J and I just celebrated 13 years of marriage.

Photo by Cracker Jack Photography taken on our 10 year anniversary

I feel a little guilty because what should be a celebration of the two of us as a couple, felt more like pamper the wife day. But J insisted and I am only going to resist the offer so many times, right?

They recently added “What Not To Wear” on Netflix and I have been ripping through each episode since I don’t have any other shows that I am watching right now. Watching Stacy and Clinton work their magic has definitely inspired me to spruce up my own look. Even though it’s a superficial endeavor I really feel like there has been one blessing after another allowing me to do something for myself.

First off I have a super sweet friend send me a gift card for clothes for me and the kids. I was able to get this sweater, the boots, and sooo much more for this upcoming season (Gap Clearance Store all the way!).

 I am honestly overwhelmed with gratitude.

 Then yesterday my parents watched the kids so that J and I could go out. First we hit up the mall and as soon as we walked into Dillard’s a lady handed me a card promoting Clinique’s latest offer which was to have a consultation and get lipstick and perfume free. It took me a minute. You want to give me a  makeover and free stuff? Right now? I don’t pay anything? Okay, where do I sign!?

The consultant was fabulous. I sat there with my eyes closed and mostly just forgot where I was. It was wonderful! At that point she could have given me clown makeup and I didn’t care. I was just happy to be sitting down and not responsible for anything. As the makeover progressed the other ladies at the counter starting commenting, and oohing and ahhing.

I was so anxious to see what the results would be. This lady spent more time on my eyes than I do on my entire face (and hair actually). Then it was just like on What Not To Wear with Carmindy, she was done and I could look in the mirror. It was dramatic and SO different then what I would normally do (on the days that do anything), but I loved it. I had a blast and J loved it too.

After the makeover we did some more shopping and just had an amazing time together. We love our kids, but do I even need to explain why we were thrilled to be childless?

Right now I would rate my marriage as a 10, but not all days are a perfect 10 you know? I don’t even like to think about the tough times our marriage has been through, let alone announce it on the internet, but there is no denying that there have been ups and downs in the past 13 years. It’s definitely not like the fairy tale you read about, and I think it’s important that we are honest about that. In fact, to quote a friend that has been married for over 30 years, “there were times if he were a fish I would have thrown him back in the water”. The good news is though, he is not a fish, and I am glad because I would have missed so much. J is the best husband I could ever ask for. My favorite thing about him, if I had to pick, is his integrity. I feel like we are finally learning how to express our love for each other and my love tank is full! If you would have seen me at the mall yesterday you would have caught me beaming, maybe even floating. I have tried to pinpoint what this feeling was. What is this thing that I have, for various reasons, never really allowed myself to feel for the longest time? Then it occurred to me. I can feel his adoration. I have learned how to be adored and it feels good.

I shared about Ezie’s first birthday last month, but it was all about the party. I definitely need to get caught up on his latest milestones before he takes off into toddler hood.

I can’t believe how much Ezie has changed in the past month (maybe I should just copy paste that sentence into all of the one month updates at this age).

At 11 months he said his first word. It’s hard to say which one came first because sometimes he is imitating, and sometimes it’s an approximation, or you think he may be babbling. Or maybe I am over analyzing because I do speech therapy everyday.

Anyway, here is a list of the words he can say

bye bye
uh oh
ma ma
da da
bubbles
ball
stop
beep

He has also taken his first steps and is on the verge of walking. We started doing the step counting. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but first you count how many seconds they stand without falling. Then when they even lift a foot and move it an inch that counts as the first step. Every time they attempt walking from then on you see if they can break their previous record. Z and I have counted up to 17 steps, but crawling is still his forte for now.

Last month I reported Ezie’s love for straws, but he is really into more complex play now. He likes to put on other peoples shoes, or take my keys and try to put them in the door, or act like everything is a phone and talk on it. It is absolutely one of my hearts greatest joys to see him explore and discover the world around him. And that is where the hormones come in.

Admittedly, if you would have talked to me right after he turned one you would have caught me at an emotional time. I NEVER lamented my other two kids growing up and doing new things, but this baby has been different. I have been through so much change already that I really felt like having him as a baby, like he had been for the past year, was the best thing for me. I knew it was not realistic, but baby Ezie was so easy to handle. He didn’t resist direction, he didn’t have an opinion, he mostly just sat there and looked cute, and I was okay with that. Of course I wanted him to grow and develop in a healthy way! I was just struggling with the idea of chasing a toddler around while already being exhausted as it is.  I just have had to trust God to believe that it was even doable at all. That’s how I felt, and granted I may feel that way again on certain days, but the Lord has a way of molding a mother’s heart and I feel completely different about it now.

The other day Ezie put a box on his head and would crawl around like that until he bumped into something (or the box fell off) then he would say “uh oh” and repeat the whole process all over again. This month as I watch Ezie try to join in during playtime with his siblings, or I heard him sing, or saw him stand up on his own, or dance, I remembered that this is actually one of my favorite ages and I am so looking forward to this next year! I can’t wait for him to be a full blown walking talking toddler.

Then I think about him being two, but I stop, because right now I have a whole year before I have to worry about enjoying that stage.

Can I just say that with as much as I loved the 31 day challenge, I thought about giving up several times. I just barely inched my way across the finish line on October 31. The topic writing really stretched me and I feel so accomplished by having completed the challenge. It wasn’t easy though, and I didn’t even manage to blog every day. Honestly, it was a miracle that I even did 25 posts with how crazy October was for me. I thought about giving 31 excuses for why I didn’t blog everyday in October, but I thought a little recap might be more suitable .

