For this Inspiring mom interview, Anna and I sat down in front of our computers. She lives in Texas and I am in Ohio. I wanted to interview her as an Inspiring mom because I have watched her story from a distance. I knew she was a young mom who tragically lost a child and then made a difference in the community and in the lives of others as an activist bringing awareness to drowning prevention. 

When we started the video chat the first thing Anna said was “Are you sure you want to hear this? Are you sure this is something you want me to share because I have been through some really, really dark stuff. It’s ugly. I’m serious.” I could detect the years of pain and struggle in her voice as she spoke. I told her that I believed God ordained this interview. I know that the truth and light of her story absolutely has to be shared, even if some of it is difficult to hear. This is real life pain that Anna went through and it could be you or me or any of us. So please read this with grace and compassion knowing that God had a plan for Anna and she is using her heartbreak to show the work of the redeemer at hand. 

Anna got married and became pregnant when she was only 19 years old. Then she dove right into nursing school when her first baby was 5 months old. Shortly after graduating with her nursing degree she became pregnant with her second baby. She loved both her children, but it wasn’t until the third baby (Gavin) who came when she was 25 years old, that it felt like motherhood was really beginning to click. From the time she was pregnant she felt different about this bond.

She was finally ready to start acting like a mom and do all the mom things like cuddle and spend time gazing at him in awe. Even though Gavin had a cleft pallet she nurtured him throughout the surgery and was even able to breastfeed him despite this obstacle. Motherhood was becoming second nature to Anna and it felt like their family was complete. 

Just as Anna began to feel comfortable in this role the image of family shattered when she discovered that her husband was battling a serious drug addiction. The two of them separated and he was admitted to rehab. When he got out Anna explained “Things seemed better. He had found the Lord and was himself again. I just wanted my family back and was tired of living as a single mom.” 

So that summer they gave it another shot. They went on a cruise together and all the broken pieces seemed to come back together. Anna then got the exciting news that she was moving into a management position at the ER. This led to the decision to invest in a house! When Anna’s husband wanted to go back to school she thought, Why not?. Everything else was moving forward and the future looked bright so Anna took out all of her retirement to support his dream. It was as if they had been given a fresh start, a second chance at love, and the hope of a happy home. 

Unfortunately, as is the case with many addicts, it wasn’t that simple. Her husband had relapsed and Anna found herself alone and hurting just as she was before, except this time she humbly admits to making some poor decisions in that season. Rather than looking to God and allowing Him to be her savior and rescuer she turned to another man, one who was not her husband. It wasn’t that she went out looking to have an affair. Anna says that she didn’t have healthy boundaries in place and in the midst of the anger and pain she allowed things to go too far. It was as if by retaliating against her husband she would be able to gain control. She was tired of being the victim. 

That December the truth came out about Anna’s affair and she and her husband got into a huge fight, one that actually ended up getting violent. They decided they needed to separate. The holidays that year were hard, but they were trying to handle the whole divorce in a mature manner. They wanted to do what was best for their three young children and they were finding a rhythm that worked for them. 

Then on New Year’s Day 2017, Anna got a call while at work. It was the most devastating call any mother could receive.

Anna was informed that her precious 2 year old baby boy had drowned in a pool. She raced out of the hospital she was working at straight to the hospital where her son Gavin was. As an ER nurse, she had faced situations like this but this time was different. This time as she stood under the dim hospital lights in her scrubs looking down at the child on life support listening to the machine steadily beeping she wasn’t the nurse, she was the mom. It was by far the most difficult experience she has ever had to go through.

It’s been almost three years since Gavin passed away. The Lord has been covering Anna every step of the way. He has given her the hope and the courage to keep going even when she felt like giving up. Anna has done a tremendous amount of work with the Texas Drowning Prevention Alliance. You can read more of hers and Gavin’s story here.

So much healing and restoration has taken place since the loss of her marriage and her son. A miracle that only God could do. 

Anna has since remarried and her husband is an amazing christian man who supports her and loves her unconditionally.

He also introduced her to a program called Celebrate Recovery which she has been an active participant for 18 months now. She will actually be sharing her testimony at her local celebrate Recovery this coming week and Anna informed me that September is national recovery month! 

