identify feelings within themselves and on the faces
of others. We have to teach them empathy.”
Girls in general tend to connect with their feelings more easily than boys and are able to identify instead of suppress emotions. However, these tips are a great practice for either gender and can apply to both! For example let’s say the child is having a melt down over a lost helium balloon. Instead of saying 
Oh really? Your upset now? What do you expect sweetie? Your balloon flew away
because you took it off your wrist! That’s what you get. I tried to tell you!
No more balloon. We are done.
Or taking it the other direction
 “SHHHHH! It’s okay. It’s
okay. You can have another balloon. No big deal. Settle down.”
You can say 
“Oh man, does that make you sad? Your tears make
me think you are so sad. Why do you think that happened? ”

Your child maybe too young or too old for this scenario. And
for the record, full disclosure here, you will most likely see me exhibiting
example A or B on a hot day at the carnival when a balloon goes flying off into
space. I am trying though! We know Jesus had feelings that were expressed in
the Bible and those feelings which we also have were created by God. The Bible
even tells us to be angry and sin not. So today’s assignment is to try and
allow some of those feelings to be expressed both for our children and for
ourselves.


This is Day 8 of a 31 day series. To view the rest of Teachable Parenting click HERE.

By |2015-05-18T05:05:18+00:00October 8, 2014|Parenting Tips, Uncategorized|5 Comments
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Embracing Your Child’s Mistakes

I pray you’ll get caught
doing things wrong—before they get too big
I pray you’ll fail—in
things that don’t matter

I pray you’ll have to say
you’re sorry—and get really good at it, so that when the time’s right, you can
always find the courage to say the words

I pray you’ll cry, really
hard—so you feel free to express both tears of anguish and tears of joy

I pray you’ll get
lost—and discover you have the Compass within to help you find your way
The above lines are
excerpts from Lisa T. Bergrens Upside-Down Prayers for Parents. She wrote a devotional
series based on these upside down prayers in which she explains, 
“It’s our instinct as parents to shield our children from harm.
But our true responsibility is to raise children equipped to live well for God
even in the midst of struggle. Upside-Down Prayers for Parents encourages
us to pray for our children in ways we may never have before”
YES! That is exactly what
Teachable Parenting is all about. The book Love and Logic even states
“How do Love and Logic parents look upon their children’s mistakes? With great joy! Rather than get angry or frustrated they see mistakes as opportunities for their kids to think. They ask questions, wait for answers, and make heavy deposits into their children’s wisdom accounts.”
Can you imagine embracing your child’s mistakes to the point that you prayed for these learning opportunities? Can you imagine being joyful about your child coloring on your walls so that you can train them to respect property and prevent them from being destructive elsewhere? The idea behind Love and Logic and Teachable Parenting is to turn misbehavior into wisdom when the price tag is low. That means having your son lie to you about washing his hands is bad, but aren’t you glad you get to teach him the importance of honesty before it turns into something that gets him in trouble with the law or causes him to loose his job? Dr. Faye says the road to wisdom is paved with mistakes. That means that the more your child is pushing the envelope, or testing boundaries, the more opportunity you have for teachable moments. 
So how do you turn these mistakes into teachable moments? We’ll talk more about this as we continue on in this series, but these are the basic steps as shown in Love and Logic:
1. Offer empathy, understanding, and unconditional love first and foremost
2. Allow them to struggle and solve their own problems
3. Encourage children to learn to succeed through personal thinking and
learning
I’ll give a couple real life examples for you. My 4 year old stole a candy bar from the store.
It’s no big deal, we had never really discussed theft, but he knew he was being
sneaking so I hauled him to the store manager. Then I winked at the big bad police and said that my son would like to return the
candy and hopefully you won’t have to call the police this time. That was a
low price mistake. Does that mean he will never steal in his life, I can’t guarantee that, but so far he hasn’t been a repeat offender. Does that mean a
child that doesn’t get caught in a robbery can never learn? No. I think you get
the point though.
Another lesson. Some of you have heard the story about when I tried
to set up a date in middle school and my my mom listened in on the phone call
and called me out for lying (the story is here if you are curious). That could
be devastating for a parent. Your precious goody-two shoes daughter was going
to sneak out with a boy behind your back and then lied to your face about it!
The truth is though, it was a low cost mistake and I always tell people that
story because I am glad I didn’t start dating that young. I could have run to
high cost mistakes in the boy department had my life taken a different turn at
that point.
Now, maybe you are thinking you feel like your three year old has
made enough mistakes this week and you are tired and you don’t care if the
mistakes are rock bottom clearance prices you don’t want to deal with anymore.
All I can say is hang in there. This too shall pass (I’ll talk more about that
later). Or maybe you have a 13 year old and he/she is getting into trouble in a
serious way. Forget the low price tag these mistakes are costing you monetarily
and emotionally! My advice since I have never been in your shoes yet, is to
check out the books I’ve mentioned because they have a lot of great
strategies for situations like yours.

