This is a really exciting year for me you guys. I am a bit of a romantic, and while most of our anniversaries are low key, the 5th and the 10th were unforgettable. Seriously. My wedding day, 5 year, and 10 year anniversary rank super high on the best days of my life list. This year will mark our 15th anniversary and so you are going to hear me talking about about this milestone A LOT. Even our Christmas card will be paying homage to our 15 year mark.
Before I get too excited about all that lovey dovey stuff, let’s time travel to see what our relationship was like at this time 15 years ago.
I am in High School. J is in college.
Here is an excerpt from my diary from February 8, 2000. I did leave out names, but other than that it is exactly as I wrote it 15 years ago!
On Friday “J” and “Friend” were as clingy as ever. Everything is cleared up between me and them, but I have to admit I still get very annoyed by them. My mom doesn’t understand why I am bitter, but she doesn’t see the same side of J as I do, but don’t get me wrong I love the guy to death and I would do anything for him.
Here is my translation now that I am a grown woman looking back at my hormonal 17 year old angst.
Jeremy is friends with another girl. They flirt and I am extremely jealous. I would never admit that. Not to Jeremy, or my mom, and certainly not to myself. I have feelings for this guy that I claim are platonic, but the truth is I don’t know how to process all these emotions, so apparently I am “bitter”.
Here is another one from just a couple weeks later. February 15, 2000
“Yesterday was absolutely horrible. I had no valentine and was exhausted from working ALL WEEKEND. I got home from school and I just went in my room and cried. Then my mom came in and told me I had a visitor. It was “cute boy”. So I tried to pull myself together and went out there, and we talked for a long time. You know what? I know I’ve been acting weird and emotional. I’ve just felt different lately. So I am going to leave out all of the details of my lame teenage life for just a moment. I may get to talking about it all sooner or later, but for now I am just going to write.
Jeremy is sick tonight. He just has the flu, but I feel bad for him. I know I have said a lot of mean things about him, but he is the greatest guy I have ever known (or at least one of). I love him very much in a way that I cannot explain. It’s not romantic love, or brotherly love, or even friendly love, I don’t know what it is, but I care about him a lot and it kills me to see him sick.”
I am so mad because I have no Valentine and I had to work. What could be worse?! Oh the agony!!! Then this cute boy shows up at my doorstep. He really likes me. He said and did all the right things, including giving me sweet little gifts that were inside jokes between the two of us, but I am not mentioning any of that because I have other things on my mind.
Out of NOWHERE I have decided I am going to stop talking about boys and teenage stuff and start to dissect some of the emotions I am feeling for J who is a long time close friend of mine. At this point I am not ready to admit that I am head over heals in love with him, but I am suddenly falling hard and fast. For now, suffice it to say that I care about him and I want to take care of him. Whatever that means.
Even though it’s embarrassing to share the unfiltered thoughts of my teenage diary, I can barely read that February 15th journal entry without tearing up now. Because in hindsight it’s like I can see the exact moment that I fell in love. Even if I claimed it wasn’t romantic.
It’s crazy to think of how quickly things changed. 15 years ago we were very close, but not quite in love. If someone had told me at the time that we would be married by the end of the year I would have thought they were insane. I would have bet money that I would become a famous actress by the end of the year before I would have believed any kind of marriage nonsense, but I am glad that I was wrong because I’d rather be married to J than be in Hollywood. Yes we were married young and there are definitely obstacles that come along with that, but that’s for another post. I’ll leave you with my favorite line from “The Fault In Our Stars” and I think it applies to our love story quite nicely.
And 15 years later I am more in love than I have ever been.