Sometimes the most well meaning people can make a new mom feel like she is under a microscope. The other day I arrived at a photo shoot for a fitness class. The lady I was photographing looked at me and said “OH my goodness girl! Didn’t you just have a baby?” I smiled kind of sheepishly and answered “Well yeah.” Then she gave me that supportive exuberant “WOW. You look fantastic.” It’s what every mother wants to hear. I modestly explained “She is 3 months old now”. Then her face changed and she said “OH”, the kind of oh that implied that she was revoking the previous comment. She went on to say something like “You had a baby 3 months ago. That makes sense then.”
I know the whole conversation was ridiculous and I shouldn’t put any weight on it (no pun intended). However, it made me feel like it should be expected that I would snap back into shape by this time and that’s high expectations for any woman.
You think having a baby might take all eyes and hands off of your previously pregnant body, but on the contrary people actually examine you more in some ways. Sometimes it’s people looking you up, down, and behind to tell you how your postpartum body is coming along. Other times it’s people analysing your every feature to compare to your baby. For example:
“She does look like you! I can see the resemblance all throughout this area (pointing to the nose region). You know how your nose points down? Her earlobes hang down too (grabbing on to your ear lobes and squinting at you from an uncomfortable distance). Your eyes are little smaller though. Hmmm, I think she’s got her daddy’s big eyes and lips (looking back at the baby). Look at that smooth dark skin. That is just gorgeous. Now, neither of you have dark skin. Huh? Where did she get that beautiful complexion? My my, what a doll. She looks just like grandma.”
By the end of the day you find yourself examining your own features in the mirror and wondering “does my nose really point down that much?”
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want everyone feeling like they can never say anything about me or my kids and who they look like, because it’s usually really sweet. However, sometimes it’s a little extreme and you can’t help but feel like an item being evaluated at the antique roadshow. Has anyone else experienced this?
Gotta love those awkward moments when people are closely examining every part of you! It's definitely fine when they say something sweet, but some people have no filter! I think it was worse when I was pregnant with Cody & someone would say I was carrying him through my hips. Ya, thanks for that!
Ah, I can't believe that lady said that! Not necessarily because it was inappopriate (and it was) but because you DON"T LOOK LIKE YOU JUST HAD A BABY!!! I know YOU can see the difference, but please believe me (not because i'm your friend but as a general observation) you look like what every woman wants to look like. You look healthy, strong, and slender, so I think that particular lady had a criticism problem, seriously… 🙂
I can't think of any experiences to share. Just be glad no one asked you when the baby is due. That happened after my first. I was all of only 119 lbs and was wearing a baby doll type top over pants.
Maybe that lady felt silly saying anything at all and was second guessing why she said anything and didn't mean it any way.
Enjoy those kids and keep the photos coming!
Oh wow! So true Natalie!!
Lots of my friends told me that my boobs looked great while I was nursing…they are all in mourning with me now that my pre-pregnancy chest has returned.