I have been out of town all week due to a Worship Leaders retreat that I went to with J.

We got to meet and worship with some of our favorite worship leaders who have written songs sang by thousands of congregations around the world.


It was a really neat experience but it was also cool just to be around other people from a diverse range of churches that all have the same passion and calling as us.

The theme for the retreat this year was “Loved and Not Alone”. We definitely left feeling loved and that we had a network, or better yet a family of other worship leaders from around the country. It was really special.

I was so grateful to be able to accompany J on this retreat.

Because the retreat was for worship leaders and their spouses it made the dynamics interesting. For a lot of the couples there, this included a husband and wife that co-lead together. In some cases the wife is a worship leader and the husband was not musical at. For me, my husband is a worship leader and I am not, so I went to the small group for worship leader’s wives.

We met to talk about what God was speaking to us and to pray for one another. One woman in the group talked about being a tag along. Another mentioned how she brought a stack of books to read because she didn’t think she would be participating much. This ended up not being the case. We weren’t just on the sidelines watching our spouses. We were applauded. We were invited to step out and be prayed over. We, as worship leader spouses, were seen as part of the team. I can’t even describe how good this made me feel. I’ve been on stage with J doing everything from playing the conga drums, to singing, and most recently signing but for the most part I am in the background. I am at home taking care of the kids, fixing meals, and being a sounding board. One of the other worship pastor’s wives described it as being a “worship widow” meaning we get the kids ready on our own. We go to church alone, sit alone, stay at home alone while he is up early doing sound checks or out late for rehearsals. It can be lonely. I remember when J was working around the clock doing construction on the new church auditorium and getting the sound system installed. Our neighbor reached out to me out of concern. They are an older couple and they noticed how J’s car was gone really late at night and that he was rarely home. Yes, they were being noisy but I am sure it looked suspicious and they were watching out for me. I assured them that he was in fact working at the church and not bar hopping or something else and that he had plenty of alibis. We all chuckled about it.

I have a writer friend from the blog Airman to Mom who writes a lot about being a military spouse. She is a veteran who is now at home mom. She knows both sides from the angle of serving in the airforce and being the spouse. Amanda has written some really insightful articles about spouses in the military and how they make great sacrifices too. As a pastor’s wife I relate a lot to her perspective as a military wife. I realize that whether your spouse is a nurse, CEO, or trucker there are crazy hours and late nights and stress on the family but I think the thing that resonated with me about the military spouse is that they are serving. Having a spouse working for a church or nonprofit can bring a whole complicated mix of emotions and guilt. Am I helping or holding you back from this greater purpose? Are we serving together? Am I seen?

For the record, our church has always made me feel equally valued since day one. In fact they are the reason I was able to go with J on this trip. After this week I can feel like I can answer some of those internal questions with even greater clarity. I know we are on the right track as a team! It was also a good reminder to me to encourage those spouses whose husbands (or wives) are in leadership as they serve behind the scenes at home or from the sidelines. It’s important to let them know that they matter and that they are loved and not alone.