My little brother Zeb had bug bites, which is no big deal for an active toddler living out in the country. The problem was that they didn’t go away, so my mom decided it wouldn’t hurt to have it checked by a doctor. They did some blood work and on September 9, 1987 Zeb was diagnosed with Leukemia. I didn’t move onto first grade the next year and now I can understand why, but being held back was something that I would feel ashamed of throughout a good part of my childhood. The next 2 ½ years of my life were spent staying with friends, family, and various church members off and on because my parents were at the hospital so often throughout Zeb’s chemotherapy. I hated staying with other people, and I hated having blood drawn. The nurses at the hospital tried holding me, but I distinctly remember kicking screaming and eventually protesting to the point that they had to strap me down. But despite how I make it sound things weren’t so bad. I liked the hospital. We had lots of friends there. The Doctors and nurses were so nice and one of them loved to challenge me at Tetris on the rec room computer. To this day I can still take anyone at Tetris, it’s the only video game I am good at. We would also have therapy with a counselor at the hospital, but I didn’t know that’s what it was until later. I called her Linda the play lady and I just had a great time coloring and writing and spending time with my brothers.

Things were progressing decently until Zeb relapsed in October of 1990. We took one last vacation as a family to Indianapolis. We knew with Zeb preparing to have a bone marrow transplant we wouldn’t be able to do any traveling anytime soon. He also wouldn’t be able swim once he had a central line put in again. We absorbed every second of every moment together as a family and just enjoyed life, because we knew and still realize that life is precious.

To be continued…

1. Housing Allowance- Back in the day pastors got parsonages. These days we get our own house, but a portion of each paycheck is considered housing which is part of your salary, but is not a part of your gross income and is not legally taxable. This amount has to coincide with how much you actually spend on your house (apartment or furnishings). We do a lot of renovations on our house each year and so we keep record of that so we know how much to allot for our housing allowance.

2. Different Days Off- Most employees in the business world work Monday-Friday having Saturdays and Sundays to rest. However those weekend days are some of the busiest days for ministers so at our church the pastoral staff is given Mondays and Tuesdays off. I love this because we miss the rush when we go out to eat or have family time, but when our kids are in school it will be difficult to maneuver opposite schedules (any advice for those in this boat is welcome!)

3. Not Synonymous With Preacher– As most of you know my husband is the associate pastor and worship leader at our church. He does preach sometimes when our Pastor is away, but the term Pastor covers many roles besides preaching. Think of it like having a doctorate. When you think of Doctor it is typically a medical position, but you can academically be a Doctor in many different fields. It’s like that.

4. They don’t have to wear suits– This might be obvious to many of you, but some people really do think all pastors wear suits. I don’t want to start a huge controversy on here, but the truth is some do some don’t. At our church they don’t. My husband typically wears jeans and a plaid shirt for his Sunday uniform.

5. You don’t have to go to seminary– This is another super duper controversial statement. There was an episode of Friends where Joey was ordained online so that he could officiant Ross’s wedding. Being ordained is not always that simple though, some denominations have very specific criteria including being nominated, having a pastoral degree, and real life ministry experience.

6. They can officiate weddings, funerals, and baby dedications– Along with baptisms these are some of the ceremonial traditions that only a pastor can do (conventionally anyway).

7. They work at least 40 hours each week– I was at a friends house and her little boy asked where J was. I answered that he was working at the church. The boy said “Is he practicing his guitar”. I thought it was cute. His mom said her boys think that J is up at the church working on music all day. Wouldn’t that be nice? The truth is there is a long list of things included in the responsibility of a pastor like overseeing all of the ministries within the church, working on the publications including the bulletin, ads, or mail outs, counseling people in the church, managing the building. The list could go on and on and it will be different for every church. In our case it ends up meaning lots of over time.

8. They are not their own boss– A lot of people have the idea that the Pastor is the head of the church and runs the whole show. However in most churches there is a system of checks and balances just like the government. Our church is non denominational, but we do have a board of ministers outside of the church that we are accountable to and we have a group of elders that have biweekly meetings. These are the guys that determine our salary, benefits, and other major decisions.

9. They may or may not have a formal title– Reverend, Brother, Bishop, Pastor, or just plain Mr. are some of the titles you may see before a minister’s names. Once again this depends on the denomination. Some people do refer to my husband as Pastor J when they address him, but if you do call him this don’t be surprised if you get a chuckle in response.
10. They are real people– Pastors can be like celebrities in some ways. It’s like they are expected to perform on command in order to please an audience and then their lives and families are subjected to a level of criticism that no one should ever have to live up to. I don’t feel this way about our church, but I’ve certainly seen it happen. And I am not saying that spiritual leaders shouldn’t be held to a higher standard, or politicians for that matter (ahem, Weiner), but I am saying that Pastors are just people and unless anyone knows of any animals leading a congregation then that is a fact.