So, the next time your child makes a mistake smile and thank the Lord for the teachable moment. I dare you.
This is Day 7 of a 31 day series. For the rest of the days click HERE.
By |2015-05-18T05:05:28+00:00October 6, 2014|Parties, Uncategorized|3 Comments
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About My Parenting Journey

I figured since we will be doing this thing for 31 days, and you all will be reading my voice the whole time, I would share a little of background info.  I’ve got all the fun and casual details on my Meet the Messy Mom link, but I would still like to give everyone a little peak at my mom credentials. 
My three kiddos are all lovely and talented of course, but in very different ways.

My oldest son fits the stereotype of a little guy with glasses. He enjoys reading, writing, geography,
and math (where did he come from!?)

 I also have
a daughter who is deaf. She goes to school for the deaf and works very hard,
but she has a long way to go before she is caught up even among her peers with
hearing loss. At four and a half years old she is just learning to talk. It’s
all for good reason obviously, this isn’t about comparison and it is not a
shameful thing whatsoever. I just want to be transparent with you so that you
know that when I talk about Teachable Parenting I have an invested interest in special needs from one end of the
spectrum to the other.

Last but not least, I have a two year old boy who keeps my heart rate pumping and did I
mention he is two, and he is a boy? Yeah, I don’t think I need to elaborate too much on the parenting challenges I face there. 

Even with the differences they all have one thing in common. They are strong
willed.

I am not dissatisfied with
the personality of my children, in fact I wasn’t the one to even label them
strong willed in the beginning, but that’s what I’ve been told that they are at some point or
another. I usually hear it around toddlerhood

 He’s strong willed isn’t he? 
Second runner up to You sure do have your
hands full. 
Followed by Such a busy
little guy.
Or the sympathetic Is it nap time? 

I don’t want to sound bitter. I have said, and stand by my
statements, that parenthood is the best thing that has ever happened to me or my
marriage. It’s been the most amazing 7 years of my life so far.

Let’s pause for a moment on
that number. SEVEN years. You could look at it like I have been training and
studying childrearing daily 24/7 which would mean I should have at the very
least a Master’s Degree right? Then the fact that I have 3 of children that
just makes me even more qualified to be on top of this mom thing. I mean, when
I went in for my prenatal appointments with my last child the Doctor was like
this is your third healthy pregnancy? I nodded yes and he said well then let me
step out of the way, you should probably be telling me how it’s done! You would
be surprised how many people got wide eyed at the announcement of my third like
I had reached a whole new peak of the mountain that only few travelers dare to
venture toward. Seriously.
Now on the other hand three
is not that many children. I have LESS children than most of my friends or my
mom or mother in law. And seven years is not really that long. In mom years I
am 7 years old. Forget the Master’s Degree I am in the first grade of
motherhood. First grade! I have just begun!
In other words I want my
reader’s to know that as I share all the wisdom of these books for this series
it is not to imply that I have achieved this high status as a caregiver and now
I am ready to show everyone how it’s done. I am just your average mom dragging
my daughter out of the play land against her will or realizing my son slept in
his clothes and wore them to school the second day in a row. That last one
happened one time, the other thing happens all the time. Anyway, my hope in
this 31 days endeavor is that maybe we could learn together, laugh together,
and have grace for other moms and ourselves.