Here is what Anna has to say about what she has learned through Celebrate Recovery

“I have been able to identify where my struggles truly lie and what I continue to pick up. I have to stop looking at the past. It is damaging to my spirit and my soul to keep analyzing all the reasons why my life is ‘not what I expected’. There are things that I have no choice but to accept. I cannot change what others do with their life despite when I wish they would choose differently. I have absolutely no choice but to accept that my youngest son died, and there wasn’t a thing I could have done to change it. I have to accept that because of what happened and choices that I made, I am now in a new phase of my life. Instead of clinging to the past or trying to figure out how I got here, it is time to embrace where I am. Accept the life that God has blessed me with, and continue to find the best version of myself that I can BECAUSE of my story.

As hard as this journey has been, Anna has taken all of her pain and used it to help others. That is her passion and her calling. She is currently going back to school to continue her education as a nurse. She said this would be the year Gavin would have started school so she has started school too. “My path is my memory of him. I am trying to be proactive in his honor.” Anna says. 

Anna encourages anyone dealing with hurt, pain, or addiction to find a local Celebrate Recovery to be a part of. 

On Anna’s shoulder she has a tattoo with the scripture reference Isaiah 40:31 and I will end with that verse because it’s so perfect for Anna, and for you, and for me, and all of us. 

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

If you would like to connect with Anna or see more of her journey you can follow her on Instagram at @AnnaSlaytonRN

It’s officially one week since our first day of the  2019/2020 school year (just typing 2020 seems unreal by the way).

My mom laughed when I told her “it’s been a great year so far” on the third day of school. Obviously, there is a long way to go, but knowing your teacher, classmates, and schedule is a big win and if your launch is a success it’s a good indicator or how the rest of the year will hopefully go.

Before school started they had open house and meet the teachers. Our school does a tradition where all the coaches, teachers, and even the principal get on a school bus and stop at different neighborhoods in the district and pass out popsicles.

The closest stop for us was a mile and a half away. It was a lovely day so we loaded up the wagon, scooter, and bikes to go meet the teachers.

SJs teachers from last year were thrilled to see her and hear about her summer.

They even introduced her to her new teacher. It was really special.

I have so much gratitude for teachers.

All three of my school age kids are making big jumps this year.

Ezie is going from half day PM kindergarten to first grade, so he is in the full day program for the first time.

He started reading last year, but it’s still emerging so I am excited to see him become a more fluent reader and writer. Right now the thing he is most excited about is lunch and recess. One of his best friends from our church has recess with him so I am really happy for both of them.

SJ is now in third grade.

This is the grade that she would have started last year if we hadn’t chosen to retain her. A year later we still feel like that was definitely the right decision. I know she is ready for third grade now. She has a year of mainstream schooling under her belt and she can enter this new grade level with confidence.

She has multiple teachers and she will even be switching classes, so they really dig deep into the individual subjects. So far she has already connected with her teachers. Her favorite part has been tending to the milkweed garden on the school grounds and observing monarch caterpillars! She is also looking forward to getting back into gymnastics soon. Even though we took the summer off she has continued to excel and loves to practice her back-walk-over which she still has yet to master but it’s getting close! I can’t seem to get a video of her to post so here is a pick of her working towards the splits.

Z is the big dog on campus.

The elementary school here goes up to 6th grade which I think is great. The downside is there are some programs he can participate in like choir and band but they are off campus and he’s decided not to do them this year. Also, he is in several AP classes which are a part of the Junior High program but they have it set up as some kind of a satellite program since he is still in elementary school. It’s okay though. He likes his school and has lots of friends since this is now his third year there.

One big change that is almost hard for my little mama heart to bear is that he graduated the children’s church program and is now in youth group! We are very good friends with the youth pastor and leaders so I know he is in good hands. One of the leaders even brought him on a camping trip. It’s the same one we went on as a family but he rode with and hung out with all the older boys.

He had a blast and has also gone out to eat with the youth group after church a couple of times. Z is still definitely interested in robotics and the practices for his competition have already begun. Between all of that and watching him volunteer on the tech team at church I am just blown away by how fast he is growing up.

At least I am still taller than him. He has surpassed my shoe size though!

Elle is at home with me this school year. She is three years old and still has two years left until kindergarten so I am in no hurry to rush schooling.

I am believing for great things for all of them. I know that the newness and energy of it all will fade soon enough so I am soaking up the good attitudes while I can. They all three wake up, get ready, and are relatively excited to get to school.

I realize this could change at any minute so we’ll see what week two holds.