The other day I found this list of “You Might Be A Pastor’s Wife If…” I will put my responses in blue.

Every summer you counsel at teen camp for your vacation.- Nope.
You have shaken as many hands as a politician.- Maybe if I went to a bigger church.
People think your husband works only three hours a week.- I hope not!
You can teach Sunday School and nurse your baby at the same time.- We don’t have Sunday School at our church.
You can sincerely pray for someone’s dog!- I’ve prayed for a chicken, I am sure I could pray for dog.
You spend more time visiting in hospitals than doctors do.- No.
People consider you a walking phone book for church members.- That’s what the internet is for.
You sing in the choir, teach Sunday School, and host a missionary family all in the same day.- No, No, and No*
You’re expected to be a piano player, a “spiritual gift!”- I wish.

I don’t think of myself as a pastor’s wife because I really don’t fit the traditional role. And for those that don’t know me, my husband is on staff at our church and has been for about 5 years as the associate pastor and is also the worship leader. So I may not claim to be a “PW”, but my husband is technically a pastor and I am technically definitely his wife. So yeah, I am a pastor’s wife, but I still like to rock out (i.e. Eisley last night at the Granada Theater. Woo Hoo!) However, I do want to clarify that traditional can be a subjective word and compared to some pastor’s families we may be super traditional and that’s great. I am not trying to be non-churchy I am just trying to be myself and let other ladies be themselves. If you are a pastor’s wife that fits in the list above, maybe wears nice department store dresses, and does Beth Moore Bible studies I think that’s great, it’s just not necessarily me. Traditional, progressive, conservative or not, being in ministry does have a major impact on a person’s life.That’s why, as boring as it may be, I wanted to take a little time this week to share some behind the scene details of life as a pastor’s wife.

* We may not have a choir, or sunday school, but for the record we do support and love many wonderful missionaries. None of them have stayed at our house though.

I had high and lofty goals for teaching Z his alphabet this year, and it’s been going great. I will say though that my previous post about the structured classroom setting with stickers and charts has slowly fallen to the wayside. Thus the reason I am not shy about the fact that I don’t feel called to homeschool.

Still, despite all of that Z has learned all of his colors. Well, not all the colors, but the ones that should be expected from men (according to this illustration).

And I am very happy to announce that he knows all of the letters and their sounds. Not just in order or through song, but by recognition. I can take credit for about 6 of those letters, but the rest he learned when I borrowed The Letter Factor from my friend who told me this educational Leap Frog DVD taught her daughter all the letters in just 2 weeks. I experienced the same results with Z and he loves it. The way they teach the letters by associating them with a sound that a child would already recognize is genius! For example the H’s are all panting because they are H H H Hot. Or Z’s favorite is the letter W because he raps like a skipping record W W W W What’s happening dude? So all of the sounds are easy for children to identify with. When I taught Z that the letter a says “aaa” I left it at that, but in the video all of the letter A’s are scared so they scream “AAAAH”. It just makes sense, and it works. I recommend this video to anyone with little ones wanting to learn the alphabet. In fact I need to go buy a copy myself so that I can give the one I have back to my friend!

Today I went to pick up the babysitter and as she was walking to the car Z said “she wore that shirt last time” and he was right, but I wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t said anything. His keen clothing observation makes me think of his dad. He gets a lot of traits from his dad.

For example I think he must have a 10 gallon bladder. I think it’s pretty common for most people to make a trip to the bathroom first thing in the morning, but Z can go hours before I realize he still hasn’t had a potty break all day after sleeping through the night. This is definitely not from me. Sorry if that’s TMI.

Also, Z is a totally cuddle bug, completely affectionate towards all of us and that has to be J too. J comes from a family of huggers, and he has a reputation of hugging. To him you hug when you say goodbye, even if you will see that person the next day.

I have also noticed that Z seems to have a profound awareness of location for a 3 year old. When we were in Kentucky we went to my brother’s house and my mom (who has been there dozens of times) pulled into the wrong driveway, so Z (who has only been there once or twice) says “this isn’t the right house”. It was crazy. I have my mom’s sense of direction Z has his dad. When he gets older he’ll probably be my human GPS.

He loves to make up songs like his old man. He’s a total night owl, that’s J too. He also likes scary stories and he’s a picky eater all stuff that comes from my husband. THE LIST GOES ON. The older Z gets the more of his dad I see in him, but that’s not to say he doesn’t have any of my traits. I definitely get credit for his brown eyes and love of chocolate.

Do you know of any traits from you or your kids that are directly linked with certain family members?