 If your new to Messy Mom please introduce yourself. I’d love
to know where you are from, how many children you have and what ages they are, along with their social security numbers and genealogical history. Totally
kidding about that last part, but serious about making this an interactive
community. I can’t wait to dive into the next 26 days with you!
By |2015-05-18T05:06:21+00:00October 5, 2014|Lifestyle, Motherhood, My Life, Uncategorized|5 Comments
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About the Books

Although this series is
written through my perspective and experience as a parent, as well as a variety
of other resources, the concept relies heavily on three books in particular. I
really feel like the Lord lead me to these books because I didn’t go out
searching for any of them they just sort of fell in my lap. The thing that I
knew had to be a divine reading assignment was how even though the books aren’t
affiliated which each other, they do build on one another and support the same ideas by
focusing on character development more than behavior modification. Since I do plan on pulling from these three gems
throughout the next 27 days I thought I would do an official introduction to the three
parenting books that made a Teachable Parent out of me.
Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood 
by Jim fay and Charles Fay PhD.

I found the book Love and
Logic Magic for Early Childhood when I was sitting in the parent lounge of my daughter’s school. The
Love and Logic parenting solutions were written almost 40 years ago, which says
to me this isn’t some new trend that will come and go like tae bo. I was drawn
to the fact that the practices from the book are older than I am. The four main
principles of Love and Logic are to first, build the child’s self concept by
allowing them to work through their own problems. Second is sharing the
control by giving choices. Third is to offer empathy before consequences, and lastly share the
thinking by asking questions. Fayer specifically says “Every time we ask questions instead of merely
rescuing the problem away from our kids, we give them tools that will last a lifetime”. 

There are a number of books and resources available through Love and Logic and they are all chock-full of time honored practical advice for parents.  

Loving Our Kids on Purpose 
by Danny Silk

My husband ordered this book
for me after hearing one of Danny Silks podcasts and it is just a crinkled up
mess that has my handwriting and highlighting ALL OVER IT! I just wanted to
chew on every little nugget of information until I knew the flavors so well I was ready to
duplicate the recipe and make the dish on my own. Or at least that’s my goal. Loving
Our Kids On Purpose references the Love and Logic principles a lot. The main
difference is that it is presented in a way that shows how it lines up with
scripture. In the first chapter Silk will tell you “This book is a why-to book as well as a how-to book.” He goes on to say that
“without establishing the fundamental core values of a godly perspective in
your thinking, these skills and tools will simply be more ways to manipulate
your child. That’s not what I want to give to you. I want you to see the heart
from which things such as freedom, respect, love, and self-control flow.” I
can’t wait to share more about some of the truths I have taken away from this
book.

Wild Things- the art of
nurturing boys
by Stephen James and David Thomas 
I stumbled upon Wild Things
when my friend Andrea (the one with 6 boys who I interviewed for my last 31 day series) was signed up to do an online book club with the M.O.B. society.
The book is all about BOYS and how we can better understand their hearts,
minds, strengths, and tendencies. The crazy thing that I am going to suggest is
that this book doesn’t have to be limited to just boys. It’s that good. There
are so many mind blowing truths that I guarantee you will find that it can relate to a
relationship with a daughter as well, and I’ll be talking about some of those later. Even though yes it is full of boy, boy,
and more boy stuff, it’s still helpful considering we all have some interaction
with boys (even if they are full grown men), and some of the book teaches about girl
chemistry just to show it in contrast to boys so that is helpful too. As you
can see I am very passionate about this book. I definitely had to purchase my
own copy after checking it out from the library. The book Wild Things shows Teachable Parenting in
action from yet another perspective.  

I did want to mention that
you don’t have to read these books to follow along for this 30 day series, but
obviously I recommend them for anyone interested in this method of family
relationships. I know they are not for everyone, but I have already read them
twice each and won’t be surprised if I need to have a refresher course
periodically through my child rearing years. Tomorrow I’ll be sharing a little
bit about that. See you then. 
This is day 4 in a 31 day series. To see the other posts written click HERE.

By |2015-05-14T23:15:29+00:00October 4, 2014|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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What Is Teachable Parenting?