This summer was HARD. H.A.R.D. I totaled my van. I’m still not really driving. We’ve taken some huge financial hits. Yet, you wouldn’t really know that from any of the pictures. My blog tagline is “Making the Best of What Looks Like a Mess”. So in the midst of all of this mess I am choosing to focus on the good times and reflecting on all of the provision that had to happen in order for my kids to have a FANTASTIC summer regardless. Here are some of the highlights from our 2019 summer break-

One fun memory is when we had a girls vs boys water balloon fight in the back yard.

Then in June, we went to Texas to spend time with J’s family. It was so great to catch up with everyone. The kids got to be with their grandparents and some of our relatives that we hadn’t seen in years.

Ezie even learned how to swim!

And Z got to go indoor sky diving!!!

Losing our van in Texas was certainly a setback, but the new van is really nice too. My favorite upgrade is keyless entry. I love it! As a mother of four with a cluttered purse, it is always a pain to have my hands full and have to dig my keys out. Not anymore!

We didn’t have a full-blown garden this year but we grew some herbs, berries, tomatoes and the most memorable thing of all… the FRESNO CHILI PEPPERS. We had some really fun times doing chili pepper challenges to see who would be the last to resort to chugging milk. Z claims he was always the winner but I am pretty sure J won every time.

SJ got to do her first alumni camp at Ohio Valley Voices and they had the BEST time. They did everything from biking, to ziplining, going to the zoo, and much much more.

I’ll have to do full blog post about the grandparent adventure that took place in July. The short story is that my parents took the kids and their cousins to City Museum in St. Louis and from what I hear and see from pics. It was epic.

Elle actually stayed with us at home for that adventure. She’ll get to be a part of the action when she gets older. She had her own special times though, like her first haircut!

Then in August we did our annual trip to Michigan where my best friend lives.

It was a short trip, but we got to see our friend who was in town from Nashville and we went to the beach everyday. It’s so beautiful there.

Last but not least we went camping in Indiana.

We were there with a group from our church and had so much fun cooking around the fire and having great conversation.

We also went hiking and caving and that was super cool. 

Summer 2019 may have had its challenges, but there is no denying we are blessed and we made lots of awesome memories.

Most people have heard about homebirth and midwifery. However, to the majority of Americans, the idea of alternative birth options is a mystical concept. Today’s Inspiring Mom is going to give us a peek inside her world as a doula who also has her own business doing placenta encapsulation. Get ready to be inspired and fascinated!

In 2010, after several years of marriage and four children, Tiffanie and her husband felt like they needed a reset. For some couples this might mean a little home renovation project or a hairstyle change. But for the Marquezes this would mean a BIG life-changing reset. That is how, at age 37, Tiffanie’s husband ended up enlisting in the military! This unpredictable life change is what allowed both of them to pursue their passions and start new career paths. For Tiffanie, her dream was to become a doula.

A couple years later while stationed in Washington Tiffanie had their 5th baby and also began her doula training. She completed her DONA International birth doula training at the Simkin Center at Bastyr University in Kenmore Washington, which she describes as an unforgettable experience. Tiffanie reflects on those days fondly and says “I gleaned so much from the teaching and the campus was incredible. They had a walking garden with healing herbs. The time that I spent there was surreal. I loved it.” She also did training for placenta encapsulation so that she could add that service to her clients. All of this was while her husband was on active duty tour. When he was finished they moved to Denver Colorado and started a whole new life for themselves. The military, the schooling, the moving, it truly was a fresh start!

Then Tiffanie became pregnant with baby number 6. She says “I had a feeling it would be our last and I also had a feeling it would be a different experience. For example, we had a surprise gender for the first time.” Tiffanie wanted the birth to be a whole new experience after all that she now knew about natural birth. Tiffanie invited all of her tight-knit group of friends to participate in their own unique roles in the birth. One friend was serving as doula, one was the photographer and one would watch the kids.

Tiffanie said she was torn about what exactly she wanted in a birth plan. On one hand she loved the idea of having it be like a party surrounded by friends. On the other hand she felt like it would be nice to have a quieter birth with her and the baby all alone. In the end she got both! Her whole team of friends showed up to support her. There were notes and artwork on the walls and worship music playing as she labored in the tub. Then the time came early in the morning where she was instructed to get out of the tub by her midwife who had been listening and monitoring with a doppler. Tiffanie distinctly remembers the comfort she felt as her friend wrapped her in a Guatemalan blanket. Tiffanie left the whole group of supporters by the tub and went into the bathroom where she spontaneously delivered the baby and caught him all alone. Tiffanie describes it as one of the sweetest most precious moments she has ever experienced. Her oldest daughter cut the chord. It was everything she had hoped for and more including the beautiful new baby that she held in her arms. He nursed perfectly and was adored by the whole family. It wasn’t until 3 weeks later that they would learn that he was down syndrome. This of course changed nothing for Tiffanie and the family. He was and is perfect and Tiffanie was grateful that she didn’t have testing or intervention earlier because they were able to bond and have that beautiful beginning that she wouldn’t trade for anything.

