What To Do When They Really Push Your Buttons

My children love to push buttons! I mean that in all kinds of ways. They could have a knock-down drag-out fight about who gets to hit the up or down when we get to an elevator. It never fails I find  the hazard lights on in my car after they have a chance to jump in the front seat (how could they resist? It is a big red button). Beyond that they know what makes me tick and they know how to push my buttons on an emotional level. Why is that? Well, when a child knows how to push your buttons they watch you loose control and it makes them feel like they have control. Disrespect is usually a big weapon in their arsenal. When they push that button the power is in their court. What do you do now?

One of the number one strategies that I
have taken from reading Love and Logic and Loving Our Kids on Purpose is
this;

I have to show my kids that handling them is a breeze. I can
take anything they throw at me without breaking a sweat. I can do this by replacing anger and frustration with
assertive yet kind actions.

Although it’s not always that simple, it certainly is an
inspirational model of power  that omits
the usage of fear, threats, and intimidation as the motivating factor!

There will be power struggles and what I’ve learned through
this Teachable Parenting method is that the way to avoid the struggle is to
suggest that you are not intimidated by the child’s tantrum or defiance.  You don’t have to puff out your chest, shake your finger, and yell, (or growl, I’ve tried growling). You just have to be an example of
steadfast self control, and then follow through with the appropriate consequence. So on one hand you have parenting that demands control by proving that you are superior and can overpower your children. On the other hand you have Teachable Parenting which gains control by exhibiting self control in the midst of your children.  So it is great that I am writing this because I can have hundreds of people hold me accountable for the countless times I do not practice what I preach. 

Since reading these books I often hear a voice in my head say “show them that handling them is a breeze” because I want to be a source of strength that they can turn to even when they are at their worst. And I want  them to know that no matter what they do, even
if they break my heart, I’m still their mom and I will always love them. So in those moments of disrespect the best thing you can do is break that cycle and instead of taking the bait try turning the gears of honor in it’s place. As Danny Silk  says in
Loving Our Kids on Purpose

“The ability to manage your children and yourself toward the
goals that you have in being a parent rests in the ability to tell yourself what to do and do it no
matter what they’ve done or are doing. Can you manage you no matter what your kids are doing? Just as God is able to say
to us, we want to be able to say to our kids, “I will be a loving and
respectful parent no matter what you do.”

The thing about the New Covenant model is that it has to be true for us.
The model of Christ in our lives has to be real and it has to sink in. Do you
believe it? Do you believe that God is a loving God that is there for you no
matter what? I keep referencing 2 timothy 1:7. Do you believe that the spirit of fear isn’t in
you, but one of power, love, and a sound mind. Do you believe that Jesus paid the price and he is ready
to handle anything that you throw at him  (1 John 2:2 ). Or That nothing can separate you
from him (Romans 8:37-39)  and He wants
you to draw near to him even, in your darkest time (Hebrew 10:19)? Because
when you really begin to know God and trust him in every area he changes you from the inside out. I want my children to know these Biblical truths.

Just remember, God is not intimidated by you or your disrespectful child. He has
equipped you as a parent and you can do this!