What is Teachable Parenting all about? Well, as far as this series is concerned, it is aiming for both sides (the parent and
child) to be open to learning and growth. Every parent or teacher I know is
willing to admit that they learn so much from their children. That’s great news, but on top of that we want
to cultivate the ideal learning environment for our children through our words,
actions, and discipline strategies. 
My original title was Out of
Control Parenting. I actually still prefer that one, but I thought it would
give off the wrong impression. The point is that when I let go of the idea that
my sole purpose as a mother of young children was to control them and make sure
they controlled themselves, then everything changed. I could stop living in fear at church, the grocery store, or a relatives
house because suddenly I realized having compliant children that had my rules
memorized was an inferior goal to the long term heart issues that I was really
wanting to speak to and the self control that I myself needed to model.
With my first born (bless his
heart, and all the other sibling trail blazers out there) I was just figuring
it out. He was so stubborn and bull headed around age two (shocker!) I thought
that I was doing something wrong or that maybe there was something wrong with
him. At one point I considered the possibility of behavioral disorder.

The broken wooden blind behind him is evidence of what I am talking about.
 I mean, why on earth would a child deliberately bang their head on a hard surface!?
Since then I have learned that my son was perfectly normal for his age. At the
time though, the struggle was very real. I did what I thought a good Christian
parent should do and I spanked him with a wooden spoon when he needed to be
corrected. I had friends that had wooden spoons with a sad face drawn on the front. The paddles name was Mr. Do-Good. It was something they picked up at a parenting
conference or something and the concept was that Mr. Do-Good would make you do good. So I tried that. The problem was that it wasn’t working. Neither I nor “Mr.
Do-Good” could MAKE my son do anything. I wanted him to eat healthy food, but I
felt like I was fighting a loosing battle. I considered the idea of chewing the
food up and putting it in his mouth like a momma bird, but ewwww. I couldn’t
make him go to sleep or stay in his crib. Believe me if there was a way I would
have done it, but nothing legal came to mind. I couldn’t make him pee in the
toilet. Don’t even get me started on that one! I read Baby Wise before he was
born followed by many other parenting books and blogs. No
matter how determined I was, I was a young mother that was coming to terms with
the fact that either I was just a failure or my son had a personality and
mind of his own and there was no secret weapon or super nanny that was going to
change that. I could nurture, teach, and guide, but I couldn’t control him.
Z at age two was often strapped into a harness. Even then he could not be tamed. Ha ha.
Parent, family councilor,
pastor, and author Danny Silk has a quote that was the ultimate light bulb
moment for me. It was like a switch clicked and my mind was illuminated
when I heard him share this on a podcast. He was speaking to parents at this point and he said

“You cannot control others. The only person you can control- on a good day- is yourself.” 

And THAT is the basis for what Teachable Parenting
means to me. It is about honoring our children and treating them like the
individuals that they are. It’s about applying a new covenant Biblical approach
to our interactions. It’s about creating a loving spiritual environment in our
homes rather than one of intimidation, manipulation, or fear. It’s about being set free. 

I know parenting and
discipline is a hot topic. That is why the mommy wars are so prevalent in our
society because we all want to do what is best for our children and when
someone says or does something to make us feel like we aren’t doing it the
right way we get very defensive. To me there is no greater insult than to imply
that someone is a bad parent.  For the
record that is NOT what this series is about. Different things work
for different families or can even vary from child to child. I have so much
more to elaborate on, but that’s what the 31 days are for, so I’ll leave it at
that for now. Tomorrow I will talk more about Danny Silk’s book and two other
fantastic reads for parents. I hope you will join me.

I
For the Index Page to this 31 Day Series click here. 