After the sixth child Tiffanie took a year off as a doula. It was important for her to be completely available to learn all that she needed to know about her son’s diagnosis. When you are a doula you are on call and you have to be ready at all times and Tiffanie couldn’t commit to that in that season. It was a nice break but then the time came where she was able to go back to the business that she loves.

Tiffanie describes with a deep passion how she feels about being able to be present for births. Having a midwife who was so hands on and present for her is what started her on the path to becoming a doula in the first place.

“Birth can be a very holy and empowering experience and I think that the miseducation in our society has robbed women of that and made it so much more clinical and medical. I am grateful for the compassionate epidural. Sometimes that’s the right thing and sometimes the cesarean is, but many times a woman can have the most beautiful and precious moments of her life when she is empowered to make her own decisions for the birth.”

On top of being a doula Tiffanie also does placenta encapsulation for local mothers. What started as a side business has become one of her favorite parts of serving postpartum women. Tiffanie is almost giddy as she describes the process:

” I think it’s amazing how our bodies grow an organ to help sustain babies life. They are like fingerprints and it facinates me how no two placentas are alike.”

“Most of my placenta encapsulation clients find me via word of mouth”. She shares, “If someone wants to learn about the process then after they have the baby I get a call and arrange to get the placenta at the place of birth. I pick up the placenta and transfer it to her home and do an examination to see how they look. The average size is about 20 oz but I have had them as big as 32 ounces and then also twins.” After she weighs the placenta she proceeds to create a piece of art for the birth family to cherish. That’s right, Tiffanie creates a Placenta print with watercolor paper. It’s something she learned how to do through her training. She says “It’s so cool because it’s art but it’s an individual organ.” She says some clients put it in the baby book, or frame it, or put it in a shadow box. After she creates placenta print then the placenta is thoroughly cleaned and drained of all the blood. Then the placenta is steamed and cut into strips almost like jerky strips and then dehydrated for 10 – 12 hours. The next day once it is completely dehydrated and she put the pieces into a grinder and then fill the capsules. The average placenta usually makes 120 pills. Tiffanie will deliver the pills with the keepsakes and placenta prints within 36 hours. Each placenta is unique so the pills carry varying levels of hormones and iron and b vitamins and all kinds of nutrients. What the birth person needs postpartum is different from person to person. Some will take more pills than others. Most people feel good taking three pills a day. The pills are taken with a meal and not late at night because of the amazing energy boost that they offer. A woman can take up to six a day if they want. Tiffanie consults with each mother to make sure they understand the process and dosing.  She also checks in a few days and even a couple of weeks after to make sure the client is doing well and see if they have any questions. It’s an incredible service that she offers and the feedback and testimonials from her clients are proof of that!

Tiffanie loves the field she has chosen and she continues to grow and stretch herself as a doula with more classes and updated training. Her husband is also continuing his education and is currently working on getting his masters degree in clinical counseling with which he will specialize in working with Veterans. As they raise their 6 children they are examples to never let anything stand in the way of your dreams and to always keep learning! Theses children have watched their parents face obstacles, yet stay focused through it all as they continue to challenge themselves and one another. What a gift that is. What an inspiration.

If you are in the Denver area and looking for a doula or interested in placenta encapsulation you can find Tiffanie at www.honoringbirthservices.com or www.denverplacentaworks.com

It has been a month since my van was totaled. I am bad with dates, but I know that one because it was the day after my birthday. Age 37 has not been kind so far.

I really expected my recovery time from all of this to be quicker. There are no physical injuries but the mental and emotional wounds are still impacting my daily life. The truth is, in the past month I haven’t been able to drive out of my own city and even the excursions I have made that are just a couple of miles from home have been few and far between. I hate that this is even happening to me, but PTSD is real and it isn’t just for war veterans.  I flinch at the tiniest thing while driving and things like sirens or merging can send me into a panic attack.

