I take school and academics very seriously, but I am not opposed to missing a day every once in a while even when the reasons aren’t related to death or illness. Maybe you’ve seen some of the headlines in the news lately.
Mike Rossi is a dad who wrote a very passionate letter to the school’s principal which then went viral. The letter came as a response to the disapproval of him taking his kids out of school to watch him run in the Boston Marathon.
Then there was a mom, who was also a substitute teacher that was ARRESTED because her 10 year old honor student had too many unexcused absences. He was allowed 6, but had 12. Some of those were excused with a doctor’s note, but the mother, Julie Giles, claims they were all illness related. Giles says:
“The truth is, l cannot afford a copay every single time they are sick, but I never want to send them to school when they feel bad or could possibly get others sick,”
No doctor’s note, no excuse. Sometimes your child is too sick for school, but not sick enough to have to see a doctor. I completely understand what that’s like! On the other hand there are always two sides to every story. I do realize the importance of rules and protocol, but it’s like Mike Rossi said in regards to his children’s Boston Marathon absences
“Zero tolerance equals zero common sense, and in this case, they made this blanket rule and say, no exceptions? It’s silly.”
Thankfully I haven’t run into this problem with our schools. My children have missed school for various reasons, including trips and family events. I know their classmates have too. I haven’t heard or experienced any backlash from this.
When my husband J was wrapping up his last semester he wanted to bring Z to his college campus to see a project he had been working on. J had spent months working to perfect a Tic-Tac-Toe game. I know that might sound ridiculous for a grown man who is in college, but maybe a little less silly when you realize he was programing software that would enable a robot to play Tic-Tac-Toe. J had been sending updates and videos to Z every step of the way and now that it was finally complete he really wanted Z to be able to see it in action. So I emailed his teacher and told the school exactly what was going on knowing that this was technically an unexcused absence. His teacher and the faculty were extremely supportive. Z was able to be a part of invaluable learning opportunity visiting a college campus and playing Tic-Tac-Toe with a robot in 1st grade! Not to mention the priceless memories with his dad.
I really hope these irrational standards for school attendance are isolated incidences and that the majority of our schools really do support the families they are serving.
So, let’s chat.
Did your parents allow you to miss school for certain events when you were growing up? What about your children? I think you know how I feel.
I learned from a teacher to give my kids 1 mental health day a semester. It kept the kids from lying and everyone needs a break sometimes. I did evaluate what was going on with them and their schooling.
A “mental healthy day”. That is an interesting concept. I think we all need one mental health day a semester whether we are in school or not! Thanks for the tip.
Like you, I understand the importance of school and academics. I also understand that if a child misses a day duto sickness, it’s up to their parent to decide if they are too ill to stay home or not. My rule is usually if they have a fever or vomiting. If they are sick for over a couple days, we head to the doctors – and yes, there have been a couple times when I knew it was likely a viral infection but have wanted the absence to be deemed “excused”. We also have missed time for vacation. 5 days to Disney when the girls were younger, not yearly but sometimes those opportunities come along and the teachers – and school have been supportive. As Riley is older, I see less “tolerable” absences – more reflection in kids grades. It’s not as if the teachers say “you can’t go” but grades slide down if time is missed…which I don’t agree with! I feel like their are tons of educational opportunities for kids to experience and if the parents feel it’s important enough, then it truly should be enough. That being said, I do realize that not all parents make the best choices (like kids) and a public school system has to have order, checks and balances.
There are always things when I write a post that I can’t fit in, but I wanted to mention that I do think it is different depending on the age, just like you said. They discuss that a little bit in the Today show interview that I posted in the link with the marathon runner dad. That doesn’t mean that you can’t miss days in middle school and high school, but I’m sure if it were my kids it would depend on what time of year it is, what the assignments are, and how well they are keeping up.
One of my favorite quotes for motherhood and life is from Jill Briscoe: “There is an art to leaving things undone so that the greater thing can be done.” Sometimes, leaving school undone for a short time allows a greater thing to be done.When I was in high school and was living, breathing, and eating real-life high school musicals, my mom let me take one “mental health day” during each show prep run. I was responsible student who always stayed on top of my work, and this day off helped me refuel so I could better run the rest of the race. Recently, as a mom myself, I got a message from my stressed-out sophomore, asking if she could come home from school very early in the day. She knew what was happening in the rest of her classes and felt what she could get done at home on her own was a more valuable use of her time. And, she just needed some mama-comfort-on-the-couch. I went and picked her up, she came home, took to the couch, and felt 100% better the next day. Something undone; something greater done.