By |2015-05-14T23:15:29+00:00October 3, 2014|Uncategorized|3 Comments
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The 31 Days Plan

Welcome back, or if you are
visiting for the first time you can check out Day One. I will actually be
posting this table of contents on that landing page, so that is
where you can go anytime you want to click on a particular blog post from this
series. I will update the links on that page each day as they go live.
Until then, here is a sneak peak*
Day 1- Introduction 
Day 2- Outline   
Day 3- What Teachable Parenting Is
Day 4- About the booksDay 
Day 5- About My Parenting Journey
     Day 6- Freedom From Parenting Guilt
     Day 7- Embracing Your Child’s Mistakes
     Day 8- Embracing Feelings
     Day 9- Anger VS Empathy
     Day 10- The Biblical Model For New Covenant Parenting
     Day 11- Keep Calm And Parent On 
     Day 12- Logical Consequences
     Day 13- Modeling Self Control 
     Day 14- Helicopter Parenting
     Day 15- Learning Without Lectures
     Day 16- Giving Your Child Choices
     Day 17- Giving Your Chid Space
     Day 18- The Strict Side of Teachable 
     Day 19- The Ultimate Tip For The Terrible Twos
     Day 20- Enforceable Statements
     Day 21- Being Fun and Unpredictable
     Day 22- Chores and Money
     Day 23- The Kitchen Timer
     Day 24- Children Are People
     Day 25- The Importance Of Vision
     Day 26- See Them, Name Them, Draw Them Out
     Day 27- Power of Words
     Day 28- Oppositions
     Day 29- Rites of Passage 
     Day 30- Avoid and Allow Recap
     Day 31- Closing 
This first
week I’ll be laying some ground work for what this parenting philosophy is all about, as well as I am just trying to introduce myself and the books I mentioned yesterday. After that
I will really be digging into the nitty gritty and addressing some concrete
parenting challenges. 
*I admit, I planned ahead this year, but I don’t have a finished product ready to hit publish so this list will be subject to change. Please feel free to contact me and let me know if there is anything you want to see added or discussed as we go along. I want this to be a community learning together, not just another messy mom ramble. So tomorrow is when this series will really begin! I’m glad you are here and I can’t wait to get started. 


For the rest of this series click HERE.

By |2015-05-14T23:15:29+00:00October 2, 2014|Uncategorized|1 Comment
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31 Days of Teachable Parenting

 

Day 1: Introduction (scroll down to read)
Day 14: CHOICES
 Day 28: Power of Words
Day 31: Be There
Welcome to 31 Days of Teachable
Parenting.
The purpose of this series is
to share with others, and review for myself, what I am LEARNING about letting go
of the controlling mother role and embracing a new mindset as a parent. I put
LEARNING in all caps because I am no expert, but I will be quoting some. The
three books that I will be highlighting throughout the next 30 days are:
Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Charles Fay Ph.D
Loving our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk
and Wild Things by Stephen James and David S. Thomas
These 3 parenting
books have absolutely revolutionized the way I interact with my children. Over
the next 30 days I plan to take this opportunity to share my thoughts and notes
with you, as well as my husband who hasn’t had a chance to read all the way through
the books. I hope you’ll join along and by all means leave a comment and let
me know that you’ve stopped by. I will definitely come and say hello on your
blog if you have one.
Tomorrow I will
have my index page and outline all mapped out so that you can see exactly what
is in store for the messymom.com this month. I will also answer any questions
to the best of my ability. As hard as it may be, I look forward to stretching myself in the areas of patience and grace over the next 30 days. It’s sure to be a rewarding season.
By |2015-10-02T11:00:50+00:00October 2, 2014|Parenting Tips|3 Comments
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What’s Happenin’

I have only blogged twice in the last two weeks. There is a reason. I have been reading, writing, and prepping for my next 31 day series and I am super excited about it. I have put some emotional blood, sweat, and tears into this thing. I’m a little nervous though and I am hesitant to go an entire month without my typical journalistic lifestyle blogging that I usually do. For now let me just give you a little freeze frame of what each of us are doing so that I feel relatively caught up on updates for the messy clan.

First of all, I’m keeping busy with some photography work, along with volunteer work at the kid’s schools, and I already mentioned the writing.

J is still leading worship in Indiana and he is going to school on campus this semester. I have been helping him with his speech class. Most of what he does is computer programming classes and for that I pack him a lunch and give him a kiss on his way out the door. That stuff is way out of my league, but writing speeches I can do. Did I ever mention he made the Dean’s List for his first two semesters? It’s been a ton of hard work, but I am very proud of him! Only one year left. Ahhhh!