Just a week after the wreck I tried driving my daughter to her day camp. The drop off was at a location I have driven to hundreds of times but on the way there someone honked at me and I had a panic attack so bad that my husband ended up having to get a ride to where I was and then drive me home. I have far fewer episodes as a passenger but it still happens. I finally decided to call the doctor to see if I needed professional help. He gave me some medications and referred me to a therapist. This was my first ever professional therapy session. The lady was great, but after doing some tests she thought I would need to go to a center that deals specifically with PTSD clients. I still haven’t seen anyone from that clinic yet.

I have so many wonderful friends and spiritual leaders who have prayed for me and with me. I love receiving encouraging songs and scriptures. The one that has spoken to me the most in this season and I have committed to memory now is Psalm 118:17 which a friend of mine texted to me.

I recently was told there is a song with that verse in it too and it is powerful.

It’s so weird how before our trip to Texas I could hop in the car and drive to church without thinking about driving AT ALL! It was second nature. Now when I go to church I am praying and fighting anxiety the whole time. When I arrive it’s like I cheated death just to get there. For the record, our church is less than 5 miles away.

I haven’t been able to even do the grocery shopping, doctors appointments, or take the kids to the park. Our life is pretty much on hold and I know it can’t go on like this. I am doing everything I can to get better. I know the spirit of fear is not from God and I am believing that I will soon be able to drive with peace and confidence.

The good news is that we do have a new (used) van. We went with the Honda Odyssey again.

This one is 5 years newer. It’s hard for me to get very excited about it just yet. I was so happy and grateful for the old van. It was such an answer to prayer and then- poof! It was gone. I am still mourning that loss. I know it’s weird to say that about an inanimate object, but that van was such a blessing. It came in just the time that we needed it. Yes, it was where my daughter was born which is such a weird fact, but it’s also been transportation for so many fun memorable trips and first days of school. When I announced that we bought that van the blog title was literally “Super Amazing Wonderful Praise Report” and in it, I wrote about how it was supernatural providence that allowed us to obtain my dream vehicle.

Now, 3 and a half years later I can’t help but wonder why that would be stripped away from us. Yes we all miraculously survived getting hit by a semi-truck and yes, insurance gave us fair market value for the van and two new car seats but it’s still hard to see that dream die and start all over again.

This post makes me feel like Eeyore for having such a gloomy attitude. I serve a God who provides and protects and I am most definitely thankful for His hand on me and my family. I am struggling though, and part of Messy Mom is me sharing my mess along with all the good stuff. So thank you all for the continued prayers. I will keep you posted.

*This post is sponsored by GetNameNecklace.*

I love customized jewelry! What a great way to add some style to your wardrobe while expressing what really matters most, the names or faces of the people you love.

That’s what is so great about GetNameNecklace, they allow you to customize a variety of jewelry pieces in a unique way. There are so many awesome products to choose from. I am just highlighting a few of my favorites.

The Infinity Family necklace, for example, takes a classic symbol of eternal love and includes up to EIGHT family members names. What a great option for big families!

Then there is the engraved heart mother Sterling Silver Birthsones necklace which I absolutely love! They have several styles so you get to pick what suites your one of a kind mom. I could include all six of my family members on this precious piece of jewelry. We all have different birthstones too so I know it would look gorgeous.

From rings to keychains, to bracelets and more, GetNameNecklace has so many options to choose from. One of the coolest things that they offer is the photo necklace. WOW!

We all have our favorite family photos and with GetNameNecklace Personalized Picture Necklace you can take your most prized moments and hold onto them forever. You can add a photo on one side and text on the other. Every time you look at that piece of jewelry it is guaranteed to warm your heart.

You also have the option to do photo or engraved. Aren’t they beautiful?

Then there is customized pet photo or name jewelry for those with beloved fur babies.

I have never seen anything like this but check out these adorable customized pet pieces! Don’t just show off any kitten or labradoodle, make it YOUR pet that is on your jewelry.

How cool is that?

These keepsakes make great gifts too. For birthdays or holidays if you want to bring tears of joy to someone’s eyes give the gift of getnamenecklace. Right now they have some incredible sales going on so hurry over to GetNameNecklace.com and place your order. They have a 99 day return policy if you aren’t completely satisfied.

You can also follow GetNameNecklace on Instagram and Facebook to stay up to date on current and new products and participate in their GIVEAWAYS! You are going to fall in love with GetNameNecklace.