October is coming to a close and that means it’s time to conclude this 31 days series of finding lots of hope in a little home, even though in the end it was more like 25 days, but less is more? I wanted to throw out a couple disclaimers before I wrap this thing up

1. I’ve said it before, but just to be clear I am not anti-big houses. In fact as we (I say we because J helped me a lot in this series) discussed this topic we began to talk about what we miss most about having an average size house. For me I think the number one thing is a washer and dryer. For J it’s a garage for building things. I totally agree. I did videography of a wedding a couple weeks ago and both the bride and groom were accountants. During the consultation they said “this should be easy becasue we are numbers people, we leave all the art up to you. Do your thing and we’ll stay out of the way”. “Numbers people” make better minimilists because they work with information. Artsy people USUALLY need to create with their hands. Whether it’s a theme party or a coffee table J and I are always creating and that takes up space. So I like the idea of space, it’s just that for some of us a lot of space is not our reality right now, and for others it’s not even on the wish list, so that’s what this series was focused on.

2. I have shared a lot of pictures in this series. For my new readers you might be thinking why do you call yourself the messy mom if you have 5 people living in 800 square feet and your living room still looks like this?

Well, I hate to shed some light on the illusion, but this is the photo I took when I was checking out where I needed to stand for the shot.

So that is reality. I just didn’t want to show a bunch of messy house photos because this series really focused on design, function, furniture, and arrangement of furniture which would be difficult to see with all the distractions. So yes, I did clean up for you!

The reason I wanted to talk about lots of hope for the little home is because I wanted to show that there is potential for the place that you are at right now. I talked about having multiple purposes for things in your  house. I discussed thinking outside of the box and seeing the advantage of things like room or bathroom sharing. I didn’t even get into the smaller electric bills and less cleaning (which I absolutely LOVE by the way). Beyond just the practical tips and tutorials though, this series has been very personal for me. I am getting choked up even as I type this, but the reason I know that there is lots of hope in a little home is because I have experienced it on a deep and meaningful level. It’s not just about the house, this series is also a testimony of what God has done for my family spirtitually as well. We have been through so much and we’ve seen his goodness in a way that is beyond what we’ve ever known. We are closer as a family (not just because of the lack of square footage). My marriage is the best it has ever been and even my dreams are bigger than they were before. When I declare hope for the little home I am not just talking about furniture and flooring, I am telling you that your home no matter what the size can be filled with hope. You are a beacon of hope! Each member of your family is a light. We all have a story that can impact people. Because I have been through the fire, and I still have a long way to go, but His strength carries me. He was with us a year ago when we trudged through unemployment, and nurtured a pregnancy, and labored to bring new life into this world. And when we faced the diagnosis of hearing loss and stood up as advocates for our daughter, and  plowed through the recovery after surgery. Then when we climbed up the three flights of stairs to move into an empty apartment far away from all we knew we still saw hope at the threshhold and today we still see lots of hope in our little home. I hope you will too.

I have saved our bedroom for last, not because it’s a big show stopper. Not at all! The reason I waited because I was hoping to have it finished by now and it’s not, but I did hang some pictures. Which is a quite an accomplishment for me. I have been planning out this composition for months. I wanted something on the big blank space where a head board would be. I couldn’t decide what would be appropriate, but when it started clicking I knew exactly what to do.

Black and white photography, art, travel- these are all things that J and I love and I had these frames that someone dumped that just needed to be painted. So I chose 5 images that all represent the previously mentioned theme.

The top left is a photo from when we drove through Canada a couple years ago. The one beneath it was taken in Chicago last year. The middle photo is from when we went to England on a mission trip  10 years ago, and the top right is at J’s parents farm in Sanger Texas (from when we renewed our vows). Finally the bottom right is a photo of the white sands in New Mexico, which was taken about 7 years ago. So you have different states, different countries, different parts of our marriage, and I love alternating the nature shots with the architectural ones (two more things we love!). So this collage is very soothing and uplifting to us and I am happy to have this project finally complete.

Other special touches in the room are the two night stands J built.

They are custom made to be taller than the average night stand because when we moved into the apartment we put our bed on cinder blocks to be able to have more storage below.

The other thing that I find to be really special about this COZY little space is that I had this grey paisley sheet that I bought from a thrift store on a very memorable trip to Austin Texas. I wanted to incorporate it somehow, so I had my mom turn it into curtains for me. I then brought the material to Ikea to find a somewhat coordinating duvet cover.

I snapped this shot on my phone because I like this cover and I wanted to remember it and save up for the purchase. Well, believe it our not there was one in the clearance section on the way out that was TEN dollars. That’s crazy for an item that is new to the catalogue! Of course I snatched it up, but it gets better. Days later I was at a thrift store here in Ohio and found the exact coordinating pillow case that was in perfect (like brand new) condition. These items were bought used and purchased YEARS apart in different states. What are the odds? My plan is to make throw pillow cases out of it and add some other coordinating pillows eventually, but this what I’ve got for now.

You already saw the closet area which is on the opposite wall and there is a little vanity too. That’s about it though. That’s our little room.

(2) 8 foot 1 1/2 inch threaded plumbing pipe that can be bought at Home Depot or plumbing supply house

Christmas is 2 months away! Just thinking about it makes me reflect on some of my all time favorite Christmas celebrations. Coincidentally they all took place in small and unusual circumstances. I remember spending our first Christmas as newly weds at a hotel because we were visiting my parents who were not in their new house yet.

I remember another Christmas in a hotel when we spent the holidays helping out after hurricane Katrina down in New Orleans.

 Our last Christmas in our Texas home was really special too. We had to keep everything simple because of our house being on the market, but we still managed to pull out the little Christmas tree that we’ve had forever, which adorns a silly little aluminum foil star. We opened a few presents with the kids before heading off to church and that was that.

 All three of these Christmases were beautiful and I will never ever forget them, but my favorite Christmas was spent in a hospital.