Z is going through some stuff at school right now. All is well as far as grades and studies, but he has been testing the waters behaviorally. I am hoping the strategies we’ve implemented and the prayers I pray non stop will make a difference! He’s getting to the age where I am not sure what is appropriate to share on the blog. I would never want to embarrass him, but I also like to be candid with my readers and myself, admitting when times are tough. Cub Scouts is going well. He is doing a fund raiser right now where he has to sell popcorn. I might as well throw the link out there because we are way behind on sales. Boy Scouts popcorn does not “fly off the shelves” like Girl Scout cookies do. I am learning that the hard way. If you want to check out his store it’s available HERE.

SJ has started talking a bit more. We are at a place now where we can communicate our everyday needs to each other pretty well. It’s still hard though when there are so many things she wants to say, but I just don’t understand her. She’s going through a serious daddy stage. She asks about him and talks about him a lot which is not typical for her, but it’s sweet. One time I asked if she wanted to call daddy and she said yes. I was hesitant because she doesn’t have the device that syncs her processors with the phone and of course she doesn’t hear with her ear canals like we do so I was just hoping speaker phone would suffice, and it did. It was a successful first time phone conversation (aside from face time which doesn’t count because it’s visual). Another exciting milestone.

 Ezie turns two TOMORROW! He’s talking, signing, and singing a lot more. The other day he starting to sing “outside, going outside, it’s an outside kind of day”, which is a song from signing time. The thing that struck me was that I have heard him sing with songs or initiate singing songs that we have sung before and listen to a lot. This was a song I had to think about before I even knew what it was because I had heard it so few times, but he had obviously remembered it and was reciting it! He gets mistaken as a girl often enough that I will probably cut off his lovely baby curls soon, but it’s not easy. I don’t even want to think about it. With my other two I was pregnant before their second birthday so I was a little more willing to let go of the baby stage. I’ll get there though. He makes it easier with how independent he is!

There are a lot of other things happening, but that’s the skinny. Tomorrow is the big day. My 31 day series will be live, and you’ll be hearing from me a lot! Just not like this. I hope everyone has had a wonderful September. Here’s to a new season!
By |2015-05-14T23:15:29+00:00September 30, 2014|Uncategorized|2 Comments
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Taking Pictures Alone VS. Taking Pictures With Children

Getting a great photo of a your children is a feat in and of itself. Getting a photo with your children takes olympic level skills! I just finished having family photos done with me, my husband, and our three children. As a photographer that has been in this situation behind the lens countless times you would think I would have it all together, but it’s different when it’s your own family.

I remember the days when I would take selfies for my myspace (yeah, it was a long time ago). Or my husband would snap a photo of me in the park out on a date. 

Here was the scene-

I think this light and this background right here would be good for a photo. I think I’ll stand here and hold this pose. Am I smiling too big or not big enough? Do you think this is my good side? Okay, eyebrows slightly raised, tummy sucked in, shoulders back, body tilted ever so slightly.

Then I look at the photo and see that my hair was sticking up in one place, or my shirt wasn’t laying flat. Oh MY! Taking a good photo is hard work. Let’s reshoot that again and again until I love the way I look.

Now let’s look at yesterday’s scene.

I think this light and this background is perfect, let’s pray that our children will miraculously stand here and look in the same direction for 10 seconds so that we can take a photo.

Okay, guys we are going to stand right here. No? Okay, let’s stand over here where baby Ezie is. No wait! Baby Ezie come back. Do you want to go on daddy’s shoulders? But you love daddy’s shoulders. Fine, let’s all sit. On the count of three say “Chuck E. Cheeeese”  Keep your shirt down sweetie. HEY! Do not pull your sister’s pony tail! Seriously, every one look at the camera. NO, don’t point at it, just look. And smile. Not like that, that looks like the Joker. Come on!  Alright, where is your sister? I think we lost her. Oh, there she is running toward that poison ivy.  Stop! Stop now! Hold onto my hand. Is this everyone? How about standing by this tree stump here. Hello? Is there anyone in this family that knows what a tree stump is? Stop pushing. If you don’t cut it out right now you might not see Mine Craft ever again! No. Don’t cry. We want happy photos. Fine, who wants candy? How much candy is this going to take? Ewww, gross. What is that smell? I think someone stepped in dog poo. Let’s check your shoes everyone. Bingo. Alright, try and wipe it off in the leaves over there. Goodness gracious! Moving on…