It’s more than a statement piece, it’s a piece of your heart.

I laid on the bed reading snippets out loud from “The Road Back to You” by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile.

“I think you are probably a four, or maybe a one,” I said to my husband J as I laid the open book down on the covers. He related to some of what I was reading, but he didn’t want to be typed or boxed in (classic four). “Nope. Get that Pagan Pentagram personality test away from me” he said jokingly.

I admit the bazar star diagram does look like sorcery and the fact that enneagram sounds like pentagram doesn’t help, but in its modern application, this personality profile is actually for Christians.

I just laughed and left it at that. I never want to be pushy about it (classic nine) but every once in awhile in conversations I would still mention the enneagram because it really helped me navigate different relationships or my own thoughts!

Months later while on a long road trip to see family in Texas. J was wanting podcasts to listen to to pass the time. I played a podcast for him of one of his favorite musicians talking about what it’s like to be a four on the enneagram. J’s jaw dropped and he said, “I was skeptical but he just described everything I have felt most of my life”. The podcast was “Typology”

and because it is faith based they have several worship leaders and Christian musicians on the podcast. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that my worship leader/musician husband would have the same enneagram number as so many of his favorite artists. One podcast after the other J was engrossed and completely sold on the idea that he is a four and he has a deadly sin that he can work on as well as beautiful facets to his personality.

When we made it to J’s parents’ house and had spent time with everyone J brought up the enneagram and wanted to type each of his family members. One by one they took the test and we discussed what the results would mean. For the record, most enneagram experts will tell you it isn’t as simple as taking a test, the results are often inaccurate. You are better off researching what the enneagram is and what all the numbers are. It takes some digging and sometimes painful observation to discover what your core motivation is.

I’m a nine which is the peacemaker. That sounds all flowery and world changing, but in actuality, nines struggle with procrastination; they can be passive aggressive, slothful, and lacking in self awareness. Don’t feel bad for me though, all the numbers have major weaknesses and to me that’s what is unique about this personality assessment. The enneagram focuses more on what you use as a mask and what the root cause of that is so that you can discover your true identity. I stole this little expert from Bayside church blog because I like how it explains it:

Self-awareness (looking at the man in the mirror) opens the door to self-knowledge (oh, crap, I am angry and bitter). Self-knowledge paves the way to insight (this is why I’m angry and bitter). And insight is the gateway to spiritual transformation (letting go of the behaviors that cause your anger and bitterness). Depending on your number, you might replace anger with codependency or judgementalism or materialism.

So for me, finding out my enneagram number has really allowed me to realize what I am doing and why I am doing it so that I can try to steer my behavior in a healthy direction. For example, as a nine I worry A LOT about what other people are thinking or feeling, often to a fault. This was brought to my attention again recently after my car wreck. I was reluctant to share the reality of what happened in the wreck or what my needs were because I was worried that it would be a trigger to people who had painful experiences involving car accidents.  When I went to publish the blog post about the car wreck I had to stop because I was worried about making someone else feel anxious or sad. The truth is I needed to share what happened. First off because it’s the way that I cope and also because people care and want to be updated so that they can support or pray. So I channeled that worry into this sentence when I posted about the wreck on Facebook:

“This is the first time I am sharing the story and I wanted to include a trigger warning because I know that car wrecks and graphic photos or details can be overwhelming. This wreck could have been so much worse, but if you don’t feel like you want to read the whole story just know that I am doing okay.”

It took me a long time to figure out my number and it’s not that I relate to everything about nines, but the parts that resonate have been beneficial. That’s how I feel about most personality related trends.

I remember reading “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen when I was first married.

That book taught me the differences between people with a more introverted personality and those who are extraverted. This has been absolutely critical for me because I am an extrovert who attracts introverts like flies to a lamp! I also like “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

I thrive on Words of Affirmation while my husband is an Acts of Service kind of guy. This realization has been huge for us!

When I read books about personality and psychology it’s not just to learn about my temperament or makeup, it’s to give me a better understanding of those around me too. It allows me to be a better friend and to have more empathy. Enneagram is just another tool to add to my belt when it comes to relationships and self-awareness and if they are useful I’ll take all the tools I can get!

We don’t have a ton of family traditions for our little herd, but one thing we do enjoy doing every year is Cow Appreciation Day at our favorite restaurant- Chick-fil-A!

This was a big year for us to participate because it makes TEN years that we have dressed up and gotten free chicken.