YES! Fantastic quote. I had not heard that before, but I am definitely tucking it away. There are two books that I am thinking of that have instances like this, one is “Love Does” by Bob Goff and the other is “Grace Based Parenting” by Tim Kimmel. As children mature I feel like they should be able to start to assess their needs and work loads. If they have PROVEN their responsibility, as is the case with your daughter, then they should be afforded some independence with decisions. Your example is perfect.
I’ve let my daughter miss school when there was something, frankly, better/more interesting/more important than sitting in a classroom. She missed a few days to got on a trip to Disneyland, for example. I let the school know weeks in advance. It was the last two or three days before Christmas break – they were spending those days watching movies, not doing schoolwork. The school didn’t mark her absences as excused, and we received a nasty letter later in the year threatening us with Child Protective Services if she missed another day. Her father and I let them know that it was THEIR mistake, not ours, and I homeschooled her the next year. I wasn’t going to send her to a school that feels bullying parents is EVER an answer, especially when THEY screwed up!
Public school has become ridiculous in many places. The kids are treated like robots. The system needs a serious overhaul. In the meantime, I, as the parent, will decide if a trip is more educational or beneficial to MY kid, and the hell with whatever complaints the school can dredge up on it.
Amen sister! I am with you. As I said in my post, I would like to believe that most public schools are choosing common sense over “zero tolerance”, but the more I see and hear it does concern me. I am huge advocate for parents rights in determining what is best for their kids. I am grateful that we haven’t had to deal with this yet, but if I were in your shoes I would not hesitate to do the exact same thing and pull my kids out!
First of all, I love the new digs :). Great job! Now, on to the real question ;). I have conflicting emotions on this one. As a teacher, I know how disruptive it can be when students are absent (especially if you have small classes, believe it or not). When students work in teams or groups, it can be difficult for everyone when one of the team is missing. On the other hand, I know that a lot of important learning happens outside the classroom. We regularly took our daughters on mission trips (where they got to translate for doctors and dentists from the age of 7 and 8) where they missed a day or two of school. It’s all about using common sense and not being married to a policy. The current school I work at has a big problem with attendance–parents will take their kids out of school for a week or more at a time and it’s always difficult to know if it’s a legitimate reason or if they’re playing the system (I have a ceremony I have to go to when in reality they spent their gas money on alcohol or drugs and just can’t bring the student back–we’ve driven 120 miles to pick up a student before ;)). The world is not as black and white and cut and dried as we would like to think.
Thanks Anita. I was hoping a teacher would chime in! In fact I almost put an update on my Facebook status to say not to be shy about conflicting opinions. So thank you very much for that insight. I completely agree that it is not cut and dry!
I love your article. I agree with your statements. Life is short and we need to balance our priorities. My view is as long as we teach our kids respect and explain why we are allowing them to miss a day of their “job” a.k.a. school. My parents did not allow us to take a day off of school we had to be sick and so I often pretended to be sick. We take our children out of school for vacations but while we are traveling I incorporate learning lessons. For example while we are grocery shopping I have my daughters compare prices and learn how coupons work. I also have them pick out items for our meals so they are learning a lot about real life. Things you can’t learn in school. A well balanced life is about more than textbook learning. My 2 cents. Thanks for the write up. Check out my blog and let me know what you think. I am just getting started and love how you have structured your site.
Thanks Amy! I really like your ideas for learning through life experiences. I will go check out your page!
I never even thought about this in relation to my kids in school. I know that when I had a job, I had to take a “mental health” day every once in a while, so I don’t know why it never occurred to me that they might too. Thanks for a thoughtful post. I need to let my daughter read this. Thanks.
Exactly! I think it’s like a job. As long as you take days off in moderation and keep up with all of your work then I don’t see why it should be so complicated.
My mom would allow me to miss school on occasion, but I don’t remember ever missing for a special event. I don’t think I’ve pulled the kids out for one, either, but I don’t know that we’ve had a reason to do so. I have let them stay home at times when they aren’t sick but aren’t feeling 100%, either — maybe they’re tired because of an unusually late night or something. The problem for me is what to write on the school note. If they aren’t sick or some other excusable situation, it’s like we’re expected to lie so that it’ll be excused. I usually just say that they weren’t feeling well.
Really enjoyed this blog article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.