Not once did I ever think about my shoulders or my hair. There is no checking the preview to see how I look. No “place all your weight on your back foot” rule. Nope. If we have a photo of the 5 of us together where no one is crying or injuring someone then it’s a keeper. You don’t even have to have your eyes open. I went from having a 20 point checklist for how I looked in a photograph to just one qualification. Do I look sane? Even that is debatable. 

 

For the record out of probably 200 tries we were able to get one decent photo. 
It was sent out with our Christmas cards and after all that effort I can assure I will have it hanging on our wall. So if my family can do it, there is hope for everyone. Just say Chuck E. Cheese!!!

By |2015-05-18T05:06:37+00:00September 24, 2014|Motherhood, Uncategorized|4 Comments
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Weaning a Toddler

Today Ezie is officially one week breast milk sober. Weaning a toddler hasn’t been easy, but on the other hand it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. I had a lot of reasons that I chose to nurse Ezie until he was two. Well, technically he hasn’t turned two yet, but I wanted to schedule the weaning for a time that I knew we didn’t have a lot of other obligations because I figured we were in for some sleeplessness nights, and I was right. 

Out of my three children I nursed Ezie the longest.
Z was weaned at about 16 months. I knew we were down to very few feedings and when we spent the night at his cousin’s house one day he was so busy and tired that he just went all day and night without wanting to nurse. When he woke the next day I realized it had been over 24 hours and I wasn’t about to turn back. He probably would have continued to nurse if I had planned to, but I never offered it again. It was kind of child-led.
Then I breast fed SJ until she was a little over a year. She never cared about nursing though. Unlike her brothers she was very practical about the whole thing. If she was hurt or upset I would often try to feed her to calm her down, except she would just push away and give me this confused baby look like, I am not hungry, I am hurt. Totally opposite of her bros. However, she did have a pacifier and when we took that away just before her 2nd birthday she had 3 days of hardcore rehab. There was thrashing and screaming throughout the night, but by the end of day 3 it was like she was completely detoxed.
I figured it would be the same if not worse for Ezie, because I have been his “pacifier” for 2 years and I can’t exactly removed myself from the situation like I could with a binky.
The first night he was pretty upset about not getting his “night night milk” as he calls it. The next day he was so exhausted from not getting any sleep that he fell asleep on the way to drop his siblings off at school. He stayed asleep when I took him out at the grocery store. I decided to put him in the Ergo and he continued to sleep the whole time I shopped no matter how much movement, squatting down and bending over him that I did. He was out!
It’s gotten a little easier each day and once again it only took about 3 days for him to forget about it. However he still wakes up in the middle of the night and he’s had some nights where I couldn’t get him back to sleep for the longest time. I no longer have a magic potion, but I know he’ll adjust.
The thing I have found to be most effective was trying not to trigger his urge to nurse. ThisP meant high collared shirts with layers if necessary and even crossing my arms if I was laying next to him. I also had to stand up with him a lot because sometimes laying down and cuddling was just too difficult, as you can imagine. Lastly, because “night night milk” was what we always called breastmilk I had to pull every synonym for night night out of my mental thesaurus and use a lot of words that could be calming and get him ready for bed, but distract him from what that used to mean. For example
“Let’s go to BED, and lay down with an animal, and pillow, and blanket”
“It’s time to go to SLEEP”
“Are you ready to shut your eyes? Do you hear the music? Are you tired?”
 So, that’s my experience and advice for anyone that is in a similar boat where maybe you lay down with your baby/toddler and nurse them to sleep. It’s been bitter sweet for sure. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the familiar and step into new seasons,  but I am definitely relieved to have it over with. Next up potty training.
By |2017-09-05T16:39:39+00:00September 15, 2014|Babies & Toddlers, Uncategorized|1 Comment
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