We have so many fun memories from this annual outing. It’s fun to watch as one child outgrows a cow costume and another sibling inherits it.

This year Z wore the cow costume that I have worn the past few years. At the rate he is growing he probably won’t fit in it for long!

This Baby Gap Cow dress is what SJ wore her first year, and it was also worn by my niece, and by Elle when she was a baby.

The toddler cow costume was worn by the three youngest calves when they were a year old.

And how could I forget the two years I was a pregnant cow (but don’t even think about calling me heifer!)

We’ve always had fun coming up with frugal ways to make cow costumes and this paper plate cow mask tutorial that I made has been a hit on my blog!

We almost didn’t make it this year. Because of my recent car wreck that totaled my van we don’t currently have a vehicle that will fit all 6 of us. In the end, we decided to load up two cars and keep the tradition alive! We met several of our friends there and had a great time. I am really glad we went.

In honor of our 10th year here is a look back at all of our Cow Appreciation Days.

That’s all the fun for now, but I plan to keep the tradition going… ’till the cows come home’.

I love stories. I love reading, writing, hearing, and sharing them.

I haven’t been secretive about the fact that I am working on my own memoir. I’ve written dozens if not hundreds of pages already. The thing about my memoir is that I don’t know when or how it will end. The writer in me is anxious to tie up this latest season of our life with a great big bow and call it done. Don’t we all do that? We want a conclusion. It doesn’t have to be a fairy tale ending but there has to be some kind of closure right?

I am the closure queen. I will try to make plans all day long thinking I can force resolve in whatever area I feel is left undone. This has really backfired when I made snap decisions rather than having patience.

Last year I read Brene Brown’s book “Rising Strong” and it talks a lot about how we make up stories.  This insight has absolutely revolutionized the way J and I  fight dialogue. It is a simple phrase that changes accusations from arrows to question marks. Instead of trying to point fingers and lay blame we take our offenses and say “The story I am making up”. There is a whole book about it, so I am going to oversimplify here with an example.

Wife: Why didn’t you get home at 5:30 like you said?

Husband: I got caught up in a conversation with my boss and felt like it would be rude if I left.

The wife could go on a tirade about how he always does this and she can’t trust him to stick to his commitments at home. Another option is for the wife to really search for what is bothering her and what it is that she believes about her husband without claiming it as a fact. That’s where The story I am making up comes in.

Wife: The story I am making up is that you are using work as a way to escape your family and you like it better than being at home.

The reason this method dramatically changes the conversation is because we are owning the fact that our brain really does make up stories and a lot of times they are fictional stories! When J and I say “the story I am making up” we are much less defensive and ready to untangle the feelings that each of us are dealing with.

There is a whole science behind what our brains will do to bring closure to help us feel better about a situation. Brown explains it saying

“Our brains reward us with dopamine when we recognize and complete patterns. Stories are patterns. The brain recognized the familiar beginning- middle- end structure of a story and rewards us for clearing up the ambiguity”.

I don’t know about you, but as the “closure queen” I do not like ambiguity. Knowing that our brains find relief in these patterns helped me realize why I was trying so hard to push the plot line of my own real life story. I recently heard someone on a podcast say he always thought his life would have more of a narrative arc. That’s me! I subconsciously like to live in a novel and sometimes I think I can even write it, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I make decisions that can affect the outcome, but God is writing my story and I would be better off trusting him and learning how to float rather than swim aimlessly.

This analogy of swimming was brought to my attention recently since my youngest son is learning to swim. You can’t learn to swim if you can’t learn how to float and you can’t learn how to float if you can’t learn to relax. Holding your breath and propelling yourself underwater will only last so long. I’ve watched him in this struggle. He can dive for items in the shallow end and swim underwater like a champ, but he can’t come up for air unless it’s shallow enough for him to stand up. I have been anxious to teach him the skill of floating as it could potentially save his life. So I had him lay on his back on the water and I held him in place with my hands on his back. He kept wanting to lift his head up. It was a natural reaction for his body to want to resist going under water. I told him to trust me and let go of all the tension in his muscles and really lean back and look at the sky. I felt his abs contract and said to him “The more you struggle the more you are going to sink.” That’s when it hit me: that has been me lately. I have been swimming around without direction and it is tiring. As much as I want to work out all the details of this next chapter in my life story, God is teaching me to be still and wait on Him. Relax.

So I am working on that trusting HIM with total control of my story and I guess I am still learning to float.