I have been employed by major international corporations. I have a legal marriage. I’ve flown overseas.  I have owned a home. But of all of these things, I think that maybe the most scrupulous screening process I’ve gone through was for my Ohio drivers license. Before I begin my rant, let me just start by saying I think it’s great that the government is doing what they can to ensure our safety and catch criminals and terrorists, yada yada yada. God bless the USA. Seriously. I mean it. But now that I’ve gotten that out of the way let’s start with the eye exam. 

We did our research (or so we thought) and found out where we needed to go and what we needed to do to change our Kentucky license to an Ohio drivers license. So the five of us (kids included) went to the DMV where they sent us to another office, which is also run by the state, where they conduct the eye exam. We decided this would be easier to do without the kids so we went in one at a time while the other parent stayed in the car with the kids. We took turns getting the eye exam, filling out some papers and after that was all done we drove over to the place where we actually get our ID. 

I can see J from the window, waiting in line with his big manilla envelopes. Once it was his turn he started unloading all of the paperwork that he was asked to present and after looking it over they were ready to give him a drivers License. He comes out tags me and gives me a blank check, because they don’t take debit and he can’t remember the exact amount that I’lI owe. When I get to the counter I begin to pull out all of my papers. They needed to see
My old drivers license- check 

My Social Security card- check 
My birth certificate- check
My marriage license (because my name on my drivers license is not the same as my birth certificate)- check
Then they want an energy bill, which is no problem. Even though we just moved in we made sure we had something like that. The problem was that it was addressed to J and the lady tells me 
“I’m sorry this won’t work for you because I need a piece of mail with your name on it”
 I tried to be really calm, because I know that they’re just doing their job, but I said 
“I have my marriage license and I live with my husband.”
 The problem is it’s not good enough. They needed to see mail with my name on. She asks me 
“you don’t have anything that you’ve received in the mail?”
We JUST moved here and I don’t know about other house wives, but I don’t get a ton of mail. I’m not exactly the paperless queen, but it is 2013. Come on.

 So I leave the office defeated. However, there was a glimmer of hope as J looked through the stack of documents we wrangled up he found renters insurance that had my name on it! At this point I scoop up all the papers which are no longer neatly in the envelope  and head back into the DMV. Just then a gust of wind comes through. So right there in the parking lot a blank check, my social security card, and birth certificate just go swirling through the air away from me faster than I can catch it. People started helping me gather all the flying paperwork, but I kid you not when I say I would catch up with one thing and another thing would fly out of my hands. Imagine trying to catch a flock of Geese. Or imagine gathering the 5 most valuable pieces of information that you have on paper and then throwing them over a bridge. Eventually I had it all gathered and as I clutched it to my chest I marched back into the DMV. After waiting in line I slam my papers down onto the counter and show them that I really do live where I really do live! Needless to say I wasn’t feeling all that chipper when they counted to three and snapped the picture. 

Ahhhhh! A day